Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

Sick of Noises

God I'm so sick with all these noises around me all day long. I seriously need to find a separate and isolated apartment without noises where I can work in silence.

[Raphael]

Quote

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

Luke 23:34, The Bible

[Raphael]

Moving Out

So... I got this bad news from a client recently, he told me that there will be no other projects immediately. I was planning to find a small apartment/room to rent when I'll get a positive news. I'm so sick of staying at home with my parents and so sick of the loud noises outside all day long: hens, dogs, constructions, traffic on the road, television, people speaking loudly like animals, people with fucked up brains, etc. However, a good news that I recently got is that I'm now classified as a rising talent on Upwork which means that I have more visibility and more chances to find clients, so there is hope.

As soon as I'll find another client that pays well, I'll start to search for an isolated and silent place. I just need a small room at max 100$/month, I hope I could find something like this. I'm so sick of this house, it's time to move out.

[Raphael]

This forum is the best place on the internet.

[Raphael]

Back to Masculinity

I need to get back to my masculinity. I was a lot in touch with my femininity for ~ 2 years after being too much masculine before. I always took it to the extremes. I currently have issues getting shit done, being disciplined, and being tough which are masculine values.

I need to find a proper balance between masculinity and feminity. Maybe 60% masculinity / 40% feminity or 70% masculinity / 30% feminity.

[Raphael]

I want to figure the shit out of this world.

[Raphael]

Stage yellow is like a healthy parent watching carefully millions of kids in the hope that they don't blow everything up.

Edited February 19, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Male / Female Perceptual Discrepancies

Interesting.

 

[Raphael]

 

[Raphael]

Balancing Holons

Sometimes some sub-holons need to be taked care for the greater holon good: fixing past traumas, sacrificing an addiction, sacrificing some thoughts. I need to fix some past traumas in sub-holons, for me as a human entity and as a greater holon to work better.

[Raphael]

Adult Kids

Most people are kids. Even in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, most of them are kids. From one perspective I feel like I'm dealing with children every day, from another perspective, I feel like I'm also a kid (but with a natural wise trait) who has a lot of growing to do and who doesn't know how to handle many basic things. Damn... life is paradoxical, complex, and nuanced.

[soos_mite_ah]

let me know if you want me to hide this if you don't like comments on your journal

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

Adult Kids

Most people are kids. Even in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, most of them are kids. From one perspective I feel like I'm dealing with children every day, from another perspective, I feel like I'm also a kid (but with a natural wise trait) who has a lot of growing to do and who doesn't know how to handle many basic things. Damn... life is paradoxical, complex, and nuanced.

I just wanted to say that I relate to this so much. I swear, the more I grow up, the more I realize that the adults around me who raised me haven't. This is especially true as I grow through the spiral however thankfully, spiral dynamics does give me insight about why the adults around me are the way they are. That understanding alleviates the frustration I felt previously with how they haven't grown up. That's my experience at least. 

[Raphael]

10 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

let me know if you want me to hide this if you don't like comments on your journal

It's fine, I actually appreciate getting feedbacks, it's the main reason why I journal publicly rather than privately. Don't hesitate to give feedbacks, it helps me grow.

10 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I just wanted to say that I relate to this so much. I swear, the more I grow up, the more I realize that the adults around me who raised me haven't. This is especially true as I grow through the spiral however thankfully, spiral dynamics does give me insight about why the adults around me are the way they are. That understanding alleviates the frustration I felt previously with how they haven't grown up. That's my experience at least. 

Yeah, I think that many adults in their 50s, 60s, or more are actually living the childhood that they didn't had because life was way more difficult before. They also didn't had access to all the resources that we now have. However, one thing that I still don't understand properly is the fact that many people of my age who had more chances and more money than me never discovered self-actualization and are getting caught in so many ideologies. I guess luck also plays a role as I felt wise since I was 10 - 12.

[Raphael]

It's precisely because things are paradoxical and contradicts themselves that they work together. The previous sentence was its own example.

[Raphael]

9 hours ago, Raphael said:

It's precisely because things are paradoxical and contradicts themselves that they work together. The previous sentence was its own example.

Examples:

• Masculinity/Feminity: This is penetrative energy (masculinity) contradicting receiving energy (feminity) that at the same time works together. Generally, guys chase girls, and girls receive their energy, and when they are both properly balanced, they are happy. During a sexual intercourse, the guy penetrates the girl and the girl receive the guy in herself, and they both get pleasure.
• Young/Old: Parents take care of kids when they are young, then kids grow up and start to take care of old people.
• Human/Machine: Humans as biological entities contradict mechanical entities, but it allows them to work together. A human being creates a machine to help him on difficult tasks for a human being and the machine needs the human being to function.
• Paper/Pen: A paper is flat where a pen is pointed. If a pen is used with too much pressure it can rip a paper, but if it is properly balanced it can create readable shapes for people.

[Raphael]

I feel like I'm ideological.

[Raphael]

Letting Go of Addictions or Bad Habits

Letting go of an addiction or bad habit is like dying. It feels like a part of who we are is dying. We usually want to fight an addiction, but often time fails because we only fight ourselves. Addictions ain't curable by being in conflict with ourselves, but by accepting the emptiness of who we are.

To cure an addiction, let's die.

 

[Raphael]

Healthy Schools

I thought multiple times about opening free healthy schools as a life purpose in the future. There would be mandatory meditation and yoga sessions, healthy food, the children's preferences would be taken into account, and the actualized.org content would be used as the base material.

The slogan would be: Education for the 21st century and beyond

Edited February 23, 2021 by Raphael

[soos_mite_ah]

21 hours ago, Raphael said:

Yeah, I think that many adults in their 50s, 60s, or more are actually living the childhood that they didn't had because life was way more difficult before. They also didn't had access to all the resources that we now have. However, one thing that I still don't understand properly is the fact that many people of my age who had more chances and more money than me never discovered self-actualization and are getting caught in so many ideologies. I guess luck also plays a role as I felt wise since I was 10 - 12.

I guess it depends on what backgrounds those older adults are from . You could argue that financially speaking it was easier back then but I would definitely say that emotionally the 1950s/60s were a mess when it came to parenting regardless of what part of the world you were from. Social conditioning is a VERY powerful thing regardless of age. We are still a very survival based society and people need to figure out how to meet and exhaust their needs both on an individual and systemic level before going on to self actualize. 

[Raphael]

@soos_mite_ah

As usual, they are thousands of factors working together  

But, I still think that some people are naturally more gifted than others. Wise people with better clarity of mind existed since the beginning of humanity. They were able to more easily understand how life works regardless of their environment and era even though they were limited like others by their circumstances.

I think this applies to all human characteristics: some people have naturally more muscle, some are naturally a little more physically attractive, some have long legs that allow them to run faster, etc.