The nice guy - bad boy dichotomy. Very confusing dilemma

[billiesimon]

Watch this video

 

I'm really confused about this topic, because in my life I've seen both examples of girls liking nice guys and girls wanting only the bad boys.

But A LOT of surveys and interview (like this one) bring a HUGE amount of points to the bad guys.

Why are women so attracted to bad boys, to the point that they consciously decide to chase them?

I think this goes very deep in the problem of reconciling the sexes, because if women truly want these guys we can't get along as men and women. Because the relationships that girls seem to want are based on conflict, ignoring, emotional starving, and power play.

What's your opinion?

[SFRL]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Claudio Naranjo says the Patriarchy that we were conditioned to has warped us all.

An excerpt from his Wikipedia page:

Since the late 1980s, Naranjo had divided each year between his activities abroad and his writing at home in Berkeley. Among his many publications, he revised an early book on Gestalt therapy and published two new ones. He published three books on the Enneagram of Personality, as well as The End of Patriarchy, which is his interpretation of social problems as the expression of a devaluation of the nurturance and human instinct and their solution in the harmonious development of our "three brained" potential. He also published a book on meditation, The Way of Silence and the Talking Cure, and Songs of Enlightenment on the interpretation of the great books of the West as expressions of "the inner journey" and variations on the "tale of the hero".

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudio_Naranjo

 

Ive followed my neediness and it seems to lead here,,,?

[Zigzag Idiot]

I'm a little bit of bad and a little bit of good.

Weird seems to always get 3rd place ,,,,, 

Edited July 26, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[tenta]

I have literally only seen girls go for bad boys and psychopaths, who are also goodlooking

[Gili Trawangan]

There's no getting around the fact that girls like a guy who goes for what he wants. We have to understand that it is our duty to make the first move and to make things happen, girls are usually on the receiving end.

I don't see it as bad boy/nice guy anymore, it's not a useful way to look at it. It's not that they want you to be bad, it's that they want you to take charge.

[universe]

10 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

There's no getting around the fact that girls like a guy who goes for what he wants. We have to understand that it is our duty to make the first move and to make things happen, girls are usually on the receiving end.

This

You can be nice and will be good with woman. But you cant be needy an be good with woman. Thats the difference.

[NoSelfSelf]

Because nice guys are easy and dont have spine they are weak...nice guy is not really a nice guy he wants to be liked too much cares so much what others think of him hes a pleaser while bad boy gives girl everything she wants the chase the time to win him over and so much more...

[Shadowraix]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Because nice guys are easy and dont have spine they are weak...nice guy is not really a nice guy he wants to be liked too much cares so much what others think of him hes a pleaser while bad boy gives girl everything she wants the chase the time to win him over and so much more...

In high school I was a very nice guy. I helped everyone I could to avoid my own problems. Every girl that liked me things fell flat and they moved onto someone else. I was a little excessive at times being so lovestruck But yet when I stopped caring about getting a girlfriend, and pleasing other people I suddenly got a girlfriend of about 2 years now. 

It was really bizarre to see my growth push away woman who just wanted to use me as their emotional crutch and only attract people who genuinely wanted me around just for me and not solely as their therapist. 

Dysfunctional people attract dysfunctional people I guess? 

[Forestluv]

20 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Weird seems to always get 3rd place ,,,,, 

I’ve noticed that too.

[Austin Actualizing]

Leo's video why women fall for assholes explains it perfectly. 

[Solonius]

Bad boys pre wall,nice guys post wall 

[Moreira]

The women that respond nice guys are aware that it will be viewed by thousand people, and want to keep the public image and avoid slut shaming.

Those who said bad boys dont care a fuk what society thinks of them. In the end all of them prefer the bad boys mainly for the: high confidence, edgy, unpredictability, adventure, and the fantasy to domesticate a wild man.

[Aeris]

13 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

In high school I was a very nice guy. I helped everyone I could to avoid my own problems. Every girl that liked me things fell flat and they moved onto someone else. I was a little excessive at times being so lovestruck But yet when I stopped caring about getting a girlfriend, and pleasing other people I suddenly got a girlfriend of about 2 years now. 

It was really bizarre to see my growth push away woman who just wanted to use me as their emotional crutch and only attract people who genuinely wanted me around just for me and not solely as their therapist. 

Dysfunctional people attract dysfunctional people I guess? 

I would say that same force attract each others at some points.

believe it or not, bad boy attract hoe anyway who cares

[Naled]

On 25/07/2019 at 11:35 PM, Etherial Cat said:

It depends on the level of consciousness of the woman.

I certainly do not get attracted to men emotionally abusing me anymore. 

When I was younger, and basically less aware of what makes a successful relationship, things were different though. 

I'd fall for all those tricks because I was wired with a certain conditioning and operating on level of awareness which wasn't based on systems thinking like I do now. I also had much more loser boundaries and would attract codependent patterns. 

It all changed with self-awareness, experience and self-actualization.

Now, I spot sort of easily a man who is full of shit. If not from the absolute get go, whenever I get to know him a bit more.

But it is true that most women are attracted by men with a masculine energy. If you play too much of the nice guy, spread a very Yin energy, and do not master attraction, you'll get systematically friend zoned.

I think the sweet spot is the stage Yellow type of masculinity, which is not more manipulative than necessary and should care about the ecology of the relationship, unlike the Orange masculinity which is basically selfish and sort of destructive. It seems to me that the Orange level of development sees the feminine as a threat that needs to be artificially controlled, while a Yellow type of masculinity would be working with the feminine and trying to find sustainable win-win solutions.

Exactly !

I remember Stephane from Ideagasms, if someone know him.

He told exactly the same. Some women will be attracted being treated lie shit, because that correspond to their inner issues.

But if you want more like a classy woman, aligning yourself with love is the way.

Another thing, the words "nice guy" has soo many different meaning.

It can be : nice guy insecure, people pleasing, nice with STRINGS attached, so this not so nice, it's manipulative.

Nice guy : strong, secure, independant, masculine, YET nice, kind. That's more attractive already, can you see?

For me, you can be anything if you have those masculine qualities..  David Deida materiel is for me very good.

[ajasatya]

@billiesimon Be truthful to your heart rather than trying to fit external validations. There's no other way to peace.

[Fishy]

It's not about bad or nice. It's about being confident, and not a push over or a suck up. You can be nice but not in a way that you are trying to be nice to be liked. You can be nice in the way that you have a nice personality authenticly. Also immature and insecure girls tend to go more for the asshole type. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Keyhole  I agree. 

Confusion and twisted perception abounds.