With A Girl I Feel Unworthy Of

[stephan]

Hey guys, decided to use the forum since leo dosent coach anymore, figurerd alot of like minded people would post here

so i have a little dilema, iv been dating this amazing girl for a couple of months now and its been going well, but i feel as if she is out of my league more and more. i mean, shes super goergoeus (when i walk dt, all the guys stare at her) and shes also a 10 inside... she super kool and interessting, all this may sound fine and dandee but i often catch myself having the thought; "why is she with me?" ... i taught i had fixed these issues inside of me but they seem to be comming back... i mean, i dont think im that much of a catch and theres really cool amazing guys out there, why would she stick with me is beyond me...

im aware that feeling like this (if i continue) will make her pick up on my negative vibe and she will get disinteressted...

 

how do i go about feeling strong and secure inside (feel like a 10)?

i was following RSD for a couple years and fucked a bunch of girls in an attempt to try and feel more masculine and strong inside, but did not work, those underlying feelings are still there

[Ajax]

I have known people like you who feel the don't deserve something or someone. It is usually because the have wronged some people and did things the are not proud of. 

Here is a truth to live by:

"when you deny your conscience, you deny your self"

Your conscience is not something you have it is you. 

When you do wrong, you hurt more than others, you hurt yourself, more specifically you crush your ability to be happy and your ability to believe in yourself. 

First thing first, you must admit that you robbed yourself of your happiness. Then you must develop a high level of integrity which mean you have to create a code of honor that is good and decent and stick to it. You must also nurture your ability to dream and have a vision that you are willing to follow. Finally, knowing that your happiness is determined by your actions directed toward yourself and others,  not by what you have or what has happened to you. 

If you can keep these things with you, I imagine you will be just as fine. 

Good luck my friend. 

[Anna]

You have these thoughts because you judged her as this "amazing, super cool girl". Judgements backfire on you. You feel like you are below her.

Let's be honest: Everything between you and her is going well. Where exactly is the problem? What do you think other guys have, what you don't? Where is your insecurity grounded, what's the root cause?

Watch this video:

All in all I don't think you have to worry. She obviously likes you! Relax and enjoy the time with her.

[FindingPeace]

37 minutes ago, Anna said:

You have these thoughts because you judged her as this "amazing, super cool girl". Judgements backfire on you. You feel like you are below her.

This is the key right here.

38 minutes ago, Anna said:

Let's be honest: Everything between you and her is going well. Where exactly is the problem?

And this.

Why question it. She likes you and doesn't give you any reason to doubt her interest in you. Appreciate her for who she is without putting her on a pedestal. She's a fellow human. You don't need to idolise her then feel inferior. Just accept the realionship for what it is and accept yourself more.

Maybe watch Leo's recent video on 'self-acceptance'. It isn't this girl that's making you feel inferior, you already feel that way inside. And it's most likely because you keep judging yourself and comparing yourself to others. You are you. You have your own great qualities - why else would she be with you? Be proud of being you. Clearly other people accept you, so learn to accept yourself.

 

[stephan]

8 hours ago, stephan said:

Yeah, i did have some consistency actions that i was following to a T but kind of fell off the wagon latly, i will re-commit.

yeah your right, its not her that is doing this to me, im doing it to myself... but seems like im carrying alot of baggage... i mean i feel super insecure, there is no way a relationship with a girl like this can last if i continue to display this wierd vibe. Women pick up on this stuff even if its super subtle... even tho i try to give out the image that everything is fine and dandee (i rty and have fun and show her that im positive) im sure she can sence un-congruence comming off of me and she will probably just start seeking someone that can be relaxed and make her feel comfortable...

Its as if my mind has taking control of me, i feel powerless against it... even tho i dont want to, i keep thinking that this girl is too good for me and that its only a matter of time before she sees "the real me"... and decides to fuck off...

I am tormenting myself with this... its the first time in my life that i found a girl that truly knocks my socks off and its as if im sabotaging my own self to make her go away... 

but i dont want to lose her because i feel as if she is a once in a lifetime thing, honestly, girls like her are soo rare! iv dated alot and nobody even comes close...

