Traumatic experience caused fetish

[JonasVE12]

I had an experience during childhood where I got shamed for. 

I developed a fetish for the act I got shamed for. Now I can't really have fulfilling sex without the fetish being involved. 

Is it possible to eridicate a fetish if I heal? do yoga, meditation? Or is it really hard wired into my brain and I will never be able to have fulfulling sex ever again if it doesnt involve the fetish?

 

[Average Investor]

Does it hurt you or others? 

[JonasVE12]

7 minutes ago, Average Investor said:

Does it hurt you or others? 

No, it doesn't.

[Average Investor]

3 minutes ago, JonasVE12 said:

No, it doesn't.

I would say if you enjoy it and don't let it take over your life, then it probably isn't a huge deal. But I suppose others may have a different opinion. You clearly want to stop doing it for whatever reason, or feel ashamed. It can be a slippery slope though. If you cannot control yourself enough to refrain from the thoughts. 

[Chi_]

I believe this could be released in the form of emotional trauma releases.

 

Techniques to do this are for example:

 

1) Osho Dynamic Meditation

2) Reichian Therapy

3) Shamanic Breathing

4) Sedona Method

5) Shoonya Intensive Programme (by Isha)

[JonasVE12]

3 minutes ago, Average Investor said:

I would say if you enjoy it and don't let it take over your life, then it probably isn't a huge deal. But I suppose others may have a different opinion. You clearly want to stop doing it for whatever reason, or feel ashamed. It can be a slippery slope though. If you cannot control yourself enough to refrain from the thoughts. 

It’s just not practical. I only experience intense arousal when the fetish is involved. Regular sex can’t get me to climax. I’m never there in the present moment. Always fantasizing about some weird pervert stuff. I dont judge it. It just feels like I’m a victim of childhood conditioning, and now I’m not able to have fulfilling sexual experiences. I never ever in my life orgasmed to ‘normal things’. It always had to be some disturbing thought. Just the fact that I can not do anything about this, because its just wired into me. I feel like I can overcome anything. Achieve any goal I set my mind to. But not this. Completely powerless. And that’s what gives me distress. 

[RickyBalboa]

 Maybe some contemplation is in order. Why is "normal" sex not good enough? Why is this fetish so great? What about it makes the experience for you. What do you feel when you experience your fetish? Those are even too still broad of questions. You know your fetish. Ask detailed questions about it and try to answer them honestly. Why can't some of the qualities of said fetish be funneled into something more conducive to the present moment with a partner?

[Average Investor]

@JonasVE12 Understandable, I can see why you would like to break away from it then. Best of luck to you. 

[Tom T]

I have had very neurotic and low consciousness sexual fetishes in the past and I have tried to stop many times up if you neurotically try to stop doing it that will not work. I have found that through self actualization  work and raising my consciousness up the spiral dynamics scale as my sexuality has became more stage green my low consciousness fetishes kind of fade away and become transcend. I think that as your sexuality becomes  more green, yellow and turquoise you'll start to think about sex in a very different way.  there is no way in hell that you can neurotically forecefully stop a sexual fetish you just have to transnd it by changing who you are and raising your consciousness. also stopping watching porn for a whole year would probably help to !!!

[Tom T]

ohh also type in for an Access bars therapist in your area !!! its a powerful energetic healing technique that can unblock loads of stuck unwanted energy from your body/subconscious mind !!! if you quit porn, get access bars and move your sexuality up to stage green I recon you could maybe Transend it naturally potentially but you may be different what works for me might not work for you but its worth a try !!!

[Tom T]

also maybe think about going to see a  psychotherapist and do some shadow work !!!

[Rilles]

11 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

I had an experience during childhood where I got shamed for. 

I developed a fetish for the act I got shamed for. Now I can't really have fulfilling sex without the fetish being involved. 

Is it possible to eridicate a fetish if I heal? do yoga, meditation? Or is it really hard wired into my brain and I will never be able to have fulfulling sex ever again if it doesnt involve the fetish?

 

Whats the fetish? 

[JustThinkingAloud]

Maybe try to replace it with something else. It might take a while to find a suitable thing but it’s easier to replace it than to remove it.

[SunnyNewDay]

yes, you most def can remove it. you said it yourself it's linked to stuff you experienced. you also are posting here so it means on some level you have a will to change this and some level of awareness that this is causing suffering for you which is motivating you to want to create change from this. 

[Emerald]

On 8/9/2019 at 3:52 PM, JonasVE12 said:

I had an experience during childhood where I got shamed for. 

I developed a fetish for the act I got shamed for. Now I can't really have fulfilling sex without the fetish being involved. 

Is it possible to eridicate a fetish if I heal? do yoga, meditation? Or is it really hard wired into my brain and I will never be able to have fulfulling sex ever again if it doesnt involve the fetish?

 

It's difficult because those neural pathways have been activated toward pleasure in relation to the fetish many times. So, it gets you into a deep habitual groove where you experience pleasure the easiest and strongest through that neural pathway, where others haven't been developed much or at all.

Luckily, you can create and strengthen new neural pathways as well, and (in some degree) atrophy old ones through disengaging.

