Vision for a Healthy Relationship with my Mother

[kev014]

Growing up I didn't have the greatest relationship with my mother or my father. Fortunately, my relationship with my dad has grown tremendously and I've got clarity on what I/we need to do to continue developing a deeper connection, respect, appreciation, trust and love together. With my mother, however, I'm not really sure what exactly the adult son to mother relationship looks like in a healthy way. Honestly I just feel more pulled to communicate with my dad as we have similar beliefs and are just both dudes so its easier to connect. I'm curious, what healthy mother son connection and communication looks like as adults? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I spent a fair amount of time in the past trying to change my mothers' behavior and 'fixing her' to be more emotionally available/supportive after feeling deeply rejected and abandoned by her throughout my youth. I can see now the flaws in this and how this felt to her like a total rejection from her son. So, what mindset/psychology shifts as well as practical, real world things can I do to develop a healthy adult relationship with my mother and from your personal experience as an adult (if you're under 25 please don't comment), what does this look like?

My intuition tells me that forgiving her, letting go of resentment/emotional traumas, and stopping trying to change her are the bulk of the work and that the future will unfold into the healthy, relationship I'm seeking.

[Natasha]

@kev014

Make your Mom feel special in ways that are meaningful to her. Here are some ideas:

- Remember her Birthday, Mother's Day, and other special times you both share.

- Give her flowers occasionally (women love fresh flowers, don't ask why, take it as a fact).

- Visit/call her once a week to let her know you care about her and ask if she needs anything.

- If you have kids, have them make something cute and give it to their grandma - a drawing, DIY project, framed photograph, baked goodies, etc.

- Have your kids visit with her.

- Include her in your life, like family gatherings, outings, maybe invite her to join on your family vacation.

- Find out what she needs and help her with that.

- Ask her to tell you about her memories of your as child.

- Listen to her patiently.

- Tell her you love her.

You don't want to engage in lengthy conversations about why it didn't work in the past. Focus on the present instead. Show her kindness and that you're willing to accept her regardless of what happened before.

You are a good son. Your Mom should be proud