Sexual difficulties

[Farnaby]

Hi! 

I don’t know if this kind of content is allowed so I apologize if it isn’t.

The reason I made this thread is because I’ve frequently had sexual experiences that left me kind of unsatisfied and sometimes even frustrated (usually in the form of blaming myself for not being able to fully let go and inmerse in the experience).

This difficulty to let go (or at least that’s what I think is the cause) has led to frequent episodes of premature ejaculation. 

Taking things slow, feeling very connected to my girlfriend beforehand, not tensing up innecessary body parts, etc.., seems to help a lot, although there is always this sneaky self-sabotaging thought: “It’s gonna happen again”.

Sometimes my girlfriend and me like to have sex a bit harder and not so slow and gentle. As you can probably guess, when she asks me to do this (which really turns me on) I’m never able to last as long as would be needed for both of us to really enjoy it.

I would really appreciate your advice ?

Thank you! 

Edited August 9, 2019 by Farnaby

[whoareyou]

Look up and start doing Kegel Exercises. Those will help a lot and most likely solve the issue.

[JustThinkingAloud]

Maybe try to get the first one out of the way and then do the more exciting things on the second or third go. Also when you're young and it's a new relationship it's quite normal. I think it's actually a compliment, it shows that you find her irresistible. 

[Farnaby]

1 hour ago, whoareyou said:

Look up and start doing Kegel Exercises. Those will help a lot and most likely solve the issue.

@whoareyou Thank you! I tried those a long time ago and regular kegels just made it worse.

I get a lot of involuntary kegels, sometimes that whole body part is tense from the beginning. 

Reverse kegels kind of helped a bit but not too much. Maybe I just didnt’t do them enough, but I think it’s more of a mental thing.

 

1 hour ago, JustThinkingAloud said:

Maybe try to get the first one out of the way and then do the more exciting things on the second or third go. Also when you're young and it's a new relationship it's quite normal. I think it's actually a compliment, it shows that you find her irresistible. 

@JustThinkingAloud Thank you for your advice! Getting the first one out helps but it’s not always possible and kind of leaves me with less energy which makes the experience less enjoyable for both.

When I started having sex I thought it was normal, but that was 10 years ago lol and it never really went away. Only at specific times where I was having really mindful sex and even then the self sabotaging thought appeared in my mind now and then.

I think I conditioned myself through bad masturbation habits and now there’s always some performance anxiety.