How can I surrender to myself?

[Bestyle2209]

I had a "bad" trip on magic truffles where I felt like I was trapped that I literally ran through the forest I was tripping in trying to escape. Only later during the following Vipassana retreat I was realizing that I was afraid of myself. I wasn't my own home. So I tried to hug the demon in me instead of running away from it. However I didn't feel like I succeeded in that. It doesn't feel resolved. Since then I am afraid of tripping because of fearing of getting a psychosis(maybe I am also not afraid of that, but that's only the surface reason). On the other hand I don't want to lose psychedelics as a tool for self-growth. How can I practice surrendering in order to prevent me from going insane during the next trip? Shall I stop tripping until the fear is resolved or should I now go for a trip exactly because of this fear?
Thanks for reading and trying to help!

Edited August 12, 2019 by Bestyle2209