Second Huachuma ceremony, Pisac [long post]

[fryingLotus]

This is an account of my second Huachuma/San Pedro ceremony in Pisac (I realised now there is a part where I mentioned about describing something in the first ceremony which I'm yet to finish the report on but it's not too important).

Friday night about 7pm I messaged the shaman to see if I could partake in another ceremony on Monday (he mentioned they usually run Monday, Wednesday and Friday). Shortly after I received a callback from him where he mentioned that there were only 2 people on for tomorrow (Saturday) and if I wanted to come along to this one instead (he speaks a bit of English and I speak a bit of Spanish so it kind of works out).

I took this as an invitation from San Pedro and got to bed at a reasonable hour, setting my alarm at 6am as we meet at 730am in town (actually this is my normal routine for sleep anyway).

I packed my bag (this time more prepared) taking a pure piri-piri fragrance (shipibo plant not the chilli pepper), some rapé, palma dulce (a herb that grows in high altitudes that smells real good, especially when burned like incense), suncream (so essential for a pasty whitey like me), 2 hats (one beanie, one sun hat as it seems to be cold and hot at the same time with the wind) and I then purchased some mapachos off the shaman when we met.

I got to town about half an hour early, picked up some fruit and bread for the offering to San Pedro/mid-ceremony feast and grabbed a chirimoya, mango and pineapple shake before briefly meeting the shaman who was whizzing down the tight alleys of Pisac on a push bike, telling me he needed to get our taxi ready.

Once he came back I went into his shop for the preparatory tea. I saw no other participants in there and it was at this point he told me that the other 2 ate bad food and were sick so had to re-schedule, meaning that this was a one on one session.

We then made our way to the taxi, got in and headed off. The shaman told me that we would be going to a different location with a lake.

It took about 45 minutes to get there, passing small towns and farmlands along with hoards of llamas and sheep that kept blocking the road on the way and dogs chasing frantically after the car.

Finally we arrived at what appeared to be a man made lake, or man-adapted lake. The shaman told me we would be walking up to another natural lake. We began the stroll up the mountain side, with the path varying from grass, big rocks, small rocks that made you slip, flat ground but mainly steep inclines. I definitely slipped about 12 times throughout the journey up and down. After walking for about 30 minutes we stopped at some small ruins which appeared to be the remains of a house or small building. The walls were now only about 4 foot tall and there was an opening I assume used to be a door. This is where we sat down to prepare for and drink Huachuma.

As before the shaman took everything out of his bag for the consumption; big and small flute/recorder, pan pipes, drum, a cloth/small thin blanket that contained lots of small artifacts to create a shrine/altar, a bottle of water (this time it looked flavoured, it was yellow/orange ish), the worn looking vase/urn containing the san pedro powder covered by a cloth and elastic band and a cup to drink from.

With my previous experience I found the drinking very difficult, however this time I put my attention on my stomach so not to focus on the taste which made things much easier. I just felt it all hitting my stomach. Sure I gagged on the second cup but it was an improvement regardless where I could barely make it through the first cup before. I find it weird to drink as it's not like Ayahuasca where that sicky feeling travels from your mouth and seems to stay with you for about 10 minutes after. As soon as you've finished drinking everything is fine, and again I didn't purge throughout the duration of the ceremony.

So I'm babbling a bit here but trying to recall as much information as possible. We sat for a bit then packed our stuff up and headed up the mountain once more where we stopped a few times to rest and the shaman played more music. I find that hiking is essential as it takes a while for San Pedro to come on, it also seems to get you in touch with nature and clear your mind prior to the effects kicking in. I've found this with acid in the past as well, a good walk and then sitting down for the full force seems to work really well and also seems to remove a lot of the apprehension, 'is it working, can I feel it?' etc.

