Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

I confronted my dad just an hour ago. He was verbally abusive with my mom and was pressuring her. I saw this kind of shit all my life. That's the first time that I responded to him that way and in response he threatened to kick me out of the house, but I don't think that it was serious. To this point I don't care that much anymore because I earn enough money to sustain myself. However, I'm more concerned about my mom, I know that she won't quit because of some circumstances...

I felt some fear and anger, my thoughts were agitated and I couldn't exercise properly. My dad ain't a man, but a fucking animal.

[Raphael]

If you think a thing is a thing, then you missed the thing.

[Raphael]

[Raphael]

Discipline is not made through resistance, but by fully embracing and accepting a situation and the actions to take to attain an objective.

[Raphael]

Information Overload

I think that this is the most important problem of Gen Z and will also be the most important problem of Gen Alpha. We are so overblown every day by information that it affects our ability to think, our emotional state, and how we live and appreciate life. Being informed is great, but being overblown by bullshit is unhealthy. Many of us now suffer from ADHD and cannot even fix it.

Then we say that we are passionate about gadgets and new technologies and we want to have great careers in some big tech companies. This is not passion, this is addiction. We confuse passion for addiction. Technology ain't necessarily a great thing, technology can cause immense damage to people.

We don't need to spend that much time in front of our phones, we don't need dumb debates on the internet, we don't need to play video games when we are bored, we don't need to read so much news. But we do need genuine and authentic social connections, we need long high-quality content, we need to exercise our brains properly, and we need empty time to rest.

We got exploited by some people of previous generations. It will be our responsibility to fix that and develop healthy social media alternatives.

 

[Preety_India]

@Raphael I looked through all your journals and still did not find that entry. Bad luck 

 

 

[Raphael]

@Preety_India I also did a bit of self-talk here.

 

 

[Raphael]

No One

I currently wonder why Leo's recent videos on Holism and Meta Thinking are supposed to be advanced stuff, I consider them to be the basics of life. As a kid, I already knew that things were deeply interconnected and needed to be balanced properly. I always sensed that they were something wrong in cultures and identities. I intuitively knew that being attached to any cultural identity is inauthentic. When I was a teenager I took the decision to be no one in life, to stay highly observant of people, to carefully analyze their biases, and to never have an identity.

Of course, even if I say that it doesn't mean that I did things properly, but I always had a pretty high ability to sense truth from bullshit.

[Raphael]

Experiencing Cravings

When we try to drop a bad habit or an addiction we always feel some cravings, and we usually try to deal with them by resisting them... but it doesn't work. I recently noticed that it's better to embrace cravings rather than resisting them. Cravings aren't good or bad, but a natural emotional response from the body. Someone needs to go through emotions to grow. What I also noticed is that experiencing cravings feels better than resisting cravings and makes things much easier and faster.

So... when dealing with cravings, sit and experience all the difficult emotions. Feel them, embrace them, go through them until you burn them.

Edited March 26, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

I'm integrating green better and better every day, especially when it comes to understanding emotions.

[Raphael]

The Power of Infinite Love

Some years ago when I was a student living in Europe I experienced a pretty remarkable moment. I don't remember how nor why, but I was feeling immense deep existential joy that day. The kind of joy that we only feel a few times in an entire life, I was so happy that it was overwhelming. I decided to go outside and sat on a bench, I was contemplating and experiencing existential happiness, I was smiling in the void.

At a moment a woman in her 30s or 40s came to me and asked me if she could sit on the bench too, I responded yes. I was surprised because they were other benches. It was the first time that a stranger would sit with me even if they were other benches available. The woman didn't look as happy as I was and I understood she didn't choose the bench randomly, but rather because she wanted love. I didn't know what to do, nor what to say at that time, I felt like she wanted to have a conversation, that she wanted to be understood, that she wanted to get some comfort, that she wanted some love, but I didn't know what to do and I stayed there experiencing existential joy. We sat like this for maybe 20 - 30 minutes, then she chooses to go and told me "Goodbye".

I stayed on the bench, then after some minutes an old couple appeared and sat aside me. Again they were other benches and sitting on another one would have been better because we were now three and they started to have a private conversation. We sat like this for maybe 20 - 30 minutes, I was experiencing infinite joy and they were having their normal conversation. At the moment, I choose to move because I was sitting there since at least an hour. The man looked at me and asked with a big smile: "You are going? I hope that it's not because of us?". I responded no and told them that I was sitting there since an hour. I went back to my apartment and continued my day normally.

People want happiness in their life. They want joy, they want deep genuine authentic existential acceptance. That's what life is about. Infinite happiness is like a magnet, it attracts everyone without discrimination. More people would probably have come to me if I sat that way for the entire day.

I think that it's possible to meet a lot of people that way, to learn a lot about people, and to have many interesting conversations. I also think that it's possible to make a lot of friends like this and even get a girlfriend.

[Raphael]

I continue to feel a lot of pain and a lot of fear every day inside me.

[Raphael]

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

I continue to feel a lot of pain and a lot of fear every day inside me.