@stephan

[charlie2dogs]

8 hours ago, stephan said:

Hey guys, decided to use the forum since leo dosent coach anymore, figurerd alot of like minded people would post here

so i have a little dilema, iv been dating this amazing girl for a couple of months now and its been going well, but i feel as if she is out of my league more and more. i mean, shes super goergoeus (when i walk dt, all the guys stare at her) and shes also a 10 inside... she super kool and interessting, all this may sound fine and dandee but i often catch myself having the thought; "why is she with me?" ... i taught i had fixed these issues inside of me but they seem to be comming back... i mean, i dont think im that much of a catch and theres really cool amazing guys out there, why would she stick with me is beyond me...

im aware that feeling like this (if i continue) will make her pick up on my negative vibe and she will get disinteressted...

 

how do i go about feeling strong and secure inside (feel like a 10)?

i was following RSD for a couple years and fucked a bunch of girls in an attempt to try and feel more masculine and strong inside, but did not work, those underlying feelings are still there

if you dont believe in yourself why should she believe in you

[Richard Alpert]

Youre belief system is fucking you up.

there is no 1-10, there is no value. You have followed too much rsd, that fucked you.

[stephan]

1 hour ago, Anna said:

"Let's be honest: Everything between you and her is going well. Where exactly is the problem? What do you think other guys have, what you don't? Where is your insecurity grounded, what's the root cause?"

Where exactly is the problem: I want to make it last with her, i honestly can say that i would be ready for a long term relationship with her, but i know that if i keep feeling like i dont deserve her, she will pick up on it and get disinteressted and lose attraction for me... If i could "just stop thinking like this" i would of done it already... 

what do i think other guys have that i dont?:

- A care free attitude\

- social ease... (i feel socially awkward alot of the time and feel that its a huge turn off) actually now that i think about it, this might be the thing that makes me feel unworthy of her... I am not socially free around her, thats whats diffrent about her... with girls that i dont really care about i can "just be me" and not give afuck if she likes it or not, but with her, i am despretly trying to make her attracted to me that i "change"... im not me anymore, i check what i say, i try not to do stuff that would turn her off, but i think in the process its actually making things worst... i need to just make my peace with the fact that she may leave, she may not and be ok with it...

But then im thinking... if she leaves me, i may never find another girl like this (and the process starts again) ... i feel confused about the whole thing, its as if dating this calibre of girl is a hole new game... i guess its a good thing in the end no matter what happens because iv been growing real fast and finding answers to alot of stuff latly. 

 

[stephan]

10 minutes ago, charlie2dogs said:

if you dont believe in yourself why should she believe in you

exactly... so how can i believe in myself? it seems that just saying it dosent do the trick... its as if i say it and try to believe it, but deep down i dont believe it...

its that self belif that im looking for... its what i was looking for when i fucked all those other girls... i followed rsd for years to get me to this point: finding the girl of my dreams... but i still dont have that underlying self belif/self confidence...

[charlie2dogs]

you will have to experience the real part of you more and more, it will eliminate your problem.  There is a master within you waiting to awaken and may have already begun to awaken, seek it, and everything else will be fine, as you do you will feel more powerful in your life, more secure.  This is the most simple and most direct answer that i can give you.  Spend more time with the life force within yourself, seek it for knowledge and guidance, ask, seek and it will be given to you if you are faithful to it.

[Anna]

Relax! You are stressing way too much. This feeling of "I can't be 100% me" is quite normal. You want to attract her and that's why you literally do everything even if this is not your natural behaviour.

BUT this is not going to work in longterm.

Accept yourself the way you are. If she doesn't love the "real you" she is not the right woman for you.

[Harry]

@stephan  What you guys are saying is great, but simally telling someone to accept and believe in themselves without any plan of how to do isn't enough.

