Meaningful relationship?

[Uncover]

Hi,

So, today my girlfriend asked me this question "why do you like me". She told me that she doesn't like the idea to be with someone just because he considers her beautiful. She said she's looking for a meaningful relationship. Me as well. Maybe she's thinking that way because I tell her everyday that she's beautiful. Frankly, there are many girls more beautiful than she is. But I like her more. I couldn't explain her so well why do I like her. I could tell that she wasn't very satisfied with my answers. Even now as I'm thinking, I can't find many answers. I told her that because she's kind and altruistic, joyful playful and beautiful. Sunday is her birthday. Maybe I don't really like her that much, and that'd be the cause why I can't find the reasons? But I feel happy when I'm with her. She asked me this before. I couldn't find many answers as well. We broke up for 3 months. We know eachother since september 15. 2018. She also told me that I can tell her everything, and usually I do. But I'm not the type to talk about deep heartlike stuff, I can't open that much with nobody, not evem myself. I'm an introvert. I really care about us. How can I make our relationship more meaningful? 

Uncover

 

 

[Truth Addict]

Create some vague, yet positive reasons, like chemistry, or that she's the one, or something like that. This will make her curious and will satisfy her psychological needs.

If she asks for specifics, then you have to compliment something she really cares about. For example, if she follows fashion and clothes, then tell her that she has a unique taste of colours or something else related to that. If she likes drawing, then tell her that she has a great talent, and so forth.

Your compliments must be genuine and authentic of course. Otherwise, you probably don't like her.

Edited August 9, 2019 by Truth Addict

[LastThursday]

Relationships are odd really. The more you try and force them to be a certain way, the less it works out well.

When you first meet someone, it's like perfection, you don't question each other and you're just in the flow of mutual love and admiration.

But after a while some sort of reality kicks in, you stop being one unified being, and separate out into two again. The pain of separation then shows itself as insecurity and irritation and questioning.

A relationship - friends or lovers - either flows or it doesn't, there's really no middle ground. And the both of you have to flow together or it doesn't work.

If you want it to flow and be meaningful, then you only have to do one thing: keep being the best version of yourself you can be. She will find that attractive. Don't try and be her best version of you.

If you think she's beautiful then that's an incredible and rare gift, maybe she's not ready to receive it?

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Uncover said:

So, today my girlfriend asked me this question "why do you like me". She told me that she doesn't like the idea to be with someone just because he considers her beautiful. She said she's looking for a meaningful relationship.

In other words, her and every other girl on the planet. LOL

She's insecure that you'll leave her so she wants pretty stories about why she's special and why you'll never leave her.

Of course don't tell her any of this, or she'll get upset. She doesn't want truth, she wants a fantasy. That's mostly what relationships are: mutually constructed fantasies of two people trying desperately to use one another to meet each others needs while desperately denying that this is what they're doing.

Women don't like being complimented on their looks because they know that looks fade and there's always someone better looking around. They want to be complimented on unique personality traits.

You gotta get more creative with your compliments.

"I really like your pussy" is not a good compliment to a girl. Find unique things about her to compliment. Maybe even some of her flaws.

[mandyjw]

3 hours ago, Uncover said:

But I'm not the type to talk about deep heartlike stuff, I can't open that much with nobody, not evem myself.

 

Long term solution, use personal development and spirituality to learn to open up with yourself and others, then the relationship will flow as it should or end if it should. 

[Truthority]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

"I really like your pussy" is not a good compliment to a girl

Nor is it a good thing to tell her the opposite of that if you decide she's not for you

been there done that

dont ask

[Hello from Russia]

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Truthority said:

Nor is it a good thing to tell her the opposite of that if you decide she's not for you

been there done that
 

[JustThinkingAloud]

11 hours ago, Uncover said:

I feel happy when I'm with her

I like this one. Also be honest and specific, it has to be a genuine compliment that doesn't involve her physical appearance. It's great to turn her negatives into positives. Maybe try "I love spending time with you doing so and so or talking about so and so."

[LastThursday]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

She doesn't want truth, she wants a fantasy.

Precisely. And that, is exactly why most relationships end up being dysfunctional. You are never good enough for each other.

The best that can be done is to raise one's own awareness so that at least half the relationship is not dysfunctional. Or you go find a partner who doesn't want a fantasy. Good luck with that! And my friends and family don't understand why I'm single...lol.

 

[RendHeaven]

@LastThursday @Uncover The game of relationships is pure fantasy.

Since the whole point of this fantasy is that you play your respective roles for their benefits, you must then go ahead and reinforce it (for example, with quirky compliments) - that is, if it's in your interest to have the fantasy flourish.

You really have no place to say to your woman: "Hey! Stop wanting fantasy!" You both chose fantasy the moment the relationship was conceived.

In many ways the whole charade is unsettling if you fancy yourself a Truth-seeker. To partake in the relationship, you must delude yourself into thinking she's special. There's no Truth to be found in such a thought.