So, you'll have to practice climaxing during normal sex. And not get discouraged when it doesn't happen right away or isn't as intense. Also, to delay gratification, when you know you can reach in your mind toward the fetish image and orgasm quickly and strong.  So, you have to have some willpower to hold back from the instant orgasm button in your mind.

Then, you practice disengagement with the fetish. And like all things, it will get hazier and fuzzier with time. It's like riding a bike. You never quite forget. But you will fall off your game if you disengage with it. And you want to fall off your game with the fetish.

***Now, another thing, is that you have to remove the emotional charge from the fetish by processing the emotions and trauma that caused it. This is the root cause of all of it. Once you do this, it will be a little bit harder to orgasm from the fetish as it will have lost its charge. And it will also be much easier to disengage from and atrophy the fetish's hold over your sexual instincts, so that the energy can take other pathways.

As someone who has dealt personally with trauma-based fetish before, I know that it's difficult to unlearn and unwire it. It takes a lot of time, energy, and practice. But it is possible.

 

 

[Average Investor]

 

OP may find this useful.

[JonasVE12]

Thank you for your replies. My fetish is submission. It sucks. I made a commitment to get better with girls and socializing, and this was also my life purpose. Letting people grow in their social potential.

But the fact that I can’t get intense sexual attraction towards females, only when my fetish is involved, really makes me overthink all of this. If I’m not actually sexually attracted to the oppositie sex, then why would I try to become better with girls?

Most part of highschool, I lived inside my head, a victim of social conditioning. I saw people around me having fun meeting people. And I was hungry for that. So I started taking all of this serious and got a vision for my life. I really consider myself a visionary, day in day out, I wake up working on my vision.

I didnt feel lost like before, I felt exitement en passion. Now I put my awareness on the fact that regular sex is not as enjoyable for me, Made me overthink my whole vision and life purpose. I think conneting in a concious way with other people that is fun, especially the sex you are romantically and sexually interested in, is really fulfilling and brings a lot of positive emotions. Its not about connecting intellectualy per se, but emotionally.

But it might not be that fulfilling for me in the end as I’m not strongly attracted to them. Romantically yes. Sexually moderately.

Girls are attracted to dominant energy. I am a dominant guy. My core sexual energy is really masculine. But my fetish clouds that. God damm. 

 

9 hours ago, Emerald said:

It's difficult because those neural pathways have been activated toward pleasure in relation to the fetish many times. So, it gets you into a deep habitual groove where you experience pleasure the easiest and strongest through that neural pathway, where others haven't been developed much or at all.

Luckily, you can create and strengthen new neural pathways as well, and (in some degree) atrophy old ones through disengaging.

So, you'll have to practice climaxing during normal sex. And not get discouraged when it doesn't happen right away or isn't as intense. Also, to delay gratification, when you know you can reach in your mind toward the fetish image and orgasm quickly and strong.  So, you have to have some willpower to hold back from the instant orgasm button in your mind.

Then, you practice disengagement with the fetish. And like all things, it will get hazier and fuzzier with time. It's like riding a bike. You never quite forget. But you will fall off your game if you disengage with it. And you want to fall off your game with the fetish.

***Now, another thing, is that you have to remove the emotional charge from the fetish by processing the emotions and trauma that caused it. This is the root cause of all of it. Once you do this, it will be a little bit harder to orgasm from the fetish as it will have lost its charge. And it will also be much easier to disengage from and atrophy the fetish's hold over your sexual instincts, so that the energy can take other pathways.

As someone who has dealt personally with trauma-based fetish before, I know that it's difficult to unlearn and unwire it. It takes a lot of time, energy, and practice. But it is possible.

 

 

Thank you. I will do this.

Also, I have heard Leo talk about nootropics that increase neuroplasticity. Would this help? Also, I’m 18. Would this be a beneficial factor for me, because my brain is still really neuroplastic?

Edited August 11, 2019 by JonasVE12

[KatyWLTZ]

Think about phycology sessions and may be hypnosis, it works with childhood memories 

[JonasVE12]

On 14/8/2019 at 8:24 AM, Keyhole said:

Being submissive is just fine.
There's nothing wrong with you, despite what these jokers say.
Accept yourself.  Love yourself.  gl.

Thank you for your comment, but as I said, This fetishes get in the way of me having fulfilling sexual relationships with  women I am attracted to. Because of some childhood trauma, I am now not able to enjoy sex. If I have an opportunity to fix this, I’m not going to accept it. I even developed porn induced fetishes, always more and more nasty things, even homosexual fantasies, While I’m straight. The fetish caused by trauma, led to other fantasies and fetishes, in the same categorie. Now I’m not able to get arroused from normal sex. 

 

I’ll be doing emotional releasing and abstaining from porn and masturbation. I will also block out fantasies and thoughts about my fetishes. Also, I will  try and only climax focussing on the  present moment during sex. This way, I hope I desensitize my fetishes, and get to a point where I don’t prefer fetishes over vanilla sex.

[Phoenixx]

On 8/16/2019 at 0:43 AM, JonasVE12 said:

Because of some childhood trauma, I am now not able to enjoy sex.

Could you specify what was the trauma that triggered this fetish? Have you ever been aroused from normal sex?