Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

Everyday I'm blown away by how dumb I was yesterday.

[Raphael]

15 hours ago, Raphael said:

Everyday I'm blown away by how dumb I was yesterday.

And I'm blown away by how much ego I showed in this thread.

[Raphael]

15 hours ago, Raphael said:

Everyday I'm blown away by how dumb I was yesterday.

 

Just now, Raphael said:

And I'm blown away by how much ego I showed in this thread.

 

And I'm glad that I'm aware of it.

[Raphael]

Flaws

Here's a list of flaws that I have:

• Sense of superiority
• Arrogance
• A little too argumentative. I feel like I want to fight or defend myself against people in order to win
• Social anxiety
• Too much isolated
• Too much disconnected from "common people" (stage blue/orage) reality
• Too much stuck in my mind and dependant on mental models (spiral dynamics, MBTI, etc.)
• Too much theory, not enough practice and action taking
• Agitated and disorganized mind
• Difficulty to organize myself
• Difficulty to control cravings for the internet
• Lack of discipline

Some of these flaws correspond pretty well to the INTP personality type flaws, which is my personality type. I don't necessarily show these flaws to the external world because I'm very isolated and also don't want to create tensions everywhere I go, but I feel them within me.

I want to cultivate more and more humbleness and acceptance, it simply feels better than arrogance.

[Raphael]

Pros / Cons of Living Where I Live

Pros:

• Covid free: the government took very strict actions, very quickly as soon as we got our first cases, so in just 1 - 2 months we were out of the pandemic and only had one local case that didn't proliferate since then. There are no restrictions and even if wearing masks is recommended, most people don't wear them and we are fine. The fact that the country is very small and is an island also helped in handling the pandemic
• Warm weather all year
• Beautiful beaches
• Slow pace lifestyle
• Peaceful and politically stable

Cons:

• Too low-conscious people: the population is probably around 10% red, 50% blue, 35% orange, 5% green. Yellow is probably less than 0.5% or less than 0.25%. It's extremely difficult for me to relate to people, I often get demonized when trying to share just a little of healthy stage orange ideas. Even blue is not properly integrated, there's a lack of politeness, respect, discipline, and organization. The country is trying to move too fast.
• Low-quality infrastructure: there's a lack of quality roads, there are most of the time no sidewalks. Public transportation is a mess, we have dirty buses with no way to know about their schedule except by asking other people. The government delivers water only at specific times of the day, so each house needs to make stocks before the water gets cut off. It has been that way since I was born.
• Lack of basic politeness: often times words like "Hello", "Goodmorning", "Please", "Thank you" don't even exist. Many people are very rude and lack basic education
• Lack of environmental concern: many people don't care at all about the environment. They throw their trash everywhere, sometimes they throw their trash aside bins
• Dirty and lack of general hygiene
• Not enough rules: people just don't care. They don't care when someone is walking on a pedestrian crossing and continue to drive their car without slowing down. They don't care about keeping a calm neighborhood and often time put loud music at night. They don't care about having a minimum organization and are often late which results in a mess
• No respect for individuality: anyone who doesn't do or doesn't know the exact same thing as the group gets demonized. One day I got insulted because I didn't know an ice cream brand, another day I got racists insult because I asked if they all celebrate Christmas. There's a lot of group pressure and a lot of family pressure to conform.
• Low salaries: something like at least ~50% of people don't even earn $500 / month
• Too isolated and very small: as we are a small tropical island, we are very disconnected from the "main world", when I purchase something from Amazon it can take from weeks to months to come. There is not a lot of diverse activities because the population is very small.

This list might look bad, but it isn't that bad in practice, and I'm overall enjoying good living conditions. I consider that I'm extremely lucky as I had the opportunity to go to high-quality schools when I was a kid. I don't live in a third-world country, nor a first-world country. They are a lot of work to do in this country and many basic infrastructures need to be built and/or improved.

[Raphael]

Quote

It's difficult to win against a wise person, but it's impossible to win against a fool.

Anonymous

Edited March 2, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

How Can We Determine a Person’s Psychological Healthiness?

This is brillant.

