Question regarding morality and an LSD trip report

[tsuki]

I had my second LSD recently, this time with the intention of experiencing infinite love, of wanting to feel at home in the world.
I took 100 ug in the morning and had a wonderful day with my (sober) wife. The substance did deliver what I prayed for (literally), and strangely enough, I knew beforehand that it will be a good trip.

What happened was kind of what I expected - an ego death. I had many of those without psychedelic substances, but this one was , hmm - kind of involuntary in a sense? I knew that I was on a timer and all I could do is simply to surrender. I was stripped of my regular ways of being and was able to reflect on them freely. I had a lot of emotional releases regarding my relationship and all the subtle ways in which we hurt each other unconsciously. The main takeaway from this trip is that in our everyday ways of being, we, as humans, are brutes. We occupy our speck of consciousness with things that we find most important in the tiny time-frame we can hold. At the same time, we think of ourselves as important because, well, we're occupied with the important stuff, right?

Other interesting phenomena were, let's say, influencing the ways in which I interpreted my surroundings. I, myself, felt as if I was just my skin. I was the gatekeeper of the inside/outside of the body. What I noticed is that I was always doing things out of necessity, like I was riding the wave of flow, and this flow was inherently good, orderly and harmonious. Again, I was much more sensitive to 'my' bodily feelings, to the point where I wasn't even sure whether I haven't properly learned to move my body, or is this substance just painful. It was nauseating, and my body felt sore but it somehow felt right, like something good was happening. It felt as if I was so relaxed that it hurt and this pain was blinding, like staring at the sun. In my first trip I was overwhelmed by this feeling and went into semi-panic mode.

The other thing was the beauty of the world expressed as symmetry and paradox. Each moment was just plain impossible. When I tried to say anything conclusive about what I felt and experienced, it was as if I was this ball of blinding light that could be decomposed to its negative and positive counterpart that formed union. I remember telling my wife that I feel like I have constipation and diarrhea at the same time hahahaha. Everything in the world seemed like it was in perfect harmony, perfect symmetry, propelled by one and only thing - care. I already knew this, but this experience was visceral. I could feel it in my non-existent bones.

Stoics talk about Logos, Taoists talk about the Tao, but what I call 'I', is love.
Love is literally moving my body, but I am so preoccupied with what it's (I'm) trying to accomplish that I'm missing it (well, not exactly).

I know that we love each other unconditionally. I know that everything that happens is right.
So, the question about morality is: Where is the line between being a total asshole that tells others what's the right thing to do, and caring about them?

[mandyjw]

Can you do both at the same time?

That's the balance that we are trying to strike. Often you must first go too far one way to realize that you have to go the other direction, and then you over-correct and that's how the center is found. It's all done by feeling, if we try to draw a line or make a rule for how we should act, then we are seeking ground in a world that is constantly changing.

In addition our ideas of what balance is for us is never who we came here to become, if we try to form to our idea of balance or our idea of a loving person, we live in disconnection. We were all born to fulfill a unique roll in every moment and every lifetime, we were born with flaws and imbalances and those very things are our grace and salvation. 

[tsuki]

@mandyjw I'm not seeking any longer. There is no balance to strike.

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

The other thing was the beauty of the world expressed as symmetry and paradox. Each moment was just plain impossible. 

♥️ ? 

[DrewNows]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

Where is the line between being a total asshole that tells others what's the right thing to do, and caring about them?

I’d say the line is you. To be objectively compassionate (if that’s a thing) allows for any authentic response when there’s the undefined space of awareness between you and other. Messages can be given in a number of ways depending on the situation (dynamic) 

[Nahm]

@tsuki Welcome home bro. ??

[Truth Addict]

2 hours ago, tsuki said:

There is no balance to strike.

That's a half-truth.

You might have died, but you're not dead yet (as in still breathing), you still have to live in the realm of duality, so there is a balance to strike. If there wasn't, you wouldn't be asking that question in the first place, and there wouldn't be 'others'.

As for your question:

It seems that my parents are always 'offline'. 

Yeah, that line is imaginary. You're free to place it wherever you want, depending on existing agendas or without having agendas.

[Jack River]

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

I’d say the line is you. To be objectively compassionate (if that’s a thing) allows for any authentic response when there’s the undefined space of awareness between you and other. Messages can be given in a number of ways depending on the situation (dynamic) 

Sure..I’d the say the line is YOU and paradoxically there is no line. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jack River]

@tsuki 

enjoyed your post, my friend?

