Why do I repel girls by being myself?

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

@Emerald Yeah, that's exactly what I was pointing to. Even when you have a meditation high and you fall in love with everyone, it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with everyone...

That's a bit different from what I mean but it relates a bit. What I'm saying is that unattractiveness is a phenomenon. There are people who are more attractive than others. And ignoring that has a bit of shadow to it, even though it seems to be nice to say. And the reason why is because their is an association that unattractive=bad and attractive=good.

So, in order to call everyone good, then it has to be understood that everyone is attractive. So, there is still an underlying association of unattractive=bad. 

What you're referring to is the wanting to spend your life with someone which is to do with love more than attraction. Though these things relate, especially in the initial phases, it is very different.

 

[Emerald]

54 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Emerald We are experiencing the world very differently, and I always love that. ??In my estimate, it’s entirely eye of the beholder, if you say ‘unattractive people exist’, ‘ugly woman’ exist, scale them, and that is reality, ...ok. I’m not saying you’re wrong or in denial. It might be a really different perception but to me that would be the ‘uncomfortable reality’.  I don’t find ‘everyone is beautiful’ to be a line at all. I find reality to be very beautiful, and the eye of the beholder to be a magical mysterious beauty in & of itself. 

 

While it is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, unattractiveness (as a general quality) is a phenomenon that exists in all species. There are people that are less attractive than others. That's why I said beauty and attractiveness are not the same thing. Everyone is beautiful. But not everyone is attractive. And there is a general consensus about the qualities that make a person attractive versus not attractive. The same is true in the animal kingdom.

But I never said that there are people that aren't beautiful. Everyone and everything genuinely is beautiful. 

The problem that I'm lighting upon is a sneaky one that actually works against people that don't conform to the general conception of attractiveness. 

When someone responds with "everyone is beautiful" in a discussion about attractiveness, it comes out of a desire to be nice to unattractive people... by denying that they're unattractive. 

It may seem a bit nebulous to point to but it's actually a rather insidious thing. It's to say, the thing you are is invalid... therefore I will be nice and pretend you are not that thing. Being ugly is invalid... therefore I will pretend ugly people don't exist so that I can feel better and be a good person.

Ugly people are beautiful too. But ugly people are not attractive... and that's okay. They don't owe attractiveness to anyone to be valid. 

Do you see the issue now with the way this idea of "everyone is beautiful" was used in the previous context?

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Emerald I understand where you’re coming from, and it is entirely up to you. We don’t see it the same way and I can appreciate that. I was a bit more coming from a place of the discussion being relative to ‘repelling and being the self’. 

[DrewNows]

@Emerald isn’t attraction simply love in disguise? Or are you describing it as a survival mechanism? 

[Emerald]

41 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Emerald isn’t attraction simply love in disguise? Or are you describing it as a survival mechanism? 

Everything is love on the ultimate level.

But in the relative terms of relational love, attraction and love are two totally different things.

Attraction is about the sexual chemistry and infatuation you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It's mostly sexual and it fades quickly after the limerance phase of a relationship is over.

Love is much deeper and is the process of growing together and opening to one another. It is not contingent upon attraction at all. 

 

[DrewNows]

@Emerald that makes sense, thanks! This relational love can get quite complicated with the ego 

[Azote]

 

 

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On 16.07.2019 at 7:30 PM, assx95 said:

 

It's a tragedy that all the girls in my life I developed feelings for (4 in number) have treated me like trash and in the end disrespected me by ignoring me and being flaky.

Sounds like this is just the type of girls you would be attracted to at current stage of development 

[bejapuskas]

@DrewNows  The love you see most of the time is not love, but attachment. Intelligence hijacked by hormones.

When I was in nursery school, there was one girl who was actually proud of being fat and unattractive and she really wanted everyone to know that, even though the teachers kept telling her, that she is slim and pretty.

Edited July 18, 2019 by bejapuskas

[DrewNows]

@bejapuskas why would she be told she’s slim if she’s fat? (I mean I understand she can still be pretty) 

[Nahm]

@DrewNows Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are not-two.

[Natasha]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@DrewNows Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are not-two.

True. In the eyes of this beholder most of Hollywood 'hunks' are not even that attractive to me (Brad Pitt, Nicolas Cage, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, just to name a few). And some very average looking people who are neither famous nor rich I find quite attractive. Maybe my 'what I find attractive' radar is more tuned to a person's personality/level of maturity/their values rather than their looks.

[ExodiaGearCEO]

Texting is for setting up dates with girls. Not just texting for the sake of texting. The more you're texting this girl the more you are lowering her attraction level for you. You see, the more you keep texting her. You will start to appear needy in her eyes. And why she isn't texing you first. Probably because there is bunch other guys that is also texting her? Or maybe they aren't attracted to you? I recommend you read "how to be a 3% man" by Corey Wayne. It will give you the big picture.@assx95

[Natasha]

12 hours ago, ExodiaGearCEO said:

by Corey Wayne

I watch his YT vids sometimes and from a female perspective can tell the guy knows what he's talking about. He digs female psychology and that's why his advice works.

That being said, what he teaches is still a game and how to have an upper hand with a woman. But overall his material is still valuable for its purpose and the methods he teaches will give you results with getting women.

[DrewNows]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@DrewNows Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are not-two.

Are you referring to taking the stigma out of the labeling? I wouldn’t tell someone who’s overweight that they have a skinny body...

[bejapuskas]

@DrewNows  I think some people were making fun of her, or she was just saying it, or maybe both, I don't remember it clearly. But when the teacher came and started telling the bullies/her that she is slim, she would just scoled them that she is not slim, she owned it kinda. But I don't know if it was coming from a place of suffering or acceptance. I was just trying to show a very weird case.

[Nahm]

@DrewNows Who determines skinny & fat?  Is it “in the Bible” so to speak? Written in hieroglyphics in a pyramid? Who determines this has to do with beautiful, not beautiful, attractive, unattractive? Of course, you do. The relevant question is, are you aware that you are creating your own reality, or reacting in conditioned thought patterns? To what extent are you aware that you do? Is your ceiling “societies norms”? (Cause that’s actually up to you as well) There’s no escaping you are the dreamer, even in a dream. Especially in a dream.  Identified as body mind though, the world is quite screwed, everything appears ‘relative’ to “you”, right under your nose. In awareness of defensiveness (offensiveness) & protectiveness (needing to be understood & other to see things “my” way, or there is something “wrong” with them). Ain’t no body tryin to experience the death of their own identity though. Well, one maybe. There is no infinite regress, because there is absolute. (♥️)

[Surfingthewave]

@Nahmthank god for you 

[Nahm]

@Surfingthewave For every one. ??♥️

[DrewNows]

@Nahm you crack me up! it always feels as if you're trying to push me over the cliff when im not yet sure i can fly, perhaps, only thinking, i need to be able to 

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

The relevant question is, are you aware that you are creating your own reality, or reacting in conditioned thought patterns? To what extent are you aware that you do? Is your ceiling “societies norms”? (Cause that’s actually up to you as well)

I am Aware, and i agree 

[DrewNows]

@Natasha Corey Wayne was like the beginning of my personal development work in my early 20s. You're right, he's good. He knows how to help people understand how most woman think and change their own mindsets, a huge obstacle for most guys.

It's probably been at least 4 years since ive seen one of his vids, but i remember reading his book too. I wonder how i might perceive his work differently