Here are a few things you can do:

 

1) Sort out your Self-Esteem. Buy the book 'Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' and complete the sentence completion program. 

I guarantee that after this you will feel a inner strength so strong that you will look back and find it ridiculous that you ever questioned that you were good enough.

I used to be so socially awkward that I wouldn't even go to the shop to buy grocerys because I was scared of talking to the casheer. Now, thanks to this book, I have grown to be absolutely fearless when it comes to social interations—so much so that I struggle to understand how I could have ever found it difficult.

But more importantly I feel full inside. Whereas before I felt like there was a bottomless pit where my soul should be, now I know that I'm valuable, worthy of everything I work for—yet I don't feel like I need anything or anyone to be happy. 

 

2) Meditate daily. Get out of your head and into your body. 

 

3)  Whenever you get a feeling that you are 'not good enough' grab a pen and paper and follow your thought processes. Once you get to the root of this feeling of inadequacy you will see it's illusary nature. 

 

Good luck Stephan.

[cly]

@Ajax sounds like some good advice...and concise.  Wisdom that sounds like it comes from some lived experience.

[Ajax]

 Thank you, @cly your kind words are most touching.

I have learned that one should not only learn from their experiences and try not to repeat them but they must actually look even deeper for hidden truths. It is actually these truths that subtract or add quality to your life and many of your experiences are actually repeats from lessons learned or not learned from these very subtle but powerful truths that are hidden from view. That is how you shave years off of your experience.

I wish so much love and blessings your way, cly... take care.

[Natasha]

@stephan Better to find someone you feel comfortable with. 

[ndalian]

12 hours ago, Harry said:

@stephan  What you guys are saying is great, but simally telling someone to accept and believe in themselves without any plan of how to do isn't enough.

Here are a few things you can do:

 

1) Sort out your Self-Esteem. Buy the book 'Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' and complete the sentence completion program. 

I guarantee that after this you will feel a inner strength so strong that you will look back and find it ridiculous that you ever questioned that you were good enough.

I used to be so socially awkward that I wouldn't even go to the shop to buy grocerys because I was scared of talking to the casheer. Now, thanks to this book, I have grown to be absolutely fearless when it comes to social interations—so much so that I struggle to understand how I could have ever found it difficult.

But more importantly I feel full inside. Whereas before I felt like there was a bottomless pit where my soul should be, now I know that I'm valuable, worthy of everything I work for—yet I don't feel like I need anything or anyone to be happy. 

 

2) Meditate daily. Get out of your head and into your body. 

 

3)  Whenever you get a feeling that you are 'not good enough' grab a pen and paper and follow your thought processes. Once you get to the root of this feeling of inadequacy you will see it's illusary nature. 

 

Good luck Stephan.

I agree with @stephan. You definitely need a plan. Don't ask yourself why she is with you. Ask why do YOU question it. You don't believe that your a men of value thus all the doubt. Doesn't meter why she likes you. More importantly why don't you like yourself?

I actually been in the same boat in the past. I was dating a girl that I felt was waaay out of my league. I was questioning why she liked me and why was she with me, And it got out of control I grew more and more insecure, I started being more possessive of her, because I felt like someone else will come better looking and  still her away from me. So eventually she dumped me. I was devastated, but not surprised. After long 2 years I finally got to realisation that I didn't love myself and that portrayed on to her. I came to a conclusion that it doesn't meter who you with. Really it doesn't at all. All that meters is that you have to love yourself more then anybody else and you will feel fulfilled and valued.

 

I have an interesting proposition for you. You can take up on this advise or not up to you.

Take a brake from your current relationship and see how your mind reacts to it. You will feel like you have lost something of value to you and you would constantly want to get back together again. But instead take some time to work on your self esteem and self growth. Think about things you want to achieve. Maybe you want to learn a new skill, read interesting books or start playing a sport. Concentrate on thing you'd enjoy doing on your own. By that of course I mean eudemonic things  Thing of high value. Eventually you'll see that your self esteem has grown.

