Personalized Guidance Thread

[mandyjw]

I wanted to create this thread in response to seeking_brilliance's request. I enjoy teaching when I can informally but I've had some realizations lately that developing my teaching skills is necessary to continue my own path, so this is entirely selfish of me. With nonduality, teacher and student are one, so of course, how could it be any other way?  

As suggested I'll start by asking questions to first determine where you are. If you're interested in participating please just request below in the thread. 

 

 

[seeking_brilliance]

Hello, thank you so much Mandy!  I promise I'll go easy on you if you go easy on me ? (or not, whichever!) 

 

[mandyjw]

1 minute ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Hello, thank you so much Mandy!  I promise I'll go easy on you if you go easy on me ? (or not, whichever!) 

 

NO promises, take no prisoners! 

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality?

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

What do you currently do for spiritual practices?

 

 

[AncestorOfAisle6]

Great idea

Can you do me?

[seeking_brilliance]

@mandyjw

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality?

I have come a long way in the past few years. Turned myself around from victim mindset to that of acceptance and surrender.    I would say I've eliminated roughly 75% of suffering in my life. 23% of remaining suffering comes from work situation, and the final 2% from baseline boredom anxiety. At home I am free, and Content with basically everything that arises, although battling a nonstop pot addiction. Pot is extremely valuable to me spirituality, but I also abuse it as a distraction and mood enhancer.  I have a two week vacation coming very soon, and I hope for it to be a reset on my main additions : cigarettes, pot, and porn. It is a belated honeymoon for me and my husband, and couldn't be more needed. I have not taken time off in five years, and am wound up like crazy at work. 

I own my own business, which I had no business getting myself into. Going into it with zero experience in the field, and only lower level management experience at Walgreens. But we agreed to do it because my mother in law owned the business and needed to go part time and take care of her bedridden mother. So I agreed and basically stepped into a living hell.  But it was spark for growth. Looking back over the last five years I have grown alot and my confidence has doubled or tripled . But I'm still uptight and constantly worrying. Trying to prevent things from happening. Uneasy. My husband doesn't see this side of me really because at home I can smoke a little pot, release, and be at ease.  This is just artificial contentment though, and I'm aware of this.  

I urge to be what I jokingly call an 'unconditionalist'.  To me it means never relying on any conditions. It used to mean not relying on conditions to be happy, but I just had the realization that being happy as the result is a condition... Hmmm... Just being, unconditionally. That's what it means to me.... For now I suppose ?

For strengths I would say  curiosity and just the right kind of obsession, lol. But still stumbling around in the dark and not sticking to any practices beyond what I list below...  

I am also getting stronger with not getting feelings hurt. As I begin to realize that I can only hurt myself mentally, I am able to diffuse the suffering rather quickly, if it arises. (in other words, yes someone could emotionally abuse me, but it only hurts me if I allow it. The abuser is only talking to himself anyway....) 

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

Worrying about my business. Obsessing over it at home too, how to improve it in any way, to take less stress off of me. All the while realizing that everthing happens naturally. I can see this viewpoint at home but when I'm in the frying pan, I just feel the heat. And of course the natural progression is me obsessing over it. And I can't say 'hopefully not for long' because that's a condition ?

I don't like to sit still. Never have. Wouldn't take naps when I was a young child because I was scared of missing out on something. I don't think I still have that anxiety, but just can't sit still. Therefore all attempts at a meditation habit have not stuck. 

I have bad body image. 

I'm sure I could name more but these are the big ones, other than that I go with the flow and am pretty content. 

What do you currently do for spiritual practices?

Smoke pot and inquire into things. My answers often feel channeled. 

Dream work.

Occasional attempt at meditation.

Experience life. 

Reflect. 

Create. (art and mental creations) 

Gardening is very spiritual to me.

 Walking in nature. Was blessed with a beautiful 90 acres hiking park practically in my back yard. I feel like a real life Calvin and hobbes! 

Have tried walking meditation but my focus and commitment is low, which also accounts for not sticking to any particular practices. I'm hoping that with the teacher /student dynamic, my willingness to please will override this awful habit of mine. 

Interested in kriya or any other type of energy work. 

Edited August 12, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[SilentTears]

I would also enjoy this very much! I do think this will be a great learning experience so, thank you. 

