Crippling doubt leads to existential fear

[tatsumaru]

I've had this problem for a while where I realize that all goals are empty and are just a perspective and whenever I listen to Leo I kind of feel this hollowness inside which reminds me that there is nothing at all to hold on to and this triggers feelings of crippling doubt and existential fear that can sometimes bring me to my knees. I learned to deal with them by brushing them aside but I feel that I am not addressing the issue properly. Basically any conclusion that I make about life is always followed by inner doubt. I notice something in my life and I decide it's an insight - immediately I hear inside "but what if that's not true", then I rationalize that it's experience and therefore it's pragmatic to trust it since there's nothing else I can trust (but then there's the voice - "what if there is nothing at all that you can trust..."). I always have this with me and sometimes it's overwhelming. This never leads to anything other than heavy psychological stress and suffering. I don't see the value in it and it's just making it too hard to enjoy life. Isn't there a way to transcend this and trust something, maybe your own inspiration or whatever? After all you can paralyze yourself with doubt and there's no value in this - you can watch the door and wonder is there really a door, but then what is a door, but then what is a concept and finally you realize doubt just leads to more doubt and it doesn't lead anywhere. One thought leads to another thought. The fact that no one in society seems to care about these things doesn't help either. Makes me feel isolated like some disconnected confused node in a network that is not functioning properly. Like a bug in the matrix. What to do, what to do...

Edited July 31, 2019 by tatsumaru

[Fishy]

Try to accept that you really can't know anything for sure anyways. 99% is really assumptions.  When you try to accept this notice the feelings and sensations that arise with it. Try to feel it as much as u can in the body and stay present with it. 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, tatsumaru said:

I've had this problem for a while

Try to consider you are not having ‘the same’ problem for a while (though of course it seems so), but rather are recreating it each time. It’s a sneaky thing, but look for it. We are designed to do this creating lightening fast. It happens right under our noses. Break it down in Godspeed. (Veeerrrryyyy slow & patient)    @cetus56♥️

where I realize that all goals are empty

They are no more full or empty than they ever were, it’s you “filling them up”. 

and are just a perspective

Maybe worth considering...Awareness is directly aware of thoughts, and of perception but not directly aware of perspective. Perspective is created in mixing thought & perception, resulting in the creation of suffering, similar to the mixing of thought & sensation. 

and whenever I listen to Leo I kind of feel this hollowness inside which reminds me that there is nothing at all to hold on to and this triggers feelings of crippling doubt and existential fear that can sometimes bring me to my knees.

Get this stuff out of your head and in front of your eyes so your eyes can see it, and the mind can understand it. It can be very shocking how much clarity arises when we actually manifest the details out of the abyss. There can then be perception which is easier to recognize clarity in than the ‘inner world’ mixing. 

I learned to deal with them by brushing them aside

Not trying to beat up on ya, but reconsider that. Arguably, the path is directly into the sensations. What you are brushing aside, is the guidance within you “of the higher self”. Thinking pales in comparison, and is unfortunately most offer entirely false and counter to sensations. It can be hard to listen to the sensations, but in doing so, everything changes - and prior misunderstandings / mixing is revealed. 

but I feel that I am not addressing the issue properly. Basically any conclusion that I make about life is always followed by inner doubt. I notice something in my life and I decide it's an insight - immediately I hear inside "but what if that's not true", then I rationalize that it's experience and therefore it's pragmatic to trust it since there's nothing else I can trust (but then there's the voice - "what if there is nothing at all that you can trust..."). I always have this with me and sometimes it's overwhelming. This never leads to anything other than heavy psychological stress and suffering. I don't see the value in it and it's just making it too hard to enjoy life. Isn't there a way to transcend this and trust something, maybe your own inspiration or whatever?

Yes, speaking loosely in a model sense, intuition is tier two, and thinking is tier one. In prior generations ignoring one’s own sensations was pretty survival justifiable. In this generation we get to clean up the internal mess, but, what a gift we’re not visiting the beaches of Normandy, you know?

