Gay men

[yellowschnee]

I have a quick question about gay men. I'm not gay and it creates some serious ankwardness when I make closer friendship with a man. Maybe he only wants to be friends with me because of his sexual desires? And I find that maybe it's not appropriate to ask for their intentions.

Even if it's a very nice person I find it hard to handle it. Especially then.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

[hamedsf]

on the conscious level not really and maybe he wouldn't have thought about it at all.

but on the subconscious level, yes! 

[Forestluv]

Do you feel the same with women? When you make closer friends with a woman do you get uncomfortable that she only wants to be friends with you because of her sexual desires? 

[SFRL]

Depends on the guy I guess. 

From my experience when gay guys know you are straight they don't really seem to consider you an option. 

So it's not really an issue. 

Plus a lot of times they have a lot of girl friends and a lot of insight in girl psychology so they can actually be quit beneficial as guy friends. 

[loub]

it's a funny thing how straight guys believe themselves to be fundamentally insufficient in the face of straight women, believing to need perfect circumstances or just something straight up magical to even get them attracted, but then when encountering gay men believe themselves to be absolutely irresistible, lol

if attraction is involved, it could potentially hurt him some way, but that's his choice to make. Just don't lead him on.

It's best not to overthink this. I, for one , have had great conversations with gay men who openly stated they were attracted to me. No biggie.

Just remember it's his choice to make once you see there is nothing to worry about for you; chances are he's not a teenager

[outlandish]

On 7/30/2019 at 6:01 PM, yellowschnee said:

I have a quick question about gay men. I'm not gay and it creates some serious ankwardness when I make closer friendship with a man. Maybe he only wants to be friends with me because of his sexual desires?

Do you mean when you make close friendship with any man, or a gay man specifically?

If he only wants to be friends with you because of his sexual desires, you won't really be friends and it will feel obviously like a not-real friendship, and you won't want to be friends with that person. If it feels like a real friendship then that's cool, and you have nothing to worry about. It's ok if he has some sexual attraction to you, you can still be just friends. Human relationships are full of imperfections and unbalanced dynamics and that's ok.

[Leo Gura]

@yellowschnee If you asking this question, you might be gay and/or bi, yet repressing it.

Such a question does not even enter the mind of a straight guy. There's just zero attraction towards men and zero threat from gay men.

When I used to do a lot of pickup, I'd sometimes have a gay guy hit on me. It was never an issue. It's actually flattering.

[Key Elements]

I have a bi friend who had a straight roommate who he had a crush on. He told me that he was very attracted to him. Since he knew that the straight roommate was very open-minded, he ended up telling him that he had a crush on him. The roommate didn't feel odd; he understood. But, before the bi friend told him, he was concerned about losing his friendship. He valued their friendship, and so he was sort of begging him to please be very open-minded and try to understand. 

[RickyBalboa]

I have very few friends. I can count probably less than 10 in my whole life time that I'd consider good friends whom I dont speak to but maybe once every few months. I never pegged any of them as gay when first meeting them. 2 have come out. I think no differently of them since coming out. They are still my buds. I have no doubts when it comes to them ever coming on to me.

However, I share your concerns when it comes to people I haven't already established a friendship with. If someone is noticeably gay I would feel uncertain about their intentions because we hadn't established many different areas of interest/hobbies like I had established with the friends I mentioned earlier. So I can understand where you are coming from.

Just make sure you have a similar strength of passion for whatever it is you share in common. That's all it comes down to when it comes to friendships. If you dont share that with them then don't spend time with them. Doesnt matter if they are gay or not. If you were ever aggressively come on to, just be like "hey man, I thought this relationship was about our love for nascar( or whathaveyou). Im not interested in you romantically/sexually. Sorry you got the wrong impression". 

Edited August 8, 2019 by RickyBalboa

[yellowschnee]

@Serotoninluv Very rarely. Depends on the type of woman and the personality she has and the state that I'm in.

It's rather my sexual attraction to her that creates anxiousness because I feel like it might be unwholesome or that the whole thing of sexual attraction might be flawed somehow. Plus (and this is almost even more excruciating) the fact that she might not be sexually attracted to me feels like it's hurting both of us.

I used to be on a big 'no fap, no sex' trip for spiritual reasons mainly. It then occurred sometimes that I was up to being friends with them only. 

It's true that it weirdly happens that a number of women start chasing you as soon as you give up chasing them.

 

@Leo Gura

 

I don't understand where you are coming from.

I think it's normal to ask oneself of each others intentions in friendships.

 

@Shiva

 

It mainly bothers me because of the status of our pending friendship. Friendships are always somehow connected with dependencies or at least they can be. The aspect that the person you are friends with is sexually attracted to you and you are not doesn't fit in there. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DrewNows]

@yellowschnee instead of asking for their intentions/agenda, perhaps you’d rather simply state your intentions or even express your boundaries when you feel uncomfortable 

[universe]

On 8.8.2019 at 9:33 AM, Leo Gura said:

@yellowschnee If you asking this question, you might be gay and/or bi, yet repressing it.

Such a question does not even enter the mind of a straight guy. There's just zero attraction towards men and zero threat from gay men.

When I used to do a lot of pickup, I'd sometimes have a gay guy hit on me. It was never an issue. It's actually flattering.

This. Is there something you are hiding from us or yourself @yellowschnee ?

With gay man only trying to be friends with you because of your cuteness I think its like people who want to be friends with you because of your money, status or because you know some famous person. You will notice pretty quickly. And its quite rare. Maybe change the setting you are using for socializing.

[Key Elements]

Hey, I was spending some time with my friend, and something came up here. I think the LGBTQ topic is a topic that needs ppl to be very open-minded on, and full education. Otherwise, perhaps later in life, the person may learn the hard way.

(Another topic that needs attention on is mental health / illnesses.)