How to build discipline without being neurotic

[Viking]

I was lazy my whole life until I was around 17, then I tried to build discipline, tried to force myself to read books, meditate, but I became very neurotic about it, blaming myself if I fail, etc. it also didn't work that well, for example i barely learned anything from the books i've read. I stopped trying to be disciplined and just went with the flow, having kind of a backlash and going to the other polar extreme. Right now I do basically what I want, I do manage to do the things I have to do, sometimes. I manage to read books (rather enjoyably and more productively) and study for exams, but just a little, much less than I would actually like to, so I'd like to find a way to be more disciplined without being neurotic.

My proposition for building discipline is this:
Force yourself to do the things you have to, but not too much as to be neurotic. Find the balance. I think with time, the amount of work you can force yourself to do will increase, or even better, you won't need to force yourself (the ideal case). 

I presume that tactic will work, because I think the reason we don't want to do things is due to fear of emotional labor. The more we get accustomed to emotional labor, the less we fear, the more discipline we have.
Also, when we think to ourselves "i'll work just a little" instead of "I have to work ALL OUT" the way we approach the work is much lighter, less neurotic, which makes the time working more enjoyable, which makes us associate work with more positive emotion, hence we want to do it more.

Have you ever tried that? Has that worked? What's your way to discipline yourself? Do you even believe in discipline?

[kag101]

Some points on this: 

>> For a very long time, I was in battle with myself in order to make new "healthy" habits. I would be very rigid with myself. I would adopt the "just do it" strategy. But that only works in the short run. >>

>> I'd also label myself as "lazy and unproductive". At 19, I went to a psychiatrist who told me I had depression clinical.

>> I was addicted to improving myself, to making new habits. I was addicted to having no addictions. 

>> Ever since i started taking the right medication, I am naturally disciplined. Sometimes my "dictator" self still creeps in trying to make myself a robot, but nowadays I quickly recognize it. Then, I let go of it, and I make sure to be kinder to myself. 

 

[JustThinkingAloud]

Pushing myself doesn’t work for me. I find a way that makes me want to do things. I focus on the final result that I really want that makes me want to do even what I don’t like doing. It’s also a good double check that what I’m doing is productive and leads to getting what I want.

I also create a daily/weekly etc routine, that way I don’t have to think what to do next or whether I have done enough. It keeps it more balanced and less emotional.

[bejapuskas]

@Viking  Recognize how procrastination feels like shit and discipline feels great. If you love yourself enough, you wouldn't let yourself do harm to yourself like this. Just realize how hopeless the ego is.

[Truth Addict]

Easy, just move from thinking to doing.

I mean spend more time on physical activities (even unrelated to discipline activities) than on mental exercises.

That'll improve your discipline to a certain degree, and then you'd have to deal with the rest.

Edited July 19, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Viking]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

physical activities

like physical exercise? i go to the gym

is painting or playing the piano considered a mental or a physical exercise to you?

[Truth Addict]

8 minutes ago, Viking said:

like physical exercise? i go to the gym

is painting or playing the piano considered a mental or a physical exercise to you?

Gym is great!

Anything that can get you in a flow state will do.

You need more flow states.

[bejapuskas]

@Viking  I would say it's mental and I wouldn't say that you are exercising, if you are just doing art or playing chess, even if it makes you loose weight, but it's certainly a good thing if your intention is to sharpen your intellect.

[Viking]

7 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Viking  I would say it's mental and I wouldn't say that you are exercising, if you are just doing art or playing chess, even if it makes you loose weight, but it's certainly a good thing if your intention is to sharpen your intellect.

i meant physical activity, sorry

[bejapuskas]

@Viking  Well, it's both, but I was assuming that you are looking for a thing that would improve your capabilities in that field, so what I meant by my answer is, that drawing or playing an instrument probably won't make you run faster  

[Viking]

24 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Viking  Well, it's both, but I was assuming that you are looking for a thing that would improve your capabilities in that field, so what I meant by my answer is, that drawing or playing an instrument probably won't make you run faster  

obviously, but will it improve my discipline?

[bejapuskas]

@Viking  It sure can, but it depends on where do you want to put your discipline. For example for Elon Musk, this would be a distraction. But sure, it can be great  

[Maarten]

I'm actually quite curious about this topic myself, as I've been pondering this question for quite a while now too.