[mandyjw]

35 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

I own my own business, which I had no business getting myself into. Going into it with zero experience in the field, and only lower level management experience at Walgreens. But we agreed to do it because my mother in law owned the business and needed to go part time and take care of her bedridden mother. So I agreed and basically stepped into a living hell.  But it was spark for growth. Looking back over the last five years I have grown alot and my confidence has doubled or tripled . But I'm still uptight and constantly worrying. Trying to prevent things from happening. Uneasy. My husband doesn't see this side of me really because at home I can smoke a little pot, release, and be at ease.  This is just artificial contentment though, and I'm aware of this.  

So you like myself, probably gravitate towards Leo's style because you need more discipline and structure. You've got the passion and spirit part and have to use that as the fuel, motivation and vision for doing the practical work.

How might you reframe this story above so that it honors the present moment better? You already see the business as a positive opportunity, as you mention it was a spark for growth and you've come out of the challenge for better. The uptight and worry feelings can only be dealt with as they arise, so we want to first drop or reframe the story fueling them. Is there a story within the story of your business further fueling them? There are always stories, within stories, within stories, and they need to be peeled back like layers of an onion to get at a problem. 

Are there physical actions or routines you can put into place that will help lessen the worry and stress? When stress or worry arises we fuel it with our thoughts and it already has the energy of past thoughts or story. Whenever they arise, go back into the sensations into the physical feelings of the body and stay present. Remember you are energy, and thoughts are the primary way we go about controlling and clearing energy. 

Are you healthy in shape (disclaimer, ask a doctors first, etc) enough to start running or jogging? Even if just for a few minutes a day? My mind was too unsettled to meditate at first but running allowed me to meditate before I even knew what it was as well as keep me better focused throughout the day. I used it to manage anxiety. Dinner with my in laws? I made sure I went for a run a few hours before. You might have to wait until fall for it to cool down where you are but if it's not possible is there another type of exercise routine you can put into place? Often the reason we can't sit still is because we aren't getting enough physical activity (pretty much everyone in this day and age), and physical activity can double as meditation if you pick the right ones. If I could pick one habit for you to pick up that will integrate and help all areas I would say start running or some form of exercise. You can even start a routine of running for example 10 minutes, stretching and meditating for 10 minutes. Does that sound like something you might be able to commit to? 

The importance of meditation is that it boost our ability to drop stories, and to go into the body and feel sensations. We rewire our brain during mediation to make it easier to rewire our brain when the anxiety comes up when we are under fire in real life. 5, 10, 15 minutes in the morning is it all takes to start momentum rolling in the right way. 

Which of your addictions is impacting you life in the most negative way? What need is it fulfilling? What can replace it will that will target that need in a more healthy way? 

2 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

 

 Walking in nature. Was blessed with a beautiful 90 acres hiking park practically in my back yard. I feel like a real life Calvin and hobbes! 

 I'm a life-long Calvin and Hobbes fan. 

[mandyjw]

3 hours ago, AncestorOfAisle6 said:

Great idea

Can you do me?

Sure! 

What is your age, gender, how did you find Leo's videos? 

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality?

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

What do you currently do for spiritual practices? What are you working toward in life, or what is your greatest vision or goal? 

2 hours ago, SilentTears said:

I would also enjoy this very much! I do think this will be a great learning experience so, thank you. 

What is your age, gender, how did you find Leo's videos? 

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality?

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

What do you currently do for spiritual practices? What are you working toward in life, or what is your greatest vision or goal? 

[seeking_brilliance]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

How might you reframe this story above so that it honors the present moment better? You already see the business as a positive opportunity, as you mention it was a spark for growth and you've come out of the challenge for better. The uptight and worry feelings can only be dealt with as they arise, so we want to first drop or reframe the story fueling them. Is there a story within the story of your business further fueling them? There are always stories, within

@mandyjw

Yes there are definitely many stories happening within the story of 'my workplace'.  One is how much I have suffered. Another is about how much I've overcome.  

Another is that no matter how hard I try, nothing ever seems to go right, although at the same time (actually probably not at the same time) I realize that  this is an absolute label I've put on my perspective of the shop.  There is a certain employee that is a constant headache but also the best I've had in certain ways.  But it takes alot of energy to constantly check behind her.  I slack alot on this and it leads to complaints.  There is another employee who is a constant negative whiner and raises the anxiety of the whole shop. But she is my sister in law so I don't have much of a choice to keep her or not, and actually she has many great qualities as well. I feel stuck though, and that pains me. And the funny thing is I've had a worse employee that these two could never compare to, and I'm still pretty traumatized from that. And I have a great dependable team (in the upmost important ways) and am finally in a position to be comfortable enough to take a vacation. But there's still a constant baseline worrying. 

