Stuck on a long plateau

[JamesB42]

Hi,iam not sure why iam writing this post, not sure if it's just for helping me or strengthening my ego.ive been trying to improve myself over the last few years ,no need to go into my story but I was desperately looking for answers to life...but I didn't really know what I wanted to know.i just knew it was something that needed to be done,so I found this channel and started the work..learning about things I would of never considered learning not so many years ago, spiral dynamics really helped me understand people and myself better,from then I was interested in the enlightenment work and was really keen to educate myself about it..so I practiced yoga and meditation daily it really helped and reading and researching the other topics opened my mind..

But to my point,

Iam typical stage orange/green average intelligence with understanding of self enquiry and meditation, 

Iam also a hedonistic obsessive perfectionist. 

I think I have done well to progress this far and I have enjoyed all of it.but I've hit a plateau the yoga and meditation have become a chore and iam not putting vigorous energy into it anymore and kind of plodding along half assed, hoping a breakthrough this low point in my development. 

What I could do with knowing is how do you find the motivation to continue. It feels like my brain is a separate entity that's actively fighting my consciousness,  I get that the learning curve isn't a steady arc and it plateaus...but I have been stuck in this strange loop for about a year now..going over old ground re reading stuff and re watching videos. So after my initial vast improvement in my development I seem to have hit a wall and cant get over it .

has anyone got any ideas on how I should be going about this stage in my life..because I just dont want to fall back to sleep and miss my life to media etc...feel like iam going a bit crazy..and frustrated..but iam one of those that doesn't give up (stubborn,but will grind the wheel even in bordem)any advise would be appreciated..before I bust my frustrated head on  this proverbial wall

 

 

[OctagonOctopus]

Feel into things, don't force things onto yourself otherwise you will completely sacrifice quality of the practice. When I first started meditating I didn't force myself to do it everyday, I just did it when I felt I needed/ wanted it until I got to the point where I do it 99% of days. This way the mind gets a contrast for how you feel without vs with doing the practice. I find the best thing to do to reprogram the mind from things your higher self really doesn't want to do is to, as soon as you observe oneself about to preform the habit, literally do nothing and feel/ observe non-judgmentally. Its all feelings that are being hidden under habits, feeling that are long waiting to be held close to your heart and felt. Observe your 'hedonistic obsessive perfectionist' attitude, bring as much awareness to it as you can again without judgement, this will snowball into this attitude/ habit slowly melting away.

[JamesB42]

I have taken your reply on fully today,I thankyou for your time.

  Feeling more into it, as you say, really did give me some insight to myself ,such as how much I judge myself and then therefore feel bad for "not doing a practice" or not being conscious when I should of been ,,

how do I transcend my ego and the feelings it produces by observing them,it just seems to increase anxiety,deflecting me from the work and the practices 

 

Reading this back does seem to shout iam judging myself and not solving my thought processes .

This journey/thing/ path of understanding/ self improvement Isn't all rainbows and unicorns after all.

Knowing something and understanding something is a completely different thing..my whole mind needs a rewire!

 

Thank you again octagon octopus 

[OctagonOctopus]

Keep feeling into things, allow yourself to develop a taste for your practices, observe how you feel when you do meditate, observe how you feel when you don't. How about focus on getting the ego to love itself, rather then trying to transcend it, the resistance to self love is the stuff one needs to face, talk to, and understand. Whenever one notices resistance, turn your focus onto the resistance. In this case the resistance is the anxiety, sit and feel it, allow it to be there, accept it for what it is, don't run from it, see what comes up out of ones unconscious when one does this. Yes there can be a lot of pain that one needs to go threw with this stuff, but every time you face your fears you get stronger and stronger, and we don't know how strong our potentials can be, because it is limitless. 

Edited July 31, 2019 by OctagonOctopus