Personalized Guidance Thread

[seeking_brilliance]

28 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance Sorry I can't be much help here, I never had a formal self inquiry practice. My self inquiry process was weird and intuitive, and I'm not a great teacher for it. I need to further research it and understand it better. Follow your intuition, I know there are many masters of self inquiry here on the forum, I'm not one of them though. I do know that Ramaji has some great videos on self inquiry though. 

Oh ok makes sense. When I was doing it before, I tend to work on what gives me anxiety and see through the illusion. Thank you for your reply. 

[seeking_brilliance]

@AncestorOfAisle6

14 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance 

To ancestor:

If you have children, what are some creative activities that you could do together with them? So that you don't feel guilty taking time away from them.  Could you maybe find a community building project so that it's even more rewarding? 

[Truth Addict]

21 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@mandyjw I was wondering if you practice(d) a form of spiritual autolysis, whether it's the McKenna method or Katie Byron or something else.  I'd like to start that up again, what would be a good inquiry? Looking to go further in my practices and fortunately autolysis doesn't require meditation 

What are your intentions with the practice?

Edited August 17, 2019 by Truth Addict

[seeking_brilliance]

3 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

What are your intentions with the practice?

@AncestorOfAisle6

15 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance

@Truth Addict

Short term : self discovery and to ease anxiety 

Long term :  liberation of mind

[Truth Addict]

26 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Short term : self discovery and to ease anxiety

What works best for me is: 10-15 minutes of meditation (until monkey-mind is calm), followed by asking questions concerning the issue (anxiety); such as:

• How do I feel right now? Am I anxious or relaxed?
• Do I really not want to feel anxious? Is anxiety bad? What is the purpose of anxiety? Is it possible to turn it into something positive? Can I allow myself to feel it without suffering from it? Why? And why not? Could it be a friend, not an enemy?
• What situations create anxiety for me?
• What is the most common situation that makes me anxious when it happens? (the goal here is to find a solid case to study).
• How does anxiety arise? Is it thoughts? Is it other people? Is it my physical body? Is it related to my past traumas? Is it related to the future? Or is it all of those things?
• How do other people not feel anxious about the same situations? What is the biggest difference between me and them?
• When was the first time I felt anxious? What was the situation back then? How did it sneak into my system like this? What could I have possibly done to prevent it?
• Who are some people that I tend to never feel anxious when they're around? What do they provide that I lack? Should I hang around them more to find out?
• What are some of the things that help me deal with anxiety? Like real solutions. And what are the crutches that I use to bypass that feeling?
• Does my diet affect my emotional system? Is my lifestyle hurting me? How do I feel after a workout session?
• What are the states that make me anxiety-proof? What makes them so?
• Is this anxiety organic, which requires a professional help? Or is it something that I can cure by myself?

You see, the list can go on and on. The questions are by no means limited to the ones I mentioned. You can invent a million other questions. Yet, to make the inquiry most effective, you must follow the problem to its roots. There is no formula here, but a pen and paper can help. What I do is that I pick up the one question that feels the most penetrating and follow it to its conclusion. It is almost always fear/love. I probably fear a possibility, or prefer/love something more than something else. And that is almost always rooted in survival.

As for self discovery, well, it's as simple as it's called. How do you know who you are? By watching how you feel, act, react, etc... without judging yourself. Of course, you can repeat the same process above but this time the main questions that I propose are:

• What does it mean to discover one's own self? 
• What do I want right now? Why do I want it? Is it helping me or anyone else? Is it aligned with my values?
• What's on my mind right now? Why is it there?
• What are the thoughts that are mostly on my mind? What am I concerning myself with the most? Why?

Or, you can ignore all that and just meditate for as long as you can. The more the better. Questions will naturally arise, and answers will naturally arise as well. What I mean by meditation here is not to sit in lotus position and remain in that fixed position for hours. I mean simply not doing any kind of stimulating activities for as long as you can. It means becoming friends with loneliness and silence, and limiting your activities to the most essential necessary ones. It's like a vacation from "fun activities". That alone will teach you a lot about yourself.

1 hour ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Long term :  liberation of mind

You don't need to do anything for that, except dropping the idea of an unliberated mind. That is the main obstacle towards liberation, is that you are already free but you think you're not.

