Why do men take women for granted?

[sargam]

During dating phase its all perfect as men try to woo, but as soon as they get sex , most of them try to wander off or become jerks.

Why do they take women for granted?

[Michael569]

Men with wounded self esteem and little self-confidence do this. These are most of the macho pretty boys that girls fall for. 

Conscious men do not seek one night stands but a high quality relationship where they and their woman can grow and enrich each other's life with divine masculine and divine feminine.  Perhaps you just haven't managed to find one of those

[Natasha]

16 minutes ago, sargam said:

During dating phase its all perfect as men try to woo, but as soon as they get sex , most of them try to wander off or become jerks.

Why do they take women for granted?

Because men are hunters by nature and love a good challenge. That's how they're wired. If something just falls on their lap, they're not going to value it as much past the initial stage. So keep your boundaries and stay true to your values. The right man will respect you for it and continue to pursue regardless. And the wrong for you man will quickly move on, so let him  

 

[DrewNows]

38 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

Conscious men do not seek one night stands but a high quality relationship where they and their woman can grow and enrich each other's life with divine masculine and divine feminine.  Perhaps you just haven't managed to find one of those

Yes conscious men are truthful in their intentions

@sargam there’s always some self reflection to be had on whether or not you honestly feel youre deserving of a high quality relationship.

Perhaps as Nata states, you aren’t expressing your true boundaries and values, but are, instead, acting, subconsciously, unaligned with what you really desire. Like from a place of fear, expressing neediness or uncertainty about what you deserve 

[NoSelfSelf]

@sargam why do women take men for granted? Mybe once they took women for real and then realized its not worth it...

@Natasha same for women

 

Edited July 19, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[DrewNows]

41 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@sargam why do women take men for granted? Mybe once they took women for real and then realized its not worth it...

@Natasha same for women

 

Good point, it can easily become a mind game / power struggle if either party isn’t being true to themselves 

[Moreira]

because the prolactin released after sex makes men uninterested, passive... we are ruled by hormones

[assx95]

@sargam It's biology. 

Before I jerk off, i am all sexually excited, at its peak, but after i am done, i lose all interest. 

[Emerald]

11 hours ago, sargam said:

During dating phase its all perfect as men try to woo, but as soon as they get sex , most of them try to wander off or become jerks.

Why do they take women for granted?

There are three centers in the body that relate to sexuality and relationships. Those are the mind, the heart, and the genitals. And one or more of these become activated in a romantic relationship/situation.

Generally speaking, men and women tend to have opposite currents relative to these three centers.

For women, attraction tends to begin in the mind, travel to the heart, and eventually end up in the genitals. 

For men, attraction tends to begin in the genitals, travel to his heart, and then to his mind.

And in there is a cycle that's created between the two in a sexual relationship, where the man penetrates the woman's genitals and the woman penetrates his mind. This is why it's very common for women to want to know what's going on in a man's mind, and for a man to be really focused toward the visceral aspects of sex.

One particular challenge of male sexuality is that the sexual instinct in the genitals is so strong (for both man and woman) that it has a gravity to it that the other centers don't have.

So, for men this genital-heavy orientation creates a holding point where it keeps that energy from rising up into the heart and mind. So, men who are a bit young or not yet fully developed as people get that energy stuck in the genitals. And it keeps them from being able to keep (or even see the value in) a relationship with women beyond sex. They are not able to see women through the heart lens.

But once a man works on himself and integrates his feminine side, that energy can rise up through the other two centers and he is capable of valuing a woman as a partner and has the capacity to fall in love. Some guys are just like this, and have a mature 3-tiered attraction dynamic, even as teenagers. Some guys never develop this capacity for a variety of reasons and remain stuck in the genital orientation of relationships. But most guys have a bit of an arc, where they eventually develop a more mature masculinity.

So, my thought is that you may be attracting and getting attracted to men who are still in that immature phase where the heart and mind hasn't been integrated into the sexual experience. And it's rather unnerving to be with a guy like that.

Luckily, it has a vibe to it. You can pick up on it, as long as you yourself are mature in that way. And once you mature, you will discover a natural aversion to that energy that under-developed guys tend to give off. And you will start to get naturally more attracted to men with a more integrated heart. 

So, I recommend focusing toward growing yourself and maturing in the same way. 

For women, the problem they have is integrating the heart as well, especially if there are trust issues. So, the mind becomes really strong and resistant to being vulnerable. 

In a nutshell, the way to find someone who is mature, is to mature yourself. And after that you will naturally attract partners that will value you as a person and will make you a priority in their life. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Emerald So true,,,,

12 hours ago, sargam said:

During dating phase its all perfect as men try to woo, but as soon as they get sex , most of them try to wander off or become jerks.

Why do they take women for granted?

