25mg 4-AcO-DMT Trip Report : On experiencing suffering

[FredFred]

I measured my dose, ate the pill, put on my shoes on and started walking towards the beach. Pre-trip anxiety is always present, but I ease it down with some music. I sip my ginger tea to help the impending nausea.

The substance starts to kick in as I am halfway there. Intense color shifting happen, the gravel path seems purple to me and chromatic aberrations are very present. The grass never seemed this green ever in my life, almost fluorescent. I also notice some auditory hallucinations, which I never experienced before. The stream of water beside me echoes in my hear in a very pleasant way. A roe suddenly flies beside me. I wasn't scarred a single bit, but was very intrigued my his behavior.

I sit down for a bit. I ask myself : "Is this it? Pretty colors and weird sounds?". Thoughts loops are very present and I'm taken hostage by a general confusion. I notice my desire for control and quickly dissolve it only to get back into the present moment. I get up and start walking again.

I finally arrive at my destination. I sit down again, unaware of what I was going to experience. I was contemplating how psilocybin mushrooms were being successfully used in a clinical setting to help patients with alleviating their depression, when suddenly it hit me : I became conscious of the way mental health problems were affecting them. Some people suffer so much, some people live in constant pain. I became aware of their suffering. I became so deeply aware of their suffering that tears started rushing down my face. I cried so much that tears started dripping on my shirt and onto the sand below me.

As I wept, I saw some people in the distance. An incredible feeling of love made me want to reach them, hug them, tell them how much I love them, that I understand their reality and that I cry for their suffering. I loved them so much I felt like I could melt into them.

I thought about my girlfriend, how much she means to me, how happy and how lucky I am to have her in my life. I understood that a having an intimate relationship like the one I have right now with her is extremely important for me. I only want the best for her, and to know the feeling reciprocal is a source of comfort so immense that it's literally ineffable. I exit the beach with a monumental feeling of compassion for those who live difficult lives, as well as for all the people that are close to me.

This was my first experience with this dose of 4-AcO-DMT. I've tried lesser doses in the past, but never had this kind of effect with the substance. I still had some doubts about the therapeutic effect of psychedelics in the past, but this trip shattered those doubts. Overall, this trip was a difficult but very beneficial experience.

Those who made these drugs illegal and contributed to their demonization clearly didn't do it for the "good of mankind". This is pure devilry. I talked earlier about how I wanted to share my love with the people walking on the beach. It is such a shame that, to their eyes, I'm just a junkie, a punk who does drugs. I hope that in the near future this stigma will end and people will be able to use these amazing substances for personal and spiritual growth.

Edited July 28, 2019 by FredFred

[Nahm]

@FredFred Awesome share from a courageous pioneer imo. Thank you!

[TheAvatarState]

@FredFred thank you for sharing. I was just talking with my dear friend, and I asked him, "Why is it that the more woke you get, the more painful it is to be around other's suffering and ignorance?" He replied, "I think it's because you feel more empathy for their own self-harm." This is the story of becoming more conscious, more mature. On one hand you awaken to infinite Love, and it's the most amazing thing. But on the other hand, it turns bittersweet when you realize you can't directly share it. That nothing you could say or do would change the fact of their immense suffering, through no fault of their own. Fully loving the world is the most difficult thing to do because you also have to accept and love the suffering, hatred, and ignorance. 

[Forestluv]

@FredFred Understanding and empathy ♥️ 

[FredFred]

@Nahm Thank you Nahm, I really appreciate it!

@TheAvatarState If this is one of the necessary sacrifice for this kind of work, I am ready to go through it.

@Serotoninluv <3

[Aakash]

@TheAvatarState its because they are no longer a human being, but a construct of consciousness itself, which you then embeds into your empathy system. because they literally are you and you them. So it hurts because you feel it, like it's your own pain 

[TheAvatarState]

15 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@TheAvatarState its because they are no longer a human being, but a construct of consciousness itself, which you then embeds into your empathy system. because they literally are you and you them. So it hurts because you feel it, like it's your own pain 

@FredFred yes, circle of concern (identity) grows to a universal level, so you realize there is no distinction between you and anyone else. Their pain becomes your pain. Not that you directly feel it, of course, but you are able to empathize with it like it's your own. I wouldn't say I'm there yet, but I'm definitely moving in that direction. Opening yourself up to Love is a huge work in progress. 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, FredFred said:

Some people suffer so much, some people live in constant pain.

That's very humbling to realize. Yes, consciousness is capable of experiencing intense suffering. By experiencing some of that yourself you become more compassionate, loving, tolerant, and understanding.

Try to imagine what it's like to live as a little child in Syria whose entire family was killed in a bombing. Yeah... that's some hardcore suffering and it goes on around the world by the millions every day. Makes you appreciate how good you have it in this life.

Most people are totally ignorant of who deeply humans can suffer. Which makes those people arrogant and callous. Only through deeply suffering themselves will they come to realize their callousness and arrogance.

4-AcO-DMT is a very powerful substance. Be careful with it.

[Galyna]

@Leo Gura Tolstoy was exploring this subject of suffering a lot through spiritual purification. I wonder what you think of him in terms of spirituality.