Can you relate to this?

[Angelo John Gage]

My FB status from this morning:

I have to say that I have lost all hope for humanity. Most of us live in our own secluded realities and are disconnected from the whole picture. Those of us who see the whole picture tend to suffer greatly because we know of the horrors which most are shielded from. Should you bring these issues up, the most you'll get out of someone is "Well, that's the way it is" or "Look at the bright side," or "What can we really do?" How sad is this? Are these not the words of someone totally powerless or uncaring or both? What's even worse, those of us who do care are vastly outnumbered by those who do not care or do not wish to know. This renders those of us who wish to change things totally powerless to do anything because without the masses and without support, our acts will not make a big enough impact. In other words, unless we are ALL willing to face these dark realities and take action, they will continue to harm people, animals, and our environment.

And what proves my point is that most people will not care until something bad happens to either them or someone they love. Most of us do not witness terrible things that happen daily to others and thus do not care until its too late. For example, how many parents had no interest in fighting against drunk driving until they lost their own child in car accident? How many parents cared about the drugs, rape, or pedophilia which are all rampant in our society, until they or someone they loved fell victim to it? This is not to say that people do not see these as bad things and wished them away, but that's all they do is wish or "pray" these things away; without realizing the very being/s they pray to allow all these horrors to happen. This should tell you how delusional our species is as well; that chanting words in public or quietly in their own mind will somehow alter reality as if there was a single instance in our history in which such was the case. So we will see the "pray for Paris" or whatever other terrible tragedy and nothing changes. Terrorism continues; corruption is rampant in our governments; criminals no longer get the chair; our children are killing themselves with drugs and other substances, and all we can do is fucking "pray?"

I know war, and some of my fellow marines saw even worse shit than myself. I will say war was way more brutal centuries ago where casualties were in the millions; most of them civilian, but our wars today are still war nonetheless. A soldier may eventually lose his mind and begin to do evil things to his enemy in acts of revenge, it is a terrible thing and nothing to glorify. All these ribbons and awards and memorial days glorify DEATH. We have deceived ourselves into believing that all of those men died for something greater than themselves, yet nothing changed, in fact, I will argue that things have become much worse and our society is crumbling. Of course one can argue that war is necessary in some cases and I would agree; defending oneself and nation is always justified, but 99% of the wars in the last century were unnecessary.

Now what about peace time? I would argue that the various evils that don't happen in war are far worse than war itself. At least in war both sides believe they are fighting for a greater good, but what good does a serial killer, rapist, animal torturer, or pedophile believe they are doing? What good is a corrupt elected official who robs and betrays his own and others? The real question really is, are we good at all for allowing these things to happen or go unpunished? I answer no, we are not good, and those of us, including myself who see this and want with all their heart to make a difference, are not good enough.

Nature, I have concluded, can be beautiful but is also brutal. How many species have gone extinct over the billions of years of life? Could you imagine the brutal and short lives our hominid ancestors lived? They didn't have hot meals or hot showers; they were exposed to the elements, dying of disease, parasites, and natural disasters. Look at the animals; constantly starving and having to hunt each day; no shelter from the cold or rain, no one to help them when injured, total brutality in every way. But as terrible as life is for them all, even with our comforts we have today, we cannot escape suffering, in fact, we make shit up in our heads to suffer from. Life is suffering and I cannot sit here and pretend things are "swell" by thinking positive thoughts or some other selfish new-age methods to disconnect myself from this. I actually have begun to loathe these new-age, self-help gurus with their semantic sorcery and telling us everything is ok, its all part of the flow or whatever, when its not. How nice is it to make money selling this idea; to just pretend we have no obligation to act and just go hide in our bubbles until someone evil pops them?

What's more painful is that I find myself alone in this position; I do not know of one person in my entire life who feels like me. I know of no one who weeps at night because they know the state of the world and things most people are totally clueless about. How many of you have broken down in tears because of the entire world and not just your personal life? I'd say ZERO. Perhaps this is why most people do not wish to know because it is too painful. But what they fail to realize is that the pain they are trying to avoid will eventually come; there is no happy ending to this story; all of us will die and that will be the end of it, we won't even know we died. Now I see why they say "rest in peace" and its because only in death will all these worries and things go away forever. As the buddha said, "life is suffering," thus it is obvious only in death does suffering end.

