Trip Report - A Very Emotional Awakening

[reves]

Medicine
200 ug of 1P-LSD   

Intention
I have been contemplating my fears during the last weeks, because I realized I couldn't let go completely during some previous trips and I wanted to investigate more about this and see how far I could go this time.

The Trip
So I prepared some food and ginger tea and took the medicine around 9 am, then I listened some music while drinking the ginger tea and then made some bilateral symmetric movements. After an hour or so, I started to feel the effects and get some visuals so I laid down on a mat, with the arms and feet fully extended. This time I used a blindfold to cover my eyes from the light, and listened to music a great part of the trip.

And it got very wild pretty quick, as I started to feel the effects more strongly, I started to repeat in thoughts, I want to be your vehicle. First, I became aware how my body started vibrating, as if waves of energy were emanating out of my body and then I started to feel a lot of love, love pouring through me, expanding very fast. I can remember some thoughts I had during these moments, "I love everything and every one", "I am love", as if I could tap into the mind of God. The experience just became marvelous, I was captivated of how much love I was feeling and made me cry.

I also started to ask, please show me the a way to help other beings, please help me find a path to better support this cause and the answers started to hit me very quickly, as I  realized how easily some little actions from myself would help people, family, and friends in need enormously. I also realized how unconscious I am, always spending money on things I don't really need, instead of using it for the greater good of other beings. I realized how the ego just cares of its own agenda and I became very clear to me how I am doing this every moment.

I also realized how incredible life is, how incredible and sacred is every moment, every instant of my life, regardless of how banal/superficial the ego wants to make me believe it is. Understanding this made me feel a some how sad, as I realized that most of my daily activities
are very unconscious and I got the feeling that I have been wasting my life most of the time. And as these realizations started to come to me, I started to cry, I cried a lot, and purged a lot of pain. It is as if I was overwhelmed from some much beauty and such a great feeling of love, it also felt very sacred.

At some point, I felt I wanted to let all the suffering stuck in the universe flow through my body, like the suffering from all those beings that have died in great pain without being able to express it, to let it go. There are some parts of the trips that I find hard to recall, specially during the first hours of the trip, when the effect of the medicine is very intense, and although during that moment everything appears to make perfectly sense, I also know that once I come down from this hyper-consciousness state I will have remembering/understanding what I have been experiencing.

There was a moment when I was going through an infinite process of dying and being reborn, like a purification process. As this happened, I started to connect all the suffering that was flowing through me with my own personal history, some very old pain and memories I had buried very deep in my body and unconscious. I could remember some moments when I was two or three years old and I just wanted to spend some time with my father but during this period he had to work a lot, so sometimes I could only see him for some minutes during the day before he had to go to work again. Realizing and accepting that I could not bring back this time anymore, regardless of what I have always tried to do was very painful. Allowing myself to feel this pain was so hard that I ended up crying in a fetal position.

There was a moment when I started to feel a lot of physical pain/sore in my body, and doing some Hatha Yoga helped me clear the soreness. This very intense process lasted around six-seven hours but for me it felt like an infinity. After the ego started to reassemble, I started to get hungry. As I was eating something I also started to understand how I could convert this suffering and pain into love.

Later during the day I spoke with my parents and had a great talk with them, I could express a lot of feelings and talk with them about situations that until now I had not been able to do, it was so nice and emotive that for some moments we cried together. As I become more and more conscious I also enjoy more to talk and spend time with them. My guess is that I able to see them and accept them for who they truly are.

I then finished the day with a long walk in the forest, which help me start recalling the trip and all the realizations I had. As I become more aware I also enjoy to be in more in contact with nature, it feels so satisfying just being there. By the end of the day I was in a very blissful and peaceful state, my body felt very relaxed, as if I had released a very big load.

I also had some interesting experiences that I just can not understand:

• One was, as I was looking on the mat look at the ceiling, I could literally see how the reality was being created in front of me in real time, as if some blocks where continuously assembling the room where I was, and in some parts there was just nothing at all.
• Another one is as I am looking at my hand looks, which seems to be created by very high vibrations, I lose the sensation that I am seeing at my hand, I lose al the boundaries of myself and it appears to be as if I where seeing just an image on a TV screen and then everything dissolves into nothingness.
• As I was writing some notes, it felt as if somebody else was writing through my body and I was just watching and then something/someone whispers me into the ear how to finish the sentence and then everything melts down, into nothingness.

 
Conclusions
I really enjoyed listening to music during the trip, it was as if the music was made exactly for the moment and it gives me the impression that it helped me let go easier into the experience and kept me on track, but I am not so sure about the blindfold, maybe I could have gone deeper without it.

There are so many things that one experiences during a trip that are impossible to put in words. I wish I really could tell you the magnitude of the awakening I had, it felt several orders of magnitude greater than the previous trips. Now I can understand how each awakening always feels to be the greatest one. During this process of dying and being reborn I feel that I my consciousness grew a lot.

I can not remember when was the last time I cried so much and could let go of so many pain. I could understand that love is the cause of everything, of every intention in every thing and that we are always looking for love. This gave me so much clarity, which led me to understand how my parents always tried to give me as much love as they could, from their own perspective.

I could understand how the present moment is all we have, and how powerful it is to bring purpose into reality. I definitively see the benefit of contemplating, something I have not done for the previous trips. I see how powerful it is combined with the psychedelic experience and the daily practice of Kriya Yoga and meditation, which are bringing me some great gains.

Questions
I wish I could retain more clearly all the experience/insights I get during the trip. As I am tripping sometimes I write/record some brief notes but I find it very hard just to write or say something and I prefer not to do it a lot to get too distracted. I guess there are no special recipes but any advice is welcomed. Could it be the nature of the psychedelic (LSD)?

Thanks a lot if you made it so far, I always try to write the report as brief as I can but it always ends up being long Thank you for your comments, I appreciate all of them and of course, thanks to Leo for his awesome work and the great community of Actualized.org!

[Fishy]

Sounds like a very good trip, thanks for sharing. 

[Leo Gura]

Great work!

Yeah, you are not going to be able to capture a psychedic breakthrough in note form. It's too profound for that.

[tedens]

@reves I suggest to watch this

 

[How to be wise]

@Leo Gura Can I ask you a question? Do you take psychedelics legally or illegally?

[tedens]

@How to be wise dually? Hahaha.

By the way...Leo how would You define a breakthrough?

Edited August 12, 2019 by tedens

[Nahm]

@reves Awesome. Thanks for sharing. 

[reves]

@Fishy Hi, yes it was awesome.

@tedens  Yes! I saw the video in Leo's blog and some others in youtube, I really look forward to read his new book.

@Nahm Your comment in my last trip report helped me a lot, many thanks!