How Not To End Up Dependant Again

[Anton Rogachevski]

I've recently broken up, and now I realize that I was actually very needy, because I'm having a very hard time to let go. Im also drowning in dramatic self pity. 

First question,

How does a fully actualized person feel when breaking up?

How to know that you are not entering another dependant realtionship?

[Elton]

@Actualizer after a break up you will definitely feel bad, find your life purpose and work towards it to be non needy

[Anton Rogachevski]

@Elton Is it acceptable to take some time to heal, or is a self pity deception that will actually turn out longer than expected?

[Elton]

@Actualizer pain is temporary it may last for a minute an hour a day or even a year but eventually it will subside. Try to find a seed of a equivalent benifit from every misfortune and every bad thing that occurs to you. 

[Ire]

I have the same problem. I am in a relationship but I realized I am very needy and I find out I am living his life and not mine. I do not know how to cut this issue from the root. All my relationships were exactly the same and I want to finish with it, but I honestly do not now how to start.  I would appreciate any suggestion. Thanks! 

[Corte]

Try to become at peace with the idea of being happy no matter the condition. With your lover, you should be blissful when they're there, and when they aren't. Your lover shouldn't have to be your rescuer from life and provide too much, see why a breakup can be so horrible? there is so much emphasis on being with someone "forever" everyone says it. We create this reality in our heads around the forever concept when everything is changing chaos constantly. Forever doesn't make you a loyal partner it makes you delusional. Love never needs to be proven. Your partner should be there to support the growth you are creating on your own. If this is done correctly, it would be a more meaningful relationship anyway. You can appreciate the moment, thankful for the time together and that should be enough. If it does come to an end, it will be much easier to move on. Almost not a problem at all. And if it does last a lifetime, it will be the much more profound connection you're searching for.

[MIARIVEL]

@Actualizer It is important to spend time with yourself and love your own company. What do you love to do? Make an effort to do more of what makes you happy.

For me, I love going for long walks listening to Audible book or my favourite music. I also love reading books, watching you tube, my favourite TV shows, working on my business. All these things make me happy and fulfilled and I have learnt to be okay with doing things on my own and enjoy my own company. I'll even go to the park or the beach and take a good book or my Ipad and just spend hours by myself.

By doing things you love, will teach you how to be happy and dependant on yourself. 

Ask yourself why were you needy in a relationship? why do you need someone? what are some ways you can train your mind and yourself to love spending time with you or going out with other friends or spending time with family? Try volunteering, or going to a meetup group with like minded people. You will be amazed how much time goes past just doing the things you love and before you know it, you may meet someone who is like you and enjoys the fun things you like to do. Perhaps your partner may have different interests to you which is okay to. You can support each other without always being 'needy or dependant' on them. 

Break ups are never easy but you have to remember you have the power to control your emotions and the strength to start doing things that make you happy and fulfilled. As hard as it seems sometimes, you are the key to your own happiness. 

[FindingPeace]

@Actualizer @Ire

There are a lot of reasons why people become needy - insecurities and fears, lack of abundance, addiction to validation and approval. But above all of these things I see a fundamental lack of taking responsibility for one's life. By that I mean, people who are overly needy generally aren't doing enough in their lives outside of the relationship they are being needy within. They aren't taking care of their own needs and interests. Not going out and being around other people or pusuing personal interests and passions. They generally have too much time on their hands and devote too much attention to the object of their neediness.

When you have a more richer and fulfilling life you don't feel so needy and attached to one particular thing or person. The underlying cause is not taking enough responsiblity for creating a life for one's self. The solution is to focus more on yourself and less on the other person. Start taking more interest in other things - hobbies and interests, more quality friendships, even alone time - get comfortable with your own company (this can be a major cause of neediness when people can't stand alone time with themselves).

It tends to come down to a fixation on the other person rather than spreading your attention into other areas of life, especially yourself.

1 hour ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

It is important to spend time with yourself and love your own company. What do you love to do? Make an effort to do more of what makes you happy.

Absolutely this.

 

[Anton Rogachevski]

You are very wise, and I really love your way of thinking.

Thank you so much everyone 

[MaxBlank]

In relationships, you are to some extent dependent on the other person: you depend on him/ her to be fair, good, faithful, loyal, respectful....the idea here is to create healthy boundaries as you go, and grow into a strong relationship. A good strong one will allow each to follow their own path while being supportive of the other.

[Will]

On 03/05/2016 at 3:45 AM, Ire said:

I have the same problem. I am in a relationship but I realized I am very needy and I find out I am living his life and not mine. I do not know how to cut this issue from the root. All my relationships were exactly the same and I want to finish with it, but I honestly do not now how to start.  I would appreciate any suggestion. Thanks! 

write, and then break it all apart.. try and de construct it as much as possible.... look for cracks in your foundations and then research the crap out it to figure out what you need to do to fix it permanently.. good thing with this type of pain is that you will have plenty of motivation .. your mind will be pouring itself out all over the place....

When you write it helps you to get it out , just try and organise it so you can break it down..