Relationship transcending into Polyamory? (one side)

[Lubomir]

@bejapuskas true

Well, I guess that I'm not gonna type anything for a while again. I'm full of emotions right now, unstable.

I hided all the things that remind her to me.

It's funny how my ego/brain/oldme/whatever think about her.

For example, the day after our brake-up, she asked me if she can took one of my Shirts (one with logos of my business). "Do you even wear this?" "Yes, you can take it..." 

It' funny how my mind is trying to make something more out of it then it Is...

Well, this shit is hard. 

[bejapuskas]

@Lubomir  I know man, I've been there sooo many times. It sucks. 

Maybe try seeing yourself as one person, rather than Lubomir, ego, brain, soul, personality, body, mind etc etc... It helps because then you don't blame your problems on these parts but rather accept them as your own which gives you more control over them.

Also meditate every morning.

[Lubomir]

@bejapuskas Will do. Good point.

 

Thanks,

[flowboy]

@Lubomir Congratulations! I bet that wasn't easy, and I have a lot of respect for how you handled that.

When I was in that situation, I didn't have the strength to say no until I was thoroughly humiliated by her cheating many times.

It will only be more sunny from here

7 hours ago, Lubomir said:

I hided all the things that remind her to me.

Not good enough. Burn them or trash them. Trust me.

I would delete her number and social media too. It's not forever, but important for you in this moment.

You can reconnect with her in a year, when you both have grown.

[bejapuskas]

@Lubomir ?

[Lubomir]

@flowboy @bejapuskas Thank you!

7 hours ago, flowboy said:

Not good enough. Burn them or trash them. Trust me.

I would delete her number and social media too. It's not forever, but important for you in this moment.

To this... I thought about it for the moment. And I know why is it good to do that. But at the same time I think it's some kind of disrespect to her and to the times we were together, happy. It's few things... rubber band, golden egg on a string (something like easter egg), candy and the most important is a ring which she gave me when I was in hospital few months ago and she came everyday to visit me.
But is it really? 

Maybe it's just few things that keeps constant connection between us > keep me locked to her.

I literally don't know.

Today I finaly started to feel good. I went to the gym, make some work at my business, went to the library and borrow A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber.
Also, she messaged me, asking for help in terms of one concrete study program at the university. I helped her, it was about to tell her which person is responsible for the thing she want... But after that I just couldn't resist and asked her how's she doing? I immediately regret my decision and when she was writing a respond I send her "you know what, let it for another time", "bye".

Right now I turned off everything on my whatsapp - which is the only thing she have as a direct connection to me.

When I'm reading what I'm trying to say here, I think you're right @flowboy . But still, I let my morning "me" to decide

Edited September 4, 2019 by Lubomir

[universe]

Enjoy letting go. Its so powerful.

 

 

[flowboy]

Well I know it's not easy. I kept a poem I wrote for her, and a blanket I had printed with many photos of us together, also with the poem on it. I kept that for a year and had to ask my parents to throw it out for me, I couldn't do it myself.

[bejapuskas]

@Lubomir  I don't like the attachment there... I mean, it sure is nice, but letting go is even nicer, you just cannot see it in the moment you haven't yet let go of the attachment. 

[Lubomir]

@universe Awesome video from Leo. And I'm happy even more since I was already doing that technique in my life ...

Things are looking great again. I feel happy. And what I really feel is that I'm suddenly much more self-confident. So this funny game called Life may continue!

Hope is not just some sort of phase ...

I need to be still aware