Offending People

[supremeyingyang]

EDIT: THANK YOU, MOD

I feel that there is a huge social component to the Path Actualization.

It is easy to offend people without the Intention to do that as someone who is on the Path of Actualization. People get the Impression that you want to be better than them, which makes them insecure. They get offended and act to get you down on their level.

Should one be bold? Or should one hide one's light under a bushel? Or should one act diplomatic?

I know this is a Question that can't be answered once for all occasions, but what do you think?

Edited August 4, 2019 by supremeyingyang
wrong discussion

[Apparition of Jack]

I, too, struggle with this. I'm keen to see what others have to say.

[Truth Addict]

Be who you are. Don't care what people think.

[Omni]

You should be fluid, each situation and interaction requires a different tool within your toolkit. As with all challenges, this is surely one of them. Learning to recognize the patterns and signals people send is necessary. There is no one size fits all.

[Elham]

Maybe it's about you! Maybe it's not about them! Maybe your attitude impulse such feeling on others!

Maybe I used the word "maybe" alot 

Seriously, I think your behaviour should be in a way to attract people toward self actualization! And if people still resist and hate you, well, its not your fault. 

For me it's black and white! People either hate me or love me!! No middle feeling 

[XYZ]

No matter how clear and concise you express yourself, or not, others wills till react emotionally to you. You have no control over other people's feelings, and most often an emotional reaction is entirely subjective, it reflects someone's own feelings and has nothing to do with you or what you've said. 

I like to remind people to listen to the content of my words and distinguish it from their own feelings. But then they just emotionally react to accusing them of being emotionally reactive. 

Other people's feelings are not my responsibility, sounds harsh but that's the case here. You can know when you're saying certain things that might come off as hurtful or offensive, but even things that sound plan text devoid of emotional meaning to me trigger huge tantrums from people. There's no way to predict or control it, so fuck it, I don't care. I readily acknowledge when I've been emotionally reactive myself, as I'm never completely immune to it all the time, no matter how conscious my baseline is, still can be caught off guard getting hurt or offended because of emotional content I projected onto others' words.

[XYZ]

Needing to be socially graceful is also limiting though. The stress of pussyfooting around other people's feelings far outweighs that of pissing people off, hurting their feelings or scaring them.

Facts over emotions, say it like it is, Mister Don't Giva Fuck is more my style. What often happens is that by being direct you cut through so much distraction and bullshit you avoid petty social games and end up connecting with people you resonate with well and share your ideas. 

 

[supremeyingyang]

Thanks for the responses.

The more shorter Truism from Truth Adict and Omni made me feel angry. I think it is more difficult.

Joseph Maynors Answer resonated with me. It's about interpersonal development work.

XYZ is right by saying that you can't make it right for everyone every time.

Elham maybe you are right;D I think you are exactly right. If you tried all you can, you are done.

Edited August 4, 2019 by supremeyingyang

[Shadowraix]

There is a balance to be had with caring about how other people feel and your own objectives. Remember those people are literally you. To not care is to create separation. You can try discussing something to someone but if your words are just deterring them from what you actually are trying to accomplish then it's probably best to drop it. You gotta meet people where they are at to resonate with them. 

[RickyBalboa]

Great question! I think many of us are struggling with this. From my limited experience and understanding it feels like a losing battle. The question is not if you are going to lose, but how. But I understanding that those losses are all relative to my expectations and goals going into a situation.

My most recent habits around meeting people have been just listening intently to what people have to say and asking lots of questions. Sometimes it becomes difficult because it seems sometimes you are talking to copy of a person you've met many times. Sometimes you know what people are going to say before it even comes out their mouth. I just see it as a test of patience. It's a relief when you run into someone who's actually actively challenging their own beliefs whilst answering rather than reciting a story of a story of a story they told themselves a long time ago. I actually feel myself growing when having these types of conversations. But like I said they don't happen consistently.

The most productive attitude for me is to be open to hearing everyone speak whilst keeping emotional consistency. Don't let yourself become triggered and don't purposefully trigger anyone who you can tell is going to have a strong reaction to your opinions. The name of the game is understand more people and get better at reading what level of development they are at and engage them properly. 

These aren't going to be my rudiments for life, but seems to be the best I can do for myself and others at this particular moment in time. I'm sure my approaches will become more effective and nuanced as time goes on. 

 

Edited August 5, 2019 by RickyBalboa

[supremeyingyang]

5 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

You can try discussing something to someone but if your words are just deterring them from what you actually are trying to accomplish then it's probably best to drop it. You gotta meet people where they are at to resonate with them. 