It s the sensation it self you should trust imo, but it takes time to relearn the relationship between sensation & thoughts, time to even begin to recognize the correlations. Very worthwhile. There’s a full circle in it, resulting in large part, to neither...again, in an authenticity route if you will, in a tier one and two sense. The ‘work’ of this is typically to see the untruth’s of how we filed away experiences of the past. See Byron Katie. Then there is the ‘sitting with it’ / not suppressing, avoiding, or ‘running away’ / distracting ourselves. See Rupert Spira. This dispels so much falsity, tension, contraction, health issues, etc, etc. There is often the outcome of ‘being’ ‘now’, realizing things like ‘you never move’. Profound peace, no more fear, lots of ‘presence’. See Eckhart Tolle. He’s got now on lockdown. Lol. The “value” of all this, of doing the inspection work, the embodiment / surrender get / purification... is the shocking discovery you are the creator of your own reality. Life is the best of both worlds so to speak in this actuality. See Ester Hicks. (I neglected to mention Leo in the assumption you are well aware of the all encompassing breadth & power of his work) 

After all you can paralyze yourself with doubt and there's no value in this

Admittedly from a different vantage point, but, I beg to differ. What stands to be discovered, the “value” of your suffering...is the actual love of God. Literally. Again, worthwhile indeed! 

- you can watch the door and wonder is there really a door, but then what is a door, but then what is a concept and finally you realize doubt just leads to more doubt and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Yes...but as the infinity regress cyclical nature of the fruitless-ness of thought is realized, and suffering nonetheless continues...this “leads to” the exploration of the “connection” with the ‘higher self’ which is initially (typically) sensations. This alignment is arguably the greatest feeling in the universe, is you, is the universe, and is also transcendent to all of these, and is everlasting, unharmable, untarnishable, and unbelievable. (That’s the catch, if you will. Unthinkable, unbelievable, unimaginable, very literally - one must inspect within to “access” this.)

One thought leads to another thought.

Not true. It does seem so, but if you ‘shine the light of awareness’ on thoughts, you can begin to discover one thought is not related in any way to the prior, or next thought. There’s a thought ‘wash hands’, a thought ‘ dry hands’...seems so obvious that they are connected that I probably sound crazy right now...but inspect enough, and you’ll see there is an assumption at play...that they “connection” of the thoughts....is actually just thoughts...of which the content implies there is a separate self, a “me” which is not the universe “in this body”. Explore the fear, to realize you create it. It becomes impossible to experience, in awareness you must create it to experience it, as you always were creating it - it was just happening uninspected / a priori. 

The fact that no one in society seems to care about these things doesn't help either.

I think it was Alan Watts who said something like - on the path, culture is not your friend. Paradoxically, in the journey of the inspections & realizations mentioned above, society was always a gift for you, and you for it...a “present”, if you will. 

Makes me feel

No one, no thing, no situation, no circumstance - makes you feel. Inspect that ‘mixing’. There is a full circle here to...sensations, feelings, experience...universe makes it so, not the least but by accident nor randomness. This is the greatest adventure possible, and you are already on it. 

isolated like some disconnected confused node in a network that is not functioning properly.

Confusion is a great, great sign. Some just stay at the radio station of suffering....some get on the path and begin to move that dial....there’s static (confusion) in between the stations. Imo, you are actually amount the bravest of humans in all of history in exploring these things, and yourself. Every living thing for eternity benefits from your efforts. 

Like a bug in the matrix. What to do, what to do...

See outside the matrix...”meet” the architect for yourself...realize you indeed sir are the one. Then jack back in and pay it forward. 

 

[JustThinkingAloud]

It’s about what is “real” to you. Are you thoughts real to you, are your emotions real to you, are your actions real to you? That’s all it matters.

[ajasatya]

@tatsumaru You feel empty when you listen to Leo but Leo himself is extremely driven.

You're free to choose something to do with your life. Your freedom is what scares you.

[tatsumaru]

22 hours ago, Fishy said:

Try to accept that you really can't know anything for sure anyways. 99% is really assumptions.  When you try to accept this notice the feelings and sensations that arise with it. Try to feel it as much as u can in the body and stay present with it. 