As to where the line is drawn seems to be dependent upon the degree in value that is given to the dream realm. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by Jack River

[tsuki]

20 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

You might have died, but you're not dead yet (as in still breathing), you still have to live in the realm of duality, so there is a balance to strike. If there wasn't, you wouldn't be asking that question in the first place, and there wouldn't be 'others'.

This is really difficult to communicate, I really don't want to cheese my way out by saying that you won't understand unless you have tripped.
Partly because I did it only twice, and partly because It's very annoying.

It's like the whole world gets flipped upside-down. When I'm tripping, profound things are unbelievably obvious like I was some kind of a genius, and yet - I'm a drooling, child-like idiot that's overwhelmed by going to the grocery store or taking a dump. I feel blissful and happy, and yet - every centimeter of my body is burning with pain. I am so vulnerable that a well-timed sneeze would kill me and yet - people can't help being nice to me. And finally - I know that when I'm 'sober' (like right now), I'm a complete and total idiot, a troglodyte and a brute to such a degree, that I don't even understand what it means to be stupid. Still, I know that this idiot, in his idiocy, navigates his life pretty damn well and I'm awestruck by the fact that he arranged these circumstances in which he can lose his shit on LSD safely. The degree of my sober stupidity is of such cosmic proportions that I was being thankful that God is guiding my actions with love, even if I normally have no clue about that whatsoever. In fact, I knew perfectly well that being a tripping, drooling, child-like genius, was the direct effect of having my consciousness raised. I frequently pondered about Leo's post somewhere where he said that it's possible to be so woke that you can barely stand. It's true.

At the same time, I was observing my 'sober' obsession with self-development and self-improvement and felt, hmm... admiration? Compassion? Pity? for all those lovely "freaks" that self-inquire on psychedelic substances to 'go deeper'. Psychedelics are the cure for a restless monkey ego and the amount of trips are the objective measure of the obsession with being better. That is how upside-down the world gets turned when you're conscious.

So, let me rephrase my question because I was too busy trying to be cool to articulate it properly:

How do I tolerate my sorry stupid ass when I'm sober?
How do I tolerate my need to take care of the world and develop others despite their pleas for mercy?

There is no balance to be made because it is exactly how it should be, but I only see it as such because I'm an idiot. Did I clear this up a little?

[Zigzag Idiot]

A Gurdjieff quote came to mind

It is better to be temporarily selfish than never to be just.
Only conscious suffering is of value.
Man is given a limited quantity of experiences; being economical with them lengthens his life.

[Aakash]

It is not the ego which delivers us from hell but ourselves. 

 

[Jack River]

53 minutes ago, tsuki said:

This is really difficult to communicate, I really don't want to cheese my way out by saying that you won't understand unless you have tripped.
Partly because I did it only twice, and partly because It's very annoying.

It's like the whole world gets flipped upside-down. When I'm tripping, profound things are unbelievably obvious like I was some kind of a genius, and yet - I'm a drooling, child-like idiot that's overwhelmed by going to the grocery store or taking a dump. I feel blissful and happy, and yet - every centimeter of my body is burning with pain. I am so vulnerable that a well-timed sneeze would kill me and yet - people can't help being nice to me. And finally - I know that when I'm 'sober' (like right now), I'm a complete and total idiot, a troglodyte and a brute to such a degree, that I don't even understand what it means to be stupid. Still, I know that this idiot, in his idiocy, navigates his life pretty damn well and I'm awestruck by the fact that he arranged these circumstances in which he can lose his shit on LSD safely. The degree of my sober stupidity is of such cosmic proportions that I was being thankful that God is guiding my actions with love, even if I normally have no clue about that whatsoever. In fact, I knew perfectly well that being a tripping, drooling, child-like genius, was the direct effect of having my consciousness raised. I frequently pondered about Leo's post somewhere where he said that it's possible to be so woke that you can barely stand. It's true.

At the same time, I was observing my 'sober' obsession with self-development and self-improvement and felt, hmm... admiration? Compassion? Pity? for all those lovely "freaks" that self-inquire on psychedelic substances to 'go deeper'. Psychedelics are the cure for a restless monkey ego and the amount of trips are the objective measure of the obsession with being better. That is how upside-down the world gets turned when you're conscious.

So, let me rephrase my question because I was too busy trying to be cool to articulate it properly:

How do I tolerate my sorry stupid ass when I'm sober?
How do I tolerate my need to take care of the world and develop others despite their pleas for mercy?

