how to stop neediness with women

[ds300]

I have always been very good at getting the inital attraction with women but I have always have had a tendency to be needy which quickly kills the potential for a relationship. How to I put an end to this neediness and become more detatched from women I like?

[OctagonOctopus]

Commit right now to being in a loving intimate relationship to yourself! Only threw loving the self fully can you love other fully. Talk to yourself like you are your own lover, look at it like this, if you wanna practice being in a romantic relationship who better to practice it with then with yourself?

[ds300]

@OctagonOctopus do you mean low self esteem is the core of neediness?

[OctagonOctopus]

@ds300

No, well improving ones self-esteem will 100% help you with this issue, what I am saying is much higher then that. Literally be in a committed romantic relationship to yourself, talk to yourself like you would a lover, observe yourself find out everything you love, do things for yourself out of love for yourself. You know that love feeling you feel towards whoever/ whatever you love most right now? Turn that back onto yourself, right now. 

[hamedsf]

practice detachment from everything, especially from outcome, before going out to date, set an intention that you'd be still happy if it doesn't work out for you.  

[MaxV]

well first things first.
where does this neediness come from?

Have you ever asked a question like this?
 

[ds300]

@MaxV @OctagonOctopus how would I go about doing so?

my neediness comes from developing strong feelings really quickly before she does. It usually turns them off.

[ds300]

@hamedsf how could I practice this?

[DrewNows]

@ds300 why do you ‘need’ a relationship? 

Perhaps a woman will fulfill a ‘need’ you feel you are lacking, what need is this? 

Edited July 26, 2019 by DrewNows

[hamedsf]

6 hours ago, ds300 said:

@hamedsf how could I practice this?

@ds300 meditation and raising awareness, trying to be in the moment is the practice of detachment from the outcome, but this doesn't mean you don't want any outcome in your life ever again. that's the strategic and productive approach for getting results.

[nistake]

Check out 'Models' by Mark Manson. It's a great book and it covers this whole subject.

[Spiral]

I would be careful with practicing detachment too much. Not saying you shouldn't practice it but detachment is the opposite of love. If you go too far you might find yourself unable to care about, enjoy or love anything 

Most people believe that hatred is the opposite of love but that isn't the case. After all if it was, how come you can love and hate something at the same time?

[OctagonOctopus]

@ds300

Talk to yourself, become fascinated by everything you do, no matter what it is. Find out what you love, why you love it, how you love it.

8 hours ago, ds300 said:

my neediness comes from developing strong feelings really quickly before she does. It usually turns them off.

Then feel into the strong feelings, feel them for what they are, and turn them around onto yourself. You can do that, all one has to do is simply make a conscious effort to do so.

[MaxV]

On 26-7-2019 at 3:53 AM, ds300 said:

@MaxV @OctagonOctopus how would I go about doing so?

my neediness comes from developing strong feelings really quickly before she does. It usually turns them off.

I see!

I've had the same issue too in the past. It took me some personal developement, rejections and heartbreaks to fully  understand what happened and what to do about it.

You see, i've realised the 'abundant mindset' which means that i fully feel and believe that, what ever happends with women that i meet, weither it goes wrong or right, i will always get back from it and i always have new possibilities to meet even greater people. 

Not only do i feel at ease and not desperate anymore, i also gained more insights and confidence. I can just enjoy talking to women without 'feeling the need to chase them or get their number etc etc' 

Allthough the thing is that i'm a bit too much on the otherside of the spectrum. I don't see any point in forming intimate relationships now, since my journey into personal developement goes so well at this moment. 

I suggest you look into the Abundant mindset. It goes with alot more things in life! 

and what @nistake says is a good one too! i've just checked a short summary on youtube:

its a great video, might gonna buy and read the book myself after watching this. 

[Knock]

1. Realise that your neediness about the girl is all about you, and nothing to do with the girl. The problem is internal, the solution is internal. 

2. Knowing the solution is internal, work on yourself to get to a point of non-neediness. Basically what @MaxV said above. It's all about creating self-esteem in yourself and being happy as you are, without having a girl. (This process may take months and even years). 

