Unmotivated partner

[zenjen]

I made it a point this year to work on my career and health, but my boyfriend, the person I spend the most time with, isn’t focused on bettering himself at all. He did have a job in that paid almost 6 figures (though he has no college degree), but he quit because he didn’t like it. He’s been unemployed for several months now and living with his brother who now pays the rent for him. The only thing he wants to do career-wise is start a blog, which may or may not pay off. I also try to get him to eat healthy and exersize with me, but he has absolutely no interest in doing that. It’s been hard lately feeling like I have no support from him. I just want him to want himself to be better. I love him and he’s still my best friend, I’m just not sure what to do about his motivation problem, so I’m just trying to lead by example and hope he gets inspired to do something.

Anyone else facing this problem in their relationship? Is it worth trying to stick it out? Let me know your thoughts.

[Psyche_92]

43 minutes ago, zenjen said:

I made it a point this year to work on my career and health, but my boyfriend, the person I spend the most time with, isn’t focused on bettering himself at all. He did have a job in that paid almost 6 figures (though he has no college degree), but he quit because he didn’t like it. He’s been unemployed for several months now and living with his brother who now pays the rent for him. The only thing he wants to do career-wise is start a blog, which may or may not pay off. I also try to get him to eat healthy and exersize with me, but he has absolutely no interest in doing that. It’s been hard lately feeling like I have no support from him. I just want him to want himself to be better. I love him and he’s still my best friend, I’m just not sure what to do about his motivation problem, so I’m just trying to lead by example and hope he gets inspired to do something.

Anyone else facing this problem in their relationship? Is it worth trying to stick it out? Let me know your thoughts.

You can try to do whatever you want. If he's not interested in your healthy stuff than he's not interested. You don't push someone to do the things that you like, just because you think it will help them.

You love someone because you love him for who he or she is. You don't go and change someone like a piece of clay into a mould until you like what you see. That's not love.

It's very easy. You either accept him and all his flaws and how he is, or you don't.

If anything, he could even try and change for you just because you want him to, but that would be fake and that's going to bring tons of misery.

Edited July 15, 2019 by Psyche_92

[inFlow]

@zenjen A mans ego will never listen to a woman. It's how it works. It's natural for a man to reject your offerings of getting better. Only the wise will settle down and take your things for real. He seems like he want's to do things his way which most males do.

My recommendation for you is hold off your emotions on him, don't just give him shit, it will make him angry as he is in a phase where any trigger will probably make him resist anything. Best option from you would be just to give him time and just observe what he is doing, is he just dicking around or is he getting his shit together slowly but surely.

After some time wait for an opportunity when hes showing emotions, laughing, being happy etc, then speak to him about the stuff you want to help him with like "How are your things, is everything ok" and also just listen in a observable manner, just listen what he has to say. You have to show that you are actually listening. But also be strict about the subject, don't be weak, he needs to know/feel that you are a strong woman worthy of effort. Because when men sense that the shit they are in might break the relationship with a strong woman they are kinda afraid their SO might leave them.

Good luck and hold strong and just take it slow, it's a long process.

[DrewNows]

You may or may not find this short vid on codependency helpful

 

 

[Chumbimba]

@zenjen just curious how old are you. Because if you’re still in your 20s don’t put up with that shit. I just got out of something like that. You can’t change people I had to learn that the hard way. Take a break away from him and then he might get his stuff together 

[Sahil Pandit]

14 hours ago, zenjen said:

I made it a point this year to work on my career and health, but my boyfriend, the person I spend the most time with, isn’t focused on bettering himself at all. He did have a job in that paid almost 6 figures (though he has no college degree), but he quit because he didn’t like it. He’s been unemployed for several months now and living with his brother who now pays the rent for him. The only thing he wants to do career-wise is start a blog, which may or may not pay off. I also try to get him to eat healthy and exersize with me, but he has absolutely no interest in doing that. It’s been hard lately feeling like I have no support from him. I just want him to want himself to be better. I love him and he’s still my best friend, I’m just not sure what to do about his motivation problem, so I’m just trying to lead by example and hope he gets inspired to do something.

Anyone else facing this problem in their relationship? Is it worth trying to stick it out? Let me know your thoughts.

@Emerald