Also, I'm a serial self-sabatoger, and am still working on this. 

Another story is that I don't feel 'good enough' . Not educated or experienced enough to handle this. Again, in the past year or so I have noticed vast improvements on this but it's still there as a baseline anxiety.  

I should also mention that I'm horrible at oral communication and have had a fear of oral speaking since I became shy at puberty. I have dabbled in making flyers to hang at everyone's station that reinforce policies but they are starting to make fun of that.  If I had the courage to have meetings, I feel like at least 45% our problems would be solved. 

Ok so those are the stories that are spinning, but you want me to reframe it.

I know this is a perfect opportunity. I live comfortably and can afford my interests. It is an amazing opportunity for growth. For purification, which I guess I believe will bring peace of mind. It's OK to mess up sometimes, because it teaches me to apologize (I have an irrational fear of that to customers, not to friends and family... ) I have come a long way and am excited for the future.  I don't want to be afraid anymore, it does not serve me. The suffering I feel it is giving me is all in my imagination. It's self inflicted. But I continue to do it despite my awareness of it. (sorry didn't meant to end on a negative...) 

 

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Are there physical actions or routines you can put into place that will help lessen the worry and stress? When stress or worry arises we fuel it with our thoughts and it already has the energy of past thoughts or story. Whenever they arise, go back into the sensations into the physical feelings of the body and stay present. Remember you are energy, and thoughts are the primary way we go about controlling and clearing energy. 

I think I want to choose a hand gesture or something as an anchor for this. Are you familiar with anchoring? 

Other than that I use slow breathing to help certain low level anxieties. Sometimes I'll let out a nice cathartic forceful exhale.  

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Are you healthy in shape (disclaimer, ask a doctors first, etc) enough to start running or jogging? Even if just for a few minutes a day? My mind was too unsettled to meditate at first but running allowed me to meditate before I even knew what it was as well as keep me better focused throughout the day. I used it to manage anxiety. Dinner with my in laws? I made sure I went for a run a few hours before. You might have to wait until fall for it to cool down where you are but if it's not possible is there another type of exercise routine you can put into place? Often the reason we can't sit still is because we aren't getting enough physical activity (pretty much everyone in this day and age), and physical activity can double as meditation if you pick the right ones. If I could pick one habit for you to pick up that will integrate and help all areas I would say start running or some form of exercise. You can even start a routine of running for example 10 minutes, stretching and meditating for 10 minutes. Does that sound like something you might be able to commit to? 

Haha, you just picked my lifelong no no.  But I will consider it or something I can do instead. I like to do stretching and have been Interested in stretching related yoga. I bought yoga for dummies but never committed to it. ?

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Which of your addictions is impacting you life in the most negative way? What need is it fulfilling? What can replace it will that will target that need in a more healthy way? 

Hard to say. I only smoke cigs at work, probably about 4-5 cigs 4 days a week.  But every one is poison. 

The Marijuana completely obliterates boredom, but that's really a disservice to me. I love it though. And my mind and soul are opened to deep subjects. But the withdrawal affects my mood at work. And I can't meditate with it, as it puts my thoughts into hyper drive (which I like, and crave) I don't want to be sober anymore when I'm home. That being said, I use very little it's just nonstop. This is probably my most excited to get a new chance at. 

The porn addiction is getting annoying but it has no impact on my marriage life life. Just have heard many physiological reasons to stop but otherwise I still enjoy it, haha. Sorry!! 

 

Ok, so maybe give me a goal time for meditation (go easy on me!)  and ask me to report what happens. You can do this whenever but I really want to test my theory that I will do it to please you. 

 

 

 

[SilentTears]

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

What is your age, gender, how did you find Leo's videos? 

Age: 16

gender: male

I found Leo’s videos through a friend. I got interested in spiral dynamics and saw more and more videos of his. Later saw his video on enlightenment and everything just unfolded from there. 

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in

My biggest pain points in life are not being able to communicate with others about these things (example: nonduality, enlightenment, awareness, astral projection..etc...etc). <—-- I’ve mostly gotten over the need to communicate these things with others. Just sometimes I’ll see people being miserable and I have to stop myself from saying something to try and help them as I don’t have a way to communicate with them in a way in which they understand. Another thing is having emotional upheavals through doing spiritual work. Sometimes I’ll get  an ego backlash or start to backslide and fall back into addictions such as porn, or talking bullshit with friends. In addition to all these I have my fair share of unconscious behavior which I try not to judge. 

