Do i need to be more open and loving?

[Truthority]

Sorry everyone. 

I kind of came here guns blazing. 

I think I was looking for attention. And I think i have been quite lonely… well alone. You know what i mean. I love being alone but a part of me wants to connect. 

I wanted to appear as some kind of granddaddy of reality. 

It is all fake and i know the wise ones saw right through this shit show. 

This is a special place. 

I don’t want to make it less beautiful. 

My full time job is… well this really. I wake up in my beautiful home. 

Life is perfect. 

I do my spiritual practise. Moods come and go. Sometimes I am exhausted but I wake up every day at the same time to do my practise and then work and eat and read and nap and go out and play and do my music practise and spiritual practise again and then eat dinner and unwind and read and sleep. I never see anyone or talk to anyone except sometimes my mother calls to see if I'm still alive. 

Thought i would add this forum to my afternoon to get a little connection. 

I suck with people. 

I’m even worse than Leo. 

I love myself. I’m probably the greatest musician and artist alive but I am selfish so I keep it all to myself. Charging the batteries. 
Last year I visited 20+ countries...

I’m fucked up too and completely mad. 

A real god damned devil but the fallen angel kind. 

Few years ago i paid a “soul plumber” in LA $2000 for one hour skype session to fix my energy issues. 

I have a recording of it so if you wanna hear it, let me know. 

He said i was brutally murdered in my past life and was a pirate or highwayman of some kind and that there were 5 curses on my mother’s side and I have 16 guardian angels which is unusually high. 

Have no idea if it was bullshit or not. 

I was lost and just went all in. 

Anyways, I am here now. 

Writing this.

Maybe all writing is a desperate plea to commune with the divine. 

Love you all

[Gili Trawangan]

Welcome to the forum. I think everyone has moments of loneliness, I'm not all that good with people either. But hey, that too can change, nothing is written in stone, I don't have to tell you about the illusion of ego.

Anyway, enjoy your time around here.

[Rigel]

Don't act like a victim. If you want to be alone then be it and if not then go out.

Keep it humble. People generally connect better when you have no need to show off and you don't take yourself so seriously. Even if you are the greatest *blank* alive.(Which is most likely false anyway) It is also keeping you away from truth because ultimately you are everybody so you can't be better then anybody else  

Set truth as your priority.

I could be bullshitting you. So is everybody. Keep walking the path <3 

[laurel]

Maybe join meetup? There are groups you can meditate with. Yoga classes are great too to meet people. Virtual friends are no fun. Okay maybe a little bit fun    But warm hugs always feel good, and you can’t get that online. 

[DrewNows]

2 hours ago, laurel said:

Maybe join meetup? There are groups you can meditate with. Yoga classes are great too to meet people. Virtual friends are no fun. Okay maybe a little bit fun    But warm hugs always feel good, and you can’t get that online. 

+1 

@Truthority There’s a balance, the question is do you want to be more open and loving? Are you afraid to trust others?

This video shows how powerful connection can be for working through limiting beliefs and achieving the unimaginable with support 

 

[ajasatya]

@Truthority Serving is medicine. When was the last time someone looked at you in the eye and said "thank you"?

[JustThinkingAloud]

Welcome!

Just the fact that you made this post shows that you have a loving side. Nobody’s perfect, we all keep learning how to do things better way and this post shows that you want to learn and that’s great! It’s a bit hard in your situation to get it right straight away, keep fine tuning so you’re the way you want to be. All it needs is practice and patience  

I used to have a big problem with being brutally honest and probably still do, I’m slowly learning how to “sugar coat” things and I also realised that not everything has to be said.

[fridjonk]

I enjoy you a lot and would love to see more of you here.

Thanks for sharing this and being honest, from one Scandinavian viking to another  

[Aeris]

21 hours ago, Truthority said:

Sorry everyone. 

I kind of came here guns blazing. 

I think I was looking for attention. And I think i have been quite lonely… well alone. You know what i mean. I love being alone but a part of me wants to connect. 

I wanted to appear as some kind of granddaddy of reality. 

It is all fake and i know the wise ones saw right through this shit show. 

This is a special place. 

I don’t want to make it less beautiful. 

My full time job is… well this really. I wake up in my beautiful home. 

Life is perfect. 