Well if there's no certainty, then how do you define Truth? What is real?

 

22 hours ago, Nahm said:

Try to consider you are not having ‘the same’ problem for a while (though of course it seems so), but rather are recreating it each time. It’s a sneaky thing, but look for it. We are designed to do this creating lightening fast. It happens right under our noses. Break it down in Godspeed. (Veeerrrryyyy slow & patient)    @cetus56♥️

It does seem possible that I am recreating it, but isn't this because there is some unresolved issue, like a festering wound that needs healing? What is the value of recreating these pains? I feel like I have an inherent need to find out what is going on, that I was born with, and that there are no answers anywhere, and this is driving me crazy... I went to India a couple years ago to seek some answers from a master, but I found the teaching incomplete. It was intended to show that THIS is the nature of reality (THIS being the experience of awareness) and while this was helpful I don't consider this any sort of enlightenment (even though many do) because it doesn't explain anything it just provides a sanctuary from Ego.

22 hours ago, Nahm said:

Get this stuff out of your head and in front of your eyes so your eyes can see it, and the mind can understand it. It can be very shocking how much clarity arises when we actually manifest the details out of the abyss. There can then be perception which is easier to recognize clarity in than the ‘inner world’ mixing. 

How does one do this?

22 hours ago, Nahm said:

Yes, speaking loosely in a model sense, intuition is tier two, and thinking is tier one. In prior generations ignoring one’s own sensations was pretty survival justifiable. In this generation we get to clean up the internal mess, but, what a gift we’re not visiting the beaches of Normandy, you know?

Are you saying that it's only possible for certain generations to become enlightened? E.g. early hominids could not wake up? What about all of the sages, buddhas etc who lived during times of much turmoil and hardship etc.

22 hours ago, Nahm said:

It s the sensation it self you should trust imo, but it takes time to relearn the relationship between sensation & thoughts, time to even begin to recognize the correlations.

What is IT that allows us to trust spirit/intuition/sensation is it simply a choice that we make because we are to tired to suffer thinking or is there some light that is shining that dispels confusion and uncertainty and that you can rely upon to guide you in life? I watched a video from Sadhguru in which he explained that it's important to start with the realization that what you don't know you don't know and go back to your own experience which made a lot of sense. But then I was reading the crazy vajrayana buddhism stuff where they say that your six senses (the sixth one being the intellect) cannot be trusted at all and that life is not real and cannot show you who you are (and I became confused again).

22 hours ago, Nahm said:

Confusion is a great, great sign. Some just stay at the radio station of suffering....some get on the path and begin to move that dial....there’s static (confusion) in between the stations. Imo, you are actually amount the bravest of humans in all of history in exploring these things, and yourself. Every living thing for eternity benefits from your efforts. 

Thank you for the encouraging words. Gurdjieff once said: "Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo."

[Nahm]

36 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

It does seem possible that I am recreating it, but isn't this because there is some unresolved issue, like a festering wound that needs healing? What is the value of recreating these pains? I feel like I have an inherent need to find out what is going on, that I was born with, and that there are no answers anywhere, and this is driving me crazy... I went to India a couple years ago to seek some answers from a master, but I found the teaching incomplete. It was intended to show that THIS is the nature of reality (THIS being the experience of awareness) and while this was helpful I don't consider this any sort of enlightenment (even though many do) because it doesn't explain anything it just provides a sanctuary from Ego.

In this ‘recreation process’, you’re conscious of some, and some is happening subconsciously. So it probably seems like it’s both within your control, and reoccurring outside of your control, and given the lengths you’ve went to for resolve, I can see where that adds up to driving ya nuts. . The resolve is awareness of, or being conscious of, the entire process. 

What you describe sounds to me like it adds up to a reoccurring feeling to rush, or run away / avoid, etc. And that you are believing there is a teaching would could be complete, could provide the ‘explaining of everything’. 

But that’s not really, actually, what you want, imo. What you want, is to feel great. 

36 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

How does one do this?