Or, you need to kill your ego so that you don't have no identity no more.

Or, you need to become meta, and to see everything from a meta perspective.

All of those things can happen through meditation, self-inquiry, and mindfulness practices. I'm not sure about psychedelics, since I've never tried them.

.....

Brief alternative ways for approaching those goals:

• For resolving issues that has to do with thinking, become friends with death. Become comfortable with the idea of death.
• For self discovery, become friends with the present moment, silence, loneliness. Become friends with yourself.
• For liberation, stop seeking. Just be/surrender.

Of course, it goes without saying: 100% self-honesty is the key here.

Also, keep in mind that any progress that you make is purely a grace, not a personal effort. Acknowledge that you can't force awakening, that'll be a major hit for the ego. Acknowledge that awakening is a matter of luck. And acknowledge that you are the luckiest man on earth, because you are!

Good luck!

 

[seeking_brilliance]

@Truth Addict  Thank you so much for your detailed reply. This is an awesome start to getting back into the practice. I really enjoyed doing it in journal form, so maybe I'll try that again. Its just that.... just like with meditation, I don't have the discipline to just do it for myself. Back when I was doing autolysis, @Telepresent was very helpful at keeping me with it. And then of course we both stopped and here I am today 

That's just some radical honesty there, but of course I am fed up with this codependency of relying on others to help myself. Although I really like it when there's someone to point out my assumptions and inconsistencies. So I don't feel too bad for asking for help 

Edited August 17, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[mandyjw]

@seeking_brilliance We are in this together, I did everything alone for years and have had much more rapid growth since becoming more active on the forum. It's equally problematic to be fiercely independent than it is to be dependent. 

[seeking_brilliance]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance We are in this together, I did everything alone for years and have had much more rapid growth since becoming more active on the forum. It's equally problematic to be fiercely independent than it is to be dependent. 

yeah, there's got to be balance.  And I do consider our interactions on here a type of self inquiry  (that's a total belief by the way.. But I have no issue with it.) I have experience interacting with 'others' who are myself. I don't know exactly how it translates to 'real world', but I have a conceptual understanding of oneness. But I don't know if it's beneficial or getting in the way lol. Just to note, I'm not saying that THIS exactly compares to nightly dreams, but that dreams reflect THIS, like a beautiful painting or passionate movie. And is a powerful teacher. 

 

 

Edited August 17, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[Truth Addict]

On 17/08/2019 at 11:12 PM, seeking_brilliance said:

@Truth Addict  Its just that.... just like with meditation, I don't have the discipline to just do it for myself. Back when I was doing autolysis, @Telepresent was very helpful at keeping me with it. And then of course we both stopped and here I am today 

Sounds like a great starting point.

Question that!

[seeking_brilliance]

14 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Sounds like a great starting point.

Question that! 

Yes I agree. I will.  But a deeper realization of who I am compared to others, and how we are the same, might be helpful. 

Or I could just be an unconditionalist and not need any one or thing to please me. Or to need anything at all. And to just not do it for anyone. Just do it. 

Edited August 19, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[seeking_brilliance]

@mandyjw here's my triathlon report (jogging, stretching, meditation) :

Jog: 5 minutes (for now) 

Stretch: 10 minutes

Meditate: 10 minutes 

I was jogging and applying my focus (lol) I've been learning in meditation, to helping me get through the 5 minutes. I realized that when I think about the clock, the negative feelings of wanting to stop arise. But then I realized that if I just look ahead, and adopted the attitude of can't wait to get there, that it made it much more bearable. And I kid you not, the moment I arrived there, the timer ended. 

During my stretching, I still became worried about time, even though this is something I enjoy. Spent the last minute or so wondering if I forgot to start the timer. But didn't give into impulses of checking my phone.

I quickly decided that I would have to adapt the meditation part, since there was no where comfortable to sit on the bridge. So instead, I leaned against the rail and picked a spot in the stream to keep my sight on. So it basically became focus/concentration practice.  Many thought trains, it was like grand central Station! But lord willing I redirected my eyes back to that spot in the stream evertime they moved.  I did try to employ a mantra method to help still the mind, because there is sensory overload here, but the thought trains were fast and strong. This part I did think less about time. 
 

