Friendship+ With Exgirlfriend

[Fighter30]

A month or so my girlfriend broke up with me even though she still has felleings for me and i have feelings for her. 2 weeks after we broke up she came to my place to get her stuff. She instantly tried to get close to me and her intensions were pretty obvious. so we had sex and it was not the only time since the brakup. on sunday we were in the park and it was really nice we were enjoying the sun and cuddeling and kissing. It was like when we first dated i felt. Tomorrow i have a date with another girl and i dont know what to do. Also im trying self actualisation and working hard on so many problems right now and i think the best thing for me right now would be beeing single to work on my problems. If im ending up sleeping with the other girl its gonna feel like cheating to me even tho she broke up with me. My plan is to tell her if things get serious with the other girl or even if we have sex. 

The other option im considiring right now is to try again to talk to my ex and sort things out / get back together and sound deperate. This is not really an option i guess. But i still want to have sex with her, but i dont want to feel like a cheater.

Any ideas or help? Is there an obvious third option?

[Corte]

I think your question would be more appropriate on a website like yahoo answers or something like eharmony. My advice is pretty simple:

1. End things with the girl who left (no more fucking)

2. Don't be so quick to date again (once more, no fucking) 

3. Spend some time alone, put some time in on those problems you mentioned. 

 

[Fighter30]

Thats some really good advice and im gonna seriously think about doing what you said. 

This all sounded like a clueless teenager to you i guess. Because you said this does not belong here!? 

And your probably right. Im not proud of myself. I dont know ....this situation is just wired to me because i have never been in this kind of a situation.

 

[cly]

End it with the x.

That's my recommendation.

Just give each other infrequent email updates if you must stay connected...No text, no calls, if you want to move on.

Be strong with regard to the temptation!  

Personally, if I am starting out something new with a guy, and I find out later on down the line he had some unfinished business during the start of our falling for each other, that sucks!!! It sort of tarnishes the beginning and the future, depending on the details...I may be a bit self absorbed or something else, but I want a guy to think of me after we start out, and be yearning, missing and fantasizing for me. I don't want him satisfying his sexual or emotional needs with someone else. This may just be me, but I say this based on experience. Once it's too late you can't have the beginning time back ever again. Make it meaningful.

[Ajax]

Yes, I agree with the two above me.

You don't want to be a yo-yo going up and down. Cut the string.  Or you will continue to feel the pain and uncertainty. Uncertainty will make you go insane... you need to separate and heal or you won't get better...you will get worse.

[Natura Sonoris]

@Fighter30

Best advice i can give you is do the thing as @Corte said, do not see her and do not date for a while. I will tell you why you should do this and this comes from personal experience :

When you start relationship with someone, you always get attracted by certain attributes of that person. Now the thing is that you always attract something that you think you do possibly do not have in order to feel satisfied. This does not apply only with our relationships but our lives in general. We are constantly thinking : If i only had this,that etc.

The truth is and this is hard to admit, that you are unhappy with your life and you are filling the emotional voids with that other person. In the beginning, this is not obvious because you are in love and emotions mask it. But after while, you see that relationship goes sour and it did not turn out to be what you thought. And this happens all the time and it will always happen.

What you need to do now is question yourself : Why i needed this person (your girlfriend) to feel happy ? Why i strongly believe i will be happy if i am with that person. If you answer is love, sex or something like that, you should go deeper. You should discover your root cause why you need that person in your life what you cant give yourself.

The reason why i am telling you this is because if you do not do this, your next relationship will end in same way. People never question themselves after they break up with other person because of lack of emotional intelligence and they just let their emotions fuck them. If you question this what i told you and you are being honest with yourself, you should realize how selfish you are in a way. But, in reality, all human beings are selfish but if you discover where your selfishness comes from, and mostly it is grounded with emotion of fear (that's is why no one wants to admit to themselves how selfish they are and they see it is just easier to blame other person), you will learn how to love.

This video perfectly sums this up :

 

I started watching Leo's videos after i broke up with gf. After watching some really deep videos that really resonated with me, i saw how i selfish i was. That's why i did not date for 2 years. The work on myself gave me what i thought i needed other person to provide me. So my best advice and if you are wise you will do the right thing, work on yourself to become a better person that can first love himself and be totally independent of others and you will attract someone on your level and that relationship can be something really deep rather than being emotional parasite. Of course, there will be some swings but that's what life is all about.