[Will]

@stephan For me its a sign your not challenging yourself enough.. your probably floating a lil bit too much.. time to step up and challeng yourself more.. does not have to be much but each day you will feel your progressing and you want worry anymore  because she lucky to be with a guy who is getting a lil better every day...

[rikkefriismose]

@stephan, I see many of the advice you have already got as great ones. 

In addition, I would question the limiting belief, "I am not good enough", you have if I was you (and I know how it is; I have It myself myself). Has anyone ever told you? When did your body learn that you are not good enough? What has happened? Do one of your parents feel the same way about themselves? Is it everything of yourself which is not good enough, or is it a specific part of your personality/skills?  Why is it that you feel this way about yourself concerning this specific part of you? When do you think about yourself as not good enough?

[Emerald]

On 5/5/2016 at 11:55 PM, stephan said:

Hey guys, decided to use the forum since leo dosent coach anymore, figurerd alot of like minded people would post here

so i have a little dilema, iv been dating this amazing girl for a couple of months now and its been going well, but i feel as if she is out of my league more and more. i mean, shes super goergoeus (when i walk dt, all the guys stare at her) and shes also a 10 inside... she super kool and interessting, all this may sound fine and dandee but i often catch myself having the thought; "why is she with me?" ... i taught i had fixed these issues inside of me but they seem to be comming back... i mean, i dont think im that much of a catch and theres really cool amazing guys out there, why would she stick with me is beyond me...

im aware that feeling like this (if i continue) will make her pick up on my negative vibe and she will get disinteressted...

 

how do i go about feeling strong and secure inside (feel like a 10)?

i was following RSD for a couple years and fucked a bunch of girls in an attempt to try and feel more masculine and strong inside, but did not work, those underlying feelings are still there

Now, I can only speak from my perspective. She may be different than me. But when I like a guy enough to date him, I have to really like him. But it's not particular traits that I like about a man that makes me attracted to him. Nor is it having the highest number of good traits or anything like that. It's a lot more unquantifiable than that. A man could be Rico Suave and I could have zero interest in him. Another man could be average and light up the world for me. A man could be super intelligent, wealthy, and charming and I have no attraction to him. Another man could be average in these areas and I'm attracted to him. Certainly, particulars like these are major factors in determining whether or not to pursue an attraction. But the attraction itself is completely non-linear, non-logical, and comes basically completely out of nowhere. It's a cupid's arrow. The emotion is either there, or is not there. Given that she's already dating you, the emotion is probably there. A good litmus test is how her friends act toward you. I've noticed in myself and my female friends, women love talking to their friends about the guy that they like. It's like a favorite topic of discussion, because the emotions are very strong. Again, this may not apply to her... but most women I've met operate in this way. So, don't worry about the particulars too much, unless self-improvement is your thing.

But I would suggest communicating your feelings about this to her. She will certainly pick up on the negativity and may even feel that you're not interested in her if you keep it to yourself. Be a straight shooter but also keep up an air of being unaffected by strong emotion. You can even use your honesty to create more romance and intimacy through allowing yourself to be vulnerable in her presence. Like, sit down with her, put your arms around her, tell her how amazing and beautiful she is. Subtly take the lead and create a mood that allows both of you to get very relaxed and cuddly. Then say something to the nature of "Can I be honest with you?" Make fun of yourself for being a softie, so that you seem like you're less of a softie... oddly enough, this works for remaining unafflicted by emotion because it shows that you're emotionally strong enough to engage in self-deprecating humor. Not taking yourself too seriously. Then unflinchingly and cool-headedly look her in the eyes and tell her that because she's so amazing, you don't know what she sees in you. But that you're very glad that she's yours. Short, sweet, and to the point.

If the seed of attraction toward you is there in the way that I described in the first paragraph, she'll melt all over the place and this type of honesty will allow the relationship to deepen naturally. This will take away a lot of your insecurity because it will bring you and her closer together. So, you won't see her as "that amazing girl who I can't believe is giving me the time of day." You'll just see her as she is; another human being like yourself.