Negative feelings of past rejections still linger

[Hardkill]

Hi everyone, so things in my life have been improving overall since about the past year. However, I've lately been feeling down about all of the rejections I've ever had in my academic/career life, social life, sex/romance life. 

I was a social reject for most of my childhood and teenage years. I got kicked out of the LA Fitness gym and probably can never go back to any LA Fitness throughout the entire continent of North America ever again. Got kicked out of a couple of bars and a mall. I got banned from a fitness/bodybuilding/strength training/conditioning site called TNation over a couple of years ago because they said that they got sick and tired of me asking so many "useless" questions and wasting their time by "refusing to accept help being offered and wasting the time of forum members and coaches." They also said that I must have some kind of strange social disorder or something. I got banned from another self-help improvement site called GLL for constantly complaining as well as for reasons similar to that of the Tnation forum moderators. Also, I was terminated from the program due to a few counts of sexual harassment. I've been banned by a British dating coach named Hayley Quinn from her services and from another female dating coach named Layan Bubbly who I actually got some free advice from a number of times from each of them. I got banned from the dating sites POF and OkCupid. On top of all of that, I was terminated from an OT grad school program I was doing at a University due to a few counts of sexual harassment.

I thought the negative feelings over them would eventually go away completely; however, they keep resurfacing everyday whenever I am at work or school, working out, or can't fall asleep. I know I have to keeping moving forward, but I don't get why time hasn't been healing enough of all of this emotional pain. I almost can't take it anymore and ever since I moved to a new home with my parents in a new county I can't find an affordable psychologist right now. I really need help. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by Hardkill

[JustThinkingAloud]

Have you fixed the reasons why you were rejected? If yes, then it’s great, you should be proud of that as you have become a better person, a new you that is much different to the person you used to be. If not, it might be easier to fix the cause. Trying to ignore the fact that you get rejected and hoping that it won’t happen again will not work. There needs to be some change. Once you fix the cause, you’ll become a better person for it and will have more confidence that it won’t happen again and can start enjoying your life.

[Hardkill]

On 8/12/2019 at 10:35 PM, Keyhole said:

@winterknight Do you know of any resources that could help this man?  I remember you mentioning to me that there are options out there for folks if they cannot afford to see someone.

@Hardkill New county or country?  What county/country?

New County or region within the same state I am in. 

[Hardkill]

On 8/13/2019 at 0:42 AM, JustThinkingAloud said:

Have you fixed the reasons why you were rejected? If yes, then it’s great, you should be proud of that as you have become a better person, a new you that is much different to the person you used to be. If not, it might be easier to fix the cause. Trying to ignore the fact that you get rejected and hoping that it won’t happen again will not work. There needs to be some change. Once you fix the cause, you’ll become a better person for it and will have more confidence that it won’t happen again and can start enjoying your life.

I believe that I fixed practically all of the reasons for being rejected, except during the beginning of this calendar year when that dating coach Layan Bubbly blocked me from her instagram account, facebook account, her facebook group page. She didn't answer my emails to her. She didn't even have the decency or honor to explain to her why she did that. 

I tried taking psych meds of different kinds with different dosages for several years for dealing with depression and they never worked well enough. In fact, I've recently become much less inclined to take anymore psych meds or try different ones due to the fact that I recently suffered a seizure, whereby the doctors strongly believe was accidentally caused by at least one of if not a combination of the medically prescribed psychotropic drugs I took regularly.

 

I really don't know how much longer I can't take this pain.

Edited August 15, 2019 by Hardkill