[Help Needed] Feeling Hopeless in the Struggle

[Leo Gura]

Psychedelics are good for busting you out of a rut. They can show you a life beyond struggle. Which then becomes something worth growing towards.

I don't understand why 4 years of work hasn't improved your life. Why is the struggle so bad?

Remember, this whole journey of self growth is supposed to be enjoyable. Don't do it because someone said you have to do it. Do it because it's what you're interested in naturally. What else are you gonna do?

It might also be a good idea to take a break from personal development for a while. Come back to it later. Go enjoy life a bit. Follow what you're naturally passionate about, not some lofty ideal.

[StephenK]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Remember, this whole journey of self growth is supposed to be enjoyable.

How do we differentiate between necessary and unnecessary suffering along the path? 

[arlin]

1 hour ago, StephenK said:

How do we differentiate between necessary and unnecessary suffering along the path? 

Why do you label it "Unnecessary"?

If you want to introduce further resistance and prolong it, go ahead. 

[StephenK]

@arlin If there is a thorn in your foot, and you wish to be free of the pain, it is necessary to remove it, even though it may cause pain in the process. It would however be unnecessary to push a nail through your hand to relieve yourself of the pain in your foot, would it not?

[arlin]

11 minutes ago, StephenK said:

If there is a thorn in your foot, and you wish to be free of the pain, it is necessary to remove it, even though it may cause pain in the process.

Of course but calling yourself stupid or unworthy just because you stepped in the wrong direction, or worse saying that the thorn is unnecessary is just making you stay in pain longer and adding more layers to it.

of course remove it, try 1 time, if it does not work, try again.

Even if it's painful, you will remove the thorn. And then start looking where you are stepping by knowing that life gave you a lesson.

If you call it unnecessary, or loose hope for the future, chances are you are doing the same mistakes over and over again without realizing.

You are stepping in all sorts of shitty places and continuously condemning yourself for it. You take thorns off hating yourself and then 1 hour later here we go again, same thorn on the same foot.

Of course you are going to hate yourself and feel hopeless, feeling like life is shit.

But one who is improving feels that life is getting better and knows how the game works.

 

[StephenK]

6 minutes ago, arlin said:

Of course but calling yourself stupid or unworthy just because you stepped in the wrong direction...

Who said that?

8 minutes ago, arlin said:

You are stepping in all sorts of shitty places and continuously condemning yourself for it.

Who said that?

I'm not the thread starter by the way.

[d0ornokey]

Become aware of what you're cycling in. It may be uncomfortable to realize, but it will be worth it and not nearly as uncomfortable and painful to make that changev

[Forestluv]

@Shroomdoctor

Just a thought. . . Sometimes personal development work is uncomfortable and kinda sucks. Yet it’s not an ongoing suffer-fest. 

If I’m caught in a personal development rut in which everyday has “an issue of the day” and people around me keep asking “what’s wrong? Are you ok?” - it’s an indicator I need to mix it up. 

A few fun/stimulating ways I’ve done personal development:

— Taking a solo trip

— Training for a marathon

— Joining a meditation community

— Hiking to every waterfall within a 2hr drive of my house. 

You can be creative and create a personal development atmosphere that is fun and excites you.

[arlin]

I am experiencing an ego backlash now. It's not fun. I want to die. Fuck this shit. I push myself too far.

I don't know how to love myself. Well, i hate myself.

But still. the fact that it has happened in the past and gone through that gives me a little bit of relief at least.

Im learning from my mistakes. Even though i kinda feel hopeless right now.

It feels like it is going to be like this forever. What if i actually have not improved? I feel like i am the same person i was 3 months ago, when i started. It feels like wasting time. A lot of doubts.

So yeah, i know how it works man. BUT still, i have faith. 

 

[Mu_]

On 7/22/2019 at 8:20 AM, Shroomdoctor said:

Hello,

For about four years now, I have tried every angle possible on improving my life. I tried to create good habits, I tried to read books, I tried medication, I tried psychological help, I tried self-love, I tried meditation, I tried to build something I might get good at, I tried and tried and tried. Still nearly every day, I wake up defeated, full of angst, and just tired of all this struggle.

 

I really don't want to take my life. I really want to discover what I can do positive for the world. I wish nothing more than to have a purpose, than to be somewhat of a pillar of light. But every day, that seems more like a far fetched dream than something I might attain. I am loosing hope, and to put it frankly, I'm just fed up with this struggle.

 

Is there something you might recommend on how I can stay on the right path? On how I can put up with this, and somehow not just give in? I am thankfull for any advice.

 

Thank You for your time.

Have you tried to stop trying?  I don’t mean in a failed way because the failure idea is just that, an idea.  But just let yourself be fed up tired and accepting of it 209% with no judgement no need to explain to yourself or anyone why and to just let that in?  To let it be ok and not mentally go to so im gonna end it then. But feel in your heart what’s there and say hey god give me some help how can I help myself. Then follow that. 

Edited July 24, 2019 by Mu_

[Elisabeth]

@Shroomdoctor

I'm also sending a hug. I don't know where the root of your issues comes from, but when reading, I thought maybe habitually trying too hard (and thus swinging from extremes to extremes) may be part of the problem. 

On 23. 7. 2019 at 1:22 PM, Leo Gura said:

 

 

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 Advanced issues found

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On 23. 7. 2019 at 1:22 PM, Leo Gura said:

I don't understand why 4 years of work hasn't improved your life. Why is the struggle so bad?

A concept from Teal Swan comes to mind: The healing trap. When you are doing shadow-work or self-improvement with the goal of improving yourself, you are not accepting yourself and therefore induce massive resistance. 

Mark Manson writes about something similar https://markmanson.net/self-improvement . 

Quote

I would argue that self-help tourists are using self-improvement advice in a healthy manner and that self-help junkies are (often, but not always) using it in an unhealthy manner. Remember, the paradoxical point of all self-improvement is to reach a point where you no longer feel you need to improve yourself. Therefore, the constant indulgence in self-improvement material just continues to feed that feeling of inadequacy.

Many people come to self-help material because they feel like something is wrong with them or the way they are. The problem is that anything that tells you how to improve your life is also implying that there is something inherently wrong with you the way you are.

I think Leo's material is a bit tricky in that it can invoke feelings of inadequacy. Not sure if that's what's happening to you @Shroomdoctor .

[Pharion]

Don't try so hard. Accept that you don't ultimately have control over your life or emotions. If you really accept this, you will be able to just live without guilt, even if you aren't doing the amazing things or growing your consciousness like you think you should be. If you can accept that you can't succeed with any amount of will power and trying, and live without guilt for some time, then you will start to naturally desire the things you were forcing yourself to do before in a healthy way. After all, if it is really impossible for this stuff to work and improve your life, then why are you still trying to lift this heavy burden? Just let it go. Go have fun without guilt and don't try to control yourself. If you can really do this, things will be okay and you will get their in a healthy way. Just be patient with yourself, and it will come to you on it's own.