Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

The Advantage of Not Being Social

The main advantage that I experienced from not spending that much time with people in my life is that I got very little conditioned by society. This is the most important thing that I recently realized. Because of that my thoughts can be very original and surprise many people, I have a natural wisdom and I don't have to do that much spiritual work for that.

I always intuitively sensed that something was "wrong" in social groups, I always felt that people living too much in groups where experiencing fear based on social conditioning. Since a very young age my attitude towards life has been to not take any strong positions, but to just observe people. It doesn't mean that I did things perfectly, but that was and still is my main attitude. As a kid, I knew that I didn't know anything and therefore told myself: "I don't know anything in life, so I'm not going to take or judge any position but just observe carefully all perspectives around me and then gradually integrate them".

I always felt like I was born a sage.

P-S: Don't get me wrong, there's definitely a trap in being too much isolated and I fell into it. Social interactions are important in life for healthy functioning in a society.

 

[Raphael]

Very very high-quality videos. I maybe judged Leo a bit too quickly. Many times there's a big difference between his videos and his interactions on the forum, maybe there's a big difference in his personal life too? After all, what do I really know about Leo except these videos and his posts? Not that much.

 

[Raphael]

Deep Emotional Healing Is So Rare — Yet So Important

 

[Raphael]

An addiction is a pattern in the brain.

[Raphael]

Meta Relationships

I see no other way to have healthy relationships than by going meta. By going meta I mean recognizing that a relationship is an organism by itself composed of two holons and that some rules need to exists to keep the relationship alive and healthy.

Here are some basic rules that I thought about:

• Both partners needs to be psychologically healthy.
• Both partners needs to be able to sustain themselves independently.
• Both partners needs to have compatible personality types.
• Both partners needs to have similar values and a few similar interests.
• Both partners needs massive education on relationships, sexuality, masculine/feminine dynamics. If an issue arise, being educated about relationships dynamics can solve it.
• Individual preferences need to be seriously taken into consideration even if it goes against typical masculine/feminine dynamics.
• No manipulations, no pressure, no gaslighting, no screaming at each other, no fights, no egoic debates, or similar things. If any of this happens, the relationship needs to be broken.
• Space for mistakes and imperfections. I thought about this multiple times, and really this is unrealistic to expect a 100% perfect relationship where both partners will be happy all the time. That's life after all. In almost all cases, a bit of drama will happen, however, this drama has to be as small as possible.
• If something is not working, both partners needs to be aware and flexible enough to change.
• When an issue arise, both partners needs to be able to communicate openly and honestly.
• Both partners needs to be genuinely interested in the other person and try to see things from the other person perspective as much as possible.
• Both partners need to accept that the other person has relationships and sexual needs, and therefore have a responsibility to fulfill these needs. It doesn't mean that someone has to be the slave of the other person's needs, it needs to be healthily balanced in a way that fulfills both individuals.
• Both partners needs to let go when being too much meta. This is exhausting sometimes and this is a trap that prevents to be in the flow.

[Raphael]

Quote

Lol

Stop making dumb excuses and go talk to girls.

And stop reading that incel, red pill, black pill toxic trash. What's gonna kill you is not your height, but the shit you feed your mind. You are like a radical Islamist terrorist or white nationalist, feeding your mind with garbage ideology that will ruin your life.

This kind of rhetoric is so incredibly toxic, I'm blown away when I see things like this especially coming from a "self-actualized" person. This guy is considering suicide, yet there is a complete lack of empathy, there is mockery which is even worse.

I like Leo and I obtained great value from his videos, but honestly he has a toxic side. Some of his posts and also his attitude in some videos had a negative influence on me.

 

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, Raphael said:

This kind of rhetoric is so incredibly toxic

I strongly disagree. It sounds to me like you have a self-bias that was wounded by Leo's reasonable response, and so you're labeling it as "toxic" - as in "toxic for my wounded self-bias" but notice that what's toxic for you is not actually the same as what's toxic for everyone.

[Etherial Cat]

Tchooo!

Petit commentaire pour te laisser savoir que je suis admirative de ce que tu écris dans ton journal.

J'aurais tellement aimée être aussi mature et aware à ton age. Tu as de la chance!

 

[Raphael]

15 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

you have a self-bias that was wounded by Leo's reasonable response

Can you develop more?

15 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Tchooo!

Petit commentaire pour te laisser savoir que je suis admirative de ce que tu écris dans ton journal.

J'aurais tellement aimée être aussi mature et aware à ton age. Tu as de la chance!