Inspection of the sensation + thoughts which are equally rush / run / get away / seek the solution. 

36 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

Are you saying that it's only possible for certain generations to become enlightened? E.g. early hominids could not wake up? What about all of the sages, buddhas etc who lived during times of much turmoil and hardship etc.

No, that’s not what was intended, but who cares, right?  It’s not relevant to your feeling better for the long run, and understanding what’s transpiring within you. 

36 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

What is IT that allows us to trust spirit/intuition/sensation is it simply a choice that we make because we are to tired to suffer thinking or is there some light that is shining that dispels confusion and uncertainty and that you can rely upon to guide you in life? I watched a video from Sadhguru in which he explained that it's important to start with the realization that what you don't know you don't know and go back to your own experience which made a lot of sense. But then I was reading the crazy vajrayana buddhism stuff where they say that your six senses (the sixth one being the intellect) cannot be trusted at all and that life is not real and cannot show you who you are (and I became confused again).

23 hours ago, Nahm said:

Trust is an idea. 

Truth feels good. “I don’t know” felt good for you, because it’s true for you. 

The senses, specifically intellect, can not be trusted...but again, pay special attention to trusted. This is not to say they should be ignored. Existentially, trust is a path bookmark, one duped by the intellect. The senses must be inspected, understood, and aligned with. Sense will not align with ‘you’, ‘you’ must align with them. This is a big part of ‘you’ and You, so to speak. Trust in this case is a way to not inspect them, to essentially assume, forgoing inspection, direct experience & understanding. Those are very important things, disregarding them is suffering. 

“Go back to your own experience which made sense”  Take notice you said “made sense”. Sense, as in sensation...it felt true. Thinking that is without sensation alignment, is without the true you if you will, and is non-sense / doesn’t resonate / doesn’t ‘make sense’. 

So continue with what resonated with you, the inspection & scrutiny of your direct experience. 

Sensation is guidance. Become more vulnerable to it, more sensitive of it, and one is purified ultimately. Disregard, avoid, and there is no release, no filling up with love, no joy, no deeper clarity, insights, epiphanies, etc. 

Consider, you and I share the same Source. I’m thinking, you’re thinking, our Source is not thinking. Our Source is love, loving. Love doesn’t think. It has no need to, as it is already, love. What thought is better than love?

Love = Truth, Truth = Love. 

If the Source was thinking, then you should be thinking your way to it. But surely you’ve noticed time and time again, thinking takes us away from our source, not towards, so to speak. Thinking doesn’t result in love. The Truth is not arrived at with thinking, but rather within you. The Source of ‘your’ sensations, is Love/Truth.

 

37 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

Thank you for the encouraging words. Gurdjieff once said: "Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo."

That’s pretty wise. I interpret that as a pointer that the notion any man is without soul, is preposterous. I believe you have it ‘in embryo’, or, yet to bloom / be realized. 

There are many paths, but there is only one path, yours. Sounds like direct experience clicks for you, rather than trust, and even maybe surrender. 

Have you experienced ‘sitting with’, sensations? In staying present with sensations, relief, clarity & understanding arise after the sensation passes - if you stay with it vs going into a thought story about it. 

Have you done much scrutinizing of the mixing of thought, sensation, and perception? 

Have you created a dream board, and filled it with what you really honestly most want in this life? This is critical, it is your why when the consciousness work gets difficult. It changes, and tends to become more and more meaningful and purposeful. 

[tatsumaru]

14 hours ago, Nahm said:

And that you are believing there is a teaching would could be complete, could provide the ‘explaining of everything’.

Not necessarily a teaching but understanding and not of everything (e.g. I don't care about makeup) but rather of that which is beyond the world of duality and oneness (for example Tao). My greatest dream is not so much to accumulate stuff in life and experience pleasures (although I surely don't mind living a wonderful and fulfilling life even if it's an illusion) but rather to wake up from the dream and uncover something that is real and doesn't change. Something that is the fulcrum of everything else, the source, the Tao, Tathagatha, beyond coming and going etc. I can't be satisfied with just looking at how wonderful the birds and trees are and pretending I am omniscient. I want to uncover what is going on, why am I here, where I came from, how creation works, what other dimensions are there and I want to know with 100% certainty that it's the truth, not just some other simulation, matrix, dream, confusion, deeper level of illusion etc. I want clarity.

