Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

I have a fear of being afraid of sharing too much on this forum and being wrong. Maybe it's because Leo bans people that are too dumb? But I feel like this fear is irrational because I think that I'm not that dumb.

[Raphael]

I really thought I was human...

[Raphael]

The Emotional Guidance Scale

Quote

To raise your vibration and move up the emotional scale, gently practice reaching for a better feeling thought, in accordance with the next higher emotion on the scale. Allow yourself to feel & fully express each emotion as you do, and your point of attraction shifts. As you raise your vibration to joy, you literally change the vibrational frequency of what’s happening around you!

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/tools

[Raphael]

On 01/02/2021 at 8:52 PM, Raphael said:

Neediness & Visibility On This Forum

I recently notice that I'm needy, but I'm not expressing it. I want to attract attention on this forum, I want people to quote me/respond to me more. I also want visibility on my profile, I want people to click on my picture and look at my personal information so that I can feel good. I'm quite sad that I'm not getting that much responses and visibility

Please click on my profile picture, now!

I just realized that if I let go of the identity of being an individual contributor on this forum I become everything on this place. Which means that I always get quoted and/or responded by everyone and that I'm the only one who gets views, the only one who gets the most views, and who will get views forever 

And in the end if I'm everything it means that I'm alone playing with myself, interracting with myself, and responding to myself 

[Raphael]

I want my life to be deep, spiritual, magical, joyful, every day and in every way.

[Raphael]

I hate noises again. Sometimes I would like to be deaf.

[Raphael]

Releasing Trauma Is Hard

So... I want to release some traumas that I experienced in the past and this is very hard. I started to list people who hurt me in the past on a document and started to put myself back in these situations. I will mostly focus on recent situations and work-related situations at first. What I experienced so far is that only writing the situations is pretty tough. I don't want to do this, I feel resistance, I feel pain, I feel anger, I feel sadness, I want to cry while I'm only writing the situations. I want to watch porn as a way to cope with these situations.

But, all of these reactions are good signs, it means that I have a lot of work to do there in order to heal myself. And I haven't even started the exercise, I'm just writing out situations.

 

[Raphael]

Towards Wealth

I'm not rich, but I'm moving a little more towards wealth every day by using my mind and my emotions. It will happen naturally, that's something that I felt since I was a kid. For the moment I have pretty good living standards despite not being rich.

 

[Raphael]

When we aren't connected to survival everything becomes identical.

[Raphael]

All distractions are distractions from other distractions.

[Raphael]

Bored of Spiral Dynamics

I'm starting to get bored of Spiral Dynamics even if I still didn't read the book. They are just so much reference to it on this forum that I'm getting sick of it. Also they are too many examples of failures of Spiral Dynamics to this point, I feel like we need to develop a new model. Maybe I could try to reference the 9 Stages Of Ego Development model to bring a little more diversity on this forum.

 

[Raphael]

About Senses of Superiority

Senses are superiority are caused by feelings of insecurities caused by shame caused by traumas caused by the environment someone's developed in.

[Raphael]

Quote

To persevere with the will to understand in the face of obstacles is the heroism of consciousness.

Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

[Raphael]

Feeling That The World Is Antiquated

Even though I still have many issues to work on, I feel like paradoxically I'm just way too advanced/too good for the world. 99% of people are basically antiquated for me and in IRL everyone that I know is antiquated. They all live in the middle age. It's hard to relate to outdated people, and I still have difficulties understanding the fact that many people who had better chances in life than me got trapped into ideologies such as success.

Edited February 12, 2021 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Something, Nothing, and Truth

When we think that something is something, it is something.
When we think that something is nothing, it is nothing.
When we realize that something is nothing, it is truth.

[Raphael]

I don't live with people, I live with animals.

[Raphael]

The adult path is about finding a way to reconnect ourselves to the joy we used to have when we were kids but that we lost because of some circumstances.

[Raphael]

23 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Wouldn't it be more fun if everyone knew something you didn't and had something they could help you to discover or learn, if only you are open to it? Wouldn't that be a more interesting and fun world to live in? You just have to get more appreciative and curious about other people over believing that you already know about them. 

You cannot think yourself. There are not two of you, on that can judge the other as superior than or inferior to. Your experience of reality, will be colored to reflect your beliefs and expectations though. 

 

11 hours ago, Raphael said:

To be clear, I'm not an asshole who want to be right at all cost and think I cannot learn from anyone else. I'm in fact very far away from this and try to be as respectful and open as long as my awareness allows me. I'm open to other perspectives, to feedback and criticism, and I'm willing to correct mistakes. But I noticed that when it comes to intellect, I naturally do much better than 99% of people around me and therefore it creates a feeling of superiority within myself.

I don't show a lot of arrogance IRL, but I often have to watch myself to not become arrogant when I see people doing "obvious" mistakes around me. Sometimes I release arrogance on this forum and by journaling.

 

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

I don't think you're an asshole, I think we're all very self absorbed. But it's interesting that you just responded arguing for your current self concept of yourself. Isn't it funny how these concepts change all the time in reaction to different people and situations and what we believe their views are of us? I just meant to point out that openness and positive expectation is more fun than assuming that we already know. 

You don't have to watch "yourself", just watch.

 You are pure awareness. You are not a thought of yourself. 

Interesting conversation.

[Raphael]

I'm not sure what's happening, I'm feeling a lot of resistance and difficult emotions, maybe I'm growing?

[Raphael]

Be wise, stay wise.