How to feel understood and make everyone happy at the same time?

[DanTheLurker]

Hello,

I'm gonna tell you how I feel right know and after that I'm gonna give some specifics.

I'm in a very emotionally taxing life stage right now. I finished college, got my first (well paying job), moved across the country, got into a committed relationship, starting my business next month and overall changing my life for the better.

But... 

I feel like nobody understands what I'm going through right know and how hard it is to make everyone happy. I feel like people don't understand that I'm trying my best not to let anything to fall off my plate.

Every person I know got mad in some way at me for not doing something that I was "supposed" to do, yet no one is asking if I need help, no one is asking me if I'm in a tough time and if that's why I didn't do that something that I was supposed to do. What I get is a "just fix it" attitude. Everybody thinks I'm just being selfish for not meeting their expectations.

I work night shifts. My sleep schedule is fucked up until my body adapts. My girlfriend's schedule is the exact opposite to mine. We have to make great efforts and be flexible to see each other. I need to practice my craft, yet 10 hours are already gone with my job. By still making arrangements from the move to another city, having a night shift schedule, starting a new business, trying to take care of my health, practicing my craft and doing chores,  I have limited time with my friends.

The following usually happens for example:

Girlfriend is happy. Practicing my craft. Meal prepping. Gym. Starting biz..... Friends become mad I don't call. Family the same.

If I try to do all of the above + meeting family and friends expectations, my health suffers. No time for gym and sacrificing sleep, which decreases my job performance and increases my irritability.

I try to get my sleep back on track. I leave the dishes pilling up without me wanting to. My roommate gets mad. Says I shouldn't be that busy that I don't have time for this. Again, I get frustrated that nobody gives me a break and nobody asks if I'm ok. I may get triggered by that from already being irritable due to lack of sleep and then I have to apologize for talking meanly, knowing that he was right about the dishes.

I then try to fix that while also keeping my family and friends happy, my gym routine and sleep schedule going, my girlfriend will get mad that she doesn't get enough attention from me.

I'm really tired of needing to apologize every day to different people.  

Every time I get one plate back and spinning, another one falls off. I don't know what to do and how to make people understand how hard this is for me and how I'm not doing it intentionally.  Every time this happens and I explain they tell me that what I say are just excuses that are not valid or that I'm either too self centered or not self centered enough. 

They tell me: No sleep? Say no more often. Saying no more often? You're being self centered. Meeting gf and friends... Why haven't you practiced your craft and going to the gym? Take more time for yourself.

This is becoming really frustrating. I try not to vent to anyone because everybody has their problems and I try to bring value into every relationship, not leech energy from people. Although, not having anybody understand you makes you salty and that again is not good either.

What do you guys think about this?  What can I do in this situation? Also, what the hell am I doing wrong? I think I'm doing my best.

Thank you in advance.

Edited August 8, 2019 by DanTheLurker

[Gili Trawangan]

My two cents: you have to understand that if people judge you that is THEIR problem. But if you let that judgment get to you then it becomes YOUR problem. See how this works?

I'd say be unapologetic about your life.

[JustThinkingAloud]

I consider everyone selfish and good relationships are the ones that both parties benefit from. Once someone starts losing, it goes all wrong. If you want to keep good relationships with others, you need to give as much as you get and they need to give as much as they get. At this moment, you’re way too busy to do what they expect you to do and there’s no problem with it if it’s a short term situation. I’d ask others to let me do what I need to do and promise them that once it’s over, I’ll make up for everything and then I’d deliver on the promise. You can also try to come up with different arrangements that would work for both parties.

If this is not a short term situation, you might have to do some adjustments. What do you want more? Do you really need to do that much to get what you want? If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll probably lose these relationships but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’d prefer few quality relationships than a lot of superficial ones. Also, think of your physical and mental health, can you keep living life like this and keep yourself healthy? Stress can be a very dangerous thing.