Merci ?

C'est pas toujours très simple dans la vie quotidienne, mais je fait de mon mieux.

[Etherial Cat]

5 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Merci ?

C'est pas toujours très simple dans la vie quotidienne, mais je fait de mon mieux.

Si la vie était simple, on grandirait pas. 

Courage! Tu as tout ce qu'il faut pour t'en sortir.

[Raphael]

Life is about constructing yourself while deconstructing yourself.

[Raphael]

The High Conscious Partner

Here are what I consider to be the characteristics of a healthy partner. These characteristics can be used as a self-assessment checklist. They apply to both genders. A high-quality person will resonate with that and if the person is not there yet, he/she will do everything to get there.

• The high-conscious partner can sustain itself independently.
• The high-conscious partner is happy by itself and has a positive, proactive attitude towards life.
• The high-conscious partner takes responsibility for his/her life, is a life-long learner, and constantly self-improves.
• The high-conscious partner has a healthy integration of all Tier 1 stages.
• The high-conscious partner is as authentic as possible.
• The high-conscious partner has high awareness.
• The high-conscious partner can admit biases and mistakes and correct them.
• The high-conscious partner can take constructive feedback.
• The high-conscious partner can give constructive feedback.
• The high-conscious partner is a good listener.
• The high-conscious partner is genuine.
• The high-conscious is empathetic.
• The high-conscious partner is respectful of everyone and respects people's boundaries.
• The high-conscious partner communicates openly, honestly, and has a deep humility.
• The high-conscious partner has high emotional mastery and can deal with its emotions in a healthy way.
• The high-conscious partner can show its vulnerabilities and issues, share them, and discuss them.
• The high-conscious partner has high-integrity and do everything to maintain its integrity as high as possible.
• The high-conscious partner is flexible and can change quickly depending on the situation.
• The high-conscious partner has a healthy relationship with its body. He/She cares about its body, eat healthily and exercise without being obsessed by it.
• The high-conscious partner is comfortable and open with its sexuality.
• The high-conscious partner doesn't have any strong addiction that prevents him/her to function properly in life.
• The high-conscious partner doesn't have any strong biases against any group of people based on origin, ethnicity, gender, gender orientation, or similar things.

[Raphael]

I think that many people have high standards in relationships, however very few fit them. Also, how about me? How much do I fit? After all, I can just theorize forever while not fitting these standards in reality.

[Raphael]

Things That Annoy Me About Masculinity

Here are some elements that we usually associate with masculinity and that annoys me if they show too much:

• Over-assertiveness that is inappropriate to the situation.
• Over-confidence that is inappropriate to the situation.
• Over-controlling behaviors.
• Inappropriate use of the tough approach.
• Leadership through fear.
• Men competing for anything like dumbasses.
• Hiding of vulnerabilities.
• Not sharing emotions.
• Lack of consideration of others.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Things That Annoys Me About Femininity

Here are some elements that we usually associate with femininity and that annoys me if they show up too much:

• Damsel in distress syndrome.
• Inappropriate use of the compassionate approach.
• Too much talking.
• Too much complaining.
• Too much implicit communication. This one can really annoy me sometimes. I understand subtleties and implicit communication, however, if this happens too much and/or in an inappropriate context I just want to shout at the person to fucking say things directly. We cannot understand implicit communication all the time.
• Too much consideration of the opinions of others / people pleasing.
• Too much neediness for relationships.
• Not doing things because they are hard to do.
• Choosing what feels good instead of what works.

[Raphael]

Balance is the key.

[Raphael]

I have been backsliding pretty hard since the last month. My schedule is fucked up, my sleep is terrible, I'm irregular and disorganized, I'm mind is too agitated, I have difficulties getting things done. I think that I need at least 2 - 3 empty days just to self-reflect, empty my mind, and calm down a bit.

[Raphael]

I need to detox.

[Raphael]

Sometimes I Would Like To Be Dumb

I just have too many things in my mind, this is insane. Sometimes I would like to be dumb. Sometimes I envy these people who can just do their simple job without thinking that much about it, without complexifying things, without interconnecting everything and seeing the big picture. I'm just thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking... all the fucking time. As soon as I wake up I start to think, when I go to bed I have trouble sleeping because I'm just thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking... When I cook, I think. When I talk with people, I think. When I take my shower, I think. When I work, I think. When I exercise, I think. When I walk, I think. Sometimes, I cannot even hear people talking because I think. Sometimes, my thoughts interrupt me when I'm doing something and I get into an involuntary pause.

