trouble keeping a purpose

[Viking]

even if i find a certain purpose or a mission, i almost immediately discard it, because it doesnt matter whether i achieve that or not, it feels pointless, it wont matter in 12417291827 years etc. etc.  so why should i work and suffer so much to achieve it? after i realize that even if i had a desire to pursue something it disappears.

i feel more and more like life purpose is a hoax. theres not really a thing that i should be striving towards. Maybe i would settle for mastery, do something which I just have fun doing, but life purpose i feel is total crap. The idea that theres a thing i should achieve is crap. But still, just settling for mastery, only doing stuff I like feels empty and meaningless, I need somewhere to aim at with that stuff, but then again theres nothing worthwhile to aim at (except survival i guess, but is survival even worth it if like is meaningless crap?). im stuck in loops.

[JustThinkingAloud]

Maybe try to do something that matters now. Do you really need to care whether it will matter 12417291827 years, probably not many things will matter then. You don’t have to do it just for yourself, do it for others too. Maybe try to do something that you like doing and others benefit from it and even pay for it, that way you might feel that it’s worth it.

[Viking]

5 minutes ago, JustThinkingAloud said:

Maybe try to do something that matters now. Do you really need to care whether it will matter 12417291827 years, probably not many things will matter then. You don’t have to do it just for yourself, do it for others too. Maybe try to do something that you like doing and others benefit from it and even pay for it, that way you might feel that it’s worth it.

maybe it's not the time at which something occurs, but maybe i just cant find something that i care enough about. i dont care about people killing each other, i dont care about people starving to death, i dont care about global warming, i dont care about humans surviving or becoming an advanced high consciousness civilization, i dont care about people living better lives, i wish I could, really, but i just dont, maybe im not mature enough and havent experienced enough of the world.

[JustThinkingAloud]

Try to go for a smaller purpose. I’ve settled for happiness for me and people around me so I try to do whatever leads to that. Start small and grow it as big as you want.

[Elisabeth]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

maybe it's not the time at which something occurs, but maybe i just cant find something that i care enough about. i dont care about people killing each other, i dont care about people starving to death, i dont care about global warming, i dont care about humans surviving or becoming an advanced high consciousness civilization, i dont care about people living better lives, i wish I could, really, but i just dont, maybe im not mature enough and havent experienced enough of the world.

Look at your Maslow's pyramid from the bottom up. Yet better, discard all theory of purpose and hierarchies, and look at your actual needs and wishes at this time. 

All higher-consciousness endeavours feel meaningless if we have basic survival issues or a big psychological hole to patch. Look at your psychological pain. 

When I was depressed, I didn't give a shit about global topics, and not even about being part of my immediate community.  As I'm achieving my own basic goals and getting my needs satisfied, like finishing studies not depending financially on my parents, and as I'm learning to have relationships and actually getting my needs for love and belonging met, I suddenly start to care. About community, about politics, about purpose. 

A friend of mine reported a similar experience. He's getting divorced right now, and he talked about a work issue. His boss is all excited about getting a deal for developing a driverless underground train, a nice modern innovation. My friend didn't feel any of that excitement. Total void.  We came to the same conclusion: As he was grieving right now, and missing a sense of belonging too, he was not able to feel higher emotions, like getting excited about a long-term innovative goal. 

Why would you care about others if nobody (not even you!) seems to care about your misery? That's where lack of motivation came from for me. 

Don't get drowned by metaphysical shit about meaning being a construct. It may be, but you have to dive into your life and psyche as it is anyway. Don't worry about purpose, work your way up to it. 

Edited July 17, 2019 by Elisabeth

[Psyche_92]

Make it a purpose to enjoy the present moment at all times. Which doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel sad or unhappy about it.

Edited July 17, 2019 by Psyche_92

[Viking]

1 hour ago, Elisabeth said:

Look at your Maslow's pyramid from the bottom up. Yet better, discard all theory of purpose and hierarchies, and look at your actual needs and wishes at this time. 

All higher-consciousness endeavours feel meaningless if we have basic survival issues or a big psychological hole to patch. Look at your psychological pain. 

When I was depressed, I didn't give a shit about global topics, and not even about being part of my immediate community.  As I'm achieving my own basic goals and getting my needs satisfied, like finishing studies not depending financially on my parents, and as I'm learning to have relationships and actually getting my needs for love and belonging met, I suddenly start to care. About community, about politics, about purpose. 