 

14 hours ago, Nahm said:

No, that’s not what was intended, but who cares, right?  It’s not relevant to your feeling better for the long run, and understanding what’s transpiring within you. 

Well I guess I am wondering if everyone has the chance to wake up within their lifetime or not.

14 hours ago, Nahm said:

Our Source is love, loving. Love doesn’t think. It has no need to, as it is already, love. What thought is better than love?

I don't get that. I've heard it before from many teachings but I've never been aware of any unconditional love in the relative. After all if it's unconditional it means it isn't relative either which means it can't be experience within the relativity. Also doesn't unconditional love mean that you should love the jihadists, torturers who skin people alive, nazis, dictators, the people who caused the incident at Chernobyl and etc. (insert other horrible scenarios).

 

14 hours ago, Nahm said:

That’s pretty wise. I interpret that as a pointer that the notion any man is without soul, is preposterous. I believe you have it ‘in embryo’, or, yet to bloom / be realized. 

I think he liked to scare his students that unless they create their soul they will be lost forever in order to motivate them a little bit. Also the way I interpret it is that ignorance is bliss, enlightenment is bliss, but moving from ignorance to enlightenment is hell.

I would like to be able to progress on the spiritual path more effortlessly, without so much friction and confusion wasting 10 years on one thought etc. The Buddha was complete at 35, I am not saying this to compare high scores, I just wish that there is a way to improve the efficiency of the spiritual process.

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

Not necessarily a teaching but understanding and not of everything (e.g. I don't care about makeup) but rather of that which is beyond the world of duality and oneness (for example Tao). My greatest dream is not so much to accumulate stuff in life and experience pleasures (although I surely don't mind living a wonderful and fulfilling life even if it's an illusion) but rather to wake up from the dream and uncover something that is real and doesn't change. Something that is the fulcrum of everything else, the source, the Tao, Tathagatha, beyond coming and going etc. I can't be satisfied with just looking at how wonderful the birds and trees are and pretending I am omniscient. I want to uncover what is going on, why am I here, where I came from, how creation works, what other dimensions are there and I want to know with 100% certainty that it's the truth, not just some other simulation, matrix, dream, confusion, deeper level of illusion etc. I want clarity.

Yep. “My life” equaled that. Only the absolute would do.  Hearing you loud and clear. I did the accumulation like a Boss, and gave literally all of it away. It’s not missed a bit. 

Let’s talk about your plan. I died for this. Please dispel my typical bullshit and jokes, that isn’t one. (It is too though?)

3 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

Well I guess I am wondering if everyone has the chance to wake up within their lifetime or not.

Only you can awaken, everyone else already is. Chance is a farce. I’ve mentioned this lightly as it’s arrogant af sounding in type, but “I” meet with people, we talk, God creates, we create, ‘they’ awaken. If I am useful in your pursuit, use me. For me, you were always awake, and I was the last one to get the joke. Reincarnation, lifetimes, etc - tricky as they are both and neither the setup & punchline. Infinite Humor. Perpetual mindfuck. Perfection. 

3 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

I don't get that. I've heard it before from many teachings but I've never been aware of any unconditional love in the relative. After all if it's unconditional it means it isn't relative either which means it can't be experience within the relativity. Also doesn't unconditional love mean that you should love the jihadists, torturers who skin people alive, nazis, dictators, the people who caused the incident at Chernobyl and etc. (insert other horrible scenarios).

“It” can’t be “gotten”, it’s not a content of thoughts, nor the thinker of thoughts, “it” is appearing as thoughts, and believing them, or recognizing “it” in them, as them. It’s entirely perfect, convincing itself it is otherwise - that that is “reality”. Perfect. The kick in the balls, is, it is you. Not “Absolute God You” - just       you.