I do my spiritual practise. Moods come and go. Sometimes I am exhausted but I wake up every day at the same time to do my practise and then work and eat and read and nap and go out and play and do my music practise and spiritual practise again and then eat dinner and unwind and read and sleep. I never see anyone or talk to anyone except sometimes my mother calls to see if I'm still alive. 

Thought i would add this forum to my afternoon to get a little connection. 

I suck with people. 

I’m even worse than Leo. 

I love myself. I’m probably the greatest musician and artist alive but I am selfish so I keep it all to myself. Charging the batteries. 
Last year I visited 20+ countries...

I’m fucked up too and completely mad. 

A real god damned devil but the fallen angel kind. 

Few years ago i paid a “soul plumber” in LA $2000 for one hour skype session to fix my energy issues. 

I have a recording of it so if you wanna hear it, let me know. 

He said i was brutally murdered in my past life and was a pirate or highwayman of some kind and that there were 5 curses on my mother’s side and I have 16 guardian angels which is unusually high. 

Have no idea if it was bullshit or not. 

I was lost and just went all in. 

Anyways, I am here now. 

Writing this.

Maybe all writing is a desperate plea to commune with the divine. 

Love you all

Don't worry for the curse it was bs

 

[mkrksms]

Why don’t you wanna share your music? It won’t be any less left for yourself, right?

[Truthority]

2 hours ago, mkrksms said:

Why don’t you wanna share your music? It won’t be any less left for yourself, right?

I'm afraid of becoming famous and success and all that.

I feel like my music is sacred and everyone will just turn it into porn and put me on a cross. 

But my time is coming. 

I know that can hide only so long...

Even these words and posts are bursting with this trapped sun that wants to shine
 

On 8/7/2019 at 6:40 PM, Rigel said:

Don't act like a victim. If you want to be alone then be it and if not then go out.

 

Yeah it feels more like the earth is a victim. And I am the only who can save her. Actually i am writing a novel about this... And I have this opera i wrote last year while doing the pilgrimmage Spain. 
 

21 hours ago, laurel said:

Maybe join meetup? There are groups you can meditate with. Yoga classes are great too to meet people. Virtual friends are no fun. Okay maybe a little bit fun    But warm hugs always feel good, and you can’t get that online. 

God damn it. Just realized now i understand EXACTLY what Leo means when not wanting to do interviews and all that shit. 

I think I was projecting my fears onto him. 

Like that kieran guy said, Shadow stuff.. maybe that's what he meant
 

16 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Truthority Serving is medicine. When was the last time someone looked at you in the eye and said "thank you"?

never. I need to serve more. And feed. Thanks man. Just get bogged down with all these projects you know how it is
 

On 8/7/2019 at 6:40 PM, Rigel said:

Keep it humble. People generally connect better when you have no need to show off and you don't take yourself so seriously. Even if you are the greatest *blank* alive.(Which is most likely false anyway) It is also keeping you away from truth because ultimately you are everybody so you can't be better then anybody else

yeah and Matt Kahn says being polite is the greatest thing.

Humility, politeness, etc... i dont know... it feels so weak to me. Not really my thing. 

I am kind of a performer type. I need to show off. Every sentence. Always want more from the sunset no matter how beautiful it gets

 

When I say I'm the greatest, I truly mean it. 

But I also think you are the greatest and everyone is and life is and blablablaa


i'm gonna watch a movie now
bye
 

[Truthority]

6 hours ago, fridjonk said:

Thanks for sharing this and being honest, from one Scandinavian viking to another 

VIKING POWER

[d0ornokey]

part of the process. continue to be conscious of it and you'll grow from it

[Ampresus]

There is this online musician called Pogo who actually has succeeded in not being taken over by social influence.

https://www.youtube.com/user/Fagottron

His most watched video called “Alice” is constantly praised in the comments as being way ahead of his time. If what you are saying is true, your situation concerning music should be similar to his.

He never signed any deals and makes all his music in his own studio. He explained how, because of not signing to any labels and stuff, the radio won’t play his stuff. Even when it is really popular. 

(Btw I feel you about loneliness... I wish you best of luck. I am still kinda dealing with it)

[mkrksms]

@Truthority Maybe it helps to avoid using your real name and appearance if you’re uncomfortable with being famous.