What set off this status? Well, last night I had one of those bad nights and to make it worse I stumbled upon videos of abuse and torture of animals. In this case, some sick fuck had a whole bunch of mice that he tortured and killed in various ways on camera. I asked myself what would drive a person to do such unnecessary harm to such innocent creatures? With all the power he had over these beings, this is what he chose to do with them? And then it hit me: I realized, we are no different than him; although we are not engaging in the same atrocious behavior, we allow his type to exist. With all of our power we chose to do nothing; we don't even have the balls to dish out the death penalty to such sub humans and we think ourselves just? He is a byproduct of our society; of failed parenting, of selfishness, or degeneracy. He is the manifestation of our dark sides which we run from and pretend we don't have to deal with because it may interfere with our child's photo shoot or some kind of other pressing matter of the highest importance.

Despite all this, the last few years of my life I have made much efforts to rekindle any relationships I cut off due to ego, and right any wrongs I've done, but some still haunt me and eat away at me daily. "Angelo, go talk to someone about your problems man, it's good for you." But there's no reason to talk about them to anyone anymore because they too cannot make a difference, so why bother vomiting my issues on others? This of course this exacerbates the feeling hopelessness: I came into this world alone and I will die alone, and I have yet to meet one person like myself. How sad is that?

And finally, to really put salt on the wound, all my feelings of joy are short and brief; they are all fleeting moments in a sea of despair. I'll play with my son, catch up with friends, or watch educational videos to learn something new, and all of these are just distractions from what lingers and hovers over me. These moments only keep my suffering at bay, only for it to return second they end. And how can I change this? I realized I cannot and that it is a hopeless endeavor to try. It is not in my nature to engage in small talk or pretend I care about the little things in life that most people do when we have such big problems. But I shut up and play the part because I have obligations which drive me forward, such as my family.

This is what I've realized life is for me; none of you have to ask again what's wrong or what's on my mind because now you know what it is, and it's not going away. But this is not for you to feel bad for me, but rather to show you that this truth is inescapable, but like I said, most of you won't realize this until its too late. I only wish humanity would realize this sooner so we can make an effort to truly change the world with just actions, but I m convinced that we will destroy ourselves. Why? Because we are social creatures and yet we have become so selfish that we do not care enough about each other, thus it is inevitable we will. Sad isn't it?

Edited July 2, 2019 by Angelo John Gage

[Angelo John Gage]

I guess no one then

[Bill W]

I read the whole thing. I feel like this sometimes. Thankfully not too often and perhaps not to the severity of how you experience this. 

Your post reminds me a bit of "perspective" when you describe that people seemingly don't give a shit. What I mean by that is that sometimes I get a powerful dose of perspective that my life is pretty good compared to many others. I think of rape, torture, mutilation etc. The perspective is super powerful but then I quickly lose the perspective and then can feel agitated and aggrieved at something so petty it beggars belief. I get stuck in my own world. In my own head and forget the wide world and bigger picture. 

The serenity prayer is something I use when trying to keep perspective. 

[Angelo John Gage]

yes, I can certainly enjoy some moments but they all vanish when they end.

[DrewNows]

@Angelo John Gage hey friend I know what that pain feels like, if you’re still judging and hating people then there’s still work to be done on yourself. There’s a reason for what reality shoves in our face but it’s not so much to do with what you see but ‘why’ you focus on it and learning ‘why’ is going to be the biggest contribution you can ever make to getting to the root of all violence and selfishness 

[DrewNows]

If you do understand, there will be compassion for the good the bad and the ignorant, but most of all, for yourself  to do and be whatever feels right 

[Angelo John Gage]

I just feel like the time of all this hope talk and good vibes feel stuff is over and we need to take physical action to make a difference.

[DrewNows]

12 minutes ago, Angelo John Gage said:

I just feel like the time of all this hope talk and good vibes feel stuff is over and we need to take physical action to make a difference.

as in nobody should feel good or speak about hope until we fix all the havoc we reek on ourselves? 

[Angelo John Gage]

sure they could but I cannot

[Meditationdude]

@Leo Gura it’s posts like these that keep your higher consciousness followers away from the forums. 

 

I don’t have Facebook for this very reason (reading rants from scared unconscious and unloving egos) 

Edited July 3, 2019 by Meditationdude

[DrewNows]

4 minutes ago, Angelo John Gage said:

sure they could but I cannot

Figure out why you cannot, why you believe things should be other than how they are right now

[DrewNows]

@Meditationdude to me this forum welcomes anyone who’s open/vulnerable with a desire to learn and grow. I might question whether you are 

[Angelo John Gage]

@Meditationdude  scared, unconscious unloving egos? do you know me at all? no, so you're talking out of your ass... this was from my personal FB page that only is for friends and family. I shared it on this forum seeing if others who have gone down this path like I have ever felt this way,  and here you come with the egotistical nonsense of "higher consciousness people" (which is arbitrary and you cannot even define it without some subjective vague spiritual lingo), so spare me your condescending crap. 

