Why do I repel girls by being myself?

[Rilles]

11 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

You are that magical. It's just that you don't see it.

(And no, I'm not magical.)

I sense some female worshipping going on here. Do you feel unworthy of women?

[Viking]

1 minute ago, assx95 said:

And i had to not follow that advice because i got a hunch related to her, and I had to tell her that, which I thought was authentic.

i think you just dont understand women. I think you take the authenticity too far, like an ideology that you have to follow all the time. sometimes you can be inauthentic too, especially at the start with a woman. dont believe people telling you that you need to be authentic if you dont see it working in your own life. like you shouldn't say to a random person on the street that you just farted. use your brain. life is balance, not one thing.

but mostly i think you just dont understand women, lack the social context, basically lack experience with women.

2 things:

1. read books like "the way of the superior man", "models" by mark manson. also youtube channels like "RSD", "coachredpill"- i dont agree with a lot of things there but some of the stuff was helpful.
2. keep getting experience, as long as you reflect on your experiences and see what went wrong and learning for the next time you're doing fine.

 

p.s. example for why you dont understand women- of course she wouldnt answer to you after you said to her you liked her or whatever, thats so unattractive to a woman. think from her perspective, if id be her i would totally ignore you also.

p.s.s. i also cried a lot and felt sad after it didnt work out with women, express your feelings whatever they are (privately)

[Rilles]

6 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Well, yes, kinda

What would make you worthy?

[Viking]

2 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

What? Is it unattractive to tell a girl that you like her?

yes of course, but it also heavily depends on the way you say it and in which context. In the situation that OP described as far as I understand it, it was very unattractive. Telling a girl that you like her after she started ignoring you is not understanding women at all.

[Psyche_92]

46 minutes ago, assx95 said:

It's a tragedy that all the girls in my life I developed feelings for (4 in number) have treated me like trash and in the end disrespected me by ignoring me and being flaky. And each time, I did cry a lot. I didn't want to, but it hurt.

Do you think this is a problem on the girl side or your side? Do you think that you contribute to the possibility of girls treating you like trash, as in allowing them to do so?

Edited July 16, 2019 by Psyche_92

[DrewNows]

11 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

Do you think this is a problem on the girl side or your side? Do you think that you contribute to the possibility of girls treating you like trash, as in allowing them to do so?

Yup it’s more along the lines of inviting them to do so...basically they treat you how you treat you edit: (in relation to them) 

Edited July 16, 2019 by DrewNows

[assx95]

@Psyche_92  I don't know when the tables turn and they no longer want to talk to me. So i keep doing what i do when things flow smoothly. And i think everything's good for they intermittently do reply to my texts. 

It's only months later I realize that they were slowly trying to get rid of me. 

It's a problem on my side to not recognize signs and hints. 

[Psychonaut]

@assx95 Attitude attitude attitude, my darling.

A girl that you know for 3 years, should be your girlfriend by now. Can't really open up so late. She knows already that you are interested, but has discarded you because you took so long. That is sneaky and girls don't like sneaky.

Your attraction to a girl has to at least be matched by her attraction to you. You cannot show more attraction, especially at the beginning. That pushes her away.

Flakyness. Three strikes and out. Interested girls don't flake or come to late. 

You don't really need a girl. She doesn't really matter, she is just a container. She only needs to be able to trust you, let go and not give you too much flack (which shouldn't have an effect on you anyways). You have so many things to do that give you equal or even a deeper and longer lasting sense of fulfilment than sex with a girl. So you don't really care. She is there when she is, she is not there when she is not and she is gone when she is gone. You are still here. Pretty much unfazed. She doesn't matter, you might choose to spend time with her. Notice you choose, you are not forced to spend time with specifically her. It could be someone else too. Things can get really really dirty when the girl feels that she is your only option. 

[mandyjw]

4 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

You are that magical. It's just that you don't see it.

(And no, I'm not magical.)

That's the nature of enlightenment, there is no male or female, you are magical but you just don't see it. Your spiritual pursuit is one without limits and yet you limit yourself in the "real" world so severely and painfully. Why? There cannot be a difference between your two "lives" or your pursuits. The only desire you could ever have for a woman is just desire to know yourself as One. There is only one desire, a desire for oneness masquerading as all sorts of things. 

 

 

[Shin]

The Way Of The Superior Man.

