Fatal problem of me not fitting into society.

[wk197]

I am a funny looking ugly guy and I can prove it.

I have high functioning autism and introverted.

I have never had a true friendship, I have 3 siblings who are nothing more than just siblings with no friend like connection.

I'm somewhat hyper active and I get distracted a lot even writing this.

I failed secondary school(high school) that lessens the chances of me getting a job.

I am socially inept and all the jobs require me to be not socially inept.

I get made fun of for my appearance sometimes, I stick out like a sore phumb in public.

The things I used I enjoy/cope with, are not as enjoyable as they used to be with things like movies, games, books and also feeling insecure about what media im into.

I have never had any passions.

 

Comparing myself to this guy in this video 

who may be weird looking and has a severe physical condition but at least has a neurotypical mind(normal) and has a beautiful meanwhile I get the double whammy of being ugly and autistic.

I don't know what to do.

[Natasha]

@wk197 Embrace your uniqueness and don't hold society's standards as truth and what one should or shouldn't be like. We're not put on this earth to seek approval from others.

Focus on things that make you feel alive - do you like to create art, write, sing, psychology, computers, etc? Find your niche and cultivate mastery in it.

Also, consider taking Leo's Life Purpose Course to find out what your niche is. Get exited about life and things you CAN do, and move towards making this experience beautiful for yourself and those around you

Hugs

 

[wk197]

There isn't many things to do when you can't fit in, I'm going to become homeless one day because of my life circumstances. everyone craves positive reinforcement/approval from others including you. I am quite literally like those defected/disabled/ugly babies in roman times that would get tossed into the river/left to die but modern society has allowed me to survive. most autistic people can't find employment and ugly people have trouble finding employment.  

[SerpaeTetra]

If you are willing to put in the work, you can change your mindset.  You will realize that looks don't matter nearly as much as you think they do, and that there are many autistic people that are very successful.  I would start with Leo's video on how to stop being a victim.  There are a lot of people that can help you here.  Also try to get professional help as soon as you can, its important to have someone to talk to in real life in combination of what you learn about. You will overcome your obstacles, and once you do, you will be an inspiration because you made the most out of the hand you were dealt with.  

[JustThinkingAloud]

Try to find environment where you do fit in eg to be around people that are like you. You’ll realise that you’re not the only one and will learn from others in your situation how to deal with. Also, it’s much easier to find solutions to problems when you collaborate with people in a similar situation. Once you get stronger and more confident, you might even find ways how to go around it and get what you want.

[Matt23]

I recently read Susanne Cook-Greuter's paper on developmental levels (you can find it on Leo's blog).  When describing the higher stages she said one trait they have is that they start to notice that "flaws, vulnerabilities, and the like are a part of being human.  She said that reframing one's life story in a more positive light is also a powerful technique.  I tried it a couple days ago and I felt a lot better about life in general.

 

What unique skills, perspectives, and knowledge do you now have which came from the experiences you've gone and are going through?

How can you make your shortcomings strengths and take advantage of them?

What are you "supposed to be learning right now?

What are some possible positive outcomes, creations, or discoveries that your current struggles are leading you towards? 

If you were your highest self looking down upon yourself right now, how do they see you?  What advice or guidance would they give you?  

Love 

[Litaken]

F**k society! If you realized how many many many things they are wrong about, and how wrong information spreads amongst sheeple, you would dissolve your NEED to fit in it completely. That's the root cause of your issues, you think you NEED to fit in society! You don't need to do s**t! Let your free will free! Do what you want! Accept yourself for who you are. This kind of lifestyle probably already thought you countless lessons that others never had a chance to grasp.

[wk197]

I only somewhat enjoy things at best when I'm sober. I need to be drunk to actually enjoy things these days, to get that child-like happiness back.

I can't focus that hard on anything I used to enjoy while sober.

I have too many shadow issues and lack the intelligence to deal with them and therapy won't work for me.

Am I a good candidate to use Psychedelics to try fix my life? They say you should have a foundation in life before you use psychedelics for self improvement but I don't feel like I have any options left.

[crab12]

Start with the basics of spirituality:

1. Do you believe your disabilities (ugly, autism etc) are stopping you from living a good life (victim thinking)?
2. How do you deal with negative emotions (do you resist negative emotions)?
3. What is your vision for your life?
4. Are you avoiding emotional effort?
5. How do you deal with distractions?
6. Are you afraid of social ostracization / do you want to be popular or well-liked (people pleasing)?
7. Do you know how to handle conflicts with other people / protect your personal boundaries (assertion)?

