How to I stop being self-conscious when being watched?

[Eonwe5]

Hi there my friends,

Since I can remember, whenever I do something in front of others that I regard as "skilled", or that I think others might find impressive or "cool", like playing piano or chopping onions real fast (what an example, heh?), I switch into a very self-conscious state of mind where I picture how I must look to others. I stop being involved in the task, and watch myself from the outside.

This state of mind also kicks in sometimes when someone is admiring my artworks, or other creative stuff that I've done.

I tighten up a bit, and I think of myself as a "superior" person that is being looked up to by others because I'm capable of doing creative stuff or performing tasks that they've never even dreamed of. I don't actively think that thought, it is a subconscious response that comes and goes.

 

This is bothering me, I really don't enjoy being in that state.

 

What steps can I take to get rid of that, and let my attention remain on the thing I'm doing, or just stay "normal" whenever people are admiring some work of mine?

 

Thanks a lot, and have a wonderful day.

 

Jonas

[JustThinkingAloud]

It all comes out of you thinking at some stage that you’re superior because you can do something that other people can’t, it happened often enough for it to become subconscious. You’re trying to suppress it but it’s still there. Maybe try thinking that you’re great at something and that’s good. It doesn’t make you superior though. We all have a potential to be great at something, some of us realised that potential and some of us are still working on it. Nobody is superior to you either just because they can do something that you’ve never even dreamed of.

[Eonwe5]

On 14.7.2019 at 7:48 AM, see_on_see said:

You're craving their validation. Contemplate why you need that. Once you let go of that need, you won't care how others see you, whether it's good or bad. 

Thank you for your response. Is contemplation and awareness the only way to let go of the need for validation or are there also other ways?

 

On 14.7.2019 at 11:33 AM, JustThinkingAloud said:

It doesn’t make you superior though. We all have a potential to be great at something, some of us realised that potential and some of us are still working on it. Nobody is superior to you either just because they can do something that you’ve never even dreamed of.

I absolutely agree with you, and my rational Mind tells me exactly that, but when these Situations occur, it's like a second me appears that thinks he's better then others. Is that what the "shadow" is about?

[JustThinkingAloud]

13 hours ago, Eonwe5 said:

I absolutely agree with you, and my rational Mind tells me exactly that, but when these Situations occur, it's like a second me appears that thinks he's better then others. Is that what the "shadow" is about?

It’s you subconscious, it’s still you. Keep persevering with changing your mind and it will happen. It does need some time to get persuaded.

[Rilles]

Yep, like someone said, there are probably 50 reasons why you get uptight when someone watches you

i want them to like what i do

i feel embarrased if i mess up

i want to look good 

etc etc etc

 

think about it this way. do you get uptight when your dog watches you? why not? because you dont seek validation from your dog, so why are you seeking it from other people? just something to contemplate

[Psyche_92]

Why is there something wrong with that? You won't stop being self-conscious by trying to be less self-conscious.
You won't stop being less self-conscious by accepting that you are self-conscious while being watched either. It's just what happens. Both are resistance to what is.

Edited July 16, 2019 by Psyche_92

[Rilles]

9 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

Why is there something wrong with that? You won't stop being self-conscious by trying to be less self-conscious.
You won't stop being less self-conscious by accepting that you are self-conscious while being watched either. It's just what happens. Both are resistance to what is.

Nothing wrong with it, but it can get in the way when youre trying to do something you enjoy. Just being conscious of why you feel uptight is much better than just trying to ”accept” the feeling and ignoring it. Once you really know why you feel a certain way youll be so aware of its sillyness that youll stop naturally. No forcing needed.

[Psyche_92]

30 minutes ago, Rilles said:

trying to ”accept” the feeling and ignoring it.

Can you choose to accept or ignore a feeling whenever you feel like it?

[Rilles]

5 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

Can you choose to accept or ignore a feeling whenever you feel like it?

I can distract myself away from the feeling by thinking up excuses, instead of going into and feeling it. 

Edited July 16, 2019 by Rilles

[Psyche_92]

1 minute ago, Rilles said:

I can distract myself away from the feeling by thinking up excuses, instead of going into and feeling it. 

How? You can't choose whether you are going to distract yourself away, or go into it and feel it whenever a situation like that occurs. If that would be a possibility, we would all just simply choose to go into every feeling everytime and empty our bucket on free will.

[Rilles]

1 minute ago, Psyche_92 said:

How? You can't choose whether you are going to distract yourself away, or go into it and feel it whenever a situation like that occurs. If that would be a possibility, we would all just simply choose to go into every feeling everytime and empty our bucket on free will.

We dont like to go into our feelings because theyre uncomfortable, so no, we couldnt ”just” do that. 

[Michael569]

By realising that caring what people think is a 100% losing battle no matter how much you try...eventually they'll find something that they can judge you for. 

In the end everybody cares about themselves and their own problems and everybody is concerned more of what you think about them then what they think about you. 

The next time you feel judged, look that person in the eyes and do not let go until they look elswhere. Most of the time, they won't be able to bear the pressure.