Weird cannabis experience

[Farnaby]

Hi everyone! First of all, I wasn't sure if this post belongs in this sub-forum so don't hesitate to move it if this is not the right place. 

Yesterday I smoked a strong indica after a 2 week break (usually I smoke every 2-3 days). After a while, I started feeling a bit weak and light headed, as well as couch locked. My usual response to unpleasant sensations is to try to fight them, or distract myself but this time I tried relaxing into them.

The weird thing is that I felt as if I could watch myself and everything I was thinking and feeling from an observer point of view. It was similar to the awareness that arises during meditation, but this time it felt kind of scary. I was worried that I could get stuck in this state and not return to my normal state (which of course didn't happen, I woke up feeling like my usual self again).

Another thing that scared me was that when I relaxed into the sensations, the lightheadedness got a bit stronger and I felt if I surrender I could faint. My guess is that I deeply belief that if I completely surrender, something bad will happen and if I fight unpleasant sensations these bad outcomes don't occur. 

Do you think this was just depersonalization or was I connecting more deeply with the aspect of me that is permanent (my consciousness) and it freaked me out?

Thank you  

[Conrad]

I have had similar experiences on cannabis this year, especially something or rather no-thing watching and observing myself and everything around me. This is not depersonalization, you have tapped and connected more deeply into something greater. When you smoke weed, remember that surrender is key. Let whatever happens to unfold the way it wants to. It's a choice. After some time, it becomes the only choice as you realize that not surrendering is futile and will lead nowhere.

[Farnaby]

13 hours ago, Conrad said:

I have had similar experiences on cannabis this year, especially something or rather no-thing watching and observing myself and everything around me. This is not depersonalization, you have tapped and connected more deeply into something greater. When you smoke weed, remember that surrender is key. Let whatever happens to unfold the way it wants to. It's a choice. After some time, it becomes the only choice as you realize that not surrendering is futile and will lead nowhere.

@Conrad Thank you!

Yes, that's what it felt like and since I could observe myself and everything around me (as if suddenly I was aware of every object that usually gets filtered out of my consciousness), it felt a bit like depersonalization because I was very self-conscious and conscious of everything around me like from a 3rd person perspective. 

And yes, surrendering is always the most difficult part for me. Not only when I smoke weed but in life in general. Especially if there is an unpleasant sensation like dizziness and I get scared I may faint if I surrender to the sensation.

 

[Forestluv]

18 hours ago, Farnaby said:

The weird thing is that I felt as if I could watch myself and everything I was thinking and feeling from an observer point of view. It was similar to the awareness that arises during meditation, but this time it felt kind of scary. I was worried that I could get stuck in this state and not return to my normal state (which of course didn't happen, I woke up feeling like my usual self again).

Another thing that scared me was that when I relaxed into the sensations, the lightheadedness got a bit stronger and I felt if I surrender I could faint. My guess is that I deeply belief that if I completely surrender, something bad will happen and if I fight unpleasant sensations these bad outcomes don't occur. 

I’ve experience many different senses of an observer. It can be comforting, grounding, liberating. Yet also destabilizing, uncomfortable and anxious.

I know the anxiety of being afraid of being stuck in a certain state. Whether it is a mental or physical state. The sense that I want out, I can’t get out and it’s never going to end. At the physical level, it’s the body’s fight-or-flight system that gets activated. Sometimes, I can relax and let it do it’s thing, yet “fighting” it often generally amplifies.

I found it can be helpful to surrender into it, yet I also try to be open if there is body wisdom trying to communicate something. Sometimes there is not much to it, like with the anxiety I feel standing on the edge of a cliff. Sometimes there is something deeper and I go visit with that “person” activating the anxiety and fear and sit down with him lovingly.