There is no balance to be made because it is exactly how it should be, but I only see it as such because I'm an idiot. Did I clear this up a little?

Is there an off switch to that map of yours?❤️

[Truth Addict]

59 minutes ago, tsuki said:

How do I tolerate my sorry stupid ass when I'm sober?

How do I tolerate my need to take care of the world and develop others despite their pleas for mercy?

With ignorance, or in other words, transcendence of the mind. As stupid, ignorant, and cliche as it might sound, but yeah, that's the answer.

"Stupid" is a judgement. Moreover, it is a stupid judgement. Isn't that hilarious?! ?

I would say that what you're experiencing right now is just an ego-backlash. You'll get used to your idiocy just like you did before, and just like I do.

59 minutes ago, tsuki said:

There is no balance to be made because it is exactly how it should be, but I only see it as such because I'm an idiot.

That's why I said that it's a half-truth. There's a conflation here between the absolute and the relative. You might say that they're the same thing, but that's not the case from the relative point of view. So yeah, you're an idiot regarding that point 

59 minutes ago, tsuki said:

This is really difficult to communicate, I really don't want to cheese my way out by saying that you won't understand unless you have tripped.
Partly because I did it only twice, and partly because It's very annoying.

It's like the whole world gets flipped upside-down. When I'm tripping, profound things are unbelievably obvious like I was some kind of a genius, and yet - I'm a drooling, child-like idiot that's overwhelmed by going to the grocery store or taking a dump. I feel blissful and happy, and yet - every centimeter of my body is burning with pain. I am so vulnerable that a well-timed sneeze would kill me and yet - people can't help being nice to me. And finally - I know that when I'm 'sober' (like right now), I'm a complete and total idiot, a troglodyte and a brute to such a degree, that I don't even understand what it means to be stupid. Still, I know that this idiot, in his idiocy, navigates his life pretty damn well and I'm awestruck by the fact that he arranged these circumstances in which he can lose his shit on LSD safely. The degree of my sober stupidity is of such cosmic proportions that I was being thankful that God is guiding my actions with love, even if I normally have no clue about that whatsoever. In fact, I knew perfectly well that being a tripping, drooling, child-like genius, was the direct effect of having my consciousness raised. I frequently pondered about Leo's post somewhere where he said that it's possible to be so woke that you can barely stand. It's true.

At the same time, I was observing my 'sober' obsession with self-development and self-improvement and felt, hmm... admiration? Compassion? Pity? for all those lovely "freaks" that self-inquire on psychedelic substances to 'go deeper'. Psychedelics are the cure for a restless monkey ego and the amount of trips are the objective measure of the obsession with being better. That is how upside-down the world gets turned when you're conscious.

This is nothing new to me even though I haven't took a psychedelic ever. I naturally experience highs every now and then. What you wrote makes it clear to see that you're just experiencing an ego-backlash. Notice how it's bringing out your shadow. You clearly value intelligence over ignorance, and so here you are.

If you want to overcome any kind of problem, go meta.

Edited August 13, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Aakash]

@Truth Addict I can surprise you. 

Do you know that there is a facet of god called absolute fried chicken. It’s eating chicken. I wonder if you had this awakening yet ?

in the sincerest of ways, I’m not actually joking. For an enlightened being to become fully awoke. They would need to have the awakening to absolute fried chicken. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by Aakash

[Truth Addict]

2 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@Truth Addict I can surprise you. 

Do you know that there is a facet of god called absolute fried chicken. It’s eating chicken. I wonder if you had this awakening yet ?

Actually, I was just done eating some chicken.

Did I surprise you? ?

I swear I'm not lying.

Edited August 13, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Aakash]

@Truth Addict AHAHAHAHA! 

bet you had some absolute soda aswell ? 

very funny ?. Your now closer to awakening that a few others lol! 

[tsuki]

@Truth Addict Ahahahaha. Alrighty.
This is ridiculous. Thanks.

[tsuki]

4 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

♥️ ? 

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@tsuki Welcome home bro. ??

I feel honored by the fact that you guys posted in this thread. You're awesome @Serotoninluv @Nahm .

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

A Gurdjieff quote came to mind

It is better to be temporarily selfish than never to be just.
Only conscious suffering is of value.
Man is given a limited quantity of experiences; being economical with them lengthens his life.

@Zigzag Idiot Always having a Gurdjieff quote handy. Thank you ??

@Jack River I love you man, keep on rockin ❤️