 

[Raphael]

Thoughts on Loneliness -- Daniel Mackler

Quote

The cure for my loneliness - personally - was two things:

1. Build a relationship with myself on the inside through journaling, through really getting to know myself, and writing down my relationship with myself. Just talking about me with me. Developing that relationship with me eased some of my desperation. When I was more desperate to connect with people, people sensed that desperation and was often turned off by it. The more I connected with myself to the degree where I was able to meet my own needs from the inside, the less I was desperate for others to do it for me.

2. When I start to find people that were more inlined with me, that shared more common values with me. I started to make friends - it wasn't the more perfect friends at first - but when I started to find people who shared more and more common values with me, I felt I was able to express more myself. More of my inner relationship that I already had with me, and they were enhancing that. And then I really started to have personal and interpersonal relationships with people.

The less desperate I was by doing all this inner work with myself: healing my traumas, getting to know myself better, working through a lot of my grief process in my private relationship with me. The more I was doing that, the less needy I was, and the more I was able to give other people.

What I found is that pretty much everybody is lonely, and often people who don't seem the most lonely in the world have their own private loneliness.

 

Quote

I had to become the parent of myself. Fundamentally once we become adults, the primary person in our life who is responsible for taking care of us, who is responsible for being our parent is us.

 

 

[Raphael]

I have two mentally ill people in my house: my dad and grandma.

My mom is the only person with who I can have a normal conversation. Of course, she doesn't know about self-help nor self-actualization, but still, I consider her great and it feels great to have some normal, average, genuine conversations. I love you mom.

[Raphael]

Sunday is my bullshit day: no work, no personal development. Only a little of distraction and relaxation. And it feels great.

[Raphael]

How can we self-develop if there is no self?

[Raphael]

4 hours ago, Raphael said:

How can we self-develop if there is no self?

Because everything is imagination, and as imagination is infinite we can develop to infinity and beyond human possibilities. However, self-development until infinity is like being a hamster in a wheel: we never get satisfied and it becomes frustrating and irritating at a point. This is the reason why life is at the same time infinite and finite, and is at the same time everything and nothing, it is a needed feature to create a balance. Being too much stuck in self-development until infinity gets toxic at the moment, but being too stuck in a motionless life also gets toxic at a moment.

The key is to balance what we are doing accordingly to the phase of life that we are in, like 80% in motion and 20% not in motion, or 70% in motion and 30% not in motion, or 30% in motion and 70% not in motion. Examples:

• Going to the gym 3 days a week: most of the time not in motion, but a few times per week in motion
• Working 30 hours/week: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion
• Reading for 1 hour/day: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion
• Cooking for 1h30/day: most of the time not in motion, but many times in motion
• etc...

The accumulation of all these activities creates a moving life where we are most of the time in motion, but sometimes it becomes too much and we need to become motionless and have a break.

[Raphael]

Limitations of Stage Orange Self-Help

Very good videos.

 

[Raphael]

3 minutes ago, Raphael said:

We we all die before societies move mostly into green, so for the moment we don't have any choice than dealing with low consciousness.

 

[Raphael]

Caught In Providence

This channel is interesting. It contains short videos about people having their cases heard in Providence Municipal Court. It includes traffic, parking, and arraignments for criminal offenses.

 

[Raphael]

Cultures are more similar than we think, often time their differences are only facades that hides authenticity.

[Raphael]

Any identity, no matter how small it is, is just fear and a facade from who we really are.

[Raphael]

I need to concentrate on my work now, I'm spending way too much time learning about self-actualization and exploring cultural diversity through the internet. This is painful to do because this is what I enjoy the most, but it's not an appropriate long-term strategy.

I need to stop wasting time and focus on doing the right thing at the right time.

[Raphael]

The more you are conscious, the more people will hate you and will try to put you down.

[Raphael]

Cravings

I have difficulties dealing with my cravings, in particular with my masculine destructive energy. My sex drive has been pretty high lately, it caused my mind to be pretty agitated and contributed to some sleepless night. I fapped yesterday and fapped today too, it felt better, as if I was releasing a monster from my system. I would prefer to fap only one or two times per week, but it seems like this is not enough, maybe alternating between one fap day and one no-fap day would help. I also played GTA today in order to release this stage red masculine energy, it felt great.

Edited March 9, 2021 by Raphael