My biggest strengths in spirituality are probably curiosity as well and starting out young to where I can learn many things without having to work through beliefs that hold me back. 

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience?

The feelings that don’t feel good that I experienced recently and quite frequently are extreme degrees of Loneliness. Loneliness has only recently come into my awareness, because I purged “toxic” people in my life. Not Necessarily toxic people, but just average people who go through life not doing any work on themselves or learning any of the things that interest me. I’ve mostly gotten through this to where I don’t feel lonely anymore, but I’ve just masked over it. I stuffed it in my closet . Yeah, I truly didn’t get through it. Just ran away. I tried multiple times just sitting down and facing it head on, but as you can see I ended up distracting myself with other things in life that wanted my attention. 

Another feeling that doesn’t feel good is misery! About two months ago I experienced extreme misery... words cannot describe this feeling. I don’t even know why I had this feeling. I tried to inquire but to no avail. It happened for about two weeks. Everyday I would experience the greatest love and joy from doing nothing. Everything was just so amazing and beautiful. But whenever this feeling faded I would get hit with misery. It went back in forth between love, joy, happiness, appreciation, fulfillment and misery. The misery was just agonizing. I remember curling up and just laying down for hours feeling miserable. It wasn’t sadness or loneliness or any emotion I’ve experienced to this date. The only word that fits to describe it is misery. Well, at this time I think that’s when I would meditate for hours a day and just sit down and do nothing most of the day. I wrote about the misery so I would remember and wouldn’t ever forget that. I wrote that I felt very groundless in this reality and that many things stoped Making sense. I found my notes right now and I discribed it as suffering. That fits perfectly. I was deeply suffering. Anyway, it all stoped when I quit doing my meditation and stoped sitting down for hours on end doing nothing. I got busy irl so it kinda just flowed. I wish I kept at doing my meditation but at the time It just didn’t work that way. 

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

What do you currently do for spiritual practices?

I currently am just starting back up my meditation habit that I broke. I occasionally do self inquiry, shamanic breathing, walking meditation( from the book “the mind illuminated”) and just thoughout my day remind myself to be mindful and be present of the “now”. 

 

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

What are you working toward in life, or what is your greatest vision or goal? 

Currently I’m working towards an awakening, but I also have a lot of things I know I gotta work through. 

My greatest vision for myself is to be at peace, happiness and loving whenever it’s possible and even when I’m experiencing different emotions that may apear.... oh, you said “or” I’ll leave this as it is as I have already written it lol 

P.S. I watch your YouTube channel and I love it very much 

Edited August 13, 2019 by SilentTears
Grammar

[Gili Trawangan]

Wonderful, I'd love to get some personalized guidance from you

[Truth Addict]

13 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@mandyjw

23% of remaining suffering comes from work situation

I'm not sure I'm allowed to contribute.

But anyway, I keep learning time after time that what you said is a complete myth. I used to think that my work caused me to suffer, but then I realised that it was me.

I always wanted to make the best outcomes possible out of it, until I realised that all of that was just perfectionism. I realised that it's not worth it to put +50% more effort only to get 5-10% more results. I was shocked! It's a complete loss for everyone! Because this will extra effort you put will turn into resistance, and will deteriorate your efficiency in the future, as you can obviously see, it's making you suffer.

I understand now that if everyone would work like I used to do, it would be a disaster.

It's hilarious! Look at everyone, almost no one takes their jobs seriously, and still, things work just fine. So, why should I?

Whatever is happening, just roll with it.

It's also important to embrace suffering when it's required. I mean sometimes things can happen against your will, and you need them to stop/change, so you take the suffering and act from it, whatever that means. It's very important to learn how to use suffering as a tool, not as an attitude. This is critical for integrating success with happiness.

I hope at least some of the things I said give you some insight.

?

Edited August 13, 2019 by Truth Addict

[seeking_brilliance]

2 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

I'm not sure I'm allowed to contribute.

But anyway, I keep learning time after time that what you said is a complete myth. I used to think that my work caused me to suffer, but then I realised that it was me.