3. Detachment - it's all about getting your expectations and preconceived ideas out of the way. In see it as objective observation, rather than emotional manipulation. This is the mindset. When you see a girl that you like, acknowledge the attraction, than take action, without needing anything.

Think "That girl looks interesting, I would like to get to know her. I wonder what kind of person she is." Then approach the girl. 

She will show you the kind of person she is. 

If she says "Go away loser." Then you know she has entitlement issues. Not worth your time. 

If she says "Pleased to meet you...what brings you here... " Then you know she is kind and worth talking to. 

Once you stop making girls so much about you, and get out of your head, you open up the possibility to have real loving connection with women. 

[Ingit]

On 7/27/2019 at 10:08 PM, MaxV said:

I see!

I've had the same issue too in the past. It took me some personal developement, rejections and heartbreaks to fully  understand what happened and what to do about it.

You see, i've realised the 'abundant mindset' which means that i fully feel and believe that, what ever happends with women that i meet, weither it goes wrong or right, i will always get back from it and i always have new possibilities to meet even greater people. 

Not only do i feel at ease and not desperate anymore, i also gained more insights and confidence. I can just enjoy talking to women without 'feeling the need to chase them or get their number etc etc' 

Allthough the thing is that i'm a bit too much on the otherside of the spectrum. I don't see any point in forming intimate relationships now, since my journey into personal developement goes so well at this moment. 

I suggest you look into the Abundant mindset. It goes with alot more things in life! 

and what @nistake says is a good one too! i've just checked a short summary on youtube:

its a great video, might gonna buy and read the book myself after watching this. 

Loved the Video...... i feel so needy.... I want to keep in constant touch with my gf...... I have this bad habits from years and I can’t overcome it... Feels bad ?

[Karla]

Getting a life will help you be less needy— get some fun hobbies, work on your personal development and just do some things you really want to do in life. Ironically this will also help you to be more attractive to your girl friend. Long term attraction is directly connected with seeing your partner in different ways, so develop yourself. Good Luck & have fun.

[Tom T]

iv been going through similar problem and this is what I have been doing and I have noticed mild improvements as iv became more aware of it. Experiment with some of these suggestions if you want !!! they are not proven to work but it seems promising. 

 

• watch leos  understanding survival part 1 and 2  video 

 

• watch Leo's video called "contemplation with a journal" and  "comprehension has many degrees" it is very important to watch both these two videos !!!!!!!!!

then contemplate the following statements

• you as god created an infinite amount of potential partners for everyone weather a human or animal.  every man and women can find a new partner round the corner !!! i created it this way so life could work !!! if you feel scarcity with the opposite sex then you are living in delusion !!!!

 

• there is always someone better out there for you. that's one of the many reasons cheating happens. who every you are going out with is always just one out of infinity. 

 

• the most beautiful people are bound to be interested in many other people and many other people will be interested in them. the man would like to have the most beautiful women in the world but also would like her to stay faithful to him, devoting to him. that will be difficult, that is asking the impossible. 

 

• Don't expect permanent love. If that happens then great. But love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain.

 

• Contemplate how love makes me feel accepted, not useless, and important and why i feel like i need that in my life... Why i feel like i need that and When someone dumps me it feels like i have been disposed, seen as unimportant and discarded to the junk yard. Think about how this effects your self-esteem and how this effects your survival.

 

• When you breakup with someone just remember before you met them you didn't know this person, you two were strangers, you wanted you two to be permanent but you are going against the law of change, and that law is not going to make any exceptions. But somebody else will fill the gap who is far superior. Then suddenly you realize it was good that the other one got lost, otherwise you would of been stuck with her, but still the lesson never goes so deep that you stop asking for permanence.  You will start asking for permeance with this new women. You have not really learned the lesson for change is simply the fabric of life. You have to understand it and go with it.  Don't create illusions they are not going to help. And everyone is creating illusions of different kinds.