Finally we came down to an area past some Inca ruins (I actually picked up a cool looking stone here that caught my eye to add to my own altar) and then out into the view of the lake which was just like something out of a dream. The lake was huge, surrounded by large mountains that stretched up high into the sky. There was a long grassy wet path that lead down to the lake. At one side up a hill sat a small stone house, and at the other end by the lake there were a herd of llamas bobbing their heads about. We made our way down further to a suitable spot where we unpacked our stuff and the shaman began putting out all of the sweets/candy for the offering (San Pedro likes it sweet). He said some prayers/gave intention/respect before we performed a small offering with coca leaves. He then packed the parcel up with all of the bits and pieces in and sealing it by folding tightly. I wrote about this in my other experience but essentially it was just stuff like biscuits, real basic bright colours sweets, sugar, incense, real random, kind of like athe sort of goodies you'd get in a piñata.

Once this had been completed we put the cloth out and began adding our fruit/bread for the food offering. We then took a piece of fruit to offer personally. I'm still not 100% here but I think you're meant to take the fruit and place it on the ground somewhere to offer to pachamama/San Pedro. Well last time I just carried the fruit round with me and this time I used a chirimoya that had gotten squished in my bag so I ate half and shared the rest with pachamama/San Pedro by intently pressing the remainder into the ground so that the juiciest bit went straight into the dirt.

The previous sweet offering was then burned in a fire constructed out of dried shit (literally). It didn't smell bad though and seemed to burn really well (I did think earlier why was the shaman picking up shit but I knew he'd have a good reason).

After this I took my shipibo blanket and walked up the hill slightly just to be by myself and in a spot where I could clearly see the lake and mountains. I placed the blanket on the floor using 4 large rocks to weigh down each corner. I find the blanket is essential as it helps create a sacred space wherever you are, also it stops you getting spikey plants all over your arse. From here the experience really begun to take off.

I didn't feel as deep a connection as previously; I was able to meditate and go deep however it seemed as though I was somewhat spacing out or losing touch with this reality. When opening my eyes it was an amazing feeling to see where I was. I didn't mention earlier but the intention I held throughout was 'who am I, what am I?' which really helped to propel the experience towards this direction.

So even though I've babbled on about the build up, the actual trip is sort of difficult to describe - the whole thing felt like a dream. I remember drifting in an out, listening to the shaman play music nearby and then also setting points of focus on my body and meditating on them intently. This worked but it seemed as though as soon as the focus progressed my state, I lost focus and forgot that I was meditating. I realized after that this should kind of be a goal of meditation, to stop doing anything and just be.

Sitting there for a while I decided to have a spray of the piri-piri (I gave the shaman some as well) - I just spray it in my face then breath in once it settles a bit. It really seems to bring on more visuals, especially with DMT. Powerful plant and not too well known. I then sat back down, meditated for a while longer, again having similar states before pulling out the rapé and kuripe. I sat again meditating and forgot I was holding it. Eventually around 20 minutes later I carefully poured some onto my hand so to avoid the wind, loaded the kuripe and blew up both nostrils.

Okay so I thought the experience couldn't get any deeper but I was not ready for the power of rapé with San Pedro. Jesus Christ. Talk about being careful what you ask for as you might just get it. Remember my intention of who/what am I? Well concentration can be a crazy thing. San Pedo, meditation and rapé mixed together seemed to give me the ability to push through into much higher states, I felt as though there was no higher that a human could go (I know this isn't true but this is what it felt like - it pushed me right to the edge). It felt like the states I reached on bufo, even the visuals were very similar. I've never broken through on bufo but have reached blissful feelings. I had to lay down on my back, open as possible, focussing on my breath as it moved in and out of my mouth. My breath really did feel automatic, like I was just an observer, almost as if the breath had control. It was bizarre and I kept concentrating to see if the experience would go deeper - this felt on the verge of ego death, I could feel my self slipping away, reality was dispersing. This wasn't a stressful experience really, it felt completely natural but now that I think about it it really did feel as though I was dying.

The shaman then came over at this point and performed a cleansing using some rosemary we picked up from the market earlier. This felt good and was perfect timing for the state I was in, it added to the blissful, zoned out state of just feeling beyond normal consciousness. I have not experienced ego death on psychedelics but I am pretty sure this was very close, just the way everything felt so similar to bufo and the state my mind and body went into. All this time I kept observing, trying to find the perceiver and question who or what I was. I find that a bit of announcing these in your head then focussing seems to push mental states into the desired direction. But again, be careful what you ask for or make sure you're ready for it! I don't want to say that concentration is a scary thing but it might show you the truth, or part of it, if you try hard enough.