I always wanted to make the best outcomes possible out of it, until I realised that all of that was just perfectionism. I realised that it's not worth it to put +50% more effort only to get 5-10% more results. I was shocked! It's a complete loss for everyone! Because this will extra effort you put will turn into resistance, and will deteriorate your efficiency in the future, as you can obviously see, it's making you suffer.

I understand now that if everyone would work like I used to do, it would be a disaster.

It's hilarious! Look at everyone, almost no one takes their jobs seriously, and still, things work just fine. So, why should I?

Whatever is happening, just roll with it.

It's also important to embrace suffering when it's required. I mean sometimes things can happen against your will, and you need them to stop/change, so you take the suffering and act from it, whatever that means. It's very important to learn how to use suffering as a tool, not as an attitude. This is critical for integrating success with happiness.

I hope at least some of the things I said give you some insight.

?

Thank you, I will let this soak in for this work week. I definitely am a perfectionist, a people pleaser, and a serial self-sabatoger all at the same time... Such a confliction!  It's hard because in my line of business (dog grooming) there's no room for mistakes. Everthing ends up on the internet. I am always just trying to prevent that, and put out fires before they burn the whole place down. But it's mentally exhausting. And the self sabotage is completely unconscious behavior, due to anxiety, or not knowing how to deal with a situation, etc. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[mandyjw]

10 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@mandyjw

Ok, so maybe give me a goal time for meditation (go easy on me!)  and ask me to report what happens. You can do this whenever but I really want to test my theory that I will do it to please you. 

15 minutes, almost first thing in the morning if possible. If you don't like focusing on your breath focus on background noise, the sound of the AC, etc. Think of it as connecting with who you really are, connecting with source.  If you think of it as a time to connect rather than a time to have a quiet disciplined mind, I find it goes a lot better. Even if you are only to connect and be thoughtless for 30 seconds while the rest of the time thoughts run through your head while you build your awareness to see and dismiss them that's a huge win. 

10 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@mandyjw

I should also mention that I'm horrible at oral communication and have had a fear of oral speaking since I became shy at puberty. I have dabbled in making flyers to hang at everyone's station that reinforce policies but they are starting to make fun of that.  If I had the courage to have meetings, I feel like at least 45% our problems would be solved. 

So there are always two ways, an outward and an inward way to fix an insecurity, and usually the answer is both. Is there a way you can practice speaking, even in front of your phone's camera so you can watch the recording later and correct what sounds off? It's amazing what a difference it makes. Check youtube for videos on leadership, how to conduct meetings, how to make people feel appreciated and yet also guide them, etc. Make it a goal to call a meeting sometime following your trip. I also want you to find and buy a book that you think will really help you better run your company, whether that's on management, the grooming business in general, or speaking and building confidence that's up to you. 

13 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@mandyjw

Hard to say. I only smoke cigs at work, probably about 4-5 cigs 4 days a week.  But every one is poison. 

The Marijuana completely obliterates boredom, but that's really a disservice to me. I love it though. And my mind and soul are opened to deep subjects. But the withdrawal affects my mood at work. And I can't meditate with it, as it puts my thoughts into hyper drive (which I like, and crave) I don't want to be sober anymore when I'm home. That being said, I use very little it's just nonstop. This is probably my most excited to get a new chance at. 

It sounds like the marijuana is really affecting you negatively. I know that a lot of people have spiritual experiences on it but it comes ta a heavy cost, and we want to integrate the spiritual with the everyday, and this habit is separating them further. 

Consciousness work is about dissolving dualities and becoming more sensitive and in tune with how we feel. If you ignore the body, health and diet and view those things as below spiritual experiences and connection, you actually end up stuck in the mind much more. We are continually on a journey to clear up and purify body and mind as much as possible, because ultimately enlightenment is about transcending the duality. It's a lot easier to drop habits if you have a powerful WHY behind them, and believe me this is a powerful why. The very first insight I had before my awakening was that I was too driven by fear to be in tune with intuition and I saw that I was further fueling the fear with coffee. I knew it wasn't serving my body or my purpose but I didn't want to listen until I had a powerful reason to do it. 

[mandyjw]

9 hours ago, SilentTears said:

Age: 16

gender: male

I found Leo’s videos through a friend. I got interested in spiral dynamics and saw more and more videos of his. Later saw his video on enlightenment and everything just unfolded from there. 

