Ego Backlash: Why Can't I Just Let It Go?

[The Don]

Hello.

Today I sat with myself. I observed myself fully. I finally could meditate well without having thoughts; it was total silence & only the present moment.

At some point, I was starting to feel something strange about my personality. I think it was my Ego, trying to preserve itself by hitting back and by not letting me enjoy the present moment. It was an odd feeling that is hard to explain.

Anyway, what I wanna ask is this: would I be able to maintain my personality as I'm furthering away from my Ego?

I wanna be able to relate to people while I'm becoming selflessness; I want to be able to smile when I'm interacting with them.

I wanna be "liked" but not in an egotistic way. I need some basic social skills and knowing when to smile in an authentic way, not forcefully. The reason? To be function in this world while I'm at my job or anywhere else.

I was reading this book (The Psychology of Mans Possible Evolution) and the author, Ouspensky, mentioned the importance of personality and essence. He said that 'personality and essence' need to go hand in hand. Ouspensky explained that both essence and personality must be developed, otherwise the human being cannot function properly.

I wanna be able to function properly as I'm becoming selflessness and more empathetic with people around me.

How do I preserve my personality?

Edited July 20, 2019 by The Don
Correcting a word through the possibility of editing.

[mandyjw]

Personality isn't quite as solid of a thing as we think it is. Ultimately by working with the ego, we clear the sky of clouds that obstruct the blue sky. The blue sky is infinite love and what connects us seamlessly with other people and life itself. True Love and connection is beyond our concepts of other people, our concept of our own personality and it intuitively connects in the moment in an authentic loving way. It's WAY, way better and more effective that any concept we can have of our personality or thoughts how we should relate to other people. It's as if you're going from robotic programming to becoming human for the first time.  There can be some glitches along the way as we see through what is false about our view of self and other and free ourselves of programming, and it's good to allow ourselves grace for them. But there aren't as many as you might think. 

[SunnyNewDay]

why do you want to let your ego go?

[The Don]

Just now, SunnyNewDay said:

why do you want to let your ego go?

Because I want to access reality directly.

Direct experience is king, as @Leo Gura is saying. Direct experience is reality itself.

I don't need an Ego because I don't wanna live a lie. As long as I'm guided by my Ego, how can I experience absolute truth? As long as I'm following my Ego, how can I become more conscious? You get it, right?

This is what I mean when I want to drop my Ego.

[Truth Addict]

@The Don

Why you couldn't let go?

Because it's not easy to let go. One try is not enough. You need more chances.

There may be some misunderstanding within your concepts, maybe not. I don't know. But make sure you got the theory right before you proceed.

Will you be able to preserve your personality?

I can't tell. It depends on what you mean by personality. If you mean your authentic self, then that's the ultimate place that your personality will arrive at. If you mean some egoic version of you, then no, it must get destroyed for you to move forward.

Edited July 20, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Aaron p]

This "i" you mentioned in your question, the one who is "letting go" show me this one, then I will be able to answer the question.

[The Don]

21 hours ago, Aaron p said:

This "i" you mentioned in your question, the one who is "letting go" show me this one, then I will be able to answer the question.

This "I" is just an illusion. You're absolutely right.