 

[Ananta]

I hate to be so blunt, but there's plenty of overweight, unattractive, zero-personality women out in the world.

If all you want is a woman, I'm sure one, in one of these categories, would be thrilled!

...and if not, well, stop complaining about the women being picky and not wanting you for various reasons, because you are also being picky.

Edited July 19, 2019 by Anna1

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Anna1 said:

I hate to be so blunt, but there's plenty of overweight, unattractive, zero-personality women out in the world.

If all you want is a women, I'm sure one in one of these categories would be thrilled!

...and if not, well, stop complaining about the women being picky and not wanting you for various reasons, because you are also being picky.

Ah finally, some perspective. Everybody is playing the game, men and women. Men want someone who is attractive to them, women want someone who is attractive to them. In a certain sense, men even have an advantage: they get to improve their level of attractiveness just by changing their behavior. Women have other advantages, but when they are not physically attractive they struggle just as much as some of the people posting on this thread.

[bejapuskas]

@Gili Trawangan  Try explaining that to Mikael...

[Nahm]

@Gili Trawangan Not one unattractive woman exists on all of earth. Go deeper, see beyond such things.  See how shockingly beautiful every single one is. Truly. Suffering is via identification, there is no shortage of beauty. 

 

[Gili Trawangan]

@Nahm

5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Gili Trawangan Not one unattractive woman exists on all of earth. Go deeper, see beyond such things.  See how shockingly beautiful every single one is. Truly. Suffering is via identification, there is no shortage of beauty. 

 

Nor one unattractive man

Yes I know, this was written from a very egoic state of mind, which I am trying to transcend

[bejapuskas]

@Nahm  Would you be able to date literally anyone though?

[Nahm]

@bejapuskas Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who one would date is a bit different than a broad stroke of physically unattractive. It’s up to each one, and I wouldn’t want a woman to get the impression it is otherwise. The world does this plenty already, yet insane attraction paradigm busting “mismatches” happen everyday. This has to do more with what is prior to the surface of physicality. Things as simple as being considerate, conscientious, are deception at play here, imo (op).  A misunderstanding of ‘being the self’.

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Gili Trawangan Not one unattractive woman exists on all of earth. Go deeper, see beyond such things.  See how shockingly beautiful every single one is. Truly. Suffering is via identification, there is no shortage of beauty. 

 

 

5 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@Nahm

Nor one unattractive man

Yes I know, this was written from a very egoic state of mind, which I am trying to transcend

Certainly, everyone is beautiful. But not everyone is attractive. 

But being unattractive doesn't make someone's value lesser in any existential way. I feel like denying that unattractive people exist is a bit backwards in a strange and unexpected way. It has good intentions of helping unattractive people's self esteem... but ultimately it denies a reality about some people and gaslights them. And in that denial there is a hidden difficulty in accepting the existence of unattractive people.

It's like those Dove commercials that are all about being more inclusive about beauty standards. And they show a lot of moderately attractive women of all ages, races, and body types. But the striking this is... they don't show any ugly women. There is no one under a 5 on the attractiveness scale in those commercials.

That said, unattractive people can find a partner just like anyone else. So, nothing is truly off the table. 

But I feel like the "everyone is beautiful" line, is a way to deny the uncomfortable reality that some people are unattractive. And the unwillingness to admit to that, unconsciously sends the message that there is a problem with the existence of unattractive people. 

[bejapuskas]

@Emerald Yeah, that's exactly what I was pointing to. Even when you have a meditation high and you fall in love with everyone, it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with everyone...

@Nahm  Yeh, I would say it is a misunderstanding of being the self. For most people being yourself is a defense mechanism in my opinion, people use it to justify their mistakes and to strenghten the collective ego a lot in a group of friends or family members.

What do you think is the true being yourself?

[Nahm]

@bejapuskas That’s not thinkable, or definable, but it’s also unmistakeable, and the subtleties of othering stand out when there aren’t others. 

@Emerald We are experiencing the world very differently, and I always love that. ??In my estimate, it’s entirely eye of the beholder, if you say ‘unattractive people exist’, ‘ugly woman’ exist, scale them, and that is reality, ...ok. I’m not saying you’re wrong or in denial. It might be a really different perception but to me that would be the ‘uncomfortable reality’.  I don’t find ‘everyone is beautiful’ to be a line at all. I find reality to be very beautiful, and the eye of the beholder to be a magical mysterious beauty in & of itself.