Friend Zone And Unattractiveness

[Pedro]

Hey, I'm 16 years old and there is something that is really holding me back from being happy right now. 

I have never kissed anybody in my entire life. There are some factors that make me unattractive, althought I would not say that girls think I'm ugly. It just has to do with my skinny unattractive body, my childish-looking appearance, which makes me look a bit younger, and of course my lack of attitude and experience, which becomes a bigger obstacle the older I get. All of these things make girls feel absolutely no sexual attraction for me, and they don't even think of me as a possibility. In short terms, I'm out of the market. 

But the worse is that I kind of fell in love for my best friend, at least I think so, and I have been thinking of her every day over the last seven or eight months. The funny thing is, it started not as what I would call passion, but rather an attachment. Back then she was not my best friend, but I really wanted to get closer to her as a friend and started to talk to her every day via WhatsApp. This process ended up working, as she considers me her best friend, but, as I mentioned, it has already been a long time since I realized I was attracted to her.

She is a very attractive girl, one of those that a lot of guys would like to have sex with, and she kisses guys that are way more attractive than me, it's like a really hard competition. 

If we were not friends, I could just try to kiss her, get rejected and go away, but the problem with us being friends is that I have very much to lose. Besides that, I am very shy and it would be emotionally impossible for me to tell her what I feel. You know, it's stupid both emotionally and rationally, because it's something I don't have the guts to do and if we see it analytically, chances are I would ruin our relation. And it would be like hell for her, knowing that I love her, because she likes me and doesn't like me to be sad, but she wouldn't just do it like a favor, and after all, she also has her own feelings for other people.

It is out of question ending our friendship just for the sake of giving it a try, because our friendship is valuable and we are still going to be in the same class for a whole year. One thing I forgot to mention, she thinks I'm really funny, and I think it's a great advantage for me. It's always good for your partner to know your qualities, and to be your friend, because we already trust each other. But even if I were more attractive, friendship is always a problem for girls and I would be facing the problem of being in the friend zone. She's not the type of girl who would fall in love with a friend easily.

So after analyzing these questions uncountable times, I have decided to let go and forget her. Knowing myself, I'm quite sure it's not love, but rather an attachment, which I had felt for other people when I was younger (although not so intensely and for so long), as well as a strong sexual attraction for her. This really gets complicated when you talk to her every day and she doesn't even imagine what's going on in your head. It's harder to forget her, and even though I try to force myself to get my mind busy with other stuff, it's an unsolved question, so I always end up returning to the initial point. I don't even have to say that my attempts to forget her have been a total disaster.

Well, that's my situation. I'm trying to move on, I have started meditating and going to the gym (it seems that the results will come only in the long term). I would like to know what can I do, considering all these complicated aspects. If you say "go out now and tell her", it is extremely unlikely to happen. I hope that when I finally kiss somebody else, I will break free of this attachment and be more open to all the options that are there, but my feelings for her will probably continue. I am also afraid that, when I am finally free of this feeling, she will never know what I will have felt for her, being so close yet so far from her. Anyway, thanks for reading if anyone got this far. I'm hopeful about the replies.

[Leo Gura]

Find a new girl to practice with. Go for a less attractive/popular one. Don't be too picky. Get all the rookie mistakes out of the way. Go try to approach 10 new girls and befriend them. If you fail, don't worry about it. Failure with girls is all part of the game and ultimately they don't care.

[Guest]

Do you give any hints that you like her?

Women always talk about how they can sense things easily and if she senses that you like her but still be your friend she must also know that it hurts you.

Does she talk about her boyfriends? 

If she does she doesn't probably like you the same way you do. She wants you to stop developing feelings for her or she just plays with you.

I got out of friendzone once. She was talking to me all day long. We were watching movies together, talking about daily problems and the future. She was sparing her whole day for me. Her responses to my messages were almost instant. I gave hints about my desire for her. I told her how beautiful she is and I would like to date someone like her. I praised her beautiful sides. She fell in love with me in short time. But not every girl is like that. Most of them always talk to someone throughout the day. They ask questions to people and stay if they like the conversation. They just talk to talk most of the time. You gotta understand what is she doing. There should be a reason for her to be your best friend. You should approach your friendship and her behaviours like a chess player. I don't say that she uses you but nobody is innocent and girls are emotionally intelligent.

Edit: In my case my ex-girlfriend was lonely. She had no friends or a possible boyfriend. She was new in school and the city. She was probably looking for someone to get attached to.

 

Edited February 8, 2016 by Sarper

[Pedro]

Thank you very much @Leo Gura I will definitely be trying to do that. Getting this kind of advice really helps me deal with my emotions. And @Sarper, I would surely know if she knew that I like her. It would be really strange, unless she was attracted to me as well, which is not the case. Guess I just have to roam around for now, and after I learn from my mistakes, as Leo stated, and maybe become more attractive, I'll multiply my chances with here. Thanks for the advices!