To keep myself moving forward, I interact with the world using specific methods.

1. I try to finish whatever I start. If I fail though (which is usually because I didn't think it through that well from the start), I don't chastise myself and remind myself that you always have the ability to look for and even create new opportunities if you decide to try again
2. If I find something interesting, I deal with it straight away. E.g. if I see a workshop on Krav Maga, and I want to attend it really badly, I could ...
   a. sign up for it straight away
   b. pick a date when I will be available and schedule a reminder in my calendar to sign up for it (or re-assess it) then
   c. write it down on a list of things I find interesting so that my mind is at ease, and I can always come back at it.
3. I like to go out into the world. Something that I struggle with a lot is loneliness, and I have a habit of isolating myself because I have low self-esteem. This means that I sometimes purposefully not go to places like clubs or crowded parties, because I'm afraid to make a fool of myself. One way I cope with this is by doing little things every now and then (things I like to do), like studying in a public library instead of at home, and going bouldering (a sport I actually enjoy doing). Have compassion for yourself, seek out reasonable challenges, and even allow yourself to have shitty periods too. Whether you like them or not, they happen, and resisting them won't make them go any faster, and actually makes the experience worse.
4. I do regular bodywork. One of the best practices I've taken on from Actualized.org is that I do regular bodywork stuff. I probably use the term incorrectly, but what I mean is that I regularly attend Holotropic Breathwork workshops, and do psychedelic trips. I like to see these as exercise on steroids, they release tension from your body (just like exercise), but on a much deeper level than just exercise has ever been able to do for me. There are probably many more ways of doing this, but these two work for me.

These are just 4 things I do personally, but something I couldn't stress enough is that only you know what is best for you. Despite the good intentions of others, only you know what you need at any time (even if it is just at an intuitive level). Experiment lots, that gives you options so that you can pick what works for you and discard the rest.

[ajasatya]

@Viking Short answer: learn to enjoy what you do or do what you enjoy.

[Psyche_92]

Why do you think you need discipline to do something? You only need discipline if you hate what you are doing, or what you think you should be doing. Thus it's not authentic and fake.

Edited July 20, 2019 by Psyche_92

[Maarten]

4 hours ago, Psyche_92 said:

Why do you think you need discipline to do something? You only need discipline if you hate what you are doing, or what you think you should be doing. Thus it's not authentic and fake.

What about if you want something, but are afraid to get hurt due to prior experiences? Breaking out might not be as simple as staying in your comfort zone, especially not if you've started to believe that your fears are actuality.

[JustThinkingAloud]

15 hours ago, Maarten said:

What about if you want something, but are afraid to get hurt due to prior experiences? Breaking out might not be as simple as staying in your comfort zone, especially not if you've started to believe that your fears are actuality.

Try to find the reasons why you got hurt and that will make it easier to prevent being hurt again. Learn the lesson and have an action plan to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. You will still have the fear to remind you to be careful, take step at a time and learn how to avoid being hurt again. The fear will eventually go away once you learn better way of doing things.

[Viking]

On 7/20/2019 at 1:11 AM, ajasatya said:

@Viking Short answer: learn to enjoy what you do or do what you enjoy.

1. even if i do something I enjoy, after some time ill get tired of it and drop it.

2. how do i learn to enjoy what I do? whenever I do something, I feel this compulsion to stop whatever im doing and do something else, distract myself, i feel as though its not worthy enough, whatever im doing, to spend my time on. I do get excited sometimes to do a certain thing, i start doing it, and the desire to stop arises. The thing is it happens with everything i do, even things i "enjoy". It's exactly like during meditation (for me only when the meditation exceeds 20 minutes) you want to get up and stop the meditation, that sanskara arises again and again but it never goes away. i try to accept it but it keeps coming, and its force doesn't diminish.

Edited July 21, 2019 by Viking

[ajasatya]

22 minutes ago, Viking said:

I feel this compulsion to stop whatever im doing and do something else, distract myself, i feel as though its not worthy enough, whatever im doing, to spend my time on.

It happens because you haven't developed a clear and mature vision for your life yet. You don't know what you want to offer to the world. If you knew, you'd be hungry and tireless.

The drive to constantly satisfy yourself alone is boring. The drive to satisfy yourself by serving the world is unstoppable.

[Joseph Maynor]