Resistance and Frustration with my Field of Interest

[Ross Labby]

So first things first is that early on during the year I had decided that my medium and domain of mastery had been music. Ever since, I have been practicing my skills in songwriting, guitar, and singing. Also I have been visioning and fantasizing about doing live performance in front of large crowds of people. But for some reason, over the past 3 weeks or month I have been becoming bored and not excited anymore. And for a while I was thinking that this is most likely resistance as I am just on a plateau. However, it kept dragging on and was starting to think that maybe this whole vision of me becoming a musician and my passion for it isn't strong enough and is something that I am not the most passionate about. During this time, my old passion for filmmaking had emerged and I was excited by it more so than music. And here's the thing though, before this dilemma had occurred I had been in a high school course that had dealt with recording music while I had also been experimenting with one of the programs at home too. I had enjoyed it, but recently my interests have been shifting. After thinking about this every single day, I believe that I am very visual and like to see things. But on the other hand though, music is the medium that I consume the most. While thinking about this subject as well, lately I've been thinking that even though my desire for live performance is still somewhat authentic, in many ways it also seems ego driven due to the fact that I crave attention and validation from people.

Even though it may seem to me that music is the thing that I enjoy most, the best and most passionate ideas that I have had, had to do with film. While part of me likes words since they can send a message directly , I also love story telling through visuals. One thing that I love about film though is that it combines both visuals and music. But then like I said, I am very attracted to writing and speaking my message rather than showing (but it's the same for vice versa as well). Going back to live performance, part of it that I want is to be seen (again it's hard to decipher whether it's ego or authentic......I'll probably just have to try it out at some point).

Anyways, I recently had a sit with myself and decided that I wanted to do a project (a small bet of such) of either medium before my summer holidays end. And based on the fact that I am already going to do a music program in college by the start of September, I chose to do a film project beforehand. When I decided this, it put a stop to the mind chatter..............for a bit. For the first three days I had began writing a script and story for my film and was very fun. And here's the funny thing, for the first days and especially the fourth, my mind was telling me that I should go back to music instead, so like.....WTF!! Right there I was starting to realize that what if all of this "mental masturbation" is just a form of resistance for me to be indecisive and not take action. Although, part of me is thinking also what if my passion is still music and if this film project is just a distraction from the long term dream or what if I do really want to do this film project and am feeling resistance.

Sorry if this seems incoherent.....but that's the way it feels in my mind 

So if anyone has any advice or tips on what I should do, that would be a great help. Thanks again for reading my post and for the support 

 

[OctagonOctopus]

One doesn't have to have one passion, variety is the spice of life!
What is it that one loves about music? Filming? 

You could certainly combine the two as well as you mentioned, making music for your films, or making music videos. 

[JustThinkingAloud]

Maybe combine all the skills, they are all related to each other and can be used together. Film making, writing and music can be used to create one master piece.

What about writing a song and make a video featuring it and where you perform on stage. Just an idea 

[Ross Labby]

@OctagonOctopus

@JustThinkingAloud

Yes definitely, I would love to do both. Incorporating many of these areas would be amazing as well as overseeing everything too. It can give the art more depth. However though, in terms of mastering a particular medium I would like to focus my attention mostly on one thing since it would become distracting trying to master two or more things at once. Thank you for your advice 

Edited July 29, 2019 by Ross Labby
Forgot something

[Michael569]

Take a break from trying to figure it out. Leave the whole thing for a month and spend a lot of time alone in meditations and in nature. Make sure to carry a small notebook with you as some ideas may spontaneously come to you. 

Many artists have been inspired by nature and so can you. Sometimes the harder we try the more distant the answer is. 

[Ross Labby]

@Michael569 Yes, it is true that the harder we try the more distant the answer is. I think that instead of just wondering about what it is, I will actually take action and try things out without wanting my passion to arrive at the doorstep right away. Therefore, this will allow me to see things more clearly as I will begin to intuitively gravitate towards the things I like best. It would probably also be wise to contemplate and journal more often since these practices would give clearer insights. Thank you very much