my Unexpected Awakening

[MrDmitriiV]

“I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside.”

   -Rumi

 

 Since early childhood I had this strong habit of creating mental stories/alternate lives, spending anything from 1 week to 3 months developing just one story. On the 5 JUL a profound realization dawned onto me, "I" am one of those stories... 

 The day before during my meditation late at night something weird happened. While meditating I always put on the same rain+thunder white noise, and quickly forget the noise is even there. However during one single thunder sound a profound shift  happened in my awareness. I remember saying "WTF?". Since I was already falling into hypnagogia, my sense of me + world was already softened up so I didn't realize how radical the shift was. After dwelling in the blissful state of hypnagogia and experiencing Being/Nothingness (which is different from sleep), I went straight to bed and fell asleep.

 Next day after fully waking up I stepped onto the balcony and noticed a profound change. Instead of the usual looking outside the window, I was looking out inside my mind. I did experience this non-dual state before many times, but never in a non-psychedelic state. After 1hr of looking and marveling at this, went to prepare some oatmeal and the "I" am one of those stories realization happened. I was also able to experience how my dual state is able to exist within the non-dual.

 I knew this before from words and most importantly during one of my 330ug LSD trip last winter. During that trip I was experiencing being one infinite mind giving birth to infinite bubbles, while constantly murmuring "Of course, Of course , Of Course...". But I didn't want to draw conclusions on one single experience. And yet experiencing being one of those bubbles once again without any LSD shocked me hard. 

 While going to bed on 5 JUL a heard someone make a noise outside, but then realized I was the one who made that noise, not someone else. That CREEPED ME SO FUCKING HARD. Imagine a hand slapping your face for 20 years and then realizing it was your hand all along. While lying in bed I was falling thru a void losing sense of reality, and opened my eyes in fear to not loose this bubble. 

 During the past 2-4 years (I've been into Self-Actualization for 6 years) I got this progressive feeling of others being dead inside. Attributed it to them having low levels of awareness, but on the 6 JUL I realized that was because they are actually dead. During another 22hr trip of 470ug LSD last winter, I watched (after the trip's 4hr peak) my friend cook and remember that shocking feeling of how outrageously dead/unreal he was. Now I realize that's because I was imagining and creating him all along. Talking to my mom on the phone yesterday and knowing there's no one on the other side was shocking too.

 It's very challenging for me to describe all the other pieces, because there are so many and their radical nature. I did experience the mastermind behind this story while sleeping a few months ago. During that night my consciousness arose in a space of nothing and became conscious of the vastness around it. It was so clear because there was no body/world but just pure intense consciousness.

 My sense of time doesn't have as much weight to it as before, all alone but very liberating. No direct experience of why or how exactly, but the single mind imaging all of me is undeniable. And this state doesn't seem to go away, it only became stronger in last 3 days. The intensity of this non-dual state varies, from weird to super creepy. Sometimes I go back into the dual or the unconscious.

 I certainly didn't expect to arrive at this point in just 6 years of Self-Development, but using Leo's words as pointers made me make so much sense of my LSD trips and other experiences throughout this life. 

 

 

[Inliytened1]

Very nice!! 

 

[Nahm]

@MrDmitriiV Beautiful! Kids love to pop those bubbles! ♥️

[MrDmitriiV]

 The fourth day after the change. It's getting deeper...

 Watched Leo's latest vid from the blog. I was marveling at how my mind was talking thru the image of Leo, and then he goes saying he's my mind giving itself permission... HAHAHA 

 While walking to my parents' house I watched myself behind every rain drop, every leaf. All I see is myself EVERYWHERE. Even the place I just left stopped existing unless I imagine it back as a memory. 

 This imagination has a highly intelligent self-validating mechanism built into it. Zooming in or out won't get you out of the illusion, only create more of it.

 While walking back to my place a small car accident happened near me. After walking for 5 min, I asked myself "Are there two damaged cars behind me?" Only as an idea, which is being created in the present and not derived from the past. The past doesn't exist, hence that accident didn't even happen. Me going to my parents a few hours ago NEVER HAPPENED.

 Once you transcend the illusion there's nothing and no-one left but God. 

 

 

 

[Kristy W]

Wonderful, welcome brother!

I would love to hear more of your story.

[Conrad]

?Reality is a miracle. We are a miracle.