I have thousands of things that I want to write about, thousands of things that I want to share about, yet this is so complicated because of how overactive my mind is. Thoughts triggers thoughts which trigger other thoughts which trigger other thoughts... My mind want to see the big picture despite me, even when this is inappropriate to the situation, even when this is counter-productive, even when it hurts my survival.

Sometimes I want to vomit my thoughts out.

Calm down mind, calm down. It's gonna be ok...

[Raphael]

On 8/5/2021 at 4:46 PM, Raphael said:

I think that many people have high standards in relationships, however very few fit them. Also, how about me? How much do I fit? After all, I can just theorize forever while not fitting these standards in reality.

I applied scores from 1 to 10 to each items here. I maybe deluded myself sometimes, I'm not sure. Here are what these scores means:

• 3-4: Below average
• 5-6: Average
• 7: Quite good
• 8: Good
• 9: Very good
• 10: Perfect

These scores doesn't apply to superhuman saints. They are about below-average people to healthy stage Yellow self-actualized individuals.

------------

• The high-conscious partner can sustain itself independently.
  • Score: 7/10
  • I'll say that I do a bit better than average here and in the context of the country that I live in. I can sustain myself and make money without having to work that much. I also have more freedom because I'm not an employee. However, they are still limitations because the amount of money that I make is actually below what I need to sustain myself in a developed nation and things can be uncertain sometimes as clients can appear and disappear randomly. I'm still working on improving my situation here.
• The high-conscious partner is happy by itself and have a positive, proactive attitude towards life.
  • Score: 6/10
  • I currently feel good as I'm writing this and my happiness has actually been improving since the last month even though I backslided a lot. However, I don't know how much time it's going to last. Things are paradoxical here: sometimes I can feel a lot of happiness and I find myself laughing without reason, but I do feel sadness and anxiety many times. I wonder if I don't have an anxiety disorder. If I reflect on the past six months, I'll say that my happiness have been at 6/10 overall.
• The high-conscious partner takes responsibility for its life, is a life-long learner, and constantly self-improve.
  • Score: 7/10
  • Yes, I take responsibility, I self-improve and I learn every day. However, I can sometimes easily get discouraged in the face of challenges and also get lazy.
• The high-conscious partner has a healthy integration of all Tier 1 stages.
  • Score: 6/10
  • I'm average here and I see a lot of room for progress notably at stage Red and Purple. I do lack self-esteem, I do lack confidence, I do lack assertiveness, I do lack people skills, I do have some social anxiety, and other things to work on.
• The high-conscious partner is as authentic as possible.
  • Score: 7/10
  • This really depends on the environment that I'm in and on the people that I'm dealing with. Let's say that I'm with a conscious person, then it's much easier to be authentic.
• The high-conscious partner has high awareness.
  • Score: 8/10
  • My awareness is really high. Often time I'm able to see issues within me and self-analyze while still being aware of the lack of embodiment.
• The high-conscious partner can admit biases and mistakes and correct them.
  • Score: 8/10
  • This can be tough many times, but it'll say that I do much better than average here.
• The high-conscious partner can take constructive feedbacks.
  • Score: 8/10
• The high-conscious partner can give constructive feedbacks.
  • Score: 8/10
• The high-conscious partner is a good listener.
  • Score: 7/10
  • I can often time be lost in my head and being unable to hear people talking. However, when someone really interest me I can be a very good listener.
• The high-conscious partner is genuine.
  • Score: 4/10
  • I noticed that I'm very rarely genuinely interested in people. Someone really needs to have something special for me to be genuinely interested, most of the time people bored me. Many times, when I'm interested it's for analyzing them and understand how they work and this sounds evil lol. Also, the notion of being genuine and doing things for others always sounded fake to me because ultimately the difference between self/other doesn't exist. When someone says that he/she genuinely cares about others, I understand what this person means because genuineness is an emotion and I also felt in my life. I don't think that when someone says that he/she is genuine this person is egocentric and uses the term genuineness to mask a manipulative ego, but I feel that most people lack awareness regarding what genuineness really is. If someone doesn't exist, someone cannot be genuine so it's not possible to be genuine without it being about the self. Even when we do a selfless action such as giving money to a homeless person: this action is genuine, but at the same time it is about the self because we want to feel a certain way from our genuineness, we want to feel good to help other. Most of the time people have genuine needs, they have a need for genuineness. It doesn't mean that this low conscious and egoistical, it can be very high-conscious, yet this is still about the self (and others at the same time) because ultimately the boundary between self/others doesn't exist. I could write an entire post about this.
• The high-conscious is empathetic.
  • Score: 7/10
  • I do have an above-average empathy, but it can still be improved.
• The high-conscious partner is respectful of everyone and respects people's boundaries.
  • Score: 7/10
  • Some people really pissed me off in the past, but overall I'll say that I'm respectful of people even when some behaviors can make me cringe.
• The high-conscious partner communicates openly, honestly, and has a deep humility.
  • Score: 7/10
  • This one really depends on the environment that I'm in. If I'm in a conscious environment, this is much easier.
• The high-conscious partner has high emotional mastery and can deal with its emotions in a healthy way.
  • Score: 7/10
  • It almost never happens that I throw my emotions at others, I do my best to be as respectful as possible here. When I'm dealing with difficult emotions, I just recluse and let them out by screaming, crying, jumping, moving, etc. I often do feel some bitterness and impurities in me, but nobody sees it.
• The high-conscious partner can show its vulnerabilities and issues, share them, and discuss about them.
  • Score: 7/10
  • Depends on the environment, it's easier in a conscious environment. Also, I noticed some past traumas related to girls in my life that are causing me difficulties to be authentic and share vulnerabilities with girls.
• The high-conscious partner has high integrity and do everything to maintain its integrity as high as possible.
  • Score: 7/10
  • Better than average, however, I still lie and still delude myself. There's also a weird thing that I noticed that comes from the fact that I can't relate with most people and because of that I feel like I'm always lying to everyone.
• The high-conscious partner is flexible and can change quickly depending on the situation.
  • Score: 7/10
  • Some progress can be made here.
• The high-conscious partner has a healthy relationship with its body. He/She cares about its body, eat healthily and exercise without being obsessed by it.
  • Score: 8/10
  • Can be improved by taking more care of my skin, my sleep, and my posture by optimizing my work environment. Overall, it's healthy.
• The high-conscious partner is comfortable and open with its sexuality.
  • I'm striking this one because of my lack of experience. This is currently completely uncomfortable for me because I never explored this with a girl.
• The high-conscious partner doesn't have any strong addiction that prevents him/her to function properly in life.
  • Score: 8/10
  • I almost put a 10 here, however, the reality is that I'm addicted to thinking, information, and reading the actualized.org forum. It can make me lose a lot of time sometimes.
• The high-conscious partner doesn't have any strong biases against any group of people based on origin, ethnicity, gender, gender orientation, or similar things.
  • Score: 7/10
  • I still have residues and shadows in this area.

