[Help Needed] Feeling Hopeless in the Struggle

[Shroomdoctor]

Hello,

For about four years now, I have tried every angle possible on improving my life. I tried to create good habits, I tried to read books, I tried medication, I tried psychological help, I tried self-love, I tried meditation, I tried to build something I might get good at, I tried and tried and tried. Still nearly every day, I wake up defeated, full of angst, and just tired of all this struggle.

 

I really don't want to take my life. I really want to discover what I can do positive for the world. I wish nothing more than to have a purpose, than to be somewhat of a pillar of light. But every day, that seems more like a far fetched dream than something I might attain. I am loosing hope, and to put it frankly, I'm just fed up with this struggle.

 

Is there something you might recommend on how I can stay on the right path? On how I can put up with this, and somehow not just give in? I am thankfull for any advice.

 

Thank You for your time.

[Solonius]

34 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

I wake up defeated

What you described doesn't sound like defeat. It sounds like drive.

Life is struggle and a lot of people have much worse existences. That doesn't make your pain any less valid but becoming aware of this might help you believe things are not so bad. 

What do you do for work? Cause it sounds like you could get gratification helping others in the right field.

 

[possibilities]

Well to me the dynamics to this situation are obvious, you haven't mastered the art of going inwards.

To me, suicide based on analogous difficulties arise from this problem of not mastering introspection.

There is a divide between the internal and external that runs several layers deep beyond the superficial physical distinction, they somehow live with the idea that they need some purpose internal to themselves that runs parallel to the circumstances of reality but to me this is simply not true.

Our only purpose to me is to grow our consciousness and anything designed as an 'external' purpose is merely secondary to this because it is a byproduct of this consciousness work, meaning our purpose changes according to our level of consciousness. If our consciousness is low then we will imagine things equivalent to that low level, like being a drug dealer (don't want to stereotype all drug dealers though of course) and if it is higher, well we might run a business with more of a win-win focus and do whatever we can to avoid being a drug dealer and not just because we fear being caught.

All of the work is inside to me.

This isn't to negate external motivation (I have a heck of a lot of motivation and this is how I go about it), I'm saying that all motivation externally for me is generated internally, of which is dependent upon not only my level of consciousness but the level of inner work I've done at ordering the contents of my consciousness, meaning becoming more informationally congruent with past experience where prior dissonances (i.e. insecurities) are resolved with inner contemplation of those circumstances.

This is the beginning to developing wisdom that is self-earned and self-taught.

By going inwards, we learn to transform the contents of experience into a relationship that builds between the prefrontal and the emotional regions of the mind, fortitude here of which inevitably results into the realization of some important insight about those events.

This grows our mind, awareness and reduces our suffering where in doing so, external purpose becomes self realized via a growth in consciousness rather than something that's forced.

In short, run towards internal insecurities, delusions, illusions and overall pains not away from them. This is where the work begins and this is when you will begin to resolve your troubles, at least, that is my prediction based on my own practical experience on the subject with respect to working with myself.

Thus, YOU will be the one to solve this because you're the only one that can go inside and work things out there.

That can be quite empowering to know this.

There will be no quick fixes, in my experience I'd run away from cliche advice.

All the best.

[Solonius]

5 minutes ago, possibilities said:

In short, run towards internal insecurities, delusions, illusions and overall pains not away from them.

Perfect advice for someone contemplating suicide! 

Your not wrong but You need to be in the right state of mind for shadow work. Would rather see him get to a positive baseline before going demon hunting.

[possibilities]

He will know the right way.

I was just sharing my experience.

It really just depends on the person, my way was just the way for me.

There's no "one size fits all", but at the same time that's empowering because every individual gets to contemplate for themselves to workout what's truly best for them.

Edited July 22, 2019 by possibilities

[StephenK]

@Shroomdoctor When you're feeling more grounded, go towards your pain; listen to it -- it's trying to tell you that something is out of balance. For years I ran away from my pain, my fears, into a philosophical / spiritual cocoon of my own making. The pain never went away -- it came into the cocoon with me and forced me to be intimate with it. It was only in acknowledging it, accepting it, truly seeing it, that I realized I was holding onto it with a clenched fist. Good luck. You'll get through this.

[Commodent]

Try quitting, if only for a few secs. Give completely into the defeat and angst. Surrender all your goals, everything. Maybe even admit defeat of not being able to surrender. That is what surrender is. Kill the person who you are trying to be, not your physical body. Be who you are, and feel what you feel. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, so it is obviously a very bad solution.

[Psyche_92]

2 minutes ago, Commodent said:

Try quitting, if only for a few secs. Give completely into the defeat and angst. Surrender all your goals, everything. Maybe even admit defeat of not being able to surrender. That is what surrender is. Kill the person who you are trying to be, not your physical body. Be who you are, and feel what you feel.

I've tried this before, and all that this is doing for me is making it even more worse. At that point i watch porn and fap all day, eat junkfood, watch YouTube videos, sleep in late and wake up late, neglect even the most basic personal hygiëne and just end up in a very bad place.