Edited February 8, 2016 by Pedro

[Arthur M]

Yup. Def an attachment. Been there countless time. But always keep 1 thing in mind."What's the worse thing that can happen?" rejection that is.  And a tip from a bro who has been in your shoes, don't be ashamed to read books , articles and learn more about what is attractive or not. Just like you learn math in school, the psychology revolving around human attraction can also be learned. And eat more (5-6 times a day) and find your own work out and make it a habit. Enjoy the plateau you will hit during the 1st month where you hurt with no results. That's the most important part, the fruits will fall when the season comes. It is working for me and yes i was also scrawny haha

[Guest]

Been there. Let her go ASAP. This is bad for your health. Take time to work on yourself, improve, and build your confidence. If you want the highest quality girls, you must become your highest quality self.

[anthony]

Your best option is to get a girlfriend once she sees you with another girl she's gunna see you as boyfriend material . That's how girls work . 

Another thing you could do is tell her how you feel , who cares if she doesn't feel the same and the friendship ends . it's better to get rejected then being secretly in love with her forever . 

The last thing you can do is get out the friendzone which is the hardest thing to do , some people say it's impossible only few guys have done it . The way you could is give her hints that you like her ,flirt with her . Make her get used to you flirting with her . You could also act different , don't return her calls right away or text her back right just don't act like you usually do . 

There's a lot of other small things you can do but that's a start , good luck man. Oh and another thing the longer you wait to make a move the worse it's going to get your going to get deeper in the friendzone or even worse she light get a boyfriend and that's gunna hurt you bad . 

[LeoDai]

I am suffering kinda the same problem. I'm 17 years old nerd, I am not very good at making friends. But a year ago I felt in love with a girl who's very attractive and i want her to be my girlfriend. That's actually why I started watching Leo's videos -learning how to be attractive. Leo gave not small fixes or quick solutions but plans for improving myself. Be humorous,have sexual abundance, not being needy. I tried to improve myself in those areas by talking to classmates and strangers , making friends, being more authentic in conversations. I don't know if that girl is or  will be attracted but I feel so much better.  I think friend zone is nothing but a friend zone :some girls will falling in with you while others won't.  As long as you're actualizing it doesn't matter. As what Leo said you don't need others to be happy

 

Ps. Though I was not involved in any pickups I watched the PUAs video and found that I am chasing for vagina. It were shocking but if I was 100% honest with myself I must admit that I actually want sex from that girl or any girl whom I felt in 'love'. 

[Pola]

@Pedro

My advice to you. Change your behavior radically. You should do something that will make her think of you. It doesnt really matter much what exactly , but you just have to get in her mind as something she would think about much more often than before. There are few ways how you can do it. First of all you should start to be cold and detached. Like.. she is writing  a msg to you,  and you r being polite but not involving much into conversation and being quite formal. Also remember that it goes great together being formal but humorous in the same time. It would also be useful if you could drop her couple of compliments in some funny way, not serious way. The next step is making her jealous. That works just perfectly with girls.  Someone who always been around but you never really paid much attention to him. Then suddenly you get much less attention because he is giving it to someone else. Start talking to her about the other girl, asking her advice and stuff. That might hurt her in a way like "oh he finds someone else more attractive than me"... and it does make her think of you in a different way and being jealous.

If you are making self-development, going into gym and trying to dress more fancy and sexy, change your haircut, tatoo, piercing...learn how to play guitar or whatever.. whatever different from how you are right now. Just make her think of you as something new, different...

I wish you luck and i believe it will work. I know in advance that you will be just fine as long as you are here on this website and trying to actualize yourself.

[Guest]

45 minutes ago, Pola said:

@Pedro

My advice to you. Change your behavior radically. You should do something that will make her think of you. It doesnt really matter much what exactly , but you just have to get in her mind as something she would think about much more often than before. There are few ways how you can do it. First of all you should start to be cold and detached. Like.. she is writing  a msg to you,  and you r being polite but not involving much into conversation and being quite formal. Also remember that it goes great together being formal but humorous in the same time. It would also be useful if you could drop her couple of compliments in some funny way, not serious way. The next step is making her jealous. That works just perfectly with girls.  Someone who always been around but you never really paid much attention to him. Then suddenly you get much less attention because he is giving it to someone else. Start talking to her about the other girl, asking her advice and stuff. That might hurt her in a way like "oh he finds someone else more attractive than me"... and it does make her think of you in a different way and being jealous.

If you are making self-development, going into gym and trying to dress more fancy and sexy, change your haircut, tatoo, piercing...learn how to play guitar or whatever.. whatever different from how you are right now. Just make her think of you as something new, different...

I wish you luck and i believe it will work. I know in advance that you will be just fine as long as you are here on this website and trying to actualize yourself.

Great advice, do all this. But DONT do this only for the girl! In fact, don't do this for any girl! You always improve just for yourself. Do this all if you want to for yourself. if you do all of this or some of this just to impress the girl you will go down a path of failure. 

What's important is that you do what you want and what you feel is right. Get women out of your head. Be completely detached and somewhat icy. Be badass and women will flock to you like moths to a flame.

[Pedro]

Thanks to everyone for the replies. It's a struggle but I guess it's part of my development to get over it.