After the cleaning was done we started to make our way down to the lake, I was slightly relieved as this seemed to ease off the intense feelings, however I found for the remainder of the experience that as soon as I sat down again it all came back and kept pushing and pushing. Whenever the shaman played music next to me I felt the intensity rising, my breath automatically got heavier and it felt as though I was releasing or bringing a lot of stuff to the surface. I worked with this the best I could. I then released the rosemary into the river upon the shaman's instructions. This felt very ritualistic (as did the experience as a whole) and I felt as though I had been somewhat cleaned, with a lot of dirty energies collected on the rosemary. We sat there for a while longer before moving along again.

With every few footsteps I would look at the floor, watching the shaman's feet energetic trails swishing around, turning around to look at the mountain (which was incredible, I couldn't believe what I was seeing) I saw that in all its beauty I could see colours that looked similar to those from 80s/90s computer graphics. The feeling of the universe being a hologram starting becoming clearer and clearer to me and as I focussed more I saw how it all moved around, no solidity, only perception of solidity in the normal state. This was the same when looking at the floor when static; stones and rocks I stared at moved around and bended/warped, which reminded me of the spoon in the matrix. My mind was just blown time after time and I tried to imagine what the world would look like if you could see through or into the hologram, to see what actually lied beneath. 

I'm not sure what point this happened at, but I remember seeing an inner light. I kind of moved my eyes around a bit and opened them slightly to check to see if I was just seeing the sun through my eye lids, but the sun was way up in the sky and the inner light seemed to come from down below. It didn't last long but for me was another progression in self inquiry. I focussed on it for as long as I could but it just ended up fading. This however did give me the feeling that happiness truly does lie within - the light will never go out, you just have to observe and tap into it, unlike external factors which are a) constantly changing and b) very likely to be all illusion (based on this experience and previous, also with comparing to other trips/meditative states that others have reached).

So anyway, we continue walking along down the mountain, stopping periodically to just stare in awe at the moutains, lake, just everything. Again, this was all very dream like, this place is like a fairy tale. Eventually we reached the location where we had to wait for the taxi. We spoke to some of the weaving ladies who looked very hard working and worn down. I bought 2 bracelets and gave them the rest of my change, as well as some bread (the shaman gave them bread first so I followed his lead). I remember trying to get the change out of my wallet and I got so consumed in the task that I forgot what I was doing. I believe I was just fumbling around with the coins, slowly moving them out of my wallet and around my hand, struggling to count them. I'm not sure how much time passed but it felt like an eternity. I then looked up and saw the lady looking at me, she was probably thinking 'this gringos out of his fecking mind' - and that I was. It seems to be when returning to civilization/normal society that you realize how far gone you are.

After buying the 2x bracelets, I just sat cross legged on the floor in front of the weaving ladies and watched as they talked amongst themselves, smiled at me, all made 'shoosshhing' noises as chickens kept coming over to peck at their goods, watched their children roll around on their products and saw the shaman talking amongst them. He was probably dying for a chat all day. I sat and thought how these people truly have nothing and work all day, every day. The children looked equally worn down, and already part of hard lives at such an early age. Regardless they all kept smiling and playing with what they had. Another cool sight was the moon on my right, with children playing underneath it on a hill, and the sun on my left, with the mountains in the distance. Crazy views.

Taxi time - this part is always pretty interesting. Moving around in a vehicle still high as a kite, seeing amazing sights all around that are constantly changing, wild animals, herds, children playing, dogs chasing the car (again). I really could not stop watching and think again how this play is like a fairy tale, kind of like the shire in Lord of the Rings but somehow more magical. I then closed my eyes, begun focussing on my breathing and noticed the sensations returning heavily. I kept bringing up negative thoughts and trying to release them. I wondered if the shaman could feel what I was experiencing or even know the thoughts through their frequency. Either way I was astounded at how much more at peace and even more interesting it was to keep my eyes closed, even with all of the amazing sights to behold around me.