There was no reason to even respond if you found no value in this post, yet you just showed everyone how unloving and uncaring you are. 

 

 

 

[Angelo John Gage]

@DrewNows  because I cannot go on pretending to enjoy life when I know how bad it is out there and virtually no one cares to do anything about it. Why can I not accept injustices? Why should I? Why should any of us?

 

[DrewNows]

3 minutes ago, Angelo John Gage said:

@DrewNows  because I cannot go on pretending to enjoy life when I know how bad it is out there and virtually no one cares to do anything about it. Why can I not accept injustices? Why should I? Why should any of us?

 

What if it really isn’t what you think it seems like? What if all bad, all evil all devilry is happening because it has chosen to appear this way for YOU(Truth) and without it no appearing polarity of goodness. What if the only way is actually not a way at all but an embrace of the totality of Reality as a whole through understanding the mirroring effect WE create in reality through our relationship with ourselves? 

[Angelo John Gage]

@DrewNows  I have seen the good side of life; this isn't me just seeing the dark side, and I understand the idea that everything is one, but that doesn't help at all. Going into deep states and all that is nice of course but what happens is you always return back here, in this world. So no I don't mirror people torturing animals or men raping little girls; none of that is in me other than the greatest hatred for such evil. And I understand good and evil are just labels, but they are labels of distinct actions.

Edited July 3, 2019 by Angelo John Gage

[DrewNows]

@Angelo John Gage if you’re only able to understand one side that makes you no better than them. Forget any ideas you might have of oneness and figure out who you are. Forgot operating on shoulds/should nots, let go of your perspective for a while and see if you can look through their eyes, understand their perspective and beliefs. What sort of shame do you have personally and how might this relate to the human condition, dig really deep. Find teachers that will help you figure out your own biases, not ones you simply agree with or meet most of your standards. One of my favorites for teaching our mirroring effect on reality is Teal Swan but if she’s too much keep looking!

Finding your bliss or resolution is going to solve all any pain and suffering you may still have 

Edited July 3, 2019 by DrewNows

[Bill W]

20 hours ago, Meditationdude said:

@Leo Gura it’s posts like these that keep your higher consciousness followers away from the forums. 

 

I don’t have Facebook for this very reason (reading rants from scared unconscious and unloving egos) 

Love it. Reverse empathy. You are well developed in this area of your development. 

[Mazwegian]

Angelo, you have what I think is a  sensitive soul, in that you feel for others. In direct answer to your question, I also sometimes feel this way. It has been a journey. Somehow I started listening to the Peace Revolution and actually learning how to think critically. Then I started digging and triangulating and trying to understand the Syrian conflict - this was a big eye opener for me. I started telling everyone I could what was actually happening there - countering the narrative of Aleppo etc - mostly my friends turned away from me ... one friend of over 30 years, my best friend, did not talk to me for over a year. For a whole year I had what I felt was 'despair', not depression, but despair. Then I figured I had to take concrete action instead of talking. I sought out Syrian refugees in my home city and funded a magazine where they could share their culture. I figured just doing one thing at a time would help. The thing is in this global age we can literally take on the weight of the world, but we actually still only have the agency of one person - we can try and amplify as much as we can, but I guess we have limits. I have started writing articles, I've written three,. and sent them to a few of my friends to edit - they studiously stay away from the subject matter therein. But at least it gets it off my chest.

I'm currently on holiday in Rome - taking in the history - and realizing we are no more advanced than people and empires before, and that nothing really ever changes. I try and be a good mother, and a good wife, a good friend, sister, daughter etc. Sometimes I feel like SCREAMING everyone is so blind to what is going on and quite frankly wilfully ignorant. People make these choices. I have a tuned in friend, who believes that there is an 'awakening'  - she is a positive influence I need, but on the other hand I don't really believe her.

Don't know if this is really helping - just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

[JustThinkingAloud]

I had an episode like that about 15 years ago when I thought that the world is a horrible place. Once I realised (as you did) that the world is constantly getting better compared to where it was 100 years ago, it made me feel a bit better. The main thing was that change doesn’t happen overnight and also that someone has to do something to change it. It’s very hard to change the whole world but we can change our little world and see where it leads us. And yes, there are horrible things in this world but there are also beautiful things too that are worth persevering to make this world a better place.