A friend of mine reported a similar experience. He's getting divorced right now, and he talked about a work issue. His boss is all excited about getting a deal for developing a driverless underground train, a nice modern innovation. My friend didn't feel any of that excitement. Total void.  We came to the same conclusion: As he was grieving right now, and missing a sense of belonging too, he was not able to feel higher emotions, like getting excited about a long-term innovative goal. 

Why would you care about others if nobody (not even you!) seems to care about your misery? That's where lack of motivation came from for me. 

Don't get drowned by metaphysical shit about meaning being a construct. It may be, but you have to dive into your life and psyche as it is anyway. Don't worry about purpose, work your way up to it. 

But theres the whole problem!! i want to fulfill my basic needs but in order to fulfill them i need to have them already fulfilled!

what i mean, is in order to find a girlfriend i need to have a purpose in my life, as it was said in the book "the way of the superior man". but in order to care about purpose i need to already have my needs met, including belonging. ?????????

in order to get financial freedom i need to find my life purpose, where ill want to devote all my time into, but in order to care that much i have to have my needs met, be already financially free. ?????,??

1 hour ago, Psyche_92 said:

Make it a purpose to enjoy the present moment at all times. Which doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel sad or unhappy about it.

whats your definition of the word "enjoy"? for me its to be happy in the moment, in direct contradiction to what u just said.

[dvdas]

"Perhaps we'll never know how far the path can go, how much a human being can truly achieve, until we realize that the ultimate reward is not a gold metal but the path it self."   

-George Leonard

[Viking]

22 minutes ago, dvdas said:

"Perhaps we'll never know how far the path can go, how much a human being can truly achieve, until we realize that the ultimate reward is not a gold metal but the path it self."   

-George Leonard

though there's no path without a destination, right?

[Elisabeth]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

But theres the whole problem!! i want to fulfill my basic needs but in order to fulfill them i need to have them already fulfilled!

what i mean, is in order to find a girlfriend i need to have a purpose in my life, as it was said in the book "the way of the superior man". but in order to care about purpose i need to already have my needs met, including belonging. ?????????

in order to get financial freedom i need to find my life purpose, where ill want to devote all my time into, but in order to care that much i have to have my needs met, be already financially free. ?????,??

whats your definition of the word "enjoy"? for me its to be happy in the moment, in direct contradiction to what u just said.

No. 

You work your way up step by step. 

Best way to find a girlfriend may be to have a purpose, but a great way to start is to have a job. 

Best way to find a purpose may be to belong and thus, care, but there also steps and degrees. If you don't have a great wife and family, you can start by finding a good friend to confide to, or take up a hobby where you meet people you like. 

Think of it as a spiral. You start where you are and patch your nearest hole. 

What DO you care about right now?

[Viking]

29 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Think of it as a spiral. You start where you are and patch your nearest hole. 

ok, now i understand a little better, so apparently some books and courses are just not for my level yet? like with the life purpose course, i dropped it for the reasons discussed here, couldnt find anything i cared about, the top 10 values i found felt inauthentic.

34 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

What DO you care about right now?

1. working on my sides that need therapy and knowing myself, i journal daily for that

2. finding a girlfriend

3. ill be starting a new job soon, so i want to grow in it. im afraid that ill start to be lazy and not do my best like it happened during my degree.

[RendHeaven]

6 hours ago, Viking said:

maybe it's not the time at which something occurs, but maybe i just cant find something that i care enough about. i dont care about people killing each other, i dont care about people starving to death, i dont care about global warming, i dont care about humans surviving or becoming an advanced high consciousness civilization, i dont care about people living better lives, i wish I could, really, but i just dont, maybe im not mature enough and havent experienced enough of the world.

Bro you good?

You sound depressed.

[Viking]

20 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Bro you good?

You sound depressed.

i have things i do care about, like i wrote just above your comment

 

[RendHeaven]

3 minutes ago, Viking said:

i have things i do care about, like i wrote just above your comment

 

I see. I agree with @Elisabeth that you should not be worrying about purpose right now.

So you know what you want - what's stopping you from achieving them?

[Viking]

4 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

So you know what you want - what's stopping you from achieving them?

the first one im working on daily, the girlfriend thing i tried for a couple months now, still no result but came somewhat close a few times. the third thing ill start in a few months so i cant do anything about it right now.