My biggest pain points in life are not being able to communicate with others about these things (example: nonduality, enlightenment, awareness, astral projection..etc...etc). <—-- I’ve mostly gotten over the need to communicate these things with others. Just sometimes I’ll see people being miserable and I have to stop myself from saying something to try and help them as I don’t have a way to communicate with them in a way in which they understand. Another thing is having emotional upheavals through doing spiritual work. Sometimes I’ll get  an ego backlash or start to backslide and fall back into addictions such as porn, or talking bullshit with friends. In addition to all these I have my fair share of unconscious behavior which I try not to judge. 

My biggest strengths in spirituality are probably curiosity as well and starting out young to where I can learn many things without having to work through beliefs that hold me back. 

The feelings that don’t feel good that I experienced recently and quite frequently are extreme degrees of Loneliness. Loneliness has only recently come into my awareness, because I purged “toxic” people in my life. Not Necessarily toxic people, but just average people who go through life not doing any work on themselves or learning any of the things that interest me. I’ve mostly gotten through this to where I don’t feel lonely anymore, but I’ve just masked over it. I stuffed it in my closet . Yeah, I truly didn’t get through it. Just ran away. I tried multiple times just sitting down and facing it head on, but as you can see I ended up distracting myself with other things in life that wanted my attention. 

 

You are doing AMAZING for your age! There's a real opening and opportunity at your age, and you are so lucky to have found actualized.org and resources to help you along and understand the journey. I'm just starting to realize how much of my spiritual growth occurred during my teen years, I have no guidance or framework to understand it until now though. 

I'm not a fan of how popular the idea of getting rid of toxic people is. I er more to the mindset that everyone is in your life to help you grow and making efforts to cut people out usually serves the ego more than it does our higher selves.  With that said, it's all about following intuition and knowing when we need to seclude ourselves, avoid distractions people may present and turn inwards. There's no need to cut yourself from unconscious people. I went through years of loneliness and cutting myself off from unconscious people I thought were below me. It took years of seclusion and growth until I realized it was all just so I would be able to see the face of God in everyone and reenter the unconscious world and see it as perfection. The loneliness is fuel for the fire of true love and connection. It helps us to understand the path when we know that's where we are going. 

9 hours ago, SilentTears said:

Another feeling that doesn’t feel good is misery! About two months ago I experienced extreme misery... words cannot describe this feeling. I don’t even know why I had this feeling. I tried to inquire but to no avail. It happened for about two weeks. Everyday I would experience the greatest love and joy from doing nothing. Everything was just so amazing and beautiful. But whenever this feeling faded I would get hit with misery. It went back in forth between love, joy, happiness, appreciation, fulfillment and misery. The misery was just agonizing. I remember curling up and just laying down for hours feeling miserable. It wasn’t sadness or loneliness or any emotion I’ve experienced to this date. The only word that fits to describe it is misery. Well, at this time I think that’s when I would meditate for hours a day and just sit down and do nothing most of the day. I wrote about the misery so I would remember and wouldn’t ever forget that. I wrote that I felt very groundless in this reality and that many things stoped Making sense. I found my notes right now and I discribed it as suffering. That fits perfectly. I was deeply suffering. Anyway, it all stoped when I quit doing my meditation and stoped sitting down for hours on end doing nothing. I got busy irl so it kinda just flowed. I wish I kept at doing my meditation but at the time It just didn’t work that way. 

So it sounds like you went through an awakening, and need to go back to business and integrate it. Remember that backward and forward don't actuality but only relatively exist on this path. Do you still have a moderate meditation practice, half hour or an hour a day? An awakening often causes your emotional state to react as if you took a pendulum and swung it as hard as you could. Intense bliss states, intense anger or depression is possible. Nature, moderate meditation, healthy food and taking care of yourself will help ground and balance out these states. 

10 hours ago, SilentTears said:

currently am just starting back up my meditation habit that I broke. I occasionally do self inquiry, shamanic breathing, walking meditation( from the book “the mind illuminated”) and just thoughout my day remind myself to be mindful and be present of the “now”. 

 

 You're really doing awesome. Pace yourself with meditation, life is spirituality and spirituality is life, we are here for the journey. 

[seeking_brilliance]

On 8/13/2019 at 9:37 AM, mandyjw said:

15 minutes, almost first thing in the morning if possible. If you don't like focusing on your breath focus on background noise, the sound of the AC, etc. Think of it as connecting with who you really are, connecting with source.  If you think of it as a time to connect rather than a time to have a quiet disciplined mind, I find it goes a lot better. Even if you are only to connect and be thoughtless for 30 seconds while the rest of the time thoughts run through your head while you build your awareness to see and dismiss them that's a huge win. 

yes ma'am!