I noticed that I try to deal with this problem with two things:

• Internet, in particular the use of this forum
• Masturbation

I recently tryed to completly cut off unecessary internet usage inclucing the use of this forum during the day and I also tryed to change my fapping habit. It resulted in a lot of pain and fear and an entire week of sleepless nights. I'm not sure if I should go through it, or do more trauma releasing work, maybe both.

[Raphael]

Chiropractic Adjustment

This is incredible.

 

[Raphael]

Trauma Healing Techniques

Psychotherapy

Quote

Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is a way to help people with a broad variety of mental illnesses and emotional difficulties. Psychotherapy can help eliminate or control troubling symptoms so a person can function better and can increase well-being and healing.

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/psychotherapy

 

Journaling

Quote

Journaling is one method of helping people cope with any type of traumatic event. Expressive writing has been found to improve physical and psychological health for people with a number of physical and mental health conditions. Some of the general health benefits of journaling include improved cognitive function, counteracting many of the negative effects of stress, and strengthened immune function.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-use-journaling-to-cope-with-ptsd-2797594

 

Gratitude

Quote

Developing an attitude of gratitude toward the people, things, and events in your life is a life-affirming and effective way to strengthen your emotional resilience and reduce stress, among other things.

https://www.verywellmind.com/writing-in-a-gratitude-journal-for-stress-relief-3144887

 

Forgiveness

Quote

Voluntary internal process of letting go of feelings and thoughts of resentment, bitterness, anger, and the need for vengeance and retribution toward someone who we believe has wronged us, including ourselves.

https://positivepsychology.com/forgiveness-benefits/

 

EFT Tapping

Quote

EFT tapping is an alternative acupressure therapy treatment used to restore balance to your disrupted energy. It’s been an authorized treatment for war veterans with PTSD, and it’s demonstrated some benefits as a treatment for anxiety, depression, physical pain, and insomnia.

https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping

 

Breathwork

Quote

Holotropic breathwork is a therapeutic breathing practice that is intended to help with emotional healing and personal growth. It’s said to produce an altered state of consciousness. The process involves breathing at a fast rate for minutes to hours. This changes the balance between carbon dioxide and oxygen in the body.

https://www.healthline.com/health/holotropic-breathwork

 

Yoga Nidra

Quote

Yoga Nidra can be practiced by anyone. It holds immense benefits for all those who struggle to let go, those who suffer from lack of sleep, trauma, burn-out, and anxiety. It is also highly beneficial and holds great healing power for anyone who wants to experience a deeper sense of peace and re-connect more profoundly with themselves. The practice of Yoga Nidra leads us into a state of harmonious, restful being. From here, we can heal, restore and awaken to our true, blissful and eternal Self.

https://www.arhantayoga.org/blog/what-is-yoga-nidra/

 

Other things to explore

• Shadow Work
• Acupuncture
• Chiropractic
• Rewind technique
• Eye movement desensitization reprocessing
• Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
• Fasting

[Raphael]

I think that if I take full responsibility I can heal 80% - 90% of my traumas in ~2 years. I mostly have minor to moderate traumas and maybe one or two periods where I experienced intense traumas. I think that I can resolve them, it will liberate a lot of pain and allow me to do much better in life. I really want to get this right.

I will start with Breathwork and Forgiveness, I will alternate Forgiveness and Breathwork every day until I see enough effects. Breathwork is one of the most powerful practices that I discovered in the past few years. I tried Forgiveness a few times too and it was very powerful. I will then try other things: journaling, I will create a journal entirely dedicated to my traumas; therapy, I will contact Nahm to have some sessions; EFT Tapping, I never tried this, but it looks very powerful.

I will not be meditating that much, or maybe I'll do... I'm not sure. I will adapt anyway to what I see as necessary.

[Raphael]

About George Floyd Death

As there is a video of George Floyd resisting his arrest and saying that he couldn't breathe before being put to the ground I was a bit hesitant about this case. I wasn't sure if Derek Chauvin should be hold accountable because George Floyd looked very unstable. Also, when we are in the moment things can go much faster than we think and we lack perspective and awareness. However, I watched the video below today and I was shocked. I never watched this part entirely before, I only saw a few minutes. This man is being killed on the street, he literally peed on himself, he called for help, he called for his mom, but the cops remain indifferent like robots. Kneeling with the entire body weight on someone's neck for more than 8 minutes is way too excessive even if this person resisted an arrest.

Derek Chauvin needs to go to jail, progress needs to be made. This is not something personal, everyone is a victim here, everyone is incompetent, biased, and unconscious. Consciousness is ruthless and brutal and consciousness creates the necessary consequence so that it can evolve.

This country is sick. I can feel its sickness from the other side of the planet and the entire world feels its sickness. The US is like a narcissist who hides its true face behind a mask.

 

[Raphael]

To all the people that wronged me: I love you all.

[Raphael]

On 3/28/2021 at 9:51 PM, Raphael said:

I will start with Breathwork and Forgiveness, I will alternate Forgiveness and Breathwork every day until I see enough effects.

This is too much. I will need empty time to process and learn my lessons. I will proceed that way for the first two months:

• Wednesday, Sunday: Breathwork
• Monday, Thursday, Friday: Forgiveness
• Saturday, Tuesday: Pause

[Raphael]

I feel at the same time ahead and behind in life.