I'm scared to be honest

[Keanu]

I feel like the only time i can be honest is when I'm intoxicated, high, or impaired by a substance to 'allow' myself to be unencumbered by extra thoughts that stop me from sharing, and when I do get drunk or high I am more easily able to express how I really think without a filter

I feel the way I think and perceive reality is very deluded nowadays, so in everyday normal interactions I shy away from saying or doing what I really think or feel and in a way that hurts me to be 'inauthentic', to overthink what I am saying or doing, to hold back, to always think about what I say before I say it; but give me some alcohol or drugs I can very openly express what I'm really thinking, and only the next day afterwards I cringe and over think about what I've said the night before, as though who wants to hear this shit? who want's to listen to somebody express their version of infinite life and reality, even though in that moment it feels full of love and genuine expression, and it feels received and reciprocated from those people I share with, but when I wake up I chaste myself as stupid and deluded, I went through an awakening a couple years ago and immediately always felt confident to share my views because I believed the people hearing me would benefit from it, but realised how silly it was to think my view of life was better than theirs and to put myself above them as I was somehow benefiting them, now I'm in the mindset that I don't really understand at all what's going on and who am I to claim truth to my words and that somebody should believe me, how can I ever believe in myself now when it all feels imaginary?

Is there such a thing as being grounded?

Can I live with the doubt, does it pass?

Can you express authentically without always questioning yourself?

I want to be authentic and truthful but I don't know what that is...

[montecristo]

it's ok to blend in also