Edited July 17, 2019 by Viking

[bejapuskas]

3 hours ago, Viking said:

But theres the whole problem!! i want to fulfill my basic needs but in order to fulfill them i need to have them already fulfilled!

what i mean, is in order to find a girlfriend i need to have a purpose in my life, as it was said in the book "the way of the superior man". but in order to care about purpose i need to already have my needs met, including belonging. ?????????

That's just so much illusion here. Every morning when you get up from bet and go to the kitchen to have a breakfast, that is your purpose of surviving and it goes on throughout the whole day, notice that, you are just lying to yourself like this.

3 hours ago, Viking said:

though there's no path without a destination, right?

The path is the destination, the destination is here and now, there is no happiness in the future or the past, because they never exist in your direct experience.

1 hour ago, Viking said:

ok, now i understand a little better, so apparently some books and courses are just not for my level yet? like with the life purpose course, i dropped it for the reasons discussed here, couldnt find anything i cared about, the top 10 values i found felt inauthentic.

Just do whatever makes sense to you. For a beginner, it doesn't make sense to do self-inquiry, because they just cannot make sense of it, their mind is too chaotic. For me for example, it was meaningless to do shadow work a few months back, because I couldn't go deep enough to see my shadows, I couldn't allow myself to feel them.

[Viking]

6 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Every morning when you get up from bet and go to the kitchen to have a breakfast, that is your purpose of surviving and it goes on throughout the whole day, notice that, you are just lying to yourself like this.

i dont understand how that statement connects to what i said

7 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

The path is the destination, the destination is here and now, there is no happiness in the future or the past, because they never exist in your direct experience.

then I dont understand the quote. in order to live in modern society I have to make plans and goals, and then to execute them. The execution is the "path" and I agree that the path is more important than the goals themselves, but I can't have a path without setting goals for myself. Being a hippie that does whatever comes to mind in the moment just leads to suffering, I know because I observed people like that.

10 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Just do whatever makes sense to you.

That's a powerful sentence for me, thank you, I've been doing a lot of stuff which didn't make sense to me, trusting it will lead me somewhere but it never did.

[Viking]

1 hour ago, see_on_see said:

That's just wrong, you misunderstood this point. You can definitely get girls without a LP, without money, etc. In fact, you don't need anything at all to get girls, and that's the whole point: all you need is be totally fine with who you are right now! 

Now the thing is that it's easier to feel fine with who you are right now if you have a LP, money etc. But see, as long as you can accept yourself right now, you don't really need those things per se. 

I think you're trying to do too many things at once. That's good in the sense that it's good to have a holistic view of your life and making things work together, but there's also a limit to how much you can focus at any given time. 

So what I would recommend is, just focus on girls for now. What really matters with girls is mindset, confidence, practice (which gives you confidence) and logistics. Logistics are simple: if you don't have money for your own place, just get a cheap car and you're done. 

ok

38 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

There was a old video where Leo talked about how most people don't even have a reference experience for that feeling of contributing, and they're missing out on one of the most profound things in life, which is contribution. 

i watched that video and i think youre right, i just dont have any reference experiences so i just gotta wait with LP

40 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

But it's essential that first and foremost you find things in life that blow your mind, that inspire you, not necessarily stuff you'd want to do yourself, just stuff done by others that already exists in the world and that inspires you. Without inspiration about life you're not going far. 

i had that when i was younger but now nothing blows my mind. idk how to find these things

[bejapuskas]

@Viking  Maybe survival is not a good example, sorry, I am kinda confused today  Saying that you need to have your needs fulfilled to be able to fulfill them is contradictory, it simply is not like that.

Let's say you have to have goals to survive, but if you execute them while acting unconsciously, you'll be merely surviving. If you are intelligent and present at the same time, you will have a better sense of direction actually, that you chose, and the process will be much easier and more enjoyable. But I know what kind of people you mean, you really need to discipline yourself on this path. 

I'm glad I could help  

[Viking]

2 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

it simply is not like that.

yes it seemed to me like it was, but you people convinced me otherwise.

3 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Let's say you have to have goals to survive, but if you execute them while acting unconsciously, you'll be merely surviving. If you are intelligent and present at the same time, you will have a better sense of direction actually, that you chose, and the process will be much easier and more enjoyable. But I know what kind of people you mean, you really need to discipline yourself on this path. 

yeah