On 7/1/2021 at 10:06 PM, Raphael said:

About Having an Intimate Relationship: Personal Flaws

Things that I noted:

• Way too private. Nobody really knows me. Even the two persons that I'm the closest to — my mom and my sister — don't really know anything about me. They only know a tiny part of who I am. It's the same thing on this forum, I only share a small tiny part of myself here. I have nothing special externally and I sense that it bugs many people. I live mostly internally so I'll have to do some efforts to share more about myself.
• Too attached to my independence and freedom. This will cause an issue because if I choose to get into a relationship, I will have to invest in it and spend time with the girl to the detriment of my time in solitude. Independence and freedom are very important for me, I'm not a lovey-dovey person who always wants to hug or get some hugs. I'll appreciate some of that, but too much of that would annoy me. A relationship won't work with a girl with very high social needs and who wants her guy to be with her all the time. I need a lot of space and freedom in life.
• My happiness needs some improvements. This is paradoxical here because sometimes I feel happy and privileged, but I also quite often experience some sadness. I'll currently rate my happiness at 6/10. I can deal with my emotions healthily so it doesn't actually impact anybody, also, the trauma healing work that I'm currently doing is helping me and I should see my happiness increasing more and more as I continue.
• I feel boring and feel like I will not be emotionally stimulating enough for a girl.

Other Things:

• I still lack a lot of education on relationships and masculine/feminine dynamics. Because of that, I feel like some of my ideas might be screwed.
• I can see limiting beliefs, shadows, and traumas related to dating, relationships, and women within myself. This needs to be cleared out.
• I feel a lack of embodiment in my life.
• I feel a lot of impurities and dirtiness within me. That's probably caused by the fucked up environments that I got myself in from end 2017 to end 2019.

Ok. So... when I started thinking about these things maybe a few months ago I thought I was ready for a relationship, however, I can see now that a lot of things still need to be improved. I need to continue educating myself and work on my shadows in this area.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Raphael