Imagine a God of infinite magnitude and power, with the innocence & self awareness, yet thoughtlessness of a 1 year old.  Now be mindful and honest within - how “grown up are you, really? What meaning has that? yours 

Make a distinction as such, create it, without identification, there is only absolute which appears to include a “distinction” and an “identification”... unconditional is as is, eternally, and remains undisturbed, un-contracted, uncontrolled, un-contorted, “delusion free”, indeed well known. Why, who, how? Me.

Make the distinctions, with identification, and the Truth remains inconceivable, ungraspable, heartbreakingly just slightly out of reach - “physical”. Why, who, how? Me. 

You draw out the absolute mindfuck of direct experience. Once, age 16, a coked up, drunk 25 year old guy mistook me for someone else. Apparently, someone who did him very wrong. Long story short, couple weeks in the hospital, face stitched back together, and these days the only remnant of it is some admittedly rough sinus / ear issues, a handful of scars, and a God-load of compassion, appreciation & love for him.  The moral of that story, in my direct experience - I do not know what anyone is thinking, feeling, nor experiencing - when I believe I do, vicariously but also truly not - “I” suffers. You might call this a great paradox of direct experience vs suffering. Nothing is what it seems, right down to the very last atom. Such is, with all things, unveiled “typically”, as self, nature, animals, people, object.  The depth of our (“my”) overlays upon it are simply “deeper” than you’ve yet “been” / unconverted / inspected. Put incredibly short - kid asks his dad how God could allow Hitler, while his rated M video game is paused. Even more simply - you don’t know what death is. 

What you’re ‘missing’ is Awakening is total. There is no relative. This is something unlike all other thoughts, concepts, ideas. It is not conceivable, only “experienceable”, as what is without experience, and there is not then again, because there never was, experience. It’s “paper thin”, so much so there’s no paper at all, and one is basically forced to point with a term like paper thin. If “it” seems huge, direct experience brings it down to eye level, if properly inspected.  

 

3 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

I think he liked to scare his students that unless they create their soul they will be lost forever in order to motivate them a little bit. Also the way I interpret it is that ignorance is bliss, enlightenment is bliss, but moving from ignorance to enlightenment is hell.

I would like to be able to progress on the spiritual path more effortlessly, without so much friction and confusion wasting 10 years on one thought etc. The Buddha was complete at 35, I am not saying this to compare high scores, I just wish that there is a way to improve the efficiency of the spiritual process.

Nice...tricky though...the statement “ignorance is bliss” is likely not made from the one in ignorance. We tend to suffer, under the assumption it’s part of physical reality, individuality. Separate self = suffering. In ‘personal sense’, I did not find it blissful, there was no foundation of sense at all. Now ‘i’ am entirely ignorant, and it is indeed bliss. 

Then be effortless, without friction and confusion. Let all go. 

Can’t? Inspect that can’t. Inspect “the one” who can’t. 

Something to ponder, awakening that which is unlimited, is not done via limits. Create your awakening, drop any limitation on formulating such a plan. It is worth everything. 

 

 

 

[tatsumaru]

I am not sure how to let go or what letting go is at all. I've been taught to surrender many times but I don't know how.

[SunnyNewDay]

I've felt the same way. I have a lot of different perspectives and thoughts in my head. They create this sort of inner conflict. I feel guilty sometimes like I should understand them and I'm being stubborn and not doing what's right but then I'm not sure I can even trust that. It's a scary place to be. I liek to return to the breathe and sensation and try to quiet the mind and just let what happens naturally unfold. Talking to a therapist also helps. 

[Truth Addict]

@tatsumaru

I've had this problem in the past. 

What worked for me is when I finally realised that thoughts don't matter! Thoughts are just thoughts. They don't have any freaking value.

When the doubt arises, it's like someone is talking to you. You can learn how to detach from that narrative and ignore it like it's never there.

When a thought comes up and says: "what if you're wrong?" or something like that, stay with it and say to it: "yes, I am wrong. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with being wrong. Is that all you've got bitch?" (hint: that is all it's got, mere thoughts).