My Problem is not that I want to discuss something, people come to me. You see?  And I talk not about Spirituality to them. Just the Basics, really Stage Orange or Green Methods like 'This is your Problem? Do that Method or read that Book' or 'Try some Yoga'. Or, I should say, Basics for me.

 

5 hours ago, RickyBalboa said:

The most productive attitude for me is to be open to hearing everyone speak whilst keeping emotional consistency. Don't let yourself become triggered and don't purposefully trigger anyone who you can tell is going to have a strong reaction to your opinions. The name of the game is understand more people and get better at reading what level of development they are at and engage them properly.

I think one has to slow down. As I think about it, it gets worse if I'm in a hurry like these days, I think a trigger at the right time is necessary.. there is even a Buddhist Sect who blames his (more developed) Students purpossfully out of the blue to get them to Enlightenment. It's a method to destroy the Ego's Defense.

I don't want to listen all day like a wise man or something (cus' I have to learn myself), I need peers..

[Shadowraix]

4 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

My Problem is not that I want to discuss something, people come to me. You see?  And I talk not about Spirituality to them. Just the Basics, really Stage Orange or Green Methods like 'This is your Problem? Do that Method or read that Book' or 'Try some Yoga'. Or, I should say, Basics for me.

Why do many gurus speak in riddles? You might find an answer there. If they come to the conclusion themselves, who else do they have to blame?

[supremeyingyang]

I just discovered another Technique. Instead of saying this is wrong, do that! You ask Questions. This is good for Situation there you can't be blunt or the Person is not ready.

[Truth Addict]

10 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

This attitude is good for personal development work, not so good for interpersonal development work.  

Yeah, I don't care about that 

(Right now).

[RickyBalboa]

@supremeyingyang Precisely. The questions aren't always necessarily for YOU to gain information from but to get them to shine the light on parts of the big picture they are neglecting. You are basically pointing out their blind spots strategically. You can dodge their emotional outbursts directed at you if you are really smooth.

Sometimes you can see the discomfort wash over them as their egos fight to maintain their original position but can't when it becomes glaringly obvious that its an unsustainable point of view when bringing other factors into play. 

i find this especially amusing because I can recognize myself in those moments. Moments in the past where there was a distinct moment where I figured out I was wrong in a conversation but I tried to play it off like I wasn't to save myself embarrassment. I'm thankful I am able to see that in myself now whenever it may arise. 

[JustThinkingAloud]

Unfortunately, most of the people don’t like being wrong. I’m still learning how to put across my ideas but generally I’ve given up on sharing unless someone specifically asks for it and even then I have to be careful not to bruise their “ego”. None of my friends are fully into personal development but they know that I am so most of the time we just casually joke about it. I usually try to suggest ideas rather than tell them that they are wrong or what to do. I’m a strong believer of karma so if they don’t listen it’s their bad luck.

[hamedsf]

you are the trident gum man

[supremeyingyang]

11 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Yeah, I don't care about that 

(Right now).

Legit. Take your time:)

11 hours ago, RickyBalboa said:

I find this especially amusing because I can recognize myself in those moments.

Yeah, its easy to forget where one is coming from && its even easier to see the flaws of another person

8 hours ago, JustThinkingAloud said:

None of my friends are fully into personal development but they know that I am so most of the time we just casually joke about it. I usually try to suggest ideas rather than tell them that they are wrong or what to do. I’m a strong believer of karma so if they don’t listen it’s their bad luck.

Like Lord Jamar said: Some people take pride in being ignorant. But for the record I'm not that far into Spirituality at the moment. I vaguely like the daoist tradition, paganism and feng shui. But I read satanists like La Vey or Christians like Anselm Grün.  How can this not fuck up people? Everyone would think that can't be a match. But I don't care as long as I feel it

8 hours ago, hamedsf said:

you are the trident gum man

what?

[supremeyingyang]

I went to a new Barber Shop today to get my beard shaved (just look at my picture, lol). Had a conversation with a young Barber at Stage Red. He's into debt (or tells that to get more tip). I didn't met such a person for a while. Rude, Arrogant and Cocky - but cool and sympathetic as well. Puts my struggle into Perspective. I used to hang out with a lot reddish people.

Now I'm a little bit grateful for the Orange/Green people that I have. Do you feel it?

[LastThursday]

Offence is in the eye of the beholder. But don't go out of your way to offend, it's not nice. And if you offend by accident, then surely just apologise?

Even an Enlightened one can have manners. Tread lightly in the world, don't blunder heavy footed through it.