Seems to me you have victim thinking. Leo has great videos on all of these (besides 7), try working down the list. This is will take you at least 3-6 months.

EDIT: Psychedelics is a tool you can use if you are stuck with a particiluar spiritual problem. I don't think it's going to help you in your current state.

Edited August 26, 2019 by crab12
Added point for psychedelics

[wk197]

On 26/08/2019 at 5:12 PM, crab12 said:

Start with the basics of spirituality:

1. Do you believe your disabilities (ugly, autism etc) are stopping you from living a good life (victim thinking)?
2. How do you deal with negative emotions (do you resist negative emotions)?
3. What is your vision for your life?
4. Are you avoiding emotional effort?
5. How do you deal with distractions?
6. Are you afraid of social ostracization / do you want to be popular or well-liked (people pleasing)?
7. Do you know how to handle conflicts with other people / protect your personal boundaries (assertion)?

Seems to me you have victim thinking. Leo has great videos on all of these (besides 7), try working down the list. This is will take you at least 3-6 months.

EDIT: Psychedelics is a tool you can use if you are stuck with a particiluar spiritual problem. I don't think it's going to help you in your current state.

1. Yes I do, personally my combination of ugliness and autism has definitely held me back but mostly just the autism. I was bit lazy and couldn't fit in with others growing up and I wasn't very academic like some other autistic people. I have lost all self belief in myself and looking for an outside hobby seems pointless/futile if I couldn't mingle properly with others combined with lack of discipline. I find it too complicated to better my social skills.

2. I have went back and forth with learning/trying meditation for years and only know realizing that its not for me with things like not knowing if i'm doing it correctly and not feeling the results, with negative emotions I just remind myself that whatever im feeling is temporary. It seems like to me that we can only indirectly control emotions to a degree(weathering the storm).

3. the little vision that I used to have was simply finding a full time job and moving into an apartment but thats in doubt now.

4. You mean emotional labour? Yes i am but embracing it would probably be wasted effort. suffering is one thing and trying learn from it is another, im retarded.

5. I get distracted all the time even when doing anything I'm interested in, its a combination of stimming(look it up) and internet addiction(hopping websites and shortened attention span).

6. Who isn't afraid of social ostracization? I would like to be more respected but im awkward boring guy.

7. Nope.

 

I tried psychedelics for the first time recently a month or two ago and I have never felt so existentially depressed in my entire life, I didn't think I would ever recover when i was tripping. I got into trouble with the police for using and purchasing drugs online afterwards(Psylocybin truffles are a Class A drug in the UK).

 

 

 

 

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and heres a very tiny rant on self love 

 

Self love just comes off to me sometimes as this flowery womanly thing and I think lot of people who preach it don't actually love themselves, I bet those people are into BS like astrology, healing crystals and probably watch make up tutorials on YT. my sister preaches self love and yet she dates criminals who have killed people and is lazy and unhappy

 

ya guys get what im trying to get across?

[Philipp]

Self Love just means to stop hating yourself, to accept what you are. Really not that hippie. 

I guess you really got bad starting conditions in life. And a lot of things people here are talking about will maybe be out of reach.

You can think about what is shitty in your life, write it down. You have a lot of anger inside you. Why am I so unlucky? Why is life so shitty? Write all of this down in a journal or like you did right now in this forum. When you least expect life to be good, you will discover little nuggets of happiness. 

And be carefull about the internet because it is going to push your expectations of life to places that are not in reach (for now at least). 

[Nahm]

On 7/23/2019 at 1:45 PM, wk197 said:

I am a funny looking ugly guy and I can prove it.

I think you’re fine exactly how you are. I challenge you to put your money where your mouth is, and have a Skype conversation with me. I know who we really are, and I know the power of beliefs, and the power of letting them go. I’m happy to talk and help anytime. If you’re that right, and also that desperate, you got nothin to lose. (Except the beliefs)

[wk197]

13 hours ago, Nahm said:

I think you’re fine exactly how you are. I challenge you to put your money where your mouth is, and have a Skype conversation with me. I know who we really are, and I know the power of beliefs, and the power of letting them go. I’m happy to talk and help anytime. If you’re that right, and also that desperate, you got nothin to lose. (Except the beliefs)

I don't want to explain it again, no offense but everything I have to say is written above. I'm not good at elaborating so stuff like this takes a while to write

[wk197]

I need to accept uncertanty and emotional labour to get better.

I need high quality resources for how an autistic man can improve his social skills(I don't care about having a romantic partner).