Becoming aware of people's agendas

[StephenK]

So I've been making a lot of progress recently, especially when it comes to self-honesty and dis-identifying with the ego. I'm more able to quickly stop bullshitting myself and drop personal narratives. However, one side effect of this is that I'm finding myself becoming hyper aware of just how dishonest people are with what they're truly thinking/feeling, as I am hyper aware of those dynamics within my own mind. I am starting to come across as impatient to others, and have been recently accused of being rude and insensitive. I am by nature a people pleaser, so this has come as a shock to me. Has anyone here got guidance on what is occurring / if this may be shadow material coming out? Thanks. 

[hamedsf]

you can't be 100% honest all the time, if you do this you'd be jeopardizing your own life agenda at first place! 

[mindcentral]

38 minutes ago, hamedsf said:

you can't be 100% honest all the time, if you do this you'd be jeopardizing your own life agenda at first place! 

Truth > self

[ajasatya]

@StephenK Listen more. Say less. For real, try it.

[Shadowraix]

48 minutes ago, mindcentral said:

Truth > self

Truth ><= self

[Nahm]

@StephenK Maybe you’re thinking people are interested in doing the inner work which you are doing? 

[StephenK]

@ajasatya Interestingly, I've become more quiet recently as well -- less prone to having discussions with people, purely out of a lack of interest.

@Nahm This may be true. I realize that the radical honesty I strive for within myself is not easily imparted upon others -- when I attempt to impart that honesty on their lives, I just end up hurting them / souring relationships. I guess it's coming from a place of compassion, but it just results in pain. Maybe I just need to stop sharing my opinions, as @ajasatya mentioned. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has got one -- this may be good advice for myself. The world doesn't need my opinions, nor my insights.   

[Nahm]

@StephenK How did imparting honesty hurt someone, specifically?

[StephenK]

@Nahm A friend of mine was moaning about the stress he's experiencing at work / anxieties about his future/finances. He truly hates his job. I told him that he's from a wealthy family and that worrying about his job is pointless, since he's always got a safety net to fall back on should things go bad. Needless to say, he didn't appreciate my input, as it probably came across as me saying his anxieties are just in his head / all the work he put into his career is pointless. I dunno. I just said what came to mind. Bad mistake.

 

 

[Nahm]

@StephenK Ya, I think your hindsight is pretty clear. We live and learn. Might have sounded a bit like ‘daddy’s taking care of you anyways’.

Closer to home, you might be working through the ‘people pleasing’ you mentioned.

[StephenK]

@Nahm It's just not nice to see a good friend suffer needlessly over his career. I guess I'm trying to impart the message "Don't worry, everything is fine. Relax. Your world is fine as it is." Needless to say, this message can really piss people off   

[hamedsf]

1 hour ago, Shadowraix said:

Truth ><= self

thumbs up!

[Nahm]

@StephenK Emotionally, that’s a different message. ??

[SoonHei]

6 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@StephenK Listen more. Say less. For real, try it.

+1

[Michael569]

When Pipin and Merry disturbed the peaceful  lake outside of Moria, the pendulum swang the opposite way and the entire fellowship got nearly decimated by the monster who did not particularly like that. 

When you challenge status quo, the response is usually rapid, aggressive and very negative. This is to be expected

 

Edited July 2, 2019 by Michael569

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

Closer to home, you might be working through the ‘people pleasing’ you mentioned

This also occurred to me reading the initial post. Sometimes when people pleasers start speaking up for themselves and meeting their own needs just a little more directly, still far from a healthy balance, they are accused for being 'selfish' by their immediate surrounding, which is so used to them being pleasing. That's because the closest people (parents, partners, friends) are often the ones who taught the pleaser to be pleasing in the first place, or who were drawn to him being that way because they have complimentary issues.

Edited July 2, 2019 by Elisabeth

[LastThursday]

13 hours ago, StephenK said:

However, one side effect of this is that I'm finding myself becoming hyper aware of just how dishonest people are with what they're truly thinking/feeling,

Mind reading would be a superpower - which you don't have.

[StephenK]

@LastThursday Have you interacted with people before, read their body language and noted contradictions in motivations? If so, you do what most people do instinctively, and read into the psychological or mental web of beliefs that person may hold. Nothing to do with being a mind reader. Just human. It's the ability to say, "Hey, where you are, I've been there before. I can go there. This is how I got out of that bad mind-state!" Those that are further along in the spiritual path than myself can develop an incredible intuition with this stuff, as they've been working through it themselves. I need look no further than this forum for that proof. In fact, seeing a video of yourself in a social setting can be incredibly illuminating as to how you're behaving. I think this is more an issue of knowing when to speak, and when to choose words wisely, which I think has been adequately addressed by others, which I'm grateful for. "Mind-reading" as I've described here seems to be an organic, natural progression people go through as they develop more refined abilities to discern what is actually occurring in consciousness -- to see deception play out in others instinctively is a property of human empathy, that we, to a large extent, share as a species.

Edited July 3, 2019 by StephenK

[StephenK]

@Elisabeth I agree with this, and suspected it beforehand, so thanks for bringing your own take on it.

@Michael569 It seems that there are refined ways to challenge the status quo, without invoking the monsters from the subconscious. Some people are able to do this. It seems I can't -- at least for now   

[LastThursday]

3 hours ago, StephenK said:

Nothing to do with being a mind reader. Just human. It's the ability to say, "Hey, where you are, I've been there before. I can go there. This is how I got out of that bad mind-state!"

Apologies if my own mind reading about you was wrong, hopefully I wasn't being insensitive. 

Let's say that mind reading is not a superpower, but just observation, and mental role playing. Just a useful skill you could improve over time and master?

You have to admit at least that your mind reading could be wrong sometimes, and that could upset people?