IFS - A systemic approach to self-knowledge

[Commodent]

I just wanted to share with you a model that has helped me A LOT over the last year; Internal Family Systems. It has helped me develop an understanding of why I am the way I am, and it has been absolutely essential for developing compassion and understanding for myself and others. Using this model I have been able connect with my true Self much more efficiently, and it has in many ways enabled be to become my own "therapist", so to speak. Since first discovering this model over a year ago, my inner dynamic has completely shifted. The model is becoming more and more widespread within clinical psychology, but it also goes well along with any spiritual practice (as outlined below).

You can read about the model on this website if you're interested in learning about it. I would definitely recommend reading it all, but here are some quotes:

 

Quote

The IFS Model represents a new synthesis of two already-existing paradigms: systems thinking and the multiplicity of the mind. It brings concepts and methods from the structural, strategic, narrative, and Bowenian schools of family therapy to the world of subpersonalities. This synthesis was the natural outcome that evolved after I, as a young, fervent family therapist, began hearing from my clients about their inner lives. Once I was able to set aside my preconceived notions about therapy and the mind, and began to really listen to what my clients were saying, what I heard repeatedly were descriptions of what they often called their "parts" -- the conflicted subpersonalities that resided within them.

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The IFS Model, which evolved as a result of this exploration, views a person as containing an ecology of relatively discrete minds, each of which has valuable qualities and each of which is designed to -- and wants to -- play a valuable role within. These parts are forced out of their valuable roles, however, by life experiences that can reorganize the system in unhealthy ways.

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What circumstances force these parts into extreme and sometimes destructive roles? Trauma is one factor, and the effects of childhood sexual abuse on internal families has been discussed at length (Goulding and Schwartz, 1995). But more often, it is a person's family of origin values and interaction patterns that create internal polarizations which escalate over time and are played out in other relationships. This, also, is not a novel observation; indeed, it is a central tenet of object relations and self psychology. What is novel to IFS is the attempt to understand all levels of human organization -- intrapsychic, family, and culture -- with the same systemic principles, and to intervene at each level with the same ecological techniques.

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One other key aspect of the IFS Model also differentiates it from other models. This is the belief that, in addition to these parts, everyone is at their core a Self containing many crucial leadership qualities such as perspective, confidence, compassion, and acceptance.

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In an earlier conversation, Diane had told me about an ongoing war inside her between one voice that pushed her to achieve and the pessimist, who told her it was hopeless. It seemed that the pushing part had jumped in while she was talking to the pessimist. I asked Diane to focus on the voice that was so angry at the pessimist and ask it to stop interfering in her negotiations with it. Again, to my amazement, it agreed to "step back," and Diane immediately shifted out of the anger she had felt so strongly only seconds before. When I asked Diane how she felt toward the pessimist now, it seemed as though a different person answered.

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I was also finding that the Self wasn't just a passive witness state. In fact, it wasn't just a state of mind, but could also be an active healing presence inside and outside people. It wasn't only available during times when, in therapy or meditation, people concentrated on separating from or witnessing their thoughts and emotions. Once a person's parts learned to trust that they didn't have to protect so much and could allow the Self to lead, some degree of Self would be present for all their decisions and interactions. Even during a crisis, when a person's emotions were running high, there would be a difference because of the presence of Self energy. Instead of being overwhelmed by and blending with their emotions, Self-led people were able to hold their center, knowing that it was just a part of them that was upset now and would eventually calm down. They became the "I" in the storm.

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Over the years of doing this work, it becomes easier to sense when some degree of Self is present in people and when it's not. To rephrase a joke, you get the impression that "the lights are on and someone is home." A person who is leading with the Self is easy to identify. Others describe such a person as open, confident, accepting -- as having presence.

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Let's continue examining this presence we call the Self. To clarify this discussion, I find it useful to differentiate between what people report while meditating -- while being reabsorbed into the ocean -- and what people are like when their Self is actively leading their everyday lives. If meditation allows immersion into a seemingly Self-less oceanic state, then the Self is a separate wave of that ocean. It is that oceanic state which seems so difficult to describe.

 

[studentofthegame]

This is something we've discussed and something I will dip into. It works alongside the attachment theory that my therapy is based on.

I do think it's an area of therapy / personal development that gets overlooked. 

You say it has helped you a lot over the past year or so. Are you still doing some work on this area?

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame Yes, every night at the end of my journaling session I talk with my inner child. It might sounds a bit weird, but I always feel more emotionally connected after each session. Most importantly, this model is always in the back of my mind when going on with daily life. Whenever some part of me flare up in me I'm never tempted to fight against it like I would before, but rather respect it and cooperate with it. It has been, and still is, an invaluable tool for resolving inner conflict.

How is your healing process going?

Edited July 17, 2019 by Commodent

[studentofthegame]

My therapy is ongoing, and i’m working through several books to support the work, all of which we have discussed.

things have slowed down because i’m in a new relationship and have put the books down, while my daily disciplines have also temporarily gone out the window. I will be looking to resume everything soon.

Journaling and speaking with the child state seems a very good idea and something i need to incorporate into my system. How do you journal, is it stream of consciousness or something more applied, and do you review old entries or do they get thrown away?