Dates going well, but texting not?

[Marinus]

@Aeris The funny thing is that I talked with her about magic mushrooms which I can buy in her city. I want to buy them when I'm in my new apartment. 

If things don't work out with her I think of taking a break from dating etc. as i feel like wasting time with this stuff. Finding someone that's high conscious will be a difficult thing I think.

@Natasha I think that thinking with my smaller head will cure my neurotic thinking . 

[Natasha]

7 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@Natasha I think that thinking with my smaller head will cure my neurotic thinking 

Haha Yep, don't overthink it, have fun 

[Galyna]

@Marinus  I agree with Natasha. 

Sometimes women behave this way because they are uncertain about the possible outcome of the relations. Maybe she has set the limits till she is sure 100% about the future of your relations. Therefore she does not want you to get too close because she is not sure, or she might have another prospect. Anyway, wait a bit you and will find out.  I would just keep the same pattern and observe her behavior. Because if she really likes you, this pattern is not going to last long. You will have to get a bit closer. 

Do not trust the words. You know how many men swore that they really loved me, lol. 

She might compliment you because she feels obliged in certain situations to say nice words, to keep the game going. The compliment does not mean anything. Actions, actions, actions! Do not get discouraged, be patient and you will find out soon.

Good luck.

[Marinus]

@Galyna A friend of mine also told me that. Well besides the texting she paid all the drinks in the second date which I was surprised by and she hugs me very tightly whenever we meet or when I leave.

I will have fun tomorrow and I will give an update here if I feel like it.

[Galyna]

@Marinus see, it is hard to say because in Ukraine when woman pays for herself it means she sets boundaries, as she is highly independent and not fully yours. In Belgium and US it is absolutely normal. But this might be a signal as well. She doesn’t want you to invest in this relationship yet and there are plenty of reasons for this. Guess we will find out. 

[Marinus]

@Galyna She also paid all my drinks. We are both dutch and it's quite normal to pay your own stuff, but girls treating guys is the opposite of traditional. 

[Galyna]

@Marinus yep I know, been there, done this. 

[Aeris]

what are you looking for in a relation ?

are you genuinely interested by knowing someone else ? or is that just for sex and not feeling alone ?

one is coming from love, the other /neediness/lack.

and if you're a bit "neurotic" yourself, you'll attract girl with aswell some neurotic problems, ( but we all have, just try to find one, as crazy as you )

Edited July 29, 2019 by Aeris

[Marinus]

@Aeris I think it all comes down to wanting a deep connection. A friend of mine says I try to speak to a persons soul when having a conversation.

I think I want to really love someone, but deep down I feel unable to love myself. Honestly I don't even know what love is. People in my life who claim to love their SO have a transnational relationship. On the surface I think I just feel like my needs aren't met and I want to experience a better relationship than my previous which was very dysfunctional. I have grown from that previous relationship, but one problem I think is that it's very very difficult to find a person who doesn't have some dysfunction. Maybe it's just a limiting belief. I see most people as animals that think they are so highly intelligent and developed, but in the end it's just about survival (Tier 1 SD). Sometimes I wish I literally don't need someone and have no thoughts about girls and all related things.

[Aeris]

1 hour ago, Marinus said:

@Aeris I think it all comes down to wanting a deep connection. A friend of mine says I try to speak to a persons soul when having a conversation.

I think I want to really love someone, but deep down I feel unable to love myself. Honestly I don't even know what love is. People in my life who claim to love their SO have a transnational relationship. On the surface I think I just feel like my needs aren't met and I want to experience a better relationship than my previous which was very dysfunctional. I have grown from that previous relationship, but one problem I think is that it's very very difficult to find a person who doesn't have some dysfunction. Maybe it's just a limiting belief. I see most people as animals that think they are so highly intelligent and developed, but in the end it's just about survival (Tier 1 SD). Sometimes I wish I literally don't need someone and have no thoughts about girls and all related things.

people are not animals, yes they are, but don't scope them on this lense we are all this "stupid animal" even if you include yourself,

 

it means subconsciously you think of yourself as part of the collective stupidity, we all are,

but a man accept to work on what you call a misstakes is already on the path of the warrior, where 90% of people will never even try to be better than an animal in a wheel.

What is an animal really ? do you feel hate for the stupidity or dysfunction of an animal ? I feel pity and want to fix them.

 

I started to understand that I have a passion for humans understanding ( deeply understand them, not always to manipulate and get something ) more to understand them and fix their "mental issues" if I can pretend to help for it. ( I try to be very hard and authentic aswell, people love me a lot, or hate me a lot, some truth hurt, but some people still love it )

 

accept yourself as you are, don't beat yourself by thinking you're lesser or any kind of bullshit, you're trying to be better, and that's already big game.

maybe relation are not for you right now, see I didn't have a gf for years, but I didn't suffer from a lack really. ( only the belief that I lacked of someone )

this will be idiotic to say, but I m almost very happy to not have any relationship before my own "self improvement" truly, it would have lead me in many dysfunctionnal activity to live away of "my good life", I m happy to have been pushed by life at the right time. But in this state I was not aware of many dynamic of life, and would have been probably corrupted.

not to say that it can't happen to me, I'll just try to lead my life and mind as a true samurai and live for the best

 

Edited July 29, 2019 by Aeris

[universe]

You went on TWO dates with her and now you judge the future of this relationship on her slow texting habit?