Imagine a closed book, without a title. You look at it from the outside, it doesn't seem scary at all. You decide to open it and read a little, and then you find out that it's a horror story. Notice that the book itself had no value or effect until imagination started working. That's precisely how thoughts work. They're just words, voices and images in your mind. Only you can give them your trust, and therefore the permission to mess with your mind. Once you have seen thoughts for what they truly are, you will not be affected by them at all. Contemplate the nature of thoughts. Video on point:

That video alone can be a huge part of your liberation.

That's one.

Two, maybe you are facing some difficulties trying to find out the goal of life. It seems like nihilism is overweighing your thinking. The key here is to know that nihilism stems from overthinking, nihilism is never true. Once you are aware of that, it will become more easy to detach from thought.

Also, there is something deeper that you're programmed to, unwillingly, ignore (like all of us) that is creating all of these negative emotions, it is your authentic self. It is trying to communicate with you through emotions. Listen to them very carefully, they have the key to your freedom. Negative emotions are signals, their purpose is precisely to tell you that you should stop whatever is causing them to arise. What you want deep inside is peace and happiness. You know it. You just have to go for it. How? By placing your peace of mind at the top of your priorities, no matter what. By placing your own well being before everything else. That will lead the way, just have faith.

You deserve the best life possible, and you will definitely get it. Keep that in mind 

Much love for you, and best of luck ❤️

Edited August 4, 2019 by Truth Addict

[tatsumaru]

On 8/4/2019 at 8:45 PM, Truth Addict said:

@tatsumaru

I've had this problem in the past. 

What worked for me is when I finally realised that thoughts don't matter! Thoughts are just thoughts. They don't have any freaking value.

When the doubt arises, it's like someone is talking to you. You can learn how to detach from that narrative and ignore it like it's never there.

When a thought comes up and says: "what if you're wrong?" or something like that, stay with it and say to it: "yes, I am wrong. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with being wrong. Is that all you've got bitch?" (hint: that is all it's got, mere thoughts).

Imagine a closed book, without a title. You look at it from the outside, it doesn't seem scary at all. You decide to open it and read a little, and then you find out that it's a horror story. Notice that the book itself had no value or effect until imagination started working. That's precisely how thoughts work. They're just words, voices and images in your mind. Only you can give them your trust, and therefore the permission to mess with your mind. Once you have seen thoughts for what they truly are, you will not be affected by them at all. Contemplate the nature of thoughts. Video on point:

That video alone can be a huge part of your liberation.

That's one.

Two, maybe you are facing some difficulties trying to find out the goal of life. It seems like nihilism is overweighing your thinking. The key here is to know that nihilism stems from overthinking, nihilism is never true. Once you are aware of that, it will become more easy to detach from thought.

Also, there is something deeper that you're programmed to, unwillingly, ignore (like all of us) that is creating all of these negative emotions, it is your authentic self. It is trying to communicate with you through emotions. Listen to them very carefully, they have the key to your freedom. Negative emotions are signals, their purpose is precisely to tell you that you should stop whatever is causing them to arise. What you want deep inside is peace and happiness. You know it. You just have to go for it. How? By placing your peace of mind at the top of your priorities, no matter what. By placing your own well being before everything else. That will lead the way, just have faith.

You deserve the best life possible, and you will definitely get it. Keep that in mind 

Much love for you, and best of luck ❤️

I've experienced this kind of peace when I decide that peace of mind is sufficient and that a peaceful life is a successful life. However the moment that I decide that I want to understand life the pain comes back. It's paradoxical because the thought cannot understand life only recycle what's already there, but at the same time there doesn't seem to be anything else that can understand life either or at least I haven't experienced any such sense or meta-sense. So I either have to accept that I don't have the capacity to uncover the secrets of life which kind of means I am just a peaceful waiting to die zombie or that there's someway of going further. Keep in mind that the great Taoists and Buddhists had great insights about the meta-principles governing life, universe and the beyond - so it seems they had some way of connecting with this supreme knowledge or as a fried called it gnowledge (from gnosis i.e. using the heart to know rather than the intellect). I just don't know how to open my heart to what life has to teach me.