Edited August 19, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[mandyjw]

@seeking_brilliance Awesome!

The timer obsession gets way better. Meditation by water is amazing. 

Let me know if you notice any difference in your thoughts after or for the rest of the day. 

I love the attitude you have describing your meditation sessions in the journal. You have a great balance between humor and dedication. 

Edited August 19, 2019 by mandyjw

[seeking_brilliance]

On 8/19/2019 at 11:45 AM, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance Awesome!

The timer obsession gets way better. Meditation by water is amazing. 

Let me know if you notice any difference in your thoughts after or for the rest of the day. 

I love the attitude you have describing your meditation sessions in the journal. You have a great balance between humor and dedication. 

Thoughts aren't too different, since it's my day off and I am usually more relaxed and agreeable on days off. Perhaps less addictive thoughts, though.  But when I do this I'll try to remember to watch thoughts the rest of day. Would be interesting to see how it affects a work day, but that's not happening soon lol

Heh, I figured it would be interesting to try and report what arises.  But after spending so much time getting to know oneself, one must keep a sense of humor to prevent strangling their own neck ?

On previous attempts at meditation, I eventually decided that my concentration is complete shit, and instead of officially calling it meditation, I said I was learning to sit still.  Trust me that's half the battle lol.... And part of that was training not to check the timer, which is maybe another two quarters of the battle ?  but it's been so long that I'm basically back at zero. So yes I have experience of the timer obsession getting better, can't wait! 

Edited August 20, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[mandyjw]

@seeking_brilliance I want you to be very aware of your mindset and how you feel in your approach to meditation. You really want the result of having more improved focus on the fan. Can you let go of this desire/expectation and see what happens? Even 15 seconds of focus out of that 15 minutes is a win and building your connection with Source. Sometimes a text message is more meaningful than a half hour telephone conversation. What I want you to move your intention toward is feeling the magic of that focus. It's not something we are supposed to be doing instead of another thing, it's the beautiful seashell on the beach you stop your walk for a moment to pick up and admire. 

Also, your subconscious maybe wants you to treat yourself to a candy bar? 

[Enizeo]

Really cool that you are doing this! I'm quite interested Same starting questions?

Edited August 22, 2019 by Enizeo

[mandyjw]

@Enizeo Yes, same questions if you would please.  

[Nahm]

On 8/17/2019 at 5:01 PM, mandyjw said:

It's equally problematic to be fiercely independent than it is to be dependent. 

?? That one is not easily learned.

[seeking_brilliance]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

@seeking_brilliance I want you to be very aware of your mindset and how you feel in your approach to meditation. You really want the result of having more improved focus on the fan. Can you let go of this desire/expectation and see what happens? Even 15 seconds of focus out of that 15 minutes is a win and building your connection with Source. Sometimes a text message is more meaningful than a half hour telephone conversation. What I want you to move your intention toward is feeling the magic of that focus. It's not something we are supposed to be doing instead of another thing, it's the beautiful seashell on the beach you stop your walk for a moment to pick up and admire. 

Also, your subconscious maybe wants you to treat yourself to a candy bar? 

Yes! Haha. I'm maybe at 5 seconds. I know exactly what you mean, but it's such a paradox that to achieve the goal I have to let go and not try to hard. All the while at least putting in the effort of sitting and redirecting focus. And perhaps I'm making my journal entries a bit too lighthearted but I definitely am taking this seriously. 

And yes my subconscious probably does want a candy bar because there have been no snacks in the house for like 2 weeks ?

[Enizeo]

What is your age, gender, how did you find Leo's videos? 

22, male. I don't remember if I specifically looked for it, but 4-ish years ago I stumbled over the legendary "How to make a girl squirt". It was very well made, so I checked out a couple more of Leo's videos. I basically got hooked when I started watching the enlightenment videos (at the time just out of curiosity, while making pancakes lol).

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality?

