Apologizing

[YawningGull]

I feel like saying sorry is kissing ass. It's a shallow, selfish way of manipulating and strong arming people into getting what you want. And it masquerades as being nice and selfless. Am I wrong in saying these things? I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately and would like some outside opinions.

[Ayla]

What this tells me is that happened to you..a lot. So this is the only way you can perceive it. 

Sit with that. Inquire it. 

[a e l i]

I get that vibe as well: many times people don't even think about what being sorry means. They just automatically apologize to not get in trouble or create more problems. But I wouldn't generalize it. If someone actually changes their mind/understands something, they can feel sorry for real.

[DanielSyght86]

Remorse is a real emotion that is often difficult to convey in words.  Saying "sorry" is usually done to placate someone's ego.  We say it to convince ourselves we're good.  We say it to avoid unpleasant conflicts (nothing wrong with this, in certain circumstances--say if a job or your safety is on the line).  We say it as a knee-jerk reaction, even.  We say it when we feel inadequate.  Sorry I don't have more to say about it...

[Arthur M]

I can see clearly why you would say that. It does feels that way at time. It is important to say sorry when you actually mean it though. Trust me when people around you know that you are not apologetic but when you say sorry you really mean it.....That "sorry" weighs ALOT. But too many times it is used the wrong way. It is like you are about to make your opinion heard and you start with "Sorry if any1 gets offended..." or you purposely hurt someone and when confrontation arise you say you are sorry. And the classic one...saying sorry just because  you do not want to appear an an asshole or a jerk.  

[Leo Gura]

This is a problem of lack of authentic relating. The next time you relate to a human being, try to do it from a place of 100% genuineness. Only say exactly what you think and feel and not some polite bullshit. Then when you say "I'm sorry" it will be coming from an authentic sense of feeling sorry, and not just empty words, or even worse, lies.

In general, try to clean up your language so that whenever you say some words, you really mean them. << That's a great self-improvement exercise. You could turn it into a 30 day challenge. It will grow you a lot.

Re-watch my How You Lie video. It's addressing this very point. What you're basically doing right now with people is lying. And it makes you feel hollow inside.

[Pav]

Simply saying sorry is quiet meaningless. 

Nathaniel Branden wrote a great explanation of what to do if you have wronged someone:

"1.We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the particular action. We must face and accept the full reality of what we have done, without disowning or avoidance. We own, we accept, we take responsibility. 
2. We seek to understand why we did what we did. We do this compassionately, but without evasive alibiing.
3.If others are involved we acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or persons the harm we have done. We convey our understanding of the consequences of our behaviour. We acknowledge how they have been affected by us. We convey understanding of their feelings.
4.We take any and all actions available that might make amends for or minimise the harm we have done.
5.We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the future."

As Leo pointed out, it's a matter of genuineness.

[Therealbigyo]

For some reason I picked up the habit of being overly apologetic at one point. I have since removed that habit. I used to say "I'm sorry" for every little thing. I found I was apologizing for doing things that make me who I am. 

I realized you should never apologize to anyone for being who you are. It takes away your power, and gives you a sense of unworthiness. At least, that's my interpretation of apologizing for everything. I was even saying sorry to people when they told me someone they knew just died. Why would I apologize? I didn't do anything wrong. 

So now, I only say sorry when I did something wrong and have come to the conclusion my actions weren't right and seeking forgiveness from the person. It makes it more powerful. The word "sorry" becomes more powerful when I say it and carries more energy. I think... aha. 

But since you think it makes you selfish and manipulative, it just shows your intention when you use the word. You can choose how you want to use it, but yea. That's my 2 cents.