The taxi then pulled up in Pisac town, I went to the shaman's shop, paid him and then left. Oh god was I high. This was not a gentle landing as it felt as though it may have been earlier. It just seemed to keep coming back and back, even getting stronger. I think the new environment also brought on new levels, so much more going on, new faces, animals, cars, just hectic (and Pisac is a quiet town). I had no money now and think I needed water, also I wanted food but really could not deal with going into the town plaza and into the jewelry shop to take money out. It may not even have been open. I began weirdly walking back to the hostel, trying to act normal - I did not feel of this planet and it was funny at times but my mind was just between the states of feeling the experience and wanting to get back, eat some bread and avocado and lay out on the grass, staring at the stars, smoking a mapacho. Eventually I made it back in one piece, went straight to the bathroom and saw there were some light red marks on my face (raw skin from sunburn) and some rapé remnants in and around my nose and on my upper lip. This in combination with a spaced out look and dinner plate pupils had me feel that anyone who saw me and gave me a peculiar look did so for good reason. I looked a state and that didn't settle me down too much. 

I cleaned up and went outside with a mapacho. I smoked it as intently I could, staring at the stars, looking for answers, feeling the experience and trusting the grandfather Huachuma, announcing this trust in my mind. This really seemed to help the experience. So from this point I can't remember too much, it was more so just the same as earlier - huge waves of energy coming over my body, all of my energy moving upwards as if attracted like a magnet and my eyes rolling upwards to accompany the feeling. It was a sort of uncomfortable bliss. I put this down to my body just not feeling balanced. It felt like there should be some energy in the lower regions (I actually felt some anxiety with people around this time so I'm assuming this is related). I tried meditating on my root chakra (well my stomach at the lowest point - I didn't really think in terms of chakras, I just think, stomach, heart, head etc) whilst breathing in deep and exhaling with a low tone as if it cause deep vibrations. I feel like this could have worked if I wasn't scared to do it loud enough to have an effect. Outside it was quiet and the hostel was very close, as were houses, so I didn't want people looking out the window and then seeing me stroll into the hostel after doing some weird troll cleansing.

I then started to think that all of this was inside my head. If I just thought and imagined that I was balanced and that Huachuma was working on me, then everything would be okay. This did work but it was hard to keep focus, making me think it wasn't in my head (I don't think it was) or that my brain is just too strong with the conflicting thoughts to creation confusion. Who knows! To me it just felt like all of my energy had shot up and there was no way I could physically get any higher.

Wow so almost done here. After the mapacho I came back in, had 2 bits of bread with avocado (struggle to make and struggle to eat) then I smoked 2 mapachos, continuing with breathing exercises. All of this time I was just thinking I need help here, I need to learn about what to do and what not to do. I feel as though my instinct went and I started getting confused with what I was doing. So for example, I was trying to bring energy down by dragging it through my breath into my stomach - I then thought, hang on, what if this is dragging energies that need to be out, into my stomach? You get the idea so this is why I kind of gave up and put my trust in Huachuma, however this only helped temporarily.

I think I got into bed about 21:30, got up for tea at 00:30 as I couldn't sleep, then seemed to drift in and out of consciousness all night. So this was a long experience and to be honest it almost felt as though I was learning too much too quickly but either way I put my trust into Huachuma.

My work now is trying to find some more knowledge on energies, or even if I should ignore that altogether and just trust. My brain seems to be conflicted - I've been learning loads over the past few months and I'm not really sure what path or ideology to follow. I guess it will come with time.

Congratulations for making it through and if I think of anything else that comes to mind here I will add it on.

P.s if anyone can offer me some advice, then please do. I've got mixed thoughts of whether my ego is just trying to protect me and I was on the verge of a breakthrough, that my energies shot up so high I couldn't bring them down, that I should ignore all that and trust in Huachuma etc etc. All seem to be valid in my mind but I can't quite put my finger on 1 for sure.