On 8/13/2019 at 9:37 AM, mandyjw said:

So there are always two ways, an outward and an inward way to fix an insecurity, and usually the answer is both. Is there a way you can practice speaking, even in front of your phone's camera so you can watch the recording later and correct what sounds off? It's amazing what a difference it makes. Check youtube for videos on leadership, how to conduct meetings, how to make people feel appreciated and yet also guide them, etc. Make it a goal to call a meeting sometime following your trip. I also want you to find and buy a book that you think will really help you better run your company, whether that's on management, the grooming business in general, or speaking and building confidence that's up to you. 

awesome suggestions. I have 5 credits on audible and had been wondering what to download before my trip. And yes I'll plan on an official business meeting. 

On 8/13/2019 at 9:37 AM, mandyjw said:

It sounds like the marijuana is really affecting you negatively. I know that a lot of people have spiritual experiences on it but it comes ta a heavy cost, and we want to integrate the spiritual with the everyday, and this habit is separating them further. 

Consciousness work is about dissolving dualities and becoming more sensitive and in tune with how we feel. If you ignore the body, health and diet and view those things as below spiritual experiences and connection, you actually end up stuck in the mind much more. We are continually on a journey to clear up and purify body and mind as much as possible, because ultimately enlightenment is about transcending the duality. It's a lot easier to drop habits if you have a powerful WHY behind them, and believe me this is a powerful why. The very first insight I had before my awakening was that I was too driven by fear to be in tune with intuition and I saw that I was further fueling the fear with coffee. I knew it wasn't serving my body or my purpose but I didn't want to listen until I had a powerful reason to do it. 

Yes, so looking forward to a two week break on marijuana. My plan is to only use it once a week or so and only ceremonially, when I get back. I don't want to give it up completely, but to respect it. 

My health is borderline OK. I don't eat a lot of junk food, and take vitamins and supplements. Maybe one day I'll take up jogging but I think I want to get a good meditation practice for now, as I don't have a lot of time between morning daylight and going to work. It's way too hot in Florida to jog after work... until fall and winter time. I did switch to decaf coffee for quite a while, but somehow switched back . I do understand how it fuels anxiety though...

Edited August 14, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[mandyjw]

6 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

I'm not sure I'm allowed to contribute.

 

Of course! 

9 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Wonderful, I'd love to get some personalized guidance from you

Sure, you can either choose to the answer the questions I asked the others above or is there a specific issue you'd like help with? 

 

[mandyjw]

8 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

My health is borderline OK. I don't eat a lot of junk food, and take vitamins and supplements. Maybe one day I'll take up jogging but I think I want to get a good meditation practice for now, as I don't have a lot of time before morning daylight and going to work. It's way too hot in Florida to jog after work... until fall and winter time. I did switch to decaf coffee for quite a while, but somehow switched back . I do understand how it fuels anxiety though...

It's crazy how much our habits affect us.

I wanted to make this point too. There's a difference between unconsciously enjoying something and consciously enjoying it. For example if I mindlessly spend lots of time on entertainment and waste a beautiful day, I feel like crap. But if I watch a funny youtube video when things are really falling apart and I need to raise my spirits, that's a huge win. The difference is when I engage in an unconscious habit, I feel bad at a low level while i'm doing it but I am not conscious that I'm feeling bad until it hits me afterward. In the other scenario, I'm conscious that I'm feeling bad, perhaps I'm overworking myself or I have a cold, low energy, etc, so I consciously use a tool to improve my state and hit a reset button. Ice cream, caffeine and all other pure but possibly addictive pleasures are ONLY pleasures when we consciously use them. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Everyone I've responded to so far is all I feel comfortable taking on at the moment. Thank guys! 

[seeking_brilliance]

14 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Everyone I've responded to so far is all I feel comfortable taking on at the moment. Thank guys! 

Yeah just make an announcement when you're ready to take on more seekers. Thanks for doing this! I'm hoping it will spark a trend... I think Actualized.org would be perfect for a niche offering of personalized guidance. maybe it will get it's own sub-forum one day  And of course it could just be related to self-improvement if the guide isn't comfortable getting into the deeper subjects. 

Edited August 13, 2019 by seeking_brilliance