There is two pain points really. The first one, which is not as severe, is that I'm still not grounded in my Life Purpose. It's something among the lines of "I use extraordinary communication skills and spiritual insights to help people actualize their full potential, raising humanities collective consciousness". Sounds great, but I'm not living it fully.
Which leads us to the second point. I'm quite unsatisfied with the spiritual progress I'm making, which is a result of my lack of investment. I somehow just can't motivate myself to go all in, build a proper meditation/yoga/self-inquiry habit, although I intuit that it is the absolutely most worthwhile thing to do. I think I just lack the direct mystical experience that would motivate me to actually pursue this stuff seriously. I'm quite experienced with psychedelics, and I think that they played a huge role in getting me to where I am right now, which is honestly not to bad compared to the average human. But even there, my trips have mostly been completely recreational to half serious, almost all of them with friends. However, I've recently started using them more methodically and seriously, hoping that this practice will yield some results in the next few months.
I'm also addicted to porn, but not severely

My greatest strength is probably my natural curiosity and strong theoretical foundation. Since I've been exposed to the topic from a young age, I've had tons of time. I intellectually understand pretty much everything Leo talks about (at least I think so), but I lack direct experience.
I'm also mostly calm and detached in my daily life. I rarely get angry and would consider myself mostly stage yellow, looking for understanding instead of aversion for 'negative' people and events. Genetics also blessed me with what I think is high intelligence, which is really cool, but I can't take credit for that. From the outside my life is actually quite nice, everything just always seems to happen exactly the way that I want it to, I'm incredibly lucky. Most of my (even older) friends somewhat admire me and frequently ask me for advice and stuff. I guess from a self-help point of view, I'm doing more than fine. But I don't give much of a shit, I want Truth and deep insight.

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

Self-doubt mostly. I feel like I should make more spiritual progress. I'm not satisfied with the effort I put in.

What do you currently do for spiritual practices? What are you working toward in life, or what is your greatest vision or goal? 

Like I already mentioned, I'm planning to methodically take LSD every two weeks from now on, but only the first of these trips has happened yet. Next week I'll go on a Vipassana retreat. I struggle to keep up half an hour of Kriya Yoga practice every day. Almost no contemplation, sometimes I do some half-assed self-inquiry. But I do read a lot, could be more, but I think I'm okay on that front.
My ultimate goal is to be a badass sage, enlightened and with deep metaphysical understanding of reality. I pass my immense spiritual insight onto other seekers, multiplying humanities consciousness. I lead a fulfilling relationship, raise/raised amazing, beautiful children, make some music... Sage stuff basically

 

Do you have an idea about what is holding me back? Some weird shadow/belief/attachment that I have? You effort is really appreciated <3

[mandyjw]

@seeking_brilliance I really enjoy your lighthearted journal entries. 

5 hours ago, Enizeo said:

Self-doubt mostly. I feel like I should make more spiritual progress. I'm not satisfied with the effort I put in.

So I want you to DEEPLY examine where this comes from. When it comes up on its own spontaneously, really watch the thoughts that come up. What are the stories that are being told you yourself about it? 

 Is it because Leo's style has a way of lighting a fire under our asses so we'll want this? Is it because you believe that effort=results?

That's true to a point but it's an oversimplification. There is a danger in turning it into dogma.

Or is it because you honestly feel a draw or a pull toward deeper meaning and you aren't following it? 

Once you know more about it comes from follow the thoughts to their root what are the subtle sensations that come up? Is there tightness in the chest or is it more a gut feeling kind of resistance? 

You have an amazing outlook and attitude and your interest and curiosity will take you far. At 22 there is a lot of turbulence as you transition into adult life. Remember that the early 20's are supposed to be fun and they are supposed to be somewhat exploratory. The prefrontal cortex isn't completely developed until 25. You will find that your ability to go deep and focus will come. You're right where you should be. Fuel your passion for this journey but don't get caught in beating yourself up or thinking you should do more. Counterintuitevely if we fuel an authentic love and desire for truth, we'll happily be willing to do more, it won't even seem like a choice anymore. The only thing between you and that authentic love is resistance, so remember when it comes up, go into the sensations of it. 

The duality between spiritual life and regular life, the duality between spiritual practice and daily life gets slowly disappears the further we go. I believe that knowing up front that the difference between the two is an illusion will help that process go faster. 

Good luck on your retreat!