[Truth Addict]

2 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

However the moment that I decide that I want to understand life the pain comes back.

Please bare with me.

Have you asked yourself: Do I really want to understand life? If so, why?

Edited August 5, 2019 by Truth Addict

[JustThinkingAloud]

13 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

I've experienced this kind of peace when I decide that peace of mind is sufficient and that a peaceful life is a successful life. However the moment that I decide that I want to understand life the pain comes back. It's paradoxical because the thought cannot understand life only recycle what's already there, but at the same time there doesn't seem to be anything else that can understand life either or at least I haven't experienced any such sense or meta-sense. So I either have to accept that I don't have the capacity to uncover the secrets of life which kind of means I am just a peaceful waiting to die zombie or that there's someway of going further. Keep in mind that the great Taoists and Buddhists had great insights about the meta-principles governing life, universe and the beyond - so it seems they had some way of connecting with this supreme knowledge or as a fried called it gnowledge (from gnosis i.e. using the heart to know rather than the intellect). I just don't know how to open my heart to what life has to teach me.

Do you really need to understand life to have a happy fulfilling life? There’s a lot of people that just aim for happiness and that’s all they need. But if you really need to understand life, try to understand the basics first and add only once you fully understood them and made sure that it makes sense to you. It can take decades to fully understand it.

[tatsumaru]

On 8/5/2019 at 11:55 PM, Truth Addict said:

Please bare with me.

Have you asked yourself: Do I really want to understand life? If so, why?

I am not sure it's a rational choice for me, I think it's inherent. I've been drawn towards the mysterious from an early age way before I became cerebro-centric. I think that's why I was born. I am a Leonardo Da Vinci sort of type (not as smart though).

[Truth Addict]

3 hours ago, tatsumaru said:

I am not sure it's a rational choice for me, I think it's inherent. I've been drawn towards the mysterious from an early age way before I became cerebro-centric. I think that's why I was born. I am a Leonardo Da Vinci sort of type (not as smart though).

Okay.

What/how much have you uncovered from this mystery so far?

[Nahm]

On 8/5/2019 at 2:12 PM, tatsumaru said:

Keep in mind that the great Taoists and Buddhists had great insights about the meta-principles governing life, universe and the beyond - so it seems they had some way of connecting with this supreme knowledge or as a fried called it gnowledge (from gnosis i.e. using the heart to know rather than the intellect). I just don't know how to open my heart to what life has to teach me.

 

On 8/3/2019 at 6:15 AM, tatsumaru said:

I am not sure how to let go or what letting go is at all. I've been taught to surrender many times but I don't know how.

I made a Letting Go; Poetry thread, which no serious person would ever contribute to. How bout a poem that’s all questions which congeal into the most important, most fundamental question?

[tatsumaru]

21 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Okay.

What/how much have you uncovered from this mystery so far?

During a trip to India I was able to create some distance between the thought process and awareness, I am no longer so identified with the thought process and I seem to be resonating very well with understanding the world through the Yin/Yang lenses of Taoism and harmonic balanced interchange. That's still part of the Matrix though. I want to go further.

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

I made a Letting Go; Poetry thread, which no serious person would ever contribute to. How bout a poem that’s all questions which congeal into the most important, most fundamental question?

I will check it out.

[Nahm]

13 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

That's still part of the Matrix though. I want to go further.

Notice the yin and yang (duality) are within a circle (nonduality), and the circle is also within the yin and within the yang (represented by the two smaller, often missed, circles) or, within all “things”. Notice anything one is most absolutely certain of, knows to be true beyond a doubt - is always discovered to have that pesky smaller circle, the opposite, the paradox, within it. I suggest it reveals the fundamental dualistic apparent nature of things, can never be pigeon holed as actually dualistic. What appears solid, done, created, is actually spontaneous and not two, creation/creating - there is no “done” to actually be found. There is no truth to be found, sans the Truth, bigger circle. The one which all duality appears within, the one which appears within all duality.