 

Watch 5x heart break films and contemplate the characters survival needs in relationships

 

contemplate all your survival needs and fears in relationships

etc

if you do this overtime as you build more awareness and become more conscious you will probably be less needy in your relationships over time. the goal is to become so conscious of it that you stop it because you realize how silly and dysfunctional it is !!!! and also get your basic sex needs met to !!! hope this helps !!!  

[Tom T]

ohh yeah also contemplate 

 

a mature person dose not need anyone to cling onto and you will never be fulfilled by another human being because when you are with a partner your in the relationship because you have some need you need met and that need will always need to be met again and again and again !!! theres no end to your  constant needs !!! and you can never be fulfilled when your always running around trying to chase your survival needs and this is exactly what we do in romantic relaitonships is that we are constantly trying to get our never ending needs met so by definition thy cant fully fulfil you. 

[Wisebaxter]

On 26/07/2019 at 2:53 AM, ds300 said:

@MaxV @OctagonOctopusmy neediness comes from developing strong feelings really quickly before she does. It usually turns them off.

I know how you feel dude. I'm fine at keeping women interested when I'm not into them, but as soon as I am I get really soppy and I can feel them slipping away. Its a tough dynamic. I'm working through this issue myself at the moment with the woman I'm seeing and just posted a very similar question. I'm not used to being this into someone you see. What my gut tells me is to pay attention to what she says so I can gauge where she's at mentally and emotionally and modify my behaviour to have a win/win scenario. The facts are, sometimes one person falls quicker, so the key is to develop enough emotional maturity to consider her needs and not say or do anything that could trigger her flight reflex. Always be a gentleman and respond to her. If she backs off a bit, you back off a bit too. Maybe wait for her to text. Keep the pet names like 'hunny, gorgeous, sexy' down to a minimum, unless she uses them first. It's a bit contrived but do what good sales people do and mirror her. Best way I think. Every now and again you can test the water a bit, but be careful. If you sense any coldness then lay off and don't get offended due to it and then become insecure. Don't say stuff like 'I shouldn't have said that. Do you still like me?' Just be cool and ease off the throttle. You got this. Do what @hamedsf recommended too and be detached from the outcome. Remember, you win either way, because everything that happens is orchestrated by the universe for your evolution. Also remember, you can set your own intention, being the divine authority that you are. Intend to be loving and accepting of whatever happens. Your main issue is fear of loss. But turn every loss into a potential gain. Another lesson to be learned and an opportunity to be unconditionally loving towards yourself and another regardless of outcomes. 

Here's another method. Obsessively learn all of Matt Kahn's material and become a spiritual healer. Your shadow will become integrated as fuck along the way too and your ego will subside enough for you to really be able to step outside of your own needs and insecurities. Do a load of psychedlics if you need to, for some deep spiritual gainz (if you haven't already). Then you can become a woman's spiritual healer and she'll need YOU. Not in a manipulative sense, it's just good to be able to offer something that she can only get from you. Every other guy has a schlong and some witty banter. Try and have a unique selling point or two. Consume all of Leo's stuff obviously, read tons, become a spiritual and intellectual badass. That will help with the neediness in general and make you an asset and sexy as hell. The girl I'm seeing now told me she's never met a guy like me, I'm assuming because most men are pretty basic, watch a bit of TV, drink beer with their buddies, watch the game etc. They're also very selfish and unable to engage with a women on an emotional level seeing as they're dominated by masculine energy. So even if I'm a bit soppy with her, she'll stick around as women LOVE a man with a good mind who can really listen to her and empathise. Listening is key. As long as she's getting something from you, learning something or having her emotional needs met, you're a commodity. Be so good they can't ignore you. Learn how to eat pussy like a champ too. Of course you're probably on the case with all of this already, just wanted to throw it out there though. I wouldn't have snagged this girl if it hadn't been for my ability to help her with some of her issues. I have fuck all else going for me haha. I'm unemployed and smoke a shit ton of weed all day. 

 

Edited August 4, 2019 by Wisebaxter