Nevertheless, many who seek Truth (such as I) opt to dip their toes into this arena of fantasy, fully conscious of its imaginary nature.

I find it rather silly sometimes when I start telling my woman about how special she is - whenever I say such a thing (and I do it a lot ), I am simultaneously 100% truthful and 100% lying.

It's not my place to shatter the fantasy in the name of "Truth," or to insist that she become realistic. That would kill the game and there's no fun in that.

Edited August 10, 2019 by RendHeaven

[Aeris]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

In other words, her and every other girl on the planet. LOL

She's insecure that you'll leave her so she wants pretty stories about why she's special and why you'll never leave her.

Of course don't tell her any of this, or she'll get upset. She doesn't want truth, she wants a fantasy. That's mostly what relationships are: mutually constructed fantasies of two people trying desperately to use one another to meet each others needs while desperately denying that this is what they're doing.

Women don't like being complimented on their looks because they know that looks fade and there's always someone better looking around. They want to be complimented on unique personality traits.

You gotta get more creative with your compliments.

"I really like your pussy" is not a good compliment to a girl. Find unique things about her to compliment. Maybe even some of her flaws.

I try to introduce my own créative way to relation and don't take a nihilit incelique one like this.

I m sure the more trustful and authentic from the way to met ( magnetic work to attract what you need ) + shadow work + building a high conscious and intellectual + mastering the emotional.

I talk about 'emotional mastery' being our own entity doesn't taking advices on how to lead ourself.

My gf is Green + yellow and appreciate Alan watts for instance even before we met.

This kind of talk you give to girl leo is for only girl that doesn't take any truth in life.

My girl is totaly fine with being dead and talking about all things. 

I told her for instance : authority is an human construct. 

And she answered me that she know that but that doesn't change the fact that authority is a reality of our current présent and that we should be careful ( talking weed )

 

[Leo Gura]

To be clear, nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy as long as you understand it's a fantasy.

Since there's nothing but fantasy you might as well enjoy it a bit.

[NoSelfSelf]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

IThat's mostly what relationships are: mutually constructed fantasies of two people trying desperately to use one another to meet each others needs while desperately denying that this is what they're doing.

 

2 people who are complete alone without the need of one another isnt that best scenario? Isnt relationships sharing eachothers happiness and giving, adding it to already "complete" life..

[Aeris]

11 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

2 people who are complete alone without the need of one another isnt that best scenario? Isnt relationships sharing eachothers happiness and giving, adding it to already "complete" life..

This is what we talked about the first time we met. Sharing happiness and travel together. Paradox we don't need each others but we still want to be together

Even if 99% of society is dysfunctional. Your job to be a pure artist in your way to lead your relation.

Throw away the pick up shit.

Do everything needed relative to your situation.

Be the creative builder leader of your life. Only your situation is true. 

Only in the universe and so yourself you should trust & place your faith

Doesn't mean it's impossible to create something truly authentic.

But it takes work as a giant piece of art

Sure true love with a girl is rare. Not impossible.

[ajasatya]

@Uncover Make eye contact with her for 3+ minutes. No words/explanations will be necessary.

[SunnyNewDay]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

To be clear, nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy as long as you understand it's a fantasy.

Since there's nothing but fantasy you might as well enjoy it a bit.

Sometimes I feel guilty about the casual sex I've had. It's like I was feeding a fantasy for her or in some sense I was her toilet for her to let go of her guilt. I want sex with women who aren't ashamed of their sexuality or getting old or stuff like that but I've found the most beautiful women to me are the women who usually have this the worst or some neurotic pattern of the mind which makes me feel guilty or shameful about sex. I then fear falling in love and getting hurt because it fuels that feeling of being a bad person not worthy of love. So tricky how sex fuels feels of love but then the withdrawal induces the opposite of being unworthy. I think a lot of players numb themselves to this cycle and become rigid, insecure and miserable. I'm still trying to find a healthy way to integrate and approach dating while actualizing and awakening. I think renunciation of it or following the bad feelings that come from it aren't a good idea but also they shouldn't be ignored. I suppose the same can be said from the positive. Sex/dating really is a drug. It's to be enjoyed responsibly. 

[RawJudah]

I've found relationships to be the trickiest thing to be in. Its a constant battle with yourself  and the  other person. 

That being said, I do enjoy having a girlfriend. 

But for me they are a complete mindfuck, a constant test. 

And like Leo said, if your  completely honest with yourself, all your trying to do it get your own needs  met... that's the mindfuck of it  all!

 

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Uncover Make eye contact with her for 3+ minutes. No words/explanations will be necessary.

This is good.

But also, some girls need Words of Affection. Read the book: The 5 Love Languages. Learn to do Words of Affection because this is the top love language for many girls.

[Aeris]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is good.

But also, some girls need Words of Affection. Read the book: The 5 Love Languages. Learn to do Words of Affection because this is the top love language for many girls.

Sometimes it's better to put the mind off and be the earth.

*Kissing*

[LastThursday]

@RendHeaven would you say that a friendship involves less fantasy than a sexual relationship?