[Commodent]

@Psyche_92 What you describe is quite common and usually arises from a place of hopelessness, exhaustion and/or something similar. Despite giving up you're still quite attached to your self-image. What I'm saying is more immediate and goes a lot deeper. It's moreso linked with authenticity rather than lack of ambition (although lack of ambition could be a byproduct). It's about completely giving up the idea of who you are and who you want to be, thus allowing true growth to occur. It's about getting in touch with YOU, and not be a fake.

A lot of people just give up on their goals without being in touch with what they truly want, because they're so used to being told what to do. So they end up like you describe. But who knows, maybe living like a bum could be an important step in the process in figuring out what you truly want, by helping you realize you do not really want to live like that. I mean, one has to start somewhere.

[Psyche_92]

24 minutes ago, Commodent said:

What I'm saying is more immediate and goes a lot deeper. It's moreso linked with authenticity rather than lack of ambition (although lack of ambition could be a byproduct). It's about completely giving up the idea of who you are and who you want to be, thus allowing true growth to occur. It's about getting in touch with YOU, and not be a fake.

Yea i definitely know what you mean, but i feel like that requires a state of no ego, as ego would pick that up as "now i can be lazy and authentic", which is exactly why i become a bum when i do it... It's a state where i don't pressure myself into doing the things i don't want to do, which can be seen as fake. 

So how do you do this ?

[okulele]

@Shroomdoctor Sounds like you are going through some tough times, man. Gratitude came to mind. Maybe you are just conditioned to see the negative and there is a lot of good stuff that you don't appreciate? When you wake up defeated, maybe ask yourself if there is something you can be grateful for

[Natasha]

Do you realize none of this stuff will ever bring you happiness and peace even if/when having been achieved?

10 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

how I can stay on the right path?

Suffering is resisting what is. Stop resisting life, let it live you.

Hugs

[bensenbiz]

u said u had some psychedelic experiences. I was in a time in my life where I felt like you and tried psychedelics and it was useless because there was way too much ego activeness - what I want to say is it tooked me time and different approaches to be able to see love again.
I travelled a lot and volunteered with the only goal to help others, I did lots of meditation and had some profound breaktroughs at a vipassana retreat (10 Days silent meditation) - reading/hearing a lot about advaita vedanta, alan watts and leo. And some Ayahuasca experiences with a afterwards microdosing psilocibin to impement the insights. Also a MDMA Session on my own with a Manual from Maps "A Manual for MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapyin the Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder" after all this work which took me about an year. I came back to the matrix and would know how I want to design my life and whats more important having joy again. I was very lucky to find some conscious people around this journey which helped me a lot as well. for sure we are there for you when you need something. I wish you the best m8.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Shroomdoctor Use the struggle to inquiry deeper in yourself its helping you...

[Commodent]

1 hour ago, Psyche_92 said:

Yea i definitely know what you mean, but i feel like that requires a state of no ego, as ego would pick that up as "now i can be lazy and authentic", which is exactly why i become a bum when i do it... It's a state where i don't pressure myself into doing the things i don't want to do, which can be seen as fake. 

So how do you do this ?

I think ego is not bad in and of itself, it is in fact absolutely essential if you want to attain anything in this world. The problem only arises when people start identifying with ego, as they fail to recognize it's really only a part of the whole and subsequently live their lives under a massive delusion. It also stunts growth, because they think ego is all there is and will spend all their lives perfecting their ego. I think experiencing states of no ego can be very useful for understanding what it is, and how you're not really that. The chakra model for example makes this very clear. Ego really only corresponds to the 3rd chakra; manipura.

In order to be fully authentic you have to come to terms with your ego (among other things) and not try to deny it. I think this is something most spiritual people are very bad at. In my experience this has all been a process of liberation on every level. Spirituality should not leave you feeling caged in by dogma, "the right way" or whatever. You want the exact opposite; total liberation.

[Elham]

First it seems you do all these things to get to somewhere, to achieve a goal or reach to a destination. I believe it doesn't work like that. If you believe you are eating healthy and doing things you are good at and read books, so OK that should make you happy as you are doing them. It should be the PATH that satisfies you. Where do you want to get with your healthy eating, book reading and meditation?? That's it. You already got there!

Second, no worries if you made a busy life by these habits. If you are not used to all these changes it's ok. Just try to go on with this messy mind. You will get to equilibrium through disequilibrium.

[Natasha]

@Shroomdoctor Hope this resonates. Hugs

 

[JustThinkingAloud]

19 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

I really want to discover what I can do positive for the world.

Start small and grow it big or as big as you want. Even just putting a smile on someone’s face is a positive change in this world. Imagine if everyone did that, how many smiles we would create! Give yourself a break, recharge and review what you want, learn how to get it and then go and get it!

[Psyche_92]

5 hours ago, Natasha said:

@Shroomdoctor Hope this resonates. Hugs

 

Good video. Resonated a lot with what i'm experiencing atm.

[Charlotte]

@Shroomdoctor write down ten things that haven't happened yet. Then show gratitude for them as if they have happened. 

Go through them and live them in precise detail. Feel what it is like with each one. 

You may see you will struggle with some of them... You may see where you need to do the work. E.g. you feel you don't deserve some or one of them. Then inquire about that. Etc ♥️