Have you tried

1. Talk to her about it?

2. Call her instead of texting?

3. Be true to your own values and stop texting her, if you dont like it?

[JustThinkingAloud]

Nobody’s perfect. Personally, I hate texting but I’m old so I’m used to different things. I think it came from having people around and half of the time they spend on their mobile texting to someone. Also, it gives you many more things to talk about when you actually are with her, to me conversation gets much more personal, texting is a bit cold to me.

[RendHeaven]

8 hours ago, Marinus said:

that she likes my body shape.

 

[SFRL]

Texting isn't that big of a deal. It's way too easy to do it too much. And to 'over game' trough texting. 

As long as she wants to meet up in person on the regular you should be good. 

[Marinus]

I said I would gave an update so here we go.

The date went well, it took 36 hours. I discovered that she is a very sweet caring girl which was really nice. I have my answer to her chatting behaviour and she just isn't really into chatting. She also told me she has abandonment issues so... yeah red flag there. She felt uncomfortable with kissing and she told me I'm new and she isn't comfortable with it yet, she is very open about this which I appreciate. When I went home she texted me that she thought she wasn't a good host for me at her place which isn't true at all.

Anyway what happened next wasn't too great. I called her yesterday as we planned which was kind of awkward for both of us. I suggested a 4th date, but she responded that she had no money to  go on dates only for groceries for this whole month. It felt like a rejection, but on date 2 she wanted to pay for our drinks and she was waiting for her money to be stored on her account. In my mind I thought dates don't necessarily have to cost anything. She was showing interest in me, but suddenly she couldn't hear me through the phone, but I could hear her. I think it was faked, but I also experienced it with my brother last week.

Afterwards we texted a bit and I was telling her she did great on the last date and that I noticed how much effort she was putting in. She responded thankful to my message. Honestly I'm getting tired of this, I think her money issues are real as I also am in a similar situations, but it all feels so weird to me. If you really like someone you wouldn't act like this right? Unless you really like someone, but you are afraid of getting hurt.

I hate it, but I can get easily obsessed about this, but if I feel powerless I just have to give up and let her chase me instead and if she doesn't than she was never really that interested.

I really want to not care about this, but I do. I can start day-gaming again, but that feels shallow and a waste of time. I want to attract the right person by being who I'am and not by creating a PUA persona, but it feels like an impossible task as I never really had a girlfriend until age 21. Maybe it all stems from my feeling of not fitting in and not belonging anywhere, eternally alone in this universe.

I hope you enjoyed this pessimistic update .

[Natasha]

@Marinus I would say listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, then that should be a clue. Love should be easy and if you feel struggle with figuring this out this early already, perhaps that's a sign you two are not a good match, something is not clicking and the energy is not flowing.

Also, watch out for a push/pull dynamic and mixed signals - not a good sign and you would only be wasting your time if you let it keep going like this. Excuses are just that. If she doesn't accept your invitation for the next date, I'd say move on.

 

 

 

[RendHeaven]

On 7/30/2019 at 5:51 AM, Marinus said:

it's very very difficult to find a person who doesn't have some dysfunction.

This is very very true.

~95% of girls (just a guess) have genuine crippling anxiety, and maybe over half of them also have a slew of other issues on top of that: body image issues, food issues, loneliness issues, acceptance issues, abandonment issues, sexual abuse trauma, sexuality complications, bipolar-esque behavior, poor family life, poor financial situation, addictions, etc.

This is completely normal, and certainly not exclusive to women. Men have just as many issues on average, though they tend to experience depression more than anxiety (and numbness more than strong polarizing emotions).

Nonbinary folks have a nice juicy blend of all of that with the added pressure of fitting in with the demands of society.

And I haven't even mentioned distracting activities and thoughts.

Ain't humanity lovely

Now, the key insight though is that stable people (and thereby women) actually DO exist! Maybe like 5% of women actually have their shit together or are at least actively structuring their lives to eliminate dysfunction.

So the real question is not whether or not they exist; but rather, are YOU someone who deserves to be with one of these high-functioning women?

Edited August 7, 2019 by RendHeaven

[Marinus]

@RendHeaven I don't. I would be in the dysfunctional category myself.

[Natasha]

50 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@RendHeaven I don't. I would be in the dysfunctional category myself.

If you don't do extensive inner work on yourself, you'll keep attracting/being attracted to the same kind of person. After this girl there will be another one with same underlying issues, and on and on. Spare yourself frustration and do some serious shadow work first. When you become healthier and happier yourself, you'll attract same.

[Nahm]

@Marinus Try to sum her up, in terms of the total experience, then contemplate what the opposite might be at your end of the experience which attracted you to her and her to you. For example, (not implying this example is relative to you) I have a friend who attracts females with repressed father figure “related” sensation, and his armor is thick like iron. He protects his inner child at all turns, and does not see why he can’t find mrs. right. 

Perhaps a good exercise would be to probe yourself with questions penetrating deeper and deeper into sensation regarding the divorce, and - apparent - using of you like a power tool. Perhaps they were not ‘using you’ in their own conscious experience, but rather unconsciously. A few good internalized questions could reveal why they would be unconscious, and therefore doing things unconsciously.

Mrs Right probably lives nextdoor to you.