I call it unintegrated mans yo yo behavior because a plain spoken girlfriend hit me over the head a few times with that remark. It's amazing how different men and women are. Some of this bahaviour I theorize runs parallel with what's referred to as the increasing number of what's called kidults in the last few generations.

Don't completely give up on men. IME,  Emerald and others shed great light on the matter,,,,

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

There are three centers in the body that relate to sexuality and relationships. Those are the mind, the heart, and the genitals. And one or more of these become activated in a romantic relationship/situation.

Generally speaking, men and women tend to have opposite currents relative to these three centers.

For women, attraction tends to begin in the mind, travel to the heart, and eventually end up in the genitals. 

For men, attraction tends to begin in the genitals, travel to his heart, and then to his mind.

And in there is a cycle that's created between the two in a sexual relationship, where the man penetrates the woman's genitals and the woman penetrates his mind. This is why it's very common for women to want to know what's going on in a man's mind, and for a man to be really focused toward the visceral aspects of sex.

One particular challenge of male sexuality is that the sexual instinct in the genitals is so strong (for both man and woman) that it has a gravity to it that the other centers don't have.

So, for men this genital-heavy orientation creates a holding point where it keeps that energy from rising up into the heart and mind. So, men who are a bit young or not yet fully developed as people get that energy stuck in the genitals. And it keeps them from being able to keep (or even see the value in) a relationship with women beyond sex. They are not able to see women through the heart lens.

But once a man works on himself and integrates his feminine side, that energy can rise up through the other two centers and he is capable of valuing a woman as a partner and has the capacity to fall in love. Some guys are just like this, and have a mature 3-tiered attraction dynamic, even as teenagers. Some guys never develop this capacity for a variety of reasons and remain stuck in the genital orientation of relationships. But most guys have a bit of an arc, where they eventually develop a more mature masculinity.

So, my thought is that you may be attracting and getting attracted to men who are still in that immature phase where the heart and mind hasn't been integrated into the sexual experience. And it's rather unnerving to be with a guy like that.

Luckily, it has a vibe to it. You can pick up on it, as long as you yourself are mature in that way. And once you mature, you will discover a natural aversion to that energy that under-developed guys tend to give off. And you will start to get naturally more attracted to men with a more integrated heart. 

So, I recommend focusing toward growing yourself and maturing in the same way. 

For women, the problem they have is integrating the heart as well, especially if there are trust issues. So, the mind becomes really strong and resistant to being vulnerable. 

In a nutshell, the way to find someone who is mature, is to mature yourself. And after that you will naturally attract partners that will value you as a person and will make you a priority in their life. 

 

@Emerald I find myself in the predicament of knowing that I am underdeveloped in this area, that is, I usually don't value relationships apart from sex. And I'm not even that young, which is worrisome. I would like to mature and develop but was wondering if you have any advice on a more practical level. What can I do to integrate my feminine side and the heart?

[sargam]

13 hours ago, Michael569 said:

Men with wounded self esteem and little self-confidence do this. These are most of the macho pretty boys that girls fall for. 

Conscious men do not seek one night stands but a high quality relationship where they and their woman can grow and enrich each other's life with divine masculine and divine feminine.  Perhaps you just haven't managed to find one of those

The percentage of "Conscious men" seems to be very feeble

[sargam]

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

There are three centers in the body that relate to sexuality and relationships. Those are the mind, the heart, and the genitals. And one or more of these become activated in a romantic relationship/situation.

Generally speaking, men and women tend to have opposite currents relative to these three centers.

For women, attraction tends to begin in the mind, travel to the heart, and eventually end up in the genitals. 

For men, attraction tends to begin in the genitals, travel to his heart, and then to his mind.

And in there is a cycle that's created between the two in a sexual relationship, where the man penetrates the woman's genitals and the woman penetrates his mind. This is why it's very common for women to want to know what's going on in a man's mind, and for a man to be really focused toward the visceral aspects of sex.

One particular challenge of male sexuality is that the sexual instinct in the genitals is so strong (for both man and woman) that it has a gravity to it that the other centers don't have.

So, for men this genital-heavy orientation creates a holding point where it keeps that energy from rising up into the heart and mind. So, men who are a bit young or not yet fully developed as people get that energy stuck in the genitals. And it keeps them from being able to keep (or even see the value in) a relationship with women beyond sex. They are not able to see women through the heart lens.

But once a man works on himself and integrates his feminine side, that energy can rise up through the other two centers and he is capable of valuing a woman as a partner and has the capacity to fall in love. Some guys are just like this, and have a mature 3-tiered attraction dynamic, even as teenagers. Some guys never develop this capacity for a variety of reasons and remain stuck in the genital orientation of relationships. But most guys have a bit of an arc, where they eventually develop a more mature masculinity.

So, my thought is that you may be attracting and getting attracted to men who are still in that immature phase where the heart and mind hasn't been integrated into the sexual experience. And it's rather unnerving to be with a guy like that.

Luckily, it has a vibe to it. You can pick up on it, as long as you yourself are mature in that way. And once you mature, you will discover a natural aversion to that energy that under-developed guys tend to give off. And you will start to get naturally more attracted to men with a more integrated heart. 

So, I recommend focusing toward growing yourself and maturing in the same way. 

For women, the problem they have is integrating the heart as well, especially if there are trust issues. So, the mind becomes really strong and resistant to being vulnerable. 

In a nutshell, the way to find someone who is mature, is to mature yourself. And after that you will naturally attract partners that will value you as a person and will make you a priority in their life. 

 

@Emerald This is a very good explanation 

Thanks for the inputs 

[sargam]

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

I call it unintegrated mans yo yo behavior because a plain spoken girlfriend hit me over the head a few times with that remark. It's amazing how different men and women are. Some of this bahaviour I theorize runs parallel with what's referred to as the increasing number of what's called kidults in the last few generations.

Don't completely give up on men. IME,  Emerald and others shed great light on the matter,,,,

Very true , we find different kind of people with all kind of nature.

However most men seem to act very differently (I have heard it from my mom too) 

I am not saying that all women are saints and follow the path of righteousness  

[ajasatya]

@sargam Women tend to grow faster than men for 2 reasons, I believe:

1. Periods. Female periods usually lead to physical pain and moments of introspection and they start around 13~15, which is quite early if compared to the ages at which men become more self-aware.
2. Fertility deadline. There is a stronger visceral impulse on women to find the right father for their children. Men can kind of wander around and have a messier life for a longer period of time.

So that's how it works, according to my observations. You'd need to face it and accept it. Yes, conscious and responsible men are rarer. Make use of this piece of information and avoid distracted men.

A tip from a man married to a happy woman: pick one that enjoys silence, making eye contact, listening and working hard. The motivation to work hard is a good signal because it lies upon a thick layer of foundations that cover many areas of the self-actualization work.

[Shadowraix]

6 hours ago, sargam said:

The percentage of "Conscious men" seems to be very feeble

The percentage of conscious people in general is incredibly feeble! Spirituality is a very feminine energy thing and when you compare that to our masculine dominant society, it makes it difficult for men to find their way to integrating their feminine side. It's constantly being repressed as is so you have to go against the grain. 

@Emerald Wow I never though of it that way. Your explanations are great as always. It's always taken me a few months to see someone as a viable partner and something beyond the physical infatuation phase then up to 6 months to really start developing a strong bond. It's tricky because the bond needs to develop before the attraction dies else I'll feel uninterested. 

 

[Aeris]

18 hours ago, Moreira said:

because the prolactin released after sex makes men uninterested, passive... we are ruled by hormones

what about 4-5 times in the same night ?

we are ruled by mind aswell.

what about the guys who go in a mountain 8 months without fapping. Use of mind to counter biology.

Mind is a lot tricked by biologic needs though. just as surviving do.

Unless you become godlike

[Matt8800]

@sargam You seem to forget that humans are animals. In most species, the males tend to seek sex more due to hardwiring. 

Its an evolutionary attribute. If men lose interest after sex, then they were only interested in the sex in the first place. 

Its easy to find fault in one sex while ignoring the tendencies of the other sex.

[sargam]

12 hours ago, Matt8800 said:

@sargam You seem to forget that humans are animals. In most species, the males tend to seek sex more due to hardwiring. 

Its an evolutionary attribute. If men lose interest after sex, then they were only interested in the sex in the first place. 

Its easy to find fault in one sex while ignoring the tendencies of the other sex.

First of all I would say that humans unlike any other species (except Dolphins) have sex for recreation other than also procreation.

Well being social animals , should we not have courtesty to at least try to have human connection (instead of treating each other like doormats) ? . The problem is not just with men , most women too have taken "casual sex" too much casually.

I can understand that as a young person we all meet people and have casual flings (some lead to sweet memories and some end in bitter ones) . We get to learn a lot from such relationships.  And agreed that most men lose interest after sex , but the same interest can be regained if given time.

All I meant to say was most people have stopped giving love a chance to just focus on lust. SEX is more like a transaction today.

Most readers seem to percieve me as some asexual misandrist because of the thread I started. On the contrary I have always advocated for people to have sex once they attain the maturity level. And on personal level I enjoy a healthy sex life . Sex for me is a basic need and a verey helpful stress buster. A weekend session and a mid week session  works wonders for me and keeps me composed.

 

 

Edited July 21, 2019 by sargam

[laptophaver]

@sargam story of my life (